18. Chapter 18
Chapter eighteen
Aaron
T he minute Ashley launches herself at me, I step into her, and right when the crazy fireball of a woman that she is throws her fist at me, I catch her wrist. In a quick move, I turn her and press her against the wall, my legs caging hers. “What do you think you’re doing?”
“You’re an asshole,” she declares, her hair wild in her face, her eyes throwing daggers at me.
“I’m quite aware of that fact.”
“Such a damn asshole.”
“Also aware of that fact. Haven’t we already had this conversation?”
“Well, you can just tolerate the repetition. Maybe it will torture you the way you tortured me by leaving me alone all this time. Leaving me to think you’re some sort of an evil monster.”
“I am an evil monster.”
“A jealous, evil monster,” she snaps back. “I was alone, and you lied to me. I could have fucked Smith ten times over, and you had no say in it.”
“Did you want to fuck him ten times over?”
“I wanted to feel something other than pain. I wanted to make the pain stop. You hurt me, and now you dare to stand here and judge me? You dare to—”
“Yes, I fucking do, because I’m a jealous, evil monster, remember?” And if I stand here another minute with her pressed close to me, I’m going to fuck her while thinking of her fucking some other man. I release her and try to walk away.
She catches my hand and pulls me back to her. “You have no right—”
“I have every right,” I bite out, dragging her to me again. “You’re going to marry me. You’re going to be my wife. You don’t get to fuck anyone else.”
“I didn’t.”
“It damn sure sounds like you thought about it.”
“I did. I thought—”
“Don’t say it again, Ashley. We’ve had this conversation. I know what you thought.”
“Well, you can just hear it again. I need to get this out. I need to get it out now.”
“It was hell knowing someone else told you who I was. It was hell, Ashley.”
“You let that happen.”
“And I’ve lived with what I did to you every fucking day we were apart and hoped like hell you believed in me, in us, enough to know that I would come for you.”
“I wanted to believe you’d come, but—you lied to me. You should have told me.”
“You keep driving that nail in my heart. I know. I fucking know.”
Tears pool in her eyes. “I didn’t want Smith. I wanted a way to forget the man I loved who I thought was gone forever.”
“I would never leave you behind. You should have known that.”
“You can’t possibly understand what it was like to feel lied to and left behind by the one person in your life you trust and love. I was alone. I was so damn alone.”
Pain radiates through her words crashing into me, cutting me in all the ways I’ve felt cut already but magnified by a hundred. “Everything I’ve done since I left was about getting to you, protecting you, freeing you.”
“From you? Is that where this is headed? You save me and protect me by leaving me again? Because if it is—”
“Never. Damn it, woman. No. I’m not leaving you, and you’re not leaving me. We’re ending this and then we’re going to start a new life together anywhere you want.”
“Then stop going hot and cold on me because that is not what I need from you right now. I need a future. I need something to hold onto.”
“Our future is anywhere you want it to be. Our future, Ashley.”
“Like we were? In Houston?”
That question punches me in the gut. My lips thin, and I release her, the sense of losing her already killing me.
“Aaron?”
Aaron .
God, how I loved being me with her, being Noah. I turn to face her. “It can’t be Houston. We have to pick a place that’s far away. That’s the only way I’ll feel like we’re secure. We need to pick new identities. A new place to start over.”
“But you said we were going to end this.”
“And if there’s just one loose string, we’re dead. You’re dead. I can’t allow that to happen.”
“Right. Okay. That makes sense. Where do we go?”
“Italy. France. Ireland. Pick another country. We’ll travel to all of them until you find a place you love.”
“ We love, right?” She closes the space between us. “If this is about us, about surviving and being together, why did you walk away from me? Why did you say you’d help me find a place I love, not a place that we love?” Her hands come down on my chest, a warm shock that slides through my body and thickens my cock. I want her. I love her. I need her. I’ve fucked up her life, and there’s no turning back.
My hands come down on her arms, and I pull her to me. “Because the only thing I need is you. Where I live is with you. It’s not a place. It’s not a country. It’s with you, and one day, sooner than later, you’re going to believe that. You’re going to know that again.”
She wraps her arms around me. “Call Smith. He’ll help us. I promise you. He’ll help. We can trust him.” My hands leave her arms, and she tightens her grip around me. “I’m not letting you push me away. We can trust him. He’s outside of your world, and your world betrayed us.”
I consider her idea, really consider it for the first time. I’ve watched Smith. I’ve watched him with her, and I hate the asshole. He wants her. He’s into her, which is a reason to turn on me, but it’s also a reason to protect her. She’s what matters. I want her safe. I want her protected.
“Do you have his phone number?”
“Yes.”
My hands come back down on her arms. “If we do this, we do it exactly my way. Understand?”
“Yes. Of course, but what does that mean exactly?”
“I’ll let you know as soon as I decide.” I release her, and this time, she lets go of me. “If you want to freshen up I grabbed you all your favorite things.”
“My favorite things? Because you know me.”
“Yes, baby, I do. Knowing you was a choice, but it's also one that helps us stay alive. Know everything about everyone around you. The smallest detail could matter in ways you don't expect.”
She studies me a moment and then nods, before turning away. “Ashley,” I say, not wanting her to read me wrong.
She turns and faces me. “Yes?”
“Every time I learned something about you, I wanted more. So damn much more.”
The shadows in her eyes melt away. “Good. Because you seem to be stuck with me.”
“Never. Every moment I'm with you is a choice, the right choice. I'm going to make you believe that.”
“I hope so,” she says, and this time when she turns I let her go. I spend the next few minutes contemplating her safety, when I want to be thinking about winning her trust, but safety has to come first. When she returns, her lips are glossed, her face lightly touched with makeup. She looks fresh and beautiful, a natural beauty, that has always left me hanging on every word she speaks for no reason but she's the one speaking.
“You weren't kidding,” she says. “You even got my makeup color right. When did you have time to do this?”
I meet her at the door. “I used a delivery service. I have a fake name and debit card with that name as well as backup names and debit cards.”
“Oh,” she says. “I see.”
That’s the problem. She does see and there’s nothing I can do to save her from that now. It’s not even in her best interest, that I try. I grab a jacket and toss her the one I bought her.
Once she puts it on and joins me at the door, I pause and turn to her. “Be aware of everything around you, but don’t make it obvious. You have to learn this skill. I’m going to push you to know everything around you. I’m going to question you, train you to be fully aware.”
“Okay. I can do that. I’m pretty observant.”
“No. You’re not. If you were, you would have figured out more about me and us.”
Her expression tightens. “Right.”
I cup her face. “Baby, I have to keep this real with you. I need you safe. I need you alive and with me.”
“I know. I know. I’ll get over the past once we’re in the future.”
Once we’re in the future . Not now. I have no choice but to accept that answer. I open the hotel door and check the exterior hall before glancing at her. “You leave or enter no space without checking it first.”
“Yes. Okay.”
I study her, making sure she understands before I exit to the hallway and then allow her to exit. I lock the door and offer her a key. She shoves it in her pocket, and together, we head down the hallway about to take a risk and let an outsider into our world. A man who Ashley trusts. A man who wants to fuck her, and I’m not sure she really understands that yes, I can live with that. But if he fucks us in the process, he dies.