Chapter 1 – Reese
I WISH I DIDN’T HAVE A FACE
REESE
Iwould go back if I could.
Way, way back.
Before all this ever happened.
Back to the better days, when everything was still okay.
Still good.
When my heart was still beating, when laughter was the abundant antidote for everything, when love was ubiquitous.
Back to the times before I threw punches instead of using words, before consequences didn’t even matter, before pain became my only companion.
I would go back in a heartbeat.
Please, can I go back? Just for a day? I’ll do anything if I can just hear her voice again. Feel her hand on my head. Smell her scent. Live in that love, swim in that deep, deep ocean of it, never despairing, never afraid, never lost—
Please—
“You’re transferring me? But he was the one who—”
Mrs. Beaumont held up a hand to silence me, and I clamped my mouth shut.
“Yes. We’re transferring you. What happened was completely unacceptable, and while I can appreciate that you weren’t the one to start the fight and were mostly acting in self-defense, Timothy Hatford’s parents do not appreciate their son’s fractured wrist. I realize this is unfair to you, but the Hatford’s are one of our top donors and you…
” She trailed off, then sighed without finishing her sentence.
She didn’t need to, I already knew what she’d been about to say.
I was a nobody. A lowly scholarship student that was easily tossed aside.
It didn’t matter that my grades were good and I was one of the better violinists at this school.
It didn’t matter that I wasn’t the one to start this.
The only thing that mattered was status, and I was the lowest of the low.
I bit down on my bottom lip and glared at the floor. I didn’t want to say what was flying through my mind right now because it wouldn’t do anything to sway Mrs. Beaumont or Tagerton College.
I was being removed and my bully wasn’t, all because his parents were rich.
Ugh.
But even if my parents were still alive, we’d never had any money and this would’ve still happened anyway.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Walker. I wish that wasn’t the way things were, but it is. My hands are tied. The Hatford’s agreed not to sue the school if you were transferred out.”
I raised my eyes to Mrs. Beaumont’s. “So where am I being transferred? Jail?”
She scowled at my sarcasm. “You’re lucky there are witnesses and security footage, otherwise, yes, Mr. Walker, you’d be going to jail. Violence is never tolerated and is never a solution to your problems.”
I bet she’d think differently if some douchebag kept harassing her and calling her names and yanking on her backpack and tripping her and telling her there was a giant shit stain on her face.
Bet she’d think differently if he followed her into the bathroom and tried to piss on her.
Bet even she’d resort to violence then.
And I wasn’t sorry. Not one bit. I’d do it all over again if given the chance, but I was forced to apologize and so was Timothy and neither of us meant it.
“So where am I being transferred?” I asked again.
I didn’t want to be sitting in this stuffy office anymore.
If I was getting kicked out and shuffled off to some other school, I just wanted to get out and go.
My face fucking hurt, my ribs hurt, I wanted to put some ice on my whole body and then take a hot bath and go to sleep.
Mrs. Beaumont picked up a packet that was lying in front of her and turned it toward me. “Ashbrook,” she said. “It’s only thirty miles from here, so it shouldn’t be much of a hassle getting there.”
It was a hassle getting anywhere because I didn’t have a car or money to spare. Unless she had a teleportation machine I could use, it was going to be a fucking hassle.
“It’s a music and arts school as well, and I’ve spoken at length with the dean about your situation.
They’ve got an opening, so he’s agreed to give you a chance provided you behave and keep your grades up.
It’s your last year of college, Mr. Walker.
You’ve spent so long working towards this achievement so please don’t waste this opportunity.
You’re a very talented musician and your degree and experience will open so many doors for you after you graduate.
I’m sorry it’s come to this, but there are always consequences for our actions. ”
I wondered if she said the same thing to Timothy or his parents. Probably not. I’m sure they were the recipients of a million apologies and promises from the school to do better.
Fucking rich people got away with everything.
“So…they’re taking me even though it’s the second week of the semester?”
“Yes. They have faith you’ll be able to catch up as you haven’t missed very much. I suggest you get packed and be on your way, I told them you’d be arriving tomorrow.”
I forced myself to smile at Mrs. Beaumont and thanked her for coordinating this second chance for me. I took the packet and left the office, walked back to my dorm, and packed my things.
It didn’t take very long.
I took a train that ran from here to the town next to Ashbrook. My eye was swelling and starting to close up, and I must’ve looked pretty bad because people were staring at me more than usual.
Once I arrived in New Haven, I walked around until I found a crappy motel and rented a room.
I dreamed of my mom that night. She was standing in a bright meadow wearing a yellow dress with a blue floral print. Her arms were outstretched, welcoming and warm, ready to hug me, but when I looked up at her face, it wasn’t there.