Chapter 4
Chapter Four
Mackenzie
“Hey, girl. How are you doing?” Isabelle’s usually vibrant voice is filled with concern for me.
I lower onto my bed and press the phone to my ear, gazing through my opened window at the twisted wrought iron railing of Dimitri's balcony.
The light was on in his bedroom the other night, and I wondered if he was home. I didn’t see much sign of life in his room the following day, so I cast the idea aside. Not that it would have changed anything if he were home. I couldn’t have exactly walked over to his house like I used to and spoken to him.
Pulling in a steady breath, I look away and think of how to answer Isabelle’s question— how am I doing ? “I feel like the people in Pompeii moments before the volcano destroyed them.”
I know I sound extreme. To some, I might even sound clever given that history wasn't one of my best subjects. But Pompeii was the only disaster I can think of where the people affected were doomed to death without a hope in hell.
“ Mackenzie ,” Isabelle chides, and I can imagine her rolling her eyes at me.
“It's true. Everything is a disaster.” I sigh, flopping onto my back and reaching for a pillow from the stack beside me.
“Okay, so I'm guessing you haven't spoken to Dimitri yet.”
“No. I haven’t.” Isabelle and I talked three weeks ago. I was hoping I would have better news to tell her today. “Believe me, you'd be the first to know if I’d seen him.”
“Oh, Mackenzie,” she sighs. “So, you’re still waiting, and he’s made no attempt to see you.”
“Yeah. That’s my summer in a nutshell.”
Isabelle is the only one of my friends who knows of the new developments of my contract. She’s also the only one who knows some details about the past. I didn’t tell her everything, just enough to give her more insight into the family feud. I think, like many other people, she was able to figure out the rest. All the parts I couldn’t talk about.
I had to tell someone. And it had to be her.
Over the years, as our friendship circle has shifted, Isabelle and I have grown closer.
There are a few of my friends who have been through some dark shit in their lives. Isabelle is at the top of that list. I’m not sure where I fit on that list because I can’t remember what happened to me.
The contract has pushed me to talk about the past. I couldn’t before. It was too dark, too painful, too raw. I knew out of everyone, Isabelle would understand me and my need to only tell her things I was comfortable sharing in dribs and drabs.
“Mackenzie, it’s been three whole months,” Isabelle scoffs. “That’s completely crazy.”
“I know.”
“If I were in New York, I’d march you over to his house right now and make sure you sorted this mess out.”
A little smile tugs on my lips. I believe her. Isabelle may appear to be the shy, good girl who has an obsession with Lolita doll dresses, but she has some balls on her. I’m the free spirit who pushes the limit to get what I want, but I envy her strength. I don’t have her strength.
And right now, I miss her. She’s been in England for the summer on an art internship.
“I'm planning to talk to him when we get back to Raventhorn.” I try to sound more confident than I feel. “The plan is to ask Dmitri to let me out of the contract early.
“Good. I like the sound of that. You can't live in the dark for the next six months.”
“I know. I’m going insane, Isabelle. And I keep wondering what will happen when my father finds out.” I keep my voice low. Dad is downstairs with Mom, but he’s always lurking close by.
I've been avoiding my parents since the other night because Dad and I had another horrible argument, and as usual, Mom did nothing but watch.
“Try not to think about your father.”
“It’s hard.” I smirk. “It’s a miracle he hasn’t found out already. And then there’s Dmitri’s father, who hates me. What are the chances of him getting the Lord Chancellor position?”
It’s like the universe was picking on me. That man loathes me as much as if I were the one who killed his son. I suppose I’m equally at fault because he thinks my father killed Tommy.
“Don’t think about him either.”
“Are you kidding? On wrong move, and he’ll kick me out of Raventhorn, then I’m sure he’ll see to it that I never get to dance.”
“Mackenzie, stop overreacting. That’s not going to happen.”
“I wouldn’t put anything past that man.”
It’s uncommon for the scouts at the New York City Ballet to select dancers in their early years at college to join their cast, but they picked me the moment they watched me dance.
There isn’t much to me that I’m proud of, but I always knew I was born to dance. I don’t know how I knew, but I did. Ballet flowed through my veins and the music my blood. When I dance, I’m transported to another world, where I belong.
I decided it was what I was going to do when I was five. I also knew that I wanted to dance with the New York City Ballet. It’s been my life’s mission ever since to be part of them. Words can’t express how much I value that part of my life.
Knowing that someone like Maxim Valneko could take it away from me cripples my soul.
“One thing at a time, Mackenzie.” The gentleness in Isabelle’s voice calms me.
“Okay. One thing at a time.”
“Focus on what you’re going to say to Dmitri.”
“I have been. I just have not to chicken out when the time comes. And hope that he doesn’t try to avoid me more than usual.” I gripe, rolling onto my front so I don’t have to look through the window. It’s a minor attempt to erase Dmitri from my thoughts. Out of sight, out of mind.
“Don’t give him the chance to avoid you.”
“Easier said than done. Why do you think this whole thing has stretched out so long? I’ve been planning to speak to him since the week I found out about the contract. The closest I got was at the frat party before the summer break.” Dmitri was within my grasp, but a hoard of football groupies rushed him. I never saw him again after that.
Summer happened, and I've only survived the angst of waiting because of the show, which comes to an end this week.
I’ve felt that he should have been the one to try and see me. Not me chasing him. It’s not like he doesn’t know where to find me. I, on the other hand, never knew where or when he may pop up.
If not for Raventhorn and the connections we have among our friends, I’d probably never see him.
“Stay positive, and it should be simple. You’ll see him next week and make him release you from the contract. Be firm and confident in your demand. Unless…” Her tone lowers to a tentative tenor.
“Unless what?”
“Well, I Just wondered if maybe… maybe this contract could be a way for you guys to have a chance to be together. It’s just a hypothetical thought.”
My mind stills with the same thought that has drifted in and out of it several times over the last few months. I’ve thought about that possibility a lot, but in the same breath, I remember it would be a bad, bad, bad idea.
“Maybe he’s thinking that, too,” Isabelle adds with a smile in her voice. “What if that’s the reason he hasn’t spoken to you yet?”
“I don’t know.” Mindlessly, I grasp the hem of the pillowcase nearest to me and brush over the fine stitching. Could Isabelle be right?
What if Dmitri hasn’t spoken to me yet because he needed to wait and think?
Kyle said Dmitri wanted me. That’s not a comment to take lightly even though he’s still acting like he wants nothing to do with me. I imagine things couldn’t have been easy after his father’s appointment to Lord Chancellor. That’s reason enough to delay contacting me.
“I feel like I wouldn’t be a friend to you if I didn’t ask if you’d be open to that.” I’m not surprised she sounds hopeful. She’s always appeared to root for Dmitri and me.
“God. I don’t know,” I repeat my previous answer in a muffled tone, my voice hopeless and hollow.
“Just remember, whatever happened in the past was the past. I know the subject is sensitive, but the disagreement between your families is about them, not you or Dmitri. He didn’t do anything to you. And you didn’t do anything to him.”
She makes a good point. One I’ve often considered.
The past is a riddled web of darkness and deceit that centered around Tommy’s death. And what he may and may not have done to me. “I’ve never felt any bitterness toward Dmitri. I’ve also never blamed him for siding with his family.”
“I never thought you would.”
“I couldn’t.” Even I can admit that my father looked like he was guilty. All we have is his word that he didn’t kill Tommy. For us, it was enough.
I’ve understood why my father’s word wouldn’t be enough for Dmitri or his father, and not a day goes by when I don’t try to remember what happened.
I have no idea if I even know what happened or not, but deep down I’ve always felt that I have the answer. Something—anything—that could clear my father. But those memories are trapped between the void in my mind and the nightmares of shades and shadows that make no sense.
“You’re different when Dmitri is around,” Isabelle says with light playfulness. “It’s a good different.”
“Everything is different when it comes to him.”
“Then I think it’s worth exploring this a little more.” Isabelle’s voice drops to a careful whisper, tentative and encouraging, as if she wants to guide me to new possibilities.
“Like how? What do you think I should do?”
“Since he’s essentially owned you for the entire summer and done nothing, I think you should find out why. Then I think you should ask him why he took over the contract in the first place. After that, I guess you’d need to hear what he says to decide what to do next. Obviously, he must want you to take over the contract in the first place.”
There’s that word again— want . “You think he wants to be with me? I’m not so sure about that.”
“But you don’t know.”
“And if I did? Isabelle, I can’t be with him behind my parents’ back”
“I’m not exactly suggesting that. Or maybe I am... a little.”
“Oh my God. I would be so dead. There is absolutely no way I could have any kind of hidden , secret relationship with Dmitri.” Could I?
No, no, no . Don’t think that.
It’s not an option, and it absolutely, positively cannot happen.
My free-spirited personality has always compelled me to be the daring, wild one within our group of friends, but I shouldn’t be any of those things with Dmitri Valneko. Especially when I don’t know what the hell his plans are for me. For all I know, this could be it. Him deciding to be an absolute asshole by making me stew in my worries until the end.
And yet… the thought of possibly being with him has my heart hammering, my soul swelling, and my body burning with so much raw, palpable desire, I could reach inside me and touch it. I’ve never felt like that about anybody.
“You’ve gone quiet, Mackenzie. Are you considering my advice?”
“I always consider your advice. This is just a tough one.” My chest sinks with a harsh exhale. “There’s so much to think about. I’m crossing a line I never thought I’d cross, and it’s so damn risky.”
“I know, but I think you owe it to yourself to at least find out the basic details.”
I lift a weary hand to my clammy forehead. “I never thought I’d be starting my sophomore year with this contract and craziness hanging over my head. I hate uncertainty.”
“Me too. I hate it for you. Look, try not to worry. Think about enjoying this week at the show and push all thoughts of Dmitri aside for the moment.”
She’s right. That’s exactly what I should do. I have an opportunity of a lifetime at my fingertips.
I was one of the twenty rising stars who were chosen for the special production, and I got the part of prima ballerina.
I’d be robbing myself of an experience if I allowed my worries about Dmitri to stop me from enjoying my final performance.
“That show has definitely been the highlight of my summer. And my life so far.” I smile, placing my free hand over my heart.
“I’m sure there will be many more highlights like that.” She sounds more lighthearted like her usual self.
“I sure hope so.”
“I know so. And I get to see you perform on Thursday.”
I sit up and cross my legs. “I can’t wait to see you, but are you sure you’ll be up for it? I’d be wiped out after a long-haul flight from England. Also, aren’t you eager to see Kade?”
She laughs softly. “I can sleep anytime I want. And Kade and I will be spending plenty of time together. We’re heading to the Hamptons for the weekend then traveling to Raventhorn together. He’s also been with me for most of the summer.”
Hearing about her and Kade makes my heart happy. The two of them are absolutely perfect for each other. They’re opposites that fit together to make a complete heart. “I’m happy for you, Isabelle.”
“You’ll be okay, too. I know it.”
“I don’t know.”
A knock on my door makes me jump. It wasn’t even loud. My nerves are just on the edge.
“Mackenzie, it’s me.” Shit. It’s Dad.
“I have to go, Isabelle.”
“Call me if you need me.”
“I will. Luv ya.”
“Love you too.”
We hang up, and I get off the bed. “Come in, Dad.” Please, God, don’t let us argue . My heart can’t take it. Last time was so bad I would have headed back to Raventhorn if I didn’t have the show.
The door swings open with a slight creek, and in comes my father, dressed in a business suit like he’s heading out to work or going to some social event.
Dad is as tall as giant and as lean as a sprinter. When he’s in his casual clothes, he looks younger than his fifty-five years. In his suits, he looks more distinguished and like the man Time Magazine made him appear to be when they added him to their list of renowned entrepreneurs.
That’s how he looks now, except it’s five o’clock in the afternoon and today is supposed to be his day off. Usually, he’d be getting ready for dinner or watching TV with Mom.
“Hi.” A small smile breaks the sternness on his face as he ambles toward me, stopping a few paces away.
“Hi. Dad, are you going out?” I look him over again, clearly confused.
“I’m flying to L.A. for a few days. I came to wish you good luck for Thursday.”
My eyes widen, and something inside me stills. My father may have royally pissed me off for the majority of this year and we’ve been at each other’s throats, but he’s never missed the opening nor closing week of any of my shows. Ever.
I remember him when I was eight years old with his video camera trying to capture every step I made during my very first show.
“You’re not going to attend my final show?” The disappointment in my voice is like a lost little girl who needs her father’s presence at every important milestone in her life. I won’t deny that little girl is me.
“I’m sorry. Something came up I have to attend to.”
“What came up?” He’s always arranged his schedule to ensure he could be wherever I needed him to be.
“It’s just work that I personally have to take care of. But your mother will be there.”
“I know. I just… wanted you there.”
He tilts his head, and a hint of sadness and regret fills his eyes. I’ve only ever seen that look a few times in my life. Those weren’t good days.
“I’ve never missed a performance that was important to you. I didn’t plan on doing it now, but this is…”
“Important?” I fill in.
“Yes. It requires my immediate attention.”
“This isn’t because we’ve been arguing, is it?”
“Never.” He gives me a quick shake of his head then reaches out and brushes his knuckles over my cheek. “I would never do that to you. Love me or hate me, I’ll always watch you dance.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too, baby girl.” He straightens, and the sternness makes its way back to his eyes. “I’ll catch up with you at Raventhorn. Have fun on Thursday.”
“I will.”
He turns, and I watch him walk away, feeling that hollowness creeping back into my chest. It compels me to get answers to that pressing thing on my mind.
“Dad.”
He stops at the door and turns back to face me. “Yeah.”
“Are we in some kind of trouble?” The question feels like I’ve said something inappropriate or crossed a line I know I can’t back away from, but I’m glad I finally built up the courage to ask. What I’m not happy about is his silence.
A piercing silence stretches between us. Harsh and cold, callous and cruel. It coils around my nerves like vines, making me wish I’d never asked.
“No. Nothing to worry about,” Dad answers in a calm voice, but the tightlipped smile betrays him, and I know he’s lying.
With a clipped nod, he leaves me, and the hollow in my soul grows, whispering ominous things to me that my worries have only just begun.
Things are going to get worse.