Chapter 2
Izzy
When I get to the off-campus house I share with Cooper and our brother Sebastian, I chuck my sneakers into the closet and
plop on the couch. I undo my ponytail with a groan. Cooper’s in the armchair, reading, and judging by the rock music and delicious
smells coming from the kitchen, Sebastian’s working on dinner.
I glance at the television. “James’s last preseason game?”
Our oldest brother, James, plays quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles. Of the four of us, he’s the only one who followed
directly in Dad’s footsteps. He’s an honest-to-God celebrity, the sort of NFL quarterback that inspires thirst-trap Instagram
posts and screaming fans and people wanting his autograph, his picture, his time and attention. Dad was the same way, and
once Cooper graduates and starts playing hockey professionally, he won’t be far behind. Sebastian could have had it the same
way as his father—Mom and Dad adopted him after his parents died in a car accident, years ago—but he decided to quit baseball at the
end of last season to focus on cooking. Something tells me that even as a chef, he’s going to garner a lot of attention.
Despite knowing all of this, I still think of them as just my brothers. My ridiculous, freakishly athletic, amazing older
brothers. James always buys me a new stuffed animal on my birthday. Cooper has jumped into fights to defend my honor. Sebastian
slept on the floor of my room for a week when I watched Poltergeist way too young and couldn’t stop having clown-themed nightmares.
“Yeah,” Cooper says, setting his book aside. “He played for a bit in the beginning, he looks good. Did you get to talk to
your coach?”
“She’s giving me a shot to prove I can handle playing setter.”
He smiles warmly. “That’s great, Iz.”
I beam at his approval.
Sebastian pokes his head out of the kitchen, dishrag in hand. “Dinner in five.”
“Ooh, yay.” I slide off the couch. “Want me to set the table? We can use my new pink place mats.”
He gives me a quizzical look, but before he can reply, the front door opens.
“Someone remind me how illegal murder is,” Sebastian’s girlfriend, Mia, says as she walks in with Penny, Cooper’s girlfriend.
“Give me the downsides before I do something I regret.”
Penny sighs long-sufferingly as she slips out of her jean jacket. Cooper glances her way, looking as lovestruck as ever as
he checks her out. She’s definitely about to end up in his lap. I roll my eyes fondly before joining Sebastian and Mia in
the kitchen.
Sure enough, I hear her shriek. “Cooper!”
“Super illegal,” Sebastian says, his green eyes dancing with amusement. “Pretty sure you can’t eat your boyfriend’s home-cooked
meals if you’re in the can.”
It sucks to be the fifth wheel when all of us have dinner together, but I love not being the only girl in the house. My brothers
just shrugged when I showed them the adorable place mats I picked up at Target earlier this week, and apparently Sebastian
already forgot they exist, but I know Penny and Mia will appreciate them.
Well, at least Penny will. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Mia wear anything pink. Not even a scrunchie . Sometimes I can’t believe that they’re best friends, totally independent of their boyfriends. I also can’t believe that both Cooper and Sebastian are in relationships, but last fall, Cooper fell for Penny—who happens to be his coach’s daughter—and then earlier this year, Sebastian and Mia finally stopped dancing around each other and got serious. James also fell in love at McKee; when he transferred here for his senior year, he met Bex, and now they’re engaged with a baby on the way.
Then there’s me, fresh off a secret summer fling with Cooper’s biggest hockey rival.
Mia gives me a one-armed hug before letting herself get swept up in Sebastian. She wipes a spot of sauce on his cheek with
her thumb, wrinkling her nose when he ducks to kiss her.
“Is it Alice?” he murmurs.
“No.” She plucks at something on his shirt with her black nails. “Some idiot who probably jerks off to pictures of Elon Musk.”
“Ew,” I say. “I hate that you put that image into my mind.”
She just grins. “How’s it going, Iz?”
I shrug as I pull out silverware and grab napkins. Earlier today, I cleaned off the kitchen table and added a vase of flowers.
I arrange the place settings, admiring my handiwork for a moment. “This is pretty, right? Do we want wine?”
I glance over and see that they’re making out, too. Just fantastic.
“Hello? Earth to the space idiots.”
The kitchen timer goes off, and Sebastian reluctantly untangles himself from Mia to pull something out of the oven. Mia looks
at me, biting her lip guiltily. “Sorry. It looks great.”
“Mm.”
“Really, it does. The place mats are a nice touch. Did you get the flowers from Trader Joe’s?”
I can’t stay annoyed for long. Mia’s my friend, and it’s always nice to see Sebastian looking so happy. “Obviously. Their
bouquets are the best.”
“Dinner’s ready,” Sebastian says, loud enough that Cooper and Penny can hear. He plates the food—pan-roasted chicken, potatoes, and vegetables all dripping in a sauce that I know firsthand is delicious—and pulls a bottle of white wine out of the refrigerator. “For you, Izzy.”
“Aw, Sebby.” I take a plate to my usual seat. “You’re the best.”
Practice left me starving, so I focus on my food while the conversation goes on around me. The skating lessons that Penny
and Cooper teach together at the town ice rink are starting up again. Sebastian, who is graduating after this semester, has
an interview with a culinary school near the astrophysics study abroad program Mia’s doing in Switzerland next year. I lean
back in my chair, wineglass in hand. Honestly, we should take a picture of this moment. Mom would be happy to see us sitting
down together to eat. That was her hope when she convinced Dad to rent a house in Moorbridge, the town entwined with McKee’s
campus, for us to use during our college years.
“It’s too bad that James and Bex postponed the wedding,” Sebastian says.
“When are they doing it now? The spring?” Mia asks.
“Yeah,” I say. “Probably April or May. But that means the baby can party with us!”
They were originally going to have their wedding over the summer, but they decided to take their time and make it nice when
they’ve settled into being parents. Bex is due in December, just in time for Christmas. If the baby comes a week early, we
might even share a birthday. I smile at the thought. Bex and James are going to make the best parents, and I can’t wait to
be an aunt.
“Maybe she can be the flower girl,” Cooper says. He stretches his arm over the back of Penny’s chair, twirling her coppery
hair around his finger. She smiles and leans over for a quick kiss.
“I’m already trying to convince Bex,” I say, ignoring the tiny spike of loneliness that rises at the sight of them. Sebastian and Mia are practically nuzzling each other, too. “I worked on a wedding over the summer that had the cutest little baby ring bearer.”
“We’ll come back for it, of course,” says Sebastian.
Penny sips her wine, turning her attention to me. “Speaking of love, how did that summer connection work out, Izzy? Are we
finally going to meet him?”
“If she’d ever say who he is,” Mia teases.
The question sends my heart into a sprint. I ignore everyone’s eyes, Cooper’s especially, as I finish my wine. Summer is over.
Nik is in Massachusetts and I’m in New York, and when his team comes to play McKee, I’ll find an excuse not to go to the game.
It hurts anyway, and I hate that it hurts.
My parents have the gold standard of marriages. My three older brothers are hopelessly in love with their partners. Even though
I’m happy for them, it stings to know I’m so far away from that. I’m not brilliant like Mia, or creative like Penny, or determined
like Bex. I’m not my mother, seemingly capable of handling every aspect of her busy, colorful life, a husband and four kids
included.
It’s no wonder that to guys like Nikolai—and especially Chance, my one and only ex-boyfriend, who cheated on me without a
thought to my feelings—I’m not the serious option. It’s not just that I’m not wife material. I’m barely girlfriend material. And fine, I knew the rules when I fell into bed with Nik, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt, recognizing that
even in different circumstances, I’d never be enough to steal his heart.
“It just fizzled out,” I say with a shrug. “You know how it goes.”
“Aw, too bad,” says Penny. “What about other prospects? Any crushes we should know about?”
“No.” My stomach squirms at the lie, but this is easier. I never should have mentioned Nik to them, even vaguely. “Nothing
going on. I need to focus on volleyball. Keep my grades up. All that good stuff.”
When I manage to escape to my room after dinner, I give my phone another helpless peek. Nothing but that unfinished text thread.
You’re a beam of light in a person, Isabelle
So fucking beautiful
Were they lies, or just half-truths? Flimsy, throwaway compliments, good to use on any girl?
Something tells me I don’t want to know the answer. If he meant to give me a real goodbye, he would have.
I scrape my teeth over my bottom lip and delete the thread. Summer has slipped into the rearview mirror, and I need to look
ahead. If I’m not focused this semester, I have no chance of convincing Alexis to play me at setter, and that’s more important
than a fling that never had a future. I might not be on the level of my brothers, but it’s unacceptable for a Callahan to
fade into the background of her own sport.
I doubt I’ll ever see Nik again, but if I do, we’ll just be strangers.
No matter what that does to my stupid, silly heart.