Chapter Nineteen
We wound up staying only one night in the Gorian capital city, long enough for Fionn to appoint Captain Darragh as Commander of the City Guard, along with a group of Darragh’s most trusted lieutenants .
They would stay and Darragh would be in charge until the king returned.
They would stay in close touch with the king, using near daily dispatches back and forth.
As for the rest of us, we left early the very next morning, headed for Murias, and home.
But I’m getting ahead of myself, dear reader. First, I need to tell you what happened that first night alone with my lord.
When we had arrived at the Gorian palace, I got a few strange looks as I limped inside, my feet blistered a little from the ill-fitting boots.
I saw them taking in those old boots I was wearing, along with all the scratches and bruises I had from jumping down out of my window at Lord Ehlbert’s home.
But naturally, they didn’t comment, other than once when Oisín, the head councilor, came close to me and whispered to me, asking if I was all right.
I don’t know what he planned to do if I’d said no, but I nodded and tried to smile at him to reassure him.
Fionn didn’t give them much chance to say anything else, as he sent me directly upstairs, under guard, telling the too-interested Councilman Oisín that I was “fatigued and needed to rest.”
He had kept his voice low, but I heard him, and I didn’t like how he sounded. My lord seemed tired and a little resigned, like he was prepared to make the best of a bad bargain. And that bargain would be me.
Had he decided then not to kill me right away? But how could I live with him if he still felt the same way? Whatever little bit of love he may have once had for me would quickly turn to hate in such a situation. And I wouldn’t be able to bear that.
He had come to hell to save me, and perhaps I should have been heartened by that. But he was a bloody-minded Faery lord. And I thought it was just as possible that he’d simply been determined that I wouldn’t get away from him.
As soon as I reached the room, I asked the servants to prepare me a bath and lay out some of my clothes from the trunk that I’d left at the palace before we went to Falias.
It’s funny how life can somehow go on, even after an unintentional visit to hell and literally facing your demons and your own mortality.
I dismissed the servants after they brought me water to bathe in.
I would have bathed myself, but I was simply feeling too tired and defeated to fetch the water, and it would have only caused more talk if I had.
It seemed sometimes like everything I did or didn’t do caused talk.
I spent the next half-hour or so bathing, letting the warm water soothe my soreness.
I then dried my hair by the fire and dressed in the beautiful clothing still hanging in my wardrobe.
I even allowed the court physician, who said he’d been sent by the king, to attend to my slight wounds, though they were mostly bad scratches.
I believe the man thought I’d gained them in battle with the ogre hoard, and I did nothing to dissuade him from that idea.
Finally, I was left alone and lay down on the bed to catch up on the sleep I’d lost the night before.
I don't think I’d ever been so tired, both in my body and in my spirit.
Fionn woke me when he came into the room, perhaps an hour or two later.
It was still daylight outside but getting on toward dusk.
I felt groggy and out of sorts, like I sometimes did when I slept too hard during a nap.
He stood at the foot of the bed regarding me, and I regarded him right back.
Neither of us seemed to have anything to say to each other. Finally, he broke the silence.
“Did you have anything to eat?”
I shook my head. “I didn’t have much appetite.”
“Suit yourself. Dinner isn’t for another few hours, though.” He began taking off his clothes, his gorgeous eyes never leaving me, gleaming at me like jewels he’d polished up just for me. They weren’t for me, though. Not anymore, and I needed to get used to that.
“Speaking of hunger…” he said, lowering his gaze for a moment. It was almost a relief not to be the focus of such attention. “I have a powerful one. I’d like you to satisfy it.”
Nervously, I licked my lips. I wanted to make love to him, and I was willing to do anything, say anything to have that again.
I deliberately got to my knees and began to unbutton my tunic and slip off my trousers underneath.
I pulled the tunic over my head, and since I hadn’t put on any undergarments, I was soon naked in front of him.
His gaze roamed over me hungrily. I wanted him so much it was physically painful, and it seemed as if nothing would change that between us.
I didn’t even care that he didn’t love me. Not too much anyway.
I tipped up my chin, and he stepped toward me and kissed me.
He did it thoroughly, holding me close and sighing into the kiss, and it thrilled me to know he might be moved at least a little after our terrible falling out.
He gently eased his tongue inside my mouth while I clutched at him and slowly fell apart.
He must have felt the tears slipping from my eyes and pulled me closer, running his hands through my hair.
I felt my cock harden even more at the feel of him so close and in such a sweet and yet urgent embrace.
Fionn pulled back a little, flicking his tongue at my lips as if tasting them.
I couldn’t hold back my groan and wrapped my legs around his waist as he stood by the bed and slid my hands down to his ass, gripping it with both hands.
His luminous eyes got even brighter as they stared down into mine.
I felt little shudders wracking his body and again he touched his sweet, hot tongue to mine.
There was so much heat between us by that time that I thought we might spontaneously combust and neither of us could seem to draw in a good breath.
Yet I still squeezed him even tighter. Our tongues tangled together in the messy kiss, and when it was done, I thought he would join me on the bed, but instead he took my chin in his hand, and his eyes searched my face.
“Tell me. Did Tadgh kiss you like this?” he asked me, his voice deceptively soft.
Oddly enough, his tone wasn’t mean or sarcastic.
He sounded almost like he was sad. I’d have said heartbroken, if I hadn’t already known his heart wasn’t involved and he didn’t love me.
Not in any meaningful way. Not like I loved him.
(And yes, reader, it was soon to say love, and many people don’t believe it’s possible to fall in love so fast. By that time, I’d incredibly only known him for about three weeks, though it felt like so much longer.
But I can only tell you what I felt for him.
Was it love? I don’t know what it was. I know that he consumed my thoughts and I spent most of my time thinking of him.
Was it really necessary for me to put a name on it?
He felt necessary for me to keep breathing, and I can only say it was a feeling that never went away and only got stronger over time.
It was undeniable, unstoppable. And most of all, unbearable, just then, because it wasn’t returned.)
He’d hurt me with his words, so I gasped and made an abortive effort to pull away. He merely tightened his grip on me so I couldn’t. It only made me hate him more. And love him more at the same damn time. I thought I was probably not going to survive this.
I gave up trying to get away almost at once. I wasn’t going to fight him, and I wasn’t going anywhere either until he said I could. That normally would have made me angry, but I was way too devastated for anger to truly take hold.
“Is this how it will always be then with you and me?” I asked him, sick at heart with tears running down my face. “Maybe you should skip the foreplay next time and stab me directly in the heart. I think it would hurt less.”
“Are you trying to gain my sympathy?” he replied, with that bright glint in his eyes.
“I don’t believe you have any of that. At least not for me. So, no.”
His eyes narrowed and he shook my shoulders a little.
“Listen to me. I have to know the truth, Braden. Have you been lying to me about who you are? Are you a demonic creature?” He leaned forward, looking tired and stressed out, and he stared directly down into my eyes.
“Tell me what you were doing last night when you left our room. Tell me everything and be assured I’ll know if you lie. ”
“Why are you asking me this again? And why should I lie? I’ve told you why I left the room. Why don’t you believe me?” I made another try at pulling away from him. “Oh, Fionn, why didn’t you let me go when you had the chance? I can’t live like this. I won’t.”
His expression was a little frightening then, fiery and full of passion as he gripped my arms painfully hard and pulled me back closer to him. “You can and you will. We both will, because neither of us seems to have a choice.”
“I have no feelings for Tadgh!” I shouted. “I don’t!”
“Stop, mo chroi. I know,” he murmured in my ear, trying to calm me.
“I don’t know why I said that. I know it was the ogre who came to him and not you.
In the heat of the moment, I saw that-that thing with Tadgh, wearing your face, and I think I went crazy for a few minutes.
I was ready to kill him, and I said terrible things to you that I now bitterly regret.
But what I don’t know—what I don’t understand is you, Braden. ”
I gazed back at him in shock. “Me? What about me? Why can’t you believe me?”
“No, I do believe you, but I need to know why the ogre took your form.”