11. Rebecca
Chapter eleven
Rebecca
Dangerous Hands
A surge of panic and fear washes over me as I realize the gravity of my stupid actions. Danny's sudden stillness, his warning for me not to move…
What had I just done?
My heart was racing, my mind reeling with confusion and regret. But there was this intense feeling… this pure lust that took over my body.
I wanted him. I needed to lose control. Let somebody use me so I could feel something. To feel anything at all.
Danny stands over me, reaching to the side to grab his tie from school. I can’t help but watch with a mix of terror and arousal as he grabs my hands, binding my wrists together.
My body trembles as he looms over me, his eyes burning with intensity. Despite the danger I was in, I can’t help but be drawn to him.
I’m like a moth to a searing flame when it comes to danger. A sick, twisted form of self-harm. I need that thrill, that depraved feeling of shame. I know this is wrong, so incredibly wrong. Yet, I can’t tear myself away. I need the pain. I crave it like a starving animal. The twisted need for self-destruction consumes me, driving me towards the flames that will surely consume me. A sickening thrill courses through my veins as I surrender to the depravity of it all. I know this is wrong, morally reprehensible, but I can't resist its allure.
The pain, oh how I need the pain…
Danny grips my face with a rough, almost bruising grip, forcing my eyes up to meet his. "You have no idea," he grunts, shaking his head in frustration.
His eyes are wild and intense, like he’s lost all control. Danny shakes his head in disbelief before forcefully pushing his fingers into me. I gasp and moan at the sudden intrusion, a mix of pain and pleasure coursing through my body. Danny's touch is rough and unapologetic, but it feels so good.
With a tight grasp on my face, he pulls me in closer. Danny shoves his thumb into my mouth, forcing my lower jaw open. As he exposes my mouth for his taking, a wave of conflicting emotions washes over me.
?I want to resist, but at the same time, I can't deny the pleasure that Danny's dominance brings me.
?I’m a sick freak. The pain fuels my pleasure.
?Danny looks down at me. "Suck it, Becs."
?His domineering tone fuels my internal conflict even more. I should be pushing him away, screaming as I run. Yet, here I am. Leaning in toward him as he forces his cock deep in my throat.
?Tears form as his tip hits the back of my throat. His hand grips my hair as he angles my head back. He thrusts his hips as I take him over and over.
?“ Fuck, Becca… ”
?My head is all fucked up; I have this deep desire for Danny, yet anger towards myself for succumbing to his control and giving in so easily.
?Danny’s hips move rhythmically as I pleasure him until he can’t take it anymore. Suddenly, he pulls out and runs his cock down my body.
Our eyes meet before he slams his cock into me, covering my mouth with his hand to stifle my cries.
Danny's hand tightly grips my wrists as he takes me. With every thrust, it’s a mix of pleasure and pain. But oh, how I love every single fucking minute of it.
My body betrays my mind as I succumb to the pleasure. Every thrust drives me wild, my body needing more.
?More pain.
?More pleasure.
More of Danny. I arch my back, pressing against him, craving even deeper contact. His grip on my wrists tightens in response, sure to leave marks. Good. I want the reminder of this moment seared into my skin.
Danny's breath is ragged in my ear as he increases his pace. I can feel the tension building in his body, mirroring the coiling heat in my core. His hand leaves my wrists, fingers tangling in my hair instead, yanking my head back. The sting sends shivers down my spine.
?"Look at me," he growls.
?I force my eyes open, meeting his intense gaze. The raw hunger I see there pushes me to the edge. Danny must sense it, because he drives into me harder, faster.
?"Come for me. Be a good girl and fucking come , Becca." he commands.
And just like that. I shatter. Waves of ecstasy crash over me as I cry out Danny's name. My body convulses around him, pulling him deeper. He groans, his rhythm faltering as he chases his own release. With a final, powerful thrust, Danny buries himself inside me, his body going rigid as he comes.
For a moment, we're frozen in time, connected in the most intimate way. Then Danny collapses on top of me, his weight both comforting and suffocating. I can feel his heart pounding against my chest, matching my own frantic heartbeat.
As the haze of pleasure fades, shame and self-loathing creep back in. I hate how easily I gave in, how desperately I crave his touch. But even as these thoughts swirl in my mind, my body betrays me once again.
Danny sits up, his eyes turning dark as he looks at my wrists. He tries to remove the tie, but it’s too tight. He grabs his pocketknife from his bedside table.
But Danny’s hand shakes as he tries to carefully cut it off of me. The knife accidentally nicks my wrist, drawing blood.
Without hesitation, Danny puts the wound to his mouth to stop the bleeding, causing a mixture of fear and desire to flood through me.
He sits up, those devious eyes full of desire land on me. I’m entranced as Danny’s tongue darts out to lick my blood from his lips.
Jesus fucking christ.
A shiver runs down my spine, equal parts fear and excitement. Danny's gaze holds me captive, and I find myself unable to look away from his crimson-stained mouth. My heart pounds wildly in my chest. I should run, should scream, should fight–but my body refuses to obey.
At this moment, I know I'm lost. Whatever Danny is, whatever dark creature of the night he is, I'm his now.
“What have you done to me, butterfly?”
But then Danny speaks that name - that name that only one person has ever called me. Suddenly, all traces of arousal disappear. My heart is cold once again.
I rush to grab my clothes, trying to rush out of his room.
?Danny tries to stop me but reacting on instinct, I grip that soft bit of skin between his shoulder and neck, forcing him to the ground.
?"Don't ever call me that name again. Ever," I hiss before storming out of the room.
I barrel into my bathroom, turning the shower to its hottest setting. And in the safety of the titled walls, I let myself cry.
Cry in a mixture of confusion, regret, and anger.
?How did it come to this?
?What had I done?
The scorching water sears my skin like a branding iron, but I grit my teeth and welcome the searing pain, a small act of rebellion against the pleasure that Danny had once given me.
As I stand there, tears mixing with the hot liquid, I can't help but wonder if this fleeting moment of ecstasy is truly worth the inevitable agony that will follow.
The water cools and turns lukewarm and I step out of the shower, feeling raw and exposed. Wrapping myself in a towel, trying to shield my body from the harsh reality of what had just happened. But even as I struggle to dry off and dress myself in a daze, I can feel my mind shutting down from exhaustion and emotional turmoil.
Every limb feels heavy, every thought a burden. My body throbs with aches and bruises, a physical manifestation of the chaos inside my head. Yet despite it all, I can't stop thinking about Katya–how different everything would be if she was still here. And as I finally collapse onto my bed, exhausted in every sense of the word,
Danny's voice echoes cruelly in my mind...
"What have you done, butterfly?"
T he next morning, as I’m in the parking lot at school, my dad appears with a solemn look on his face. He hands me a stack of letters, and I can’t help but furrow my eyebrows in confusion.
“What is this?” I ask, flipping through the envelopes.
“Letters… from Katya.”
I feel sick to my stomach as my fingers wrap around the stack of envelopes.
“Are you serious?”
My dad nods, his expression unreadable. “Your mother has been keeping them from you.”
“And you're okay with this?” Trying to keep my voice steady despite the hurt and betrayal washing over me.
Dad just shrugs, as if it was no big deal. “It is what it is.”
I take a deep breath to calm myself before asking the question that has always weighed heavily on my mind.?
“Why did you have me?” I blurt out, unable to hold back the tears any longer. “Why did you say yes to having me if mom was never going to love me? If you were going to just pull away from me like this?”
Once again, my dad's response is nonchalant and lacking in emotion. “Social obligations. There is…” He clears his throat. “Do you need money?”
“No, dad. I just need that dad who loved me when I was little.”
I look up to see a small tear forming in his eye. “Very well then. Call me if you get into any financial binds.”
He taps me on the arm before walking away. I watch him go with a mix of resentment and sadness bubbling up inside of me.
Where is the dad that would spin me in the air? Pick me up early from school when he comes home? Would sneak me out for ice cream or stay up late watching my moves?
He's been like a different person ever since Katya left our home. This robot of a man has taken my dad’s place.
Feeling numb, I stuff the letters into my car and make my way into school, where I force myself to focus on my studies, pushing aside the complicated feelings that swirled within me.
As I make my way through my first classes of the day, my mind is already dreading the next one with Danny. After what happened last night... I can't even bear to face him.
?I quickly go to my car and start driving, needing to escape from it all. I end up at the truck stop, a place that brings me comfort.
?Liz comes rushing over to me with open arms. I embrace her tightly, grateful for her always cheerful appearance.
?Jim joins in on the hug as well. "It's so good to see you, girl! How have you been?"
?I shrug, not wanting to dwell on my current circumstances too much. "It's not terrible. Not what I wanted, but..."
Jim finishes my sentence, "But a home is what's best for you, not a car."
I force a smile and nod in agreement. He’s not wrong and we both know that.
Liz laughs and pushes a birthday card toward me. “Just a little something from me and Jim. Did you go crazy last night? Have a wild night out?”
My heart drops as I realize I completely forgot about my birthday. "Oh god, I totally forgot."
Jim’s mouth drops open. “How can you forget such a big birthday? Eighteen is huge!”
With a heavy sigh, I explain why birthdays have never been something I look forward to. "My mom always had these big parties that I hated," I admit. "She would invite all of her friends and maybe one of mine if I was lucky. It was always over the top and never fun. I just wanted something simple.”
Liz takes my hand in hers. “Damn girl, that sucks. You should throw your own party this year and do whatever makes you happy!"
Jim nods. “I agree! What is one thing you want this year? Something you’ve always wanted.”
All I can do is shrug. “Nothing. I’ve gotten everything I’ve ever asked for. I admit I lived a pretty privileged life..”
Jim puts his arm around me. “Just because someone has money doesn't mean they don't have problems. What have you always craved?"
My thoughts immediately turn to Katya. I can feel my smile spreading across my face. “Katya.”
Liz frowns. “What is a Katya?”
I laugh. “Katya is a person. My childhood au pair, who was the only one to show me love and affection.” I can feel myself tearing up. “She was the one mother figure in my life. I would wish every year that she would be my mom.”
Jim pats me on the back. “Where is she now?”
Shrugging, I fight past the tears. “Gone. My mother fired her, forced her out of our home, and banned her from speaking to me. I’ve tried for years to find her, but I’ve had no luck.”
Liz sniffles, a tear rolling down her cheek. “Oh my god, girl.”
?Jim pulls me into a giant hug. “Don’t you fret anymore. I’ll help you find her. Just write down everything you know about her. Your devil mother…”
I sit up and nod. “That’s one way to describe her.”?
Liz chuckles and wags her eyebrows at me. “How is living with your little crush?”
Jim frowns. “Crush?”
Rolling my eyes, I can’t help but laugh at him. “Danny. He is not my crush. Just a kid. I go to school with who’s family took me in.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys kiss and make up finally?”
My mind replays what happened last night and Liz gasps.
“Oh. My. God. You did!”
Jim sits back and crosses his arms. “And just how far did this kiss go, young lady?”
“Uh… I gotta get back to school?”
Liz bursts out laughing as Jim shakes his head. “Too late for that, huh? Spill it.”
“Well… I wouldn’t say we made up. It was… different.”
Liz tilts her head. “Different? So you hate fucked him.”
Jim nearly spits his coffee out. “Excuse me?”
“She’s not wrong…” I look at Liz. “It was intense. One minute we were fighting, the next he had my hands tied together.”
Jim stands from his stool. “Whoa, whoa, whoa.”
“No! I, uh. I liked it? Oh god, I can’t explain it…”
Liz takes my hands in hers. “I get it. Sometimes we need that depraved love.”
“I wouldn’t call it love…”
She winks. “You get what I mean.”
Jim rubs his hand down his face. “Are you at least bein’ safe?”
“I’m on birth control…”
“Lord help me.”
Liz laughs. “Alright. No more boy talk. Let’s have some fun for your birthday!”
As Liz and Jim go on about what we could do for my birthday, my thoughts drift toward Danny and what the consequences of crossing that line will be…