21. Esmira
ESMIRA
“ E smira, talk to me,” Methrin whispered.
I trembled under the covers, sure that voice, that light was still out there, searching for me. Could it see through the cracks in the walls, pierce the ceiling of the inn and find me?
Methrin tugged at the covers and I reluctantly released them. He slid into bed, curling around me. His presence warm and reassuring. His arms came around me and he pulled me tight against his chest, one of his hands splayed over my wild heartbeat. He leaned his head against mine. “What happened?”
“Didn’t you hear it?” I choked. “The voice in the light?”
“No, one moment we were out there watching the return of magic to these shores and then you screamed and ran.”
My body went tense. “You didn’t hear anything?”
“What did the voice say? ”
I floundered for words. “It was so bright, so pure and—it said that someone wasn’t worthy, and to find her, banish her, kill her.”
My voice broke on the last words and a sob escaped my throat.
“It was talking about me, because I have Mirror Magic.”
“Oh, Esmira.” Methrin murmured.
But he didn’t disagree so I let silent tears fall down my cheeks. His arms around me tightened, barely a relief from the fact that I’d clearly heard a voice. Early conversations with Lyra about magic floated to the surface of my thoughts. Magic was madness. Was I going insane?
“There’s more,” I added, the weight of my secrets making it difficult to breathe.
“The shadow has been speaking to me, but I know the difference between its voice and mine. I see it sometimes on the edges of my vision, but when I look at it, it disappears. Up there at the temple, when the beast attacked the carriage, the shadow attacked me. Ribbons of blackness squeezing. What should I do?”
Methrin propped himself up with one arm and pressed me flat on my back so I could see his face. One candle was lit, but the rest of the room was shrouded in darkness. He hovered so closely I could lift my head and kiss him.
Suddenly, the uptick of my heartbeat shifted to desire, not fear.
I wanted to run my fingers through his hair, feel the roughness of his skin and the warmth of his lips against mine, kissing me into oblivion.
I wanted him, all of his goodness, his glory, his immortality to cover me, hide me, let me sink into the bliss of him and him alone.
“Keeping fighting, Esmira, don’t give up.
It makes our quest to find the Shadow Slayer even more urgent.
It will fight you, it will drag you down with it.
It is darkness, evil, the opposite of everything you long for, everything you stand for.
It will fill your mind with negative thoughts, with evil, but I am here.
I’ve been through it all. I can help you, lend you my strength, encourage you. Esmira, I need you to win.”
The fear wasn’t gone, only muted under the power of his words. A boldness filled me and I touched his cheek, drawing his face closer mine. “You see me,” I whispered.
“I have a confession.” His voice was rough, raw with emotion. “When I asked you to marry me, I lied.”
My breath caught. “Lied?”
“About why I asked. Yes, it would give you protection here, because as my bride no one would question me, especially after I’d been absolved of my wrongdoings.
You only ran away after you discovered I am Everminati, but I expected you to run sooner.
But you also saved me from the mirrorverse and even though you were afraid, you did not blame me, you did not try to kill me, or shout at me for stealing you, or make impossible demands.
I felt your quiet fury, but the way you showed it to me wasn’t in the way I expected a spoiled, selfish princess to behave.
Perhaps it was because you have Mirror Magic and you already knew you had everything to lose.
But it had been a long time since I’d been treated decently, and you, even in your anger, even in your fear, you did not show me the darker side of you, the ugliness.
You didn’t even complain when we walked for days and your slippers were in ribbons.
What kind of strength is that? And so I knew, just by your actions, by the words you choose, that you were strong.
You surprised me. And I thought, if you were coming all the way here, across realms, that you’d make the ideal partner, that I wanted you at my side, because if you respected me, what more could we grow to become. That’s why I asked you to marry me.”
What was I to say in the face of such beauty, such words?
“What about now?” I asked, breathless. “Do you feel differently knowing who I am, what I am?”
His lips trailed down my neck to my collarbone until I wasn’t able to think any more, much less breathe.
When he pulled back his eyes smoldered with heat.
“There. I’ve always been better with actions, not words.
As I understand it, mortals prefer wild confessions of love and promises that drip with lies.
I’m not like that. I can promise you that I care about you, I respect you and love will come.
But I will not promise you the moon without delivering it. So what do you say? Marry me?”
He kissed me again until I was breathless, and I only managed to squeak out. “You didn’t ask me how I felt about you?”
“Do I need to ask?” he whispered, his thumb brushing my lips. “I see it in the depths of your eyes, I taste your yearning when you kiss me. Do I need words when I feel it in the core of my being, when I’ve felt it for a long time?”
I pressed my lips together, wondering if I should be embarrassed by the transparency of my reaction to him. “What about the shadow, the madness? What if it consumes me?”
“Then I will be here.”
“And what of my mortality?”
His soft laughter was like velvet, sending ripples of desire across bare skin.
“I’ve lived many lifetimes in pursuit of nothingness, achievements that became meaningless, magic and wealth, all temporary.
What matters are the relationships we keep, the people whose lives we can change.
Being a prince or a princess, a child of a king, comes with a weight.
We are responsible for the lives of those around us whether we wish for the responsibility or not.
We were born with a gift many would trade their lives for, yet they don’t see the dark side of it, the way it can corrupt us.
You see that now, you understand that royalty, magic, and wealth are meaningless without a purpose, without someone to share it with.
It is a lonely life and living it helped me see clearly.
I know exactly what I desire, and it doesn’t matter whether it’s a day, a week, or the lifetime of a human, I intend to relish every moment. ”
My lips parted. “Then let me show you my answer.”