Chapter Twenty-Nine
VIOLET
Anger rolls off Joon in palpable waves as he half-drags me all the way to his apartments, only releasing me when we are inside.
I remain where I stop and stare blankly toward the curtained window. My heart hammers against my ribs. I’m shaking from the bone-deep chill of fear of the past half hour. Somehow, it was worse than the demon attacks.
The door slides shut with a gentle click. I hear Joon’s footsteps approach. He sighs but doesn’t speak for a long moment.
The walls and ceiling darken the edges of my vision. It feels as though they are closing in on me.
“Violet, I…” he begins, his voice is a hoarse whisper.
Heat gathers behind my eyes with a pressure that blurs my vision. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I know I am in shock. I’ve lived most of my life expecting it to be short. Yet, it is one thing to wait for my heart to stop and another thing entirely for someone to actively plot my murder.
And for what? A crime I am not guilty of.
“I would not blame you if you hated me for this.” I blink. Hot tears spill down my face, only to have more well up, replacing them. It’s a flood I can’t stop now that it has started.
Strong arms wrap around my shoulders from behind—the warmth of Joon’s body at my back seeps into me, and with it, my pulse slows. He rests his cheek against the top of my head.
“I am sorry,” he whispers into my hair.
I twist in his hold. He must think I want to push him away because he shifts backward, letting his embrace slacken. I reach out and grab his hand to keep him from retreating.
I’m not ready to lose his warmth.
The tension in Joon’s stance melts away. He hooks a finger under my chin and tilts my face up.
Joon wipes the tears from my face. A wild storm swirls in his eyes as pain and guilt war within those deep blue depths. “I failed you. I was silent, and for that, you could have died. It would have been over in minutes if I had just told—”
When I found the pearl, I sensed there was more to it than it being a simple trinket. But I never could have guessed its existence could be such a serious crime.
“You said what you could. Telling them any of it only would have made things worse.” I understand that now
A muscle in his jaw ticks.
Joon murdered one of the highest-ranking officials because of our bargain. Anyone could see the long-standing conflict between them by the way they looked at each other. Minister Ilseong went after Joon in any way he could, using whatever and whoever was necessary to achieve his ends.
“You—” my words crack on a hiccup. “You stopped him.”
Joon cups the back of my neck. Anger distorts his expression as he speaks, “I murdered a man.”
“You had to save me because of our bargain.”
“No, Violet. I killed him because I wanted to. I wanted to make him suffer for touching you. To writhe in pain for looking at you. Just as I killed those criminals in that alley for daring to threaten your life—because I am every bit the monster the world says I am. Death follows me, claiming everything I touch.”
He killed them without a sliver of hesitation or care for the consequences. His willingness to murder should frighten me, but I find that I don’t mind. He didn’t do it out of enjoyment or boredom, but because he was protecting me. The prince with the frozen heart does not exist.
I’ve seen many sides to him, but underneath them all is someone who cares deeply—whether he admits it to himself or not.
“I understand.”
A lump forms in my throat, and I swallow it back down.
“Do you?” he half snarls as he tilts my head back further. Even in this mood, he’s careful to remain gentle. “Do you understand what it means to tangle your life with mine?”
I’ve never wished harm to anyone before—never like this.
Yet… I see it in him. How he’s as trapped in his situation as I am in mine. How he’s been alone for so long. Afraid. Tears well up and spill down my cheeks.
If he is wicked, then let me be wicked too. I will become whatever I must if that’s what it takes for him to never feel alone again. To forgive him when he can’t forgive himself.
“Yes, Joon, I do. I understand the consequences of failing.” I press a palm to his chest, right above his heart. “More than that… I am glad you did it.” Venom coats my tongue as I calmly admit the dark truth.
His breath hitches, then, as he exhales, the tension melts from his muscles, and his chest rises and falls, matching mine. “Say it again.” He leans down and kisses one of my eyes. “I want to hear you say my name.” Then the other eye. “It is the only time I can remember who I am.”
“Joon…” I whisper his name again and again as he kisses away my tears until the sharp emotions roiling through us have cut away.
Then his mouth finds mine, lingering with gentle caresses as if he’s afraid that he might break me. I open to him, and our kiss deepens as we seek solace and comfort in each other. It’s chaste and sweet, but within it, there is something pleading, questioning, and desperate.
It isn’t enough. It can’t be so long as we are in this place—this palace. It surrounds us, feeling alive and sinister. I want to escape. The need to run from here claws desperately inside my chest. It’s so strong, I think I will suffocate if I stay here much longer.
We break apart.
“Will you take me somewhere?” My chest feels tight, as if I am turning to stone from the inside. “Anywhere else… please. I don’t want to be here right now.”
Joon nods.
“Imugi,” he calls to his demon through his connection with them. The bright, glowing blue lights his irises. The demon appears seconds later. “Make sure no one knows we are gone until we return.”
The demon obeys without a word of protest. My demon remains behind as well.
He takes my hand as he gathers our cloaks. Within minutes, we are in the secret passage leading to the forest behind the palace, hurrying through. As we step out into the wild, I can finally take my first deep breath. But we don’t stop.
Joon summons a fae path, leading us deeper into the woods. We stop on a hill overlooking the palace at the high end of the valley of the Arum kingdom.
A light breeze rustles loose whisps of my hair against my neck. The path disappears, leaving us beneath an opening in the canopy that lets the sun’s warmth envelope us.
He is silent, waiting for me to tell him if I approve.
I gaze out over the landscape, grateful to have this space away from the palace. “Thank you.”
He releases my hand and moves to stand behind me, gripping my shoulders, offering safety and security.
The day is beautiful and warm, and the air is thick with the fragrance of early spring. I almost didn’t live to see it.
And at my back is the man who saved me and comforts me now. Not because of the bargain but because he wanted to. Whose touch still lingers on my body, who sought my pleasure while taking none for himself.
“Take as long as—”
My heart swells with so much emotion, and I whirl. The front of my body brushes against his. Warmth spreads through me. I am acutely aware of every inch of muscle under his shirt.
Last night, I said nothing could happen between us again because I was afraid of how much it will hurt when I have to let him go. But now I realize it will be worse to die without telling him how I feel, without giving myself over to these feelings, without taking what I want.
From now on, I will be selfish. I will take what I want without regret.
I reach up and grab him by the collar, pulling his face down to mine as I rise up on my toes. And I kiss him. Fiercely. I nip at his bottom lip.
“Joon,” I say. His name is the only word I can form, but even I can hear the raw need in my voice—not for the prince, but for the man who has ensnared my heart against all probability.
Joon wraps his arms around me, pulling me tighter against him. With a groan, his tongue slips inside my mouth, caressing mine as if he will consume me. And I want him to—I want him to devour me as I devour him.
My hands slide over his chest, curving over his shoulders to lock together behind his neck.
His desire matches mine in the way his mouth moves, the way his hands roam over me, and the length of him hardens, trapped between us, pressing against my belly.
Joon breaks away, breathless as he rests his forehead against mine. He feels too far away. “You said—” he protests, struggling for words, trying to stop wanting what his body demands.
“Just this once,” I say quietly. “Let me pretend I am yours, just for a little while. Let me pretend I can have you—that I’m allowed these feelings.”
He goes perfectly still. “And what feelings are those?”
We belong to two different worlds. Joon is a fae prince. And I am a human, not even born into a noble family. We were never meant to come together. This—our bargain, our bond—was all because of a choice I made that put us both at risk.
I bury my face against his chest, aching to tell him everything, yet knowing I shouldn’t. “Isn’t it obvious?” I want someone to know these emotions lived inside me at least once in my life.
“Tell me anyway,” he says.
“I love you.”
“And what is so wrong with that?”
“I’m neither fae nor noble.”
“I should think my wife, more than anyone, is allowed to love me in return.” Joon’s voice is nonchalant.
It stings to hear him take it so lightly. “I am only your wife because of our bargain.” I pause as I fully comprehend what he said.
…in return.
“You are my wife in every way that counts. Our bargain is that I will free you when the curse is broken. I will not force you to remain my wife forever when your only choice was between that and death.”
I search his face for any hint of a cruel smile and cold eyes, but there is only the familiar expression he only wears for me, and I finally understand the full meaning behind it.
“You… love me?”
One corner of his mouth lifts. “How could I not love someone as stubborn and kind and strong and brave as you? You see me in ways no one else does. You treat me as a man. I am free to be myself around you without pretense. I never needed the bargain to save you. I would have done it anyway.”
“How long?”
“I am not sure exactly.” He shrugs. “Perhaps it was when you wrapped that first shard without knowing the importance of it. Or when I pulled you out of the water, looking like a half-drowned rat….” Joon looks at me with such tenderness, then softly adds, “But it could have been the way you said please the first time.”
Joon cups my jaw with both hands. “You have made me feel as if I was never cursed.” He presses a kiss to my forehead. “As if I could be worthy of love.”
We come together again. Mouths crushing, tasting, searching. Bodies pressing and sliding. Trying to get closer still.
His hands slide from my hips and over my ass.
In one swift motion, he lifts me. I wrap my legs around his waist. In this position, I can feel his hardness against my core, straining against his trousers.
He slides a hand up my ribs to my breast, massaging my flesh through my clothes.
It sends heat pooling in my belly. I grind my hips against him as I moan into his mouth.
He breaks away, moving his lips along my jaw and down the column of my throat.
Slowly, he lowers me to my feet.
We will take what we want, where we can, and that is what will make it perfect.
“You own my heart.” He kisses my mouth, then trails his lips down my neck. He kneels at my feet, holding me by the hips. “And if you let me, I would bow to you every day for the rest of my life to show you how deeply I love you.”
Joon gazes at me as if he is lost, and my heart flutters.
I reach for his crown and let it fall to the ground beside us.
“Do not bow. All I ask is that you stay with me for as long as you can. Show me with your words and your deeds.” I unclasp his cloak, letting it fall away.
“And with your hands.” My hands slide over the hard muscles of his chest and lean into him, bringing my mouth to his ear. “Show me.”