Chapter Thirty-Three
VIOLET
I stride through the halls with purpose, though I don’t yet know where I am going or what I will do, only that I want to get away from all the death and the deceit.
Joon never intended to keep his end of the bargain, which means that it was never binding. Except… I never could speak about it. Or it could mean the only bargain we had was that we couldn’t tell others about the verbal agreement we made.
I shake my head. I don’t know how to tell what’s real or not. There are too many possibilities.
It’s possible I misunderstood by assuming things. Yet it’s equally as likely that Joon used clever wording to make sure I did.
I try to remember the exact phrasing, but I can’t. There is only a vague notion of the whole thing.
Too many emotions are clouding my thoughts, making it hard to think straight.
If I am to die no matter what, then what was the point of any of this? Our bargain, searching, researching….
He used my optimistic nature against me to manipulate me into falling for him. He said it himself, I needed to be willing.
And it’s far easier to kiss someone you love than someone you loathe.
Outside, the bitter air stings my face. The magical storm weakens. Under the dying ghost of wind, I can feel the familiar sensation of Joon’s power. The way it traced through my veins when he siphoned and healed me.
Death will come for me whether I return to Firnhallow or remain here, so I might as well be in the home I’ve known my entire life, surrounded by the few people who genuinely love me. Even if the two most important people are doomed to be forever encased in enchanted ice.
With the Temple Tower behind me, my mind is made up. I will leave this place and never look back. He can suffer as he would have let me suffer. I won’t care about his pain—I won’t let myself.
Bear scurries out from a bush to their usual place under my skirts. Their presence is a mild comfort. At least there is someone who isn’t using me.
Halfway to the gate leading to the Southern Court, I stop and change direction, remembering that I’ve moved to the Western Court.
Back in my apartments, I head straight for the wardrobe. Nothing of mine from before I arrived at the palace remains. In fact, nothing in this room belongs to me. But I can’t very well travel with nothing other than the clothes on my back.
I sift through the various items, selecting the warmest ones and tossing them into a heap on the bed. Annoyingly, it dawns on me that I will have to do more than pack a bag before I can leave. There’s transport, money…
Mingi and Iseul are not far behind. His heavy footsteps stop partway inside the room.
“I’m leaving. Don’t try to stop me,” I say.
“Despite what it looks like, the prince and the dragon are not the same,” he lectures, in a tone that says he thinks I’m being childish.
My hands still. I glance at him as I cross over to the bed and begin folding. Whatever he sees in my face is enough to keep him from saying more.
Iseul steps forward and touches Mingi’s arm. “Let me talk to her.”
He clenches his jaw. He doesn’t argue, but he doesn’t leave either. Instead, he waits by the door and continues glaring.
“He cannot entomb them as we would those who have passed because it is not a true death,” Iseul begins softly. She pauses to let it sink in.
My head snaps up. “He lied to me about the dragon.” I snap. “He’s the reason I’ve been alone for years—he took my family from me.” I hate that my voice cracks. Tears flood my eyes and spill down my cheeks. I can’t fight them, so I don’t even try.
“Joon and the dragon are not the same,” Iseul repeats her brother’s words as she inches closer.
“The curse affects them both, so neither of them is in control. It turned the dragon into little more than a wild animal searching for the shards on instinct because it knows they will both die without them.”
I curl my fingers into the top I’m folding, and close my eyes, breathing deep.
My emotions are a whirling mess. I am furious and hurt. I want to hate Joon for this—I should hate him, but I don’t know how to stop the ache and longing in my heart.
“No human would have ever been frozen if they had not attacked. The more the humans attacked the Winter Dragon, the more people it would freeze. It was a vicious cycle.” Iseul is beside me now.
She reaches her hands out to take one of mine and eases my grip open.
“It was defending itself. The dragon never wanted to harm anyone. It wanted the shards.”
Without evidence to the contrary, we believed Joon sent it to attack us, and so we attacked in what we thought was self-defense.
Try as I might, I cannot argue with what she says. But I’ve seen for myself how the storms are a side effect of the curse, coming on when it weakens Joon’s hold on his power. I’ve looked the dragon in the eye twice, close enough for it to encase me in ice, and twice I have walked away unscathed.
Bear perches on the bed, looking between the three of us. They tilt their head and make an uncertain chirping sound.
Even though my parents are among the many who fell victim to the dragon, they were also among those who attacked. Fear causes people to react before they fully understand. The fault lies only with the curse itself and the one who cast it.
“He said he would fix things,” I say quietly. It’s an oversimplification of our bargain because, even now, I can’t talk about it, which only frustrates me further. “He planned for my death all along—” I break off, choking down a sob.
“Oh, Violet…” Iseul hugs me from the side. “I know it looks bad, but believe me when I say he never wanted any of this to happen.”
My body goes rigid in her arms. “Why do you continue to defend him?”
“He saved Iseul’s life,” Mingi bites out, marching over. “When everyone said she wasn’t worth the trouble—that we were worthless, that our lives meant nothing simply because we are orphans—he refused to listen.”
Iseul holds up a hand in a calming gesture to her brother. He heaves a sigh but relents.
“Because of that, we pledged ourselves to his service. However, we wouldn’t have if he were truly cruel.” She uses my earlier words against me, and though she says them in a gently teasing way, the barb still makes me wince.
I try to hold on to my hurt and remain steadfast, but they chip away at my defenses, weakening my resolve. But their fealty claws at the dregs of doubt in my heart, past the pain and betrayal.
Iseul and Mingi are loyal to him for a reason, a voice in the back of my mind whispers.
“I truly believe it’s different with you. He is different with you. Whether you believe it or not, he cares for you,” Iseul adds. “He trusts you.”
And I have trusted him this whole time, haven’t I? Not only has Joon protected me, he’s comforted me when I needed it, even though that was never part of the bargain.
Which is it, Violet? Is the bargain real, or has everything Joon has done been of his own volition?
Either way, he was the one to offer me protection when I only asked to live.
My head pounds from the back and forth.
I don’t need anyone to tell me who Joon is. The more time I spent with him, the more I realized how few people have bothered to know him.
“The people have always seen Joon as a monster. There has never been a time when his people cared for him or respected him, but he has never wanted this for them. Our Joon does not have long, and he is doing everything he can to break the curse.”
Monster.
Guilt blooms in my belly, rising and twisting my insides into knots. I said I love him, yet I am no better than anyone else if I am so quick to believe the worst.
The two siblings and Bear wait in silence for what I will say or do next.
Indecision wars within me, freezing my tongue and rooting my feet where I stand. I am torn between my feelings and his betrayal. Between wanting to run and wanting to stay.
“The dragon was last seen to the north, weaving erratically,” Imugi’s voice cuts through the tension. “The storm is following him toward the Maldan Ice Wall. Something is wrong.”
My heart lurches.
Worry squeezes my chest. Despite everything, I don’t want to leave without knowing if Joon’s all right.
I deserve to hear the truth from his lips as he looks me in the eye.
More than that, I don’t want to leave him.
Why? I am alone because of him.
But he has been alone from the beginning.
“I’m going,” I say firmly. The tightness in my chest eases.
Mingi scowls as if he wishes he could kill me with just a look, then he spins on his heel and stalks out.
I turn toward the wardrobe, this time with specific items in mind, and add them to the pile on the bed. I don’t bother going behind the changing curtain or into the other room.
Iseul’s eyes go wide when she sees me stripping. She rushes over to the door and closes it before rushing back to my side.
“Violet…” she pleads. She doesn’t bother trying to help me. Her silent protest.
I intentionally made it unclear so neither of them understood what I meant. But it still takes me until I am finished changing to build up the courage and find the words.
I pick up the remainder of the clothes I gathered and hand them to her.
Hesitantly, Iseul takes them, uncertain of my intentions.
It turns out, changing your mind once you’ve made a decision out of anger is every bit as hard as admitting that you’re wrong.
Caring about him—wanting to make sure he is all right and wanting to confront him about it all doesn’t erase the betrayal or anger I feel. It does, however, add layers of complication.
“I am going to get him. Will you come with me?”
Iseul brightens and grasps the bundle, eyes shining. “Thank you.”
We ride, following Mingi’s trail, racing the wind that threatens to cover it first. Bear sits at my back, under my cloak, clutching the belt I hooked onto the saddle specifically for them. The terrain is treacherous in places and will only get worse as we approach the storm.