Chapter 35
Nikolai
I ’ m not sure how I make it to the rink. One minute I’m standing in the cold, trapped in a panic attack as I look at Isabelle’s
tears, and the next I’m in the locker room for the last game before the break in the season, managing an approximation of
a smile.
There were some steps in between. Resisting the impulse to smash in the window of my car. Leaving bruises on my forearms because
I dug my nails in too deep. Scowling at my phone as I remembered snatches of the argument I had with Dad before Isabelle came
out of her coach’s office. Breathing in the smell of her forgotten coat. Trying, and failing, to calm my rising nausea. I
dragged myself out of that anxiety-ridden haze inch by painful inch, but by then, it was too late.
“You coming?” Mickey asks.
At the sound of his voice, I startle. I’ve been staring at my locker, gloves in hand, for God knows how long. I just can’t
get the image of her standing there with tears in her eyes out of my mind, or stop hearing the way her voice hitched as she
told me she couldn’t do this anymore. Panic robbed me of speech, of movement, and it all came crashing down.
I somehow manage to get onto the ice, and it’s only then that I realize Cooper isn’t there. I’m partnered with Evan for the
opening shift. I give him a look, and he just shakes his head. “Later,” he mouths.
I glance at Coach, but he’s busy talking to one of the assistants, so instead, I ready myself for the face-off. Hockey never stops. Not for panic, not for heartbreak. Hockey is my father’s voice, as impossible to ignore as a punch.
Nausea threatens again, but I shove it down. I haven’t eaten since last night, so there’s nothing for my stomach to chuck
up. Dad would scoff if he saw my stick shaking against the ice like this.
The whistle blows. I burst into action. I’ve been training all my life, so my body takes over, working on autopilot. My mind
goes blank when I’m on the ice, and the second my skates hit the bench in between shifts, Isabelle’s face is all I see.
I let her run from me while she was reeling, even after she told me what Chance did to her. Even after I already hurt her
that way once before. She asked if what we have is real, and I was too trapped in my mind to give her a fucking answer.
My hands are numb again. Trembling.
I can’t believe I let her go.
“Nik,” Evan says, clapping my shoulder with his gloved hand. I startle, looking around. I’m the only guy still sitting on
the bench. “The period’s over. You okay?”
On the way to the locker room, Ryder stops me. “Cooper’s not going to make the game, so I need you to step up even more.”
He sighs, brows drawn. “He’s dealing with a family emergency. Something with one of his siblings—son?”
I race down the hallway. Fucking skates. Can’t move in them off the ice. I skid into the locker room, shouldering past the
guys, and pull my phone out of my bag.
It can’t be Isabelle.
Can’t be.
If something happened to her after I left—if after my own fucking panic sent me spiraling and I let her go, she ended up hurt —
No texts, but I have a new voice mail. I swallow as I raise the phone to my ear. I don’t recognize the number.
“Nikolai, it’s Sebastian. I got your number from Izzy’s phone, sorry.”
I sit on the bench with a thud.
“I know we don’t know each other that well, and I don’t know where you and Izzy stand right now, but she was at a party and
she—she got hurt. She’s at the hospital. Bethel-Ross.”
My heart leaves my body. The trembles turn into full-on shaking. There’s more, but I don’t bother listening to it. I yank
off my skates, shove my feet into street shoes, and grab my bag. All around me, my teammates are chatting and laughing, but
I can’t hear them over my pounding heartbeat.
Fuck distance, fuck reservations, fuck secrets.
I have to see her. Now.
“What’s going on, man?” Aaron asks.
I sling my bag over my shoulder. “Tell Coach I’m sorry.”
“You’re leaving?” Mickey says.
I don’t bother answering. I can make apologies later, after I’m sure Isabelle is okay. On the way out the door, Evan meets
my gaze. He does a double take as he puts two and two together.
“I’ll tell Ryder,” he says.