Chapter 22
Chapter Twenty-Two
Mackenzie
The land of nowhere and everywhere swallows me again.
I’m too tired to fight my sleep, so I’m dragged under like the current in the sea and soon I’m bathed in shards of light splitting across the darkness.
“I see you.” That haunting voice taunts my mind. “Come here to me.”
My heart hammers in my chest and I run.
I want to scream but the sound dies in my throat, swallowed whole by the oppressive fear draining the life from me.
Another flash comes , brighter this time. Shadows and light ripple around me.
“I see you.” That haunting voice returns.
Suddenly pain lances through my body, raw and unrelenting, but I can’t remember why or how I got hurt.
I try to move, but I’m paralyzed, trapped in this fractured moment. The flashes come faster now, like a strobe light, disorienting and cruel.
Then I’m falling into nothing. My body shakes, my insides quiver, my soul screams.
“I see you.”
I land into the darkness and then the face comes, vague and terrifying.
It’s the man .
His hollow eyes glare at me. Soulless and searching.
He rushes up to me but glares into my mind, then he turns around and I see his back.
He’s shirtless. A snake is tattooed on his back with the words: mori conatur vivere.
Someone says something to him. I hear the words but can’t pick them apart.
The man whirls around to face me and grabs my neck with a rough growl that makes my bones shiver. Then I jump out of my sleep with a scream stuck in my throat.
I can't breathe. My throat is so dry I have to get out of the bed and run to the bathroom to get a drink.
I turn on the cold tap, grab one of the plastic cups on the side of the sink and fill it with water. Then I knock it back like you would a shot.
The coldness actually burns my throat until it feels soothing and calming.
My breathing stills and my nerves don't feel so jumpy.
I set the cup on the counter and rest my hands on the surface, hanging my head down.
My God, I saw more.
I saw more in the nightmare, and it was clearer. I saw the man's body. The snake tattooed with those words on his back.
That's the first time I've ever seen real words or anything so clear in my mind.
Unlike before when I thought I was making stuff up, I no longer think that now. I really do believe I'm getting my memories back.
Since I can't remember seeing a tattooed back like what I saw in my dream, it must be my memories.
Why the hell would I make up a shirtless man with a tattoo I've never seen before?
And the only Latin words I know are the ones in the college motto and a few things here and there.
Surely I would've had to have seen that actual tattoo with the Latin words for me to dream about it.
I splash cold water on my face and gaze at myself long and hard in the mirror. I look terrible. Like someone in their late 90s. I have fiery blotchy skin, red eyes, and limp hair.
This is so unlike me.
Yes, I know I just woke up out of a terrifying nightmare, but I feel awful. I need to tell someone about my nightmares.
The conversation I had with Isabelle weeks ago comes back to my mind.
I’d promised myself that if it got to a stage where I remembered anything important, I would raise it with somebody who could help me.
But who is that person?
My father?
If I'm dreaming about some guy who's linked to Tommy's murder, my father would be the first person who that would benefit, but Dad is away working. I feel like I need to speak to someone right now.
Dmitri comes to my mind and I quickly realize that’s a terrible idea.
Seeing him would be great but I can't go looking for him.
I wouldn't be able to get an inch near him without alerting his father.
The next person I think of is Eilish.
At this time of the day, she might be my best bet.
It would also be good to talk to a friend before I speak to anyone professional about this.
With that reasoning, I quickly get ready.
It's nine-thirty. Eilish will be in the garden at this time doing yoga. I leave my apartment and head down to the garden. There I find her sitting cross-legged in the center of the rose garden. She looks like she was about to go into some sort of deep meditation when she saw me.
I feel bad for disturbing her and almost back away, but it's too late. She's already seen me.
"Mackenzie." She smiles, standing.
"Hey there. I'm so sorry to disturb you. I can come back later."
"No, no. Stay. Are you okay? You look really flustered." She looks me over.
I gaze at her, wondering where I should start. "Could I take you up on that offer to talk?"
She nods. "Of course. Do you want to go sit somewhere else or is here okay?"
I look around and decide that we're good here. It's quiet and peaceful and I feel comfortable here. "Here is good."
"Then step into my office," she jokes, motioning to the grass.
She sits back down and I sit in front of her, hugging my knees to my chest.
We stare at each other and I know she's waiting for me to start.
"What's going on, Mackenzie?" She prods.
"I'm sorry. I've just had a lot going on.”
"Tell me what you're most comfortable telling me. Something brought you down here." She cocks her head to the side and gives me a warm smile.
"How much do you know about my past? I mean, the stuff to do with the Valnekos."
She blows out a ragged breath. "Maybe more than I should," she confesses. "My father was a judge on the investigation team that looked into the possible involvement of your father in Tommy Valnecko's murder."
My lungs tighten and I realize that she probably knows everything.
"It's okay, Mackenzie. I stumbled on that information by chance. Not even my parents know that I know. I was looking for something from my past when I found details about yours.”
“Maybe it's for the best," I infer. "It helps me now."
"Talk to me. What's going on?"
"I guess you know it was suspected that Tommy kidnapped me and abused me."
She nods slowly. "Yes."
"And I'm sure you know that that's why his father believes my father killed him."
"What do you believe?"
"I believe my father. I've always believed my father. We may not see eye to eye on occasion, but one thing we have between us is trust. So if he says he didn't do something, then I know he didn't do it."
She smiles on hearing that. "That's beautiful.”
“Of course, that means someone else would've had to have killed Tommy. And I think I've been having nightmares about that person.”
“Really?” Instantly she looks concerned.
“Yes. I’ve had them since the incident. It's the same nightmare all the time."
"The same one?" she checks.
"Yes. But they've gotten worse. I think it’s because I was seeing Dmitri in secret."
She looks surprised and happy to hear that, but then she notes my use of the past tense. " Was ?" she checks again.
"Yeah. Was. His father found out." I quickly tell her what happened, then I give her the run down about Ryan Konstantin, but I don't tell her the reasons why I have to marry him. "My dreams have changed. Lately I've been seeing a man in my dream. At first I thought I made him up, but then earlier I dreamt about him again and I saw more."
"What more did you see?"
I quickly tell her about the tattoo, the dream, and how I felt after. "Those feel like memories to me, Eilish."
She nods. "Die trying to live," she says. I'm not sure what she's talking about. "Die trying to live. That's what the words on the tattoo mean. I took Latin last year. Mackenzie, it's possible that this person you saw was there that day. Those kind of details are very distinct. Somebody more important than me needs to know about this. But I think it would be helpful if you had some deeper therapy sessions to see if you can pull more memories from your mind."
"I think I'm at the stage where I'm willing to do whatever I need to," I tell her.
"Then I have details of a guy who's really good with working with people with amnesia. Do you want me to contact him first and then you can maybe set up an appointment?"
I nod with determination. In my heart I wonder if somehow remembering could help my situation. I'm not sure how it would help my father, but maybe, just maybe it may help Maxim Valneko to ease off me if I remembered his son's killer.
“Thanks, Eilish. And thanks for listening to me."
"Of course. Do you want to go get some coffee? You look like you could do with some more company for a little while longer."
I give her a gentle smile. "Yes, I think you're right. I’ve had the month from hell."
"Come on. Let's go talk. You can tell me whatever you want to tell me."
"Thank you."
We get up and head to the coffee shop.
I spend a few hours with her. Talking helps, but there's only so much talking can do. All it does is it takes the edge off like a drug.
On Saturday night I head out to Rockford Manor with Savannah and Sawyer for the Norse New Year’s party.
A party is the last place I want to be but I was all but summoned by Ryan.
He wanted to meet me here and called it our first date.
I haven't seen Dmitri since the other day, but I understand that I have to wait.
He should be here tonight. It will be weird seeing him and pretending we’re strangers again.
What worries me now is being alone with Ryan. There was the encounter in the kitchen at my parents' cottage and I know he was watching me after I saw Dmitri.
Nothing has come of that since, so I hoped it meant he didn’t think I was with Dmitri.
I walk into the grand hall with the girls. It's beautiful in here. The Thetas and Sigmas always choose some marvelous venues for their parties.
I was hoping to hang out with Savannah and Sawyer for a little while, but I spot Ryan standing in the corner of the room talking with his friends. He sees me too and waves me over.
I look back at Sawyer and Savannah who are staring at him with cautious eyes.
No girl in their right mind would be caught dead with this guy, so I understand the look.
"I'll see you guys later," I say to them.
Savannah gives me a quick hug. "Be careful, Mackenzie," she whispers in my ear before moving back.
"I will," I reply, then summon all the strength in this world to move forward and head to Ryan.
Out the corner of my eye, I spot Dmitri on the balcony with Alek and Logan. He's already looking at me.
It's easy to get lost in him, but I know I have to be careful so I turn away and focus on the man ahead of me.
When I get to Ryan, he puts his hand out to take mine.
"Come with me," he says.
I take his hand and I feel like I'm being led to the gallows as he ushers me away.
"Did you get here okay?" he asks.
"Yes. Thank you."
He'd offered to pick me up and take me to the manor, but I told him I had ballet practice. I didn't want to be in a car alone with him.
The image of me being left on the roadside or in a ravine, mangled had me thinking of all the things I could tell him to keep myself safe. Thankfully, he accepted that I was practicing.
We go down the set of stone stairs and I wonder where he's taking me.
"Have you ever been here before?" He glances down at me.
"Just for a garden party. I've never actually been inside the manor before. It's quite lovely."
"My parents own it, actually."
I look back at him. "I didn't know that. It must be wonderful owning something like this."
"It is. It's been in my family for generations, so it's a bit of an inheritance. I own it once we're married, so consider it yours." He gives me a thin smile.
"Oh, thank you. I feel like a princess," I try to joke.
That creepy smile never leaves his face. Down we go, down and down until we reach the basement or the dungeon. This place looks like a dungeon.
We walk into a large room. There's a red sofa in the center.
It looks like something you'd see in Dracula's castle. Red drapes also hang from the windows. In the corner there’s some sort of fixture on the wall. "Come on over here. I have something interesting to show you," he says, leading me to the fixture, which now looks more like metal cuffs.
I feel like I should run away. Like I should back away at least, but I think better of it.
Better to see what he's up to than act like I'm scared and set him off. But my thoughts quickly change when he tightens his grip on my arm and then he's pulling me toward the wall.
"What are you doing?", I ask, suddenly alarmed.
With a hard shove he pushes me into the wall and cuffs my wrist in the object. It snatches shut.
“What the hell are you doing to me? Let me go.”
“I have a few questions for you first, my dear wife to be.”
My heart stops beating in my chest as I realize what this is. This is because of the other day. It looks like he did suspect I was with Dmitri.
“What do you want to know?”
“Oh, please. You saw me watching you. See I think there’s something going on between you and Dimitri Valneko. Am I right?”
My skin is on fire. “No.” I can't tell the truth. He'll probably kill me if he knows.
“I think you’re lying.” To my horror, he slaps me across my face. “I hate liars.”
Another hard slap bruises my cheek. I scream out in pain as blood pours out of my nose and I see stars.
“Tell the truth. Are you fucking him?” He snarls, slapping me again and again.
I slump on the ground, my knees hitting the floor hard.
Just when I think I'm gonna pass out, he sends a kick to my midsection.
I realize why he only chained one arm up to the wall. It was so he could do this to me, mangle me and hurt me even more, then watch me flop like a rag doll with no hope in hell of escaping him.
“You’ll learn soon enough that you aren't going to fool me, Mackenzie, Domachenkov.”
He's about to hit me again when someone grabs his arm, then they grab his neck, then they're hoisting him in the air.
Through the blur of my tears, I realize my savior is Dimitri.