Chapter 1 #2
What I say affects her—she lowers her eyes to her feet, as if there’s something interesting in the crackling stone beneath us.
Guilt.
Anxiety.
Sadness.
When her eyes meet mine again, her waterline is damp.
“I keep feeling like it’s my fault…” Her voice trails off. “If I hadn’t left for classes that afternoon, she wouldn’t have died.”
“Don’t think that way, Edie.” I’m so tempted to wipe away the budding tears from her cheeks. But I can’t touch her in public like that. Not yet, at least. “Vivienne wouldn’t want you to think that way. She probably thought she was solving everyone else’s problems.”
Saying it out loud makes me nauseous.
Vivienne would sooner burn this place to the ground.
Eden’s eyebrows furrow. “That’s the thing, Lucy. I don’t believe she jumped.” She leans in conspiratorially. “I don’t think anyone will believe me, which is why I’ve kept it to myself. I was away for three hours. Vivienne was hurt, but she wasn’t suicidal.”
A relieved sigh. “I said all of that because I thought you felt she killed herself. But I don’t think she would have,” I add, and there’s a bit of a spark that kindles in her eyes. “I don’t believe anything they’re trying to sell us.”
“So you don’t think I’m crazy?”
I shake my head. “Never. Vivienne wasn’t born, she was forged from fire.”
“Yes, exactly.” She nods. “She was made of resilience.” Eden looks around warily. “But what can we even do? The school wants us to forget it.”
“I won’t.”
“Neither will I, then.” Eden looks more like herself now. “If we believe that it wasn’t suicide, doesn’t that mean somebody did it?” She looks around the courtyard. “How do we even find out who it is? The person could be here right now.”
“Hm.” I look at her solemnly. “It might not be safe for you to look into it. But I can.”
“What do you mean?”
“You were her roommate. What’s stopping you from ending up the same way she did?”
Eden bristles.
Fuck.
Why did I say it like that? I’d never let Eden die.
“It sounds terrible, but I know you’re right.” She looks down at her shoes again. “At least promise me you’ll tell me what you find out.”
I nod. “I promise, Edie.”
She blesses me with that beautiful smile of hers.
It disappears just as quickly as it came. I see the shift in her eyes—the rich emotions, they’re gone. Now, she’s back to pretending to be a bland high society woman.
We stand in silence.
I look over to her family. Silas is so absorbed in the attention he’s getting from everyone that he hasn’t even realized Eden is missing from his side. Not that it would matter to him—she’s just an accessory, a means to an end, a beautiful thing to break.
“You’ve forgiven him, then?”
Eden’s entire body tenses, the emotions are back. She refuses to meet my eyes, her fingers tightening around the handle of her bag. There’s no ring on her finger, fortunately, so I still have time. I don’t like making Eden uncomfortable, but it’s a conversation we need to have sooner or later.
“It was one of the last things Vivienne told me,” I say.
The tears finally start to spill. “He made a lot of mistakes, Lucian. But our Lord wants us to forgive, so we can get forgiveness in return.” There’s a harsh expression on her face that catches me off guard.
“I don’t think I need to give you a recap of all the things he’s done to you.” My eyes drift to her hands. She’s wearing black gloves, but there’s a bruise peeking out just from above the edge of it. “You’re still wearing examples of it.”
“You don’t understand, Lucian.”
I take a step closer. Just enough for me to realize she’s wearing a different perfume. Eden smells of black coffee and orange blossoms, not the vanilla I’m used to.
“Then make me understand, Eden.”
Her whole body trembles slightly. “You wouldn’t, even if I explained.”
“Try me.”
And for a moment, she looks like she’s about to say something.
But then, he appears.
Silas strides toward us with slow, calculated ease. His eyes are on me, of course—trying to pull off some look that is supposed to scare me.
It doesn’t.
Suddenly, there’s a smile plastered on Eden’s face, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. He pulls Eden toward him harshly, slamming her against him. Her fake smile wavers ever so slightly. She looks up at him, then back at me. She’s doing a terrible job trying to fool me.
“Everything alright, love?” he asks, smoothly.
This nut job hasn’t broken eye contact with me.
“Yes, I’m fine.” Her voice is airy. “Lucian and I were just talking about our favourite memories of Vivienne.”
She’s so scared of him she has to lie, but she’s “forgiven” him. I notice the way his shoulders relax when she says that. Even if he does know it’s a lie, it placates him because it means that she’s too afraid of him to tell the truth. He still owns her mind.
Silas finally looks at her, leaning down to kiss her forehead. It stings like a wasp on the back of my neck. “Your parents were just asking for you,” he says. “Let’s go back?”
She nods and then they’re gone—she doesn’t even look back.
Fire explodes through my veins, and I leave the courtyard. There’s nothing else for me here, anyway. I gave Vivienne’s parents my condolences in private. As I did to Marita—I don’t care much for her family because I’m certain they played a part in covering up Vivienne’s death.
That’s the thing with Augustine.
Throwing money at an issue usually gets rid of it.
Well, every issue but me.
The entire walk to my cottage, my thoughts are consumed by Eden. I hate what religion does to girls like her. It teaches them to accept control as care. To mistake obedience for devotion. To believe that sacrificing their life is fucking holy.
It’s taught Eden that accepting Silas’ abuse is her fate.
But Silas won’t just ruin her.
He’ll kill her.
Well, not if I kill him first.