15. Laura
15
LAURA
T he minute my last class was over the day after I walked away from the tutoring session with Jason, I practically ran to meet Kristin where we usually met up.
She raised her brows high at my frantic pace to reach her, calling out for her to wait up.
“Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.” She held up her hands to stop me from colliding into her with how fast I ran. “What’s going on?”
She still got up freakishly early to work out, so she still updated me with the all-clear over whether that breakup video was shared. I was still off social media.
But all day long, I didn’t tell her about what happened with Jason. Instead, I checked my phone religiously, so freaked out that I’d be punished for what happened.
“I had a breakthrough.” I announced it and sucked in a breath.
She narrowed her eyes and canted her head to the side, studying me. Then she pursed her lips and furrowed her brow. “Yeah. I’m gonna need a little more than that to know what has you all worked up like this. I mean, a breakthrough with how you keep talking about those drug trials could mean you’ve discovered a cure to cancer and?—”
“I’ve had a breakthrough with the whole expectations thing.”
I cringed. “Wait.”
She frowned. “No?”
“Well, kind of. Or I will. I guess it wasn’t a breakthrough as much as it was finally having enough and just snapping.”
She nodded as we walked toward the parking lot. “That could qualify as a breakthrough. Back up, though.”
I drew a deep breath. “Last night at tutoring, he was being a jerk as usual, meaner even, and I just kind of, I don’t know. Snapped. It all blurted out, and I couldn’t keep it in anymore. He said I was pathetic, then I replied that he was pathetic. No. I said his paper was pathetic as I corrected it, and I mean harshly cut it up, by the way. Then I said he was pathetic to be so smart and try to hide it. Because, yeah, I can totally see through that act. And then I was on a roll?—”
“Like now?” She teased.
“More sarcasm and more brutal, uncensored honesty than now. This is a ramble. I told him that he was pathetic to be wasting our time and then…” I let my shoulders sag as I caught my breath. “Then I walked out.”
“Bravo! Bravo!” She clapped and cheered.
“So maybe it’s not a breakthrough.”
“Yeah, it is. You were expected to just tutor him, no ifs, ands, or buts.”
“True.” I pointed at her. “My dad expected me to tutor him, and I still did, technically. But oh, my God. Kris, I’ve been a millimeter away from a mental breakdown all day. I also didn’t do as my dad would expect. I’m not supposed to snap and talk back like that to the guy I’m tutoring. That’s not proper or polite like he’d expect.”
“And now, how does it feel?”
I wasn’t sure. “I’ve been nervous all day that he’d discipline me for acting like that.”
She shrugged. “Assuming Jason would tell someone what you said. Which he deserved, anyway.”
“Yeah, but my dad said he’d make me drop my organic chem classes if I didn’t tutor. I did tutor him. I tried. But I also lost it to point out how pathetic it was for me to do so when he just wanted to target me for no reason. That was what got me. If he could at least give me a reason he wasted my time during those sessions or if he’d tell me why he targeted me, then I could suggest a different tutor for him.”
“I’m proud of you,” she cheered. “You stood up for yourself.”
“Yeah, and all day, I’ve been waiting for the fallout. That the academic recovery program coordinator would contact me. Or Jason would post that video. Or my dad would find out and… I don’t know.” It was exhilarating and terrifying.
“Keep me posted on how Jason reacts tomorrow.”
I cringed, unsure how he would. It almost seemed like I’d stunned him when I replied. But with a day to cool off, would he come back meaner and tougher now?
Will I even care?
I got my answer the next night. He showed up like we’d never even had that snafu on Tuesday, which sort of disappointed me even though I wasn’t sure why. He harassed me, interrupted me, and was a rude jerk.
Like usual.
But also, not like usual. I knew now that I couldn’t let him get to me—as I had in the beginning—yet I was also confident that the world wouldn’t end if I did talk back or stand up for myself in the future.
He came prepared, too, for the first time, and it nearly shocked me speechless. I recovered, not making a big deal out of it so it wouldn’t jinx it or anything, but I was impressed.
Instead of only trying to taunt me and be rude, he was more engaged. Still a jerk, but more alert to what I was saying and showing him.
He maintained that weird equilibrium all the way into the next week. On the following Thursday—when it seemed like he wasn’t going to post that video—he harassed me but kind of put some effort into the work we were covering.
I sat back, reading and rereading a part of his trig papers. While I’d corrected him about his mistakes on a particular problem, I realized in the end that he had actually solved a complex equation that had been eluding him.
Okay, he hadn’t admitted that it was eluding him, but I saw how it was.
By bickering and breaking down the steps to reach the answer, I supposed we worked with reluctant teamwork for him to get there.
He was pensive too, staring at the paper where my neat penmanship and perfectly written numbers and lines were covered and mixed with his sloppy scrawls.
“Um. Good job,” I said at last.
He grunted. I had no idea what that meant as a reply. Things were too ambiguous and confusing to know where I stood with him.
So when he opened his mouth and spoke next, I was surprised.
“I just realized something about you.”
Oh, fuck.
He glanced at me.
“Here we go again.” I sighed and leaned my elbow on the table. “What point do you want to claim is wrong this time?”
“No.” He shook his head, staring at the paper. “Something about you.”
“And it isn’t that I have to be wrong so you can always be right?”
Facing me slowly, he narrowed his eyes.
“I didn’t realize this was an opportunity to critique me,” I muttered.
“You’re smart.”
I blinked, then blinked again. I must have hit my head or something. Brain damage. Because I could have sworn it sounded like he’d just complimented me.
“Funny,” I replied, deadpan.
“You don’t think so?”
I narrowed my eyes, wondering what his game was now. “ You don’t think so.”
“I never said that.” He leaned back and crossed his arms, tricking me into thinking this was a spoof of a truce.
“You imply it every single time we meet. Other than that one night when you stared at me like a possessed neanderthal, you consistently point out how wrong or incorrect I must be as I demonstrate anything to you.”
He shook his head, true to his combative nature. “You are far more intelligent than your older sister ever was.”
My mouth dropped. “What?” I scoffed, almost laughing. “Sure, because the name Second-Best means what, again?”
“No. I’m serious.”
“You didn’t even know my sister.” I struggled to accept this bizarro praise from him.
“I knew of her. I was a student here before she graduated.”
I furrowed my brow, not making the connection. “Okay?”
“I looked up her scores. They’re not that impressive.”
I refused to comment. It hardly mattered what her grades were. They were high enough and she was already cemented in this idea that she could do no wrong.
“One of my frat brothers said that you aced an exam in bio-chem last semester. A perfect score in a class that’s supposedly impossible to beat.”
Damn my cheeks. I hated the flush warming them now. “It’s not impossible,” I said, dismissing what he said.
“I looked up your grades too,” he admitted.
I shrugged, uncomfortable about his doing a one-eighty to praise me at all.
“You can’t deny it.”
“That I have no life and study all the time and love to learn? Fine. I’ll admit it.”
“You can’t deny that you’re probably a better student than your sister ever was.”
“I…” I shook my head. No one’s ever challenged that I wasn’t second-best to Mai, at least in terms of grades. I’d accepted that she would always be better.
Of all times to get shy, I wished it wasn’t now. But this was wholly foreign territory for me. I was not used to getting compliments from anyone like this.
And I couldn’t be sure whether he meant them or this was a trick.
“It makes me wonder if you’re wasting your time planning to become ‘just another doctor’ like your sister is.”
I lowered my gaze and swallowed.
“You ever think about that?” he said, almost using that teasing tone I was familiar with. “That you have more potential than just doing what your sister does?”
I had thought about it. Often. It was a huge part of what made me dream about going into bioengineering. He wouldn’t hear that from me, though. I hadn’t told anyone about my actual secret that I’d rather switch majors to better align my intelligence with my passion.
I certainly couldn’t trust him with that information. It was too personal, and he was already getting too close to the truth.
“So.” I hoped he wouldn’t push me to actually answer him. I wanted to leave his question as a rhetorical one only. “You have that trig test next week. Try not to forget about it,” I said to change the subject quickly. “Then again,” I added, “I doubt you’ll study since you have your famous party coming up.”
As soon as I mentioned it, I wanted to take it back. Things were already shifting and changing between us with him giving me a compliment.
Now, he looked curious. “You know about my Professors’ Nightmares party?” A slow, naughty grin lifted his lips.
Dammit. Just don’t look so stupidly hot. For once.
“Yeah.”
He laughed. “How? You don’t go to parties. Not mine.”
I’d already admitted moments ago that I had no life. Hearing him say it was worse. “I know. But I’ve heard. Everyone knows about your parties.”
He rested his elbow on the table to stare at me, and he almost succeeded in making me nervous, but I busied myself with putting my things into my bag to leave.
“How come you never go to parties?” he asked.
I’d walked right into this one. I glanced at him just so he wouldn’t get the idea that he was intimidating me. “It’s not my scene.”
“Hmm.” A moment later, he asked, “Aren’t you at least a little bit curious about them?”
I shook my head.
“Not at all? You’re too good and innocent to even wonder about them?”
I pressed my lips shut tighter, not answering. Of course, I was curious about them. I didn’t want to have to admit that I’d never been invited. My cheeks turned pink again, and I hated that he’d be so merciless as to tease me like this.
He cracked up, shaking his head as I got ready to bolt. “Yeah, right.” Standing with me, he looked down at me and smirked as he chuckled, continuing to laugh me off. “That’s a good one. The idea that you would know how to have a good time is hilarious.”
I watched him walk away, hating that he could sound so right about that.
“Yeah,” I whispered to myself. “Hilarious.”
Now who’s the pathetic one?