Chapter 24 – Dakota #4
He was whispering something into my neck, words I couldn’t hear clearly, those soft lips brushing over my skin again and again.
Maybe they weren’t even words at all, just drunken garble that didn’t mean anything.
His fingers were tugging gently at the hair at the base of my neck, absently playing with the strands.
And then he bit down, and all my thoughts flew out of my head.
The first bite made me stumble, those sharp little teeth sinking into my skin and clamping down hard.
The muscles in my abdomen clenched as heat spread through my lower body. He scraped his teeth against my flesh and made a sexy little sound of delight in the back of his throat.
He slid his tongue over the bite, then started kissing and sucking his way up the column of my throat. When he made it to my lips, I pulled my head back with a pained groan.
“No,” I said. “You can’t—stop it, Reese, you’re drunk.”
He made a frustrated noise and dove forward, capturing my lips again. He hummed in contentment, then bit down hard on my bottom lip, sucking it into his mouth.
My entire body jerked under him, and I grabbed his head to pull him back. “No—”
“No,” Reese growled, latching onto my neck and sucking so hard I thought I would come.
I ripped him away from me again and held his head still, then laughed at his pissed off expression.
Vicious little tiger cub.
“No,” I said emphatically. “You’re drunk. I’m not doing anything with you when you’re like this.”
Reese sighed, and then his eyes rolled back as he tried to keep them open. “To’lly not drunk,” he murmured as his head became too heavy and fell against my shoulder.
I tipped my head back and closed my eyes. Fuck.
He slumped in my arms after a few moments, and I held him tighter.
I tried to just focus on the walk back, on Reese in my arms, tried to concentrate on the fact that I had him now and he’d be okay.
But I couldn’t let go of the fury simmering beneath my skin, and the awful thoughts about what I wanted to do to Everett wouldn’t stop.
Reese woke up right as we got back to the dorm, inhaling deeply and squeezing his limbs around me even tighter.
“Dakota?”
His voice was rough and deep, scratchy and afraid.
“Yeah. I’m right here. I got you.”
“’Kay,” he whispered.
I carried him up the stairs as he toyed with my hair, and when we were back in the safety of our room, only then was I able to lose some of the tension in my muscles. I brought him into the bathroom, then set him down.
Or tried to.
He wouldn’t let go of me, kept his arms around my neck and his legs around my waist, squeezing tighter when I let go of him.
“Reese. Let’s get you washed up.”
“No,” he mumbled into my neck.
“We need to go to bed.”
“Together?”
“Yeah, together, if that’s what you want.”
“Okay.”
He slowly slid down to the ground, keeping hold of my shirt and leaning into me.
I grabbed the hem of my sweatshirt he was wearing. “You should take this off—”
He batted my hands away. “No, leave it on. I want it on. It smells like you. You smell like you, too.” He rubbed his face against my chest, and I wasn’t sure how he could hate me and want to be near me all at once.
Or maybe he just didn’t remember that he hated me right now.
Was it bad that I hoped he never remembered? That I wished this could all just be some fucked-up dream? A miserable nightmare, like he’d said?
“Okay. We’ll leave it on. Let’s brush our teeth, okay?”
“Mm.”
I turned him around and set his hands on the counter, pressing against him from behind, caging him in to keep him steady, then grabbed our toothbrushes, put toothpaste on them, and gave him his.
He watched me brush my teeth in the mirror, then started to do the same. His movements were painfully slow and awkward, and I had to help him rinse off his toothbrush when he was done. Then I filled a cup with water and made him drink it.
When he was done, he leaned back against me and let me wrap my arms around him. “Let’s go to bed.”
“Together?” he asked again, as if he’d already forgotten—or he needed to be reassured that I wasn’t about to leave him alone.
“Yeah.”
“Okay.”
I took his hand and led him out of the bathroom, then sat him down on my bed. “Take your pants off and get comfortable, I’m gonna clean up a little bit and I’ll be back in a few minutes. Just lie down, alright?”
I was about to turn away when he grabbed onto my hand. “No, don’t go, don’t—”
The panic in his voice devastated me, and I turned around and knelt between his legs, cupping his cheeks as I stared up at him. “I’m not going anywhere, okay? I’ll be right here. You can watch me the whole time. I just want to clean up a bit. It’s okay, Reese.”
His eyes welled with tears, and he covered my hands with his. “What did I do wrong? What did I…” His bottom lip quivered, and I couldn’t stop myself from leaning up and kissing him softly, just once.
“You did nothing wrong. Nothing. Okay? Absolutely nothing. That wasn’t me who said those things. It wasn’t me. I would never, ever talk to you like that. Do you believe me?”
Tears spilled down his cheeks as he squeezed his eyes shut. He nodded, then shook his head.
“I need you so bad it hurts,” he rasped.
“It hurts, Dakota. Right here.” He pointed to his chest, to his heart, and I felt like he was ripping my own heart into pieces.
“I don’t even know…I don’t even…I don’t know how I survived without you all this time.
But god I hate you. I hate that I need you like this, but I can’t lose you.
If I lose someone else, I’ll die. I know I will.
I feel like I’d do anything to keep you, and that…
” He closed his eyes as another tear slipped down his cheek.
“It’s like I wanna pretend you didn’t say those things because then I can still keep you. Tell me it wasn’t you,” he whispered.
My heart was breaking into a thousand pieces, the intensity of everything he was making me feel almost too much.
“It wasn’t me,” I said softly. “It wasn’t me, darling. It was Everett.”
He tipped forward and sobbed into my shoulder, pressing himself into me. “I knew it. I fucking knew it.”
I stroked the side of his head as he cried, shaking against me.
I wasn’t sure how, but I was going to make Everett pay for this. I’d spent a lifetime ignoring his fucked-up actions, but this went too far. He didn’t get to get away with hurting Reese like this.
Reese, who had the softest, sweetest heart underneath all those spiky thorns.
Reese, who just wanted to be loved, to be seen, even if he pretended otherwise.
To be held and cherished and understood.
Who was terrified of all of those things, who wasn’t good at handling all the big emotions he was feeling.
I never wanted him to be afraid again.
When Reese stopped crying and was just sniffling, I pulled back and tried to get him to lie down again. “I’m not going anywhere, I’ll be right here. Just rest.”
He nodded and lay back against the pillows, keeping those big, sad eyes on me.
I started picking up everything on the floor; first the books, then the clothes, then the food.
I’d have to do a deeper clean tomorrow, but this would suffice for tonight.
I tried to clean up the bathroom, too, throwing away the hair Reese had cut off and picking up the things he’d tossed every which way.
There was a small bag that had busted open in the tub, and several razors were lying near it.
What…the fuck?
Oh, fuck. No, no, no. Had he hurt himself? He’d told me he didn’t do that anymore, that he hadn’t done it in years, so why did he have a bag full of fucking razors?
With shaking hands, I picked up the razors and put them carefully in the bag, then tried to close it.
The zipper was broken, though, so I was gonna have to find somewhere else to put these.
Maybe wrap them up and toss them in the trash.
I didn’t want Reese to see me do it, was afraid he’d fight me on this, so I took one of the hand towels and wrapped the broken bag in that, then put it in my pocket.
I would hide it in my drawer, then throw it away properly in the morning.
I needed to check him, though. To see if he’d hurt himself. I needed to know just how bad things had gotten for him, and then I could…I could help him.
Right?
I couldn’t stop shaking, and I tried taking several deep breaths to calm myself down a little.
It didn’t help much.
When the bathroom was picked up, I shut the door behind me and looked at Reese.
He’d taken his pants off, was just in my hoodie and his boxers now, lying on top of the covers curled up on his side. He had the hood pulled over his head and his hands tucked into the sleeves.
I was terrified to ask him; if he’d hurt himself because of something he thought I’d said to him, I wasn’t sure I would recover from that.
The guilt of it would break me open, and I’d never be able to go back to the way I was.
I walked over to the bed and crouched by his head, brushing my fingers across his cheek. “Reese.”
“Mm.”
“Baby, did you hurt yourself?”
Without opening his eyes, he murmured, “No. Just cut my hair.”
The relief that he hadn’t used one of those razors on himself made me feel boneless, and I tipped my head forward to rest on the mattress, closing my eyes.
Thank fucking god.
“I had a crush on you, you know.”
His whispered words pierced my heart, and he ran his fingers through my hair.
I lifted my head. “What? When? Last fall?”
He shook his head. “Nope. When I was nine. Saw you in a video and fell madly in love with you. I think I’ve loved you forever.”
Fuck me.
He’d watched me play as a kid? The idea that Reese had known about me since he was nine years old was…
That he’d…
That he’d loved me.
Well, the idea of me.
I’ve loved you forever.
Was he saying he loved me right now?
“You’re the reason I’m here,” he said, staring into my eyes. “The reason I started playing. It was all because of you.”
I swallowed past the thick lump in my throat, my nose prickling and eyes welling up. I let my head drop and pushed my face into the bed, not wanting to cry right now.
This had been one hell of a night.
When I raised my head again, Reese’s eyes were closed, his lips slightly parted, his hand still in my hair. I took his hand, placed a kiss in the center of his palm, then pushed to my feet.
I took the razors out of my pocket—still in the hand towel—and tucked them into the back corner of one of my drawers.
Then I took off my pants, turned off the overhead light, and climbed over Reese.
He immediately pressed back into me, and I wrapped my arms around him, holding him tight against me, slipping one foot through his legs.
Tomorrow was gonna be a really rough day for both of us.
I didn’t fall asleep, too wired, too worried, and too angry. I just lay there listening to him breathe, feeling the steady rise and fall of his chest, the rhythmic beat of his heart.
That heart that I wanted to be mine.
I didn’t know what love looked like, or felt like…but if I had to imagine, I thought it would be something like this. I knew what being lonely felt like—and it was the opposite of this.
And just like he wanted to keep me, I wanted to keep him right back.
Keep him safe, keep him happy, keep him smiling, keep him grounded. I wanted to give him everything he needed, everything that had been missing in his life.
I’d give him anything he asked for. Do anything he asked of me.
I just hoped he never asked me to leave.