24. Jason
24
JASON
T he following week, I accepted the medical philosophy paper from my instructor. She smiled at me and pushed her glasses back up her nose.
“I’m impressed,” she admitted.
Most students assumed she was blind as a bat and halfway out the door, but she was still sharp enough to remember all of her students. She’d been particularly invested in me, viewing me as an underdog.
I lowered my gaze to the grade and raised my brows. “So am I.”
“It looks like the academic recovery program knows how to turn around the trajectory of even the worst slackers.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome. You should thank those coordinators for arranging the help that got you a B again.” She tapped her wrinkly finger on the paper.
With this A, my grade shot way up. All my classes were slowly improving, but this old med philo professor was wrong.
I didn’t owe a single word of thanks to that academic recovery program.
“That’s the magic of having a good tutor,” she added before turning away to speak with another student.
I agreed with her on that point. My tutor was nothing short of fucking magic. Of dark magic, to match my need for hard fucks and still want more. Of sweet magic to make me lose sight of my anger in the few moments where she made me feel peace.
Those short spells of peace came when she was coming for me, or after I’d found my release in her.
That wasn’t it, though.
I left the class, looking forward to telling Laura about this good grade. She’d be proud, and that felt like a damned good reward to do my best. But it wasn’t like she was tutoring me. I was doing this work on my own, because every time I was with that raven-haired smartass, we were learning every inch of each other with hot, torrid fucks.
But it was still more than that. Every time I anticipated meeting her, my heart felt lighter, like I knew deep down in my bones that something good was coming my way. Then when she crossed my mind at random times throughout the day, my lips would tug up in a smile.
Each time I recalled an argument or how she explained the proper steps of something I’d gotten wrong, I wanted to sigh and just appreciate that she was giving me attention.
Her claims of my quitting had died out weeks ago.
There were no more instances of her dismissing me.
And it felt like fucking heaven—so long as I ignored how I was supposed to hurt her to get back at her dad.
Goddammit.
The second my brain went there, I felt like the weight of the world was on me all over again.
I couldn’t give up on this vendetta against Dean Chen and what he did to William. It wasn’t fair to my brother, and it wasn’t who I was. I was his brother, and he should count on me to look out for him and avenge any wrongs done to him.
If Chen had at least given that whole cheating thing a proper investigation, it all would’ve been different. But he hadn’t even listened to me when I asked. My parents didn’t give a damn, just taking that man’s word for it that William had to be expelled, according to his rule. They were quick to cut William off, no argument allowed.
If I were to lose my spot here on campus, they’d give me the same dismissive regard they gave him. Period.
The rest of my walk back to the frat house was full of anxious worries and guesses of what I could do.
Giving up what I was exploring with Laura was out of the question. Since we’d both fallen and taken the risk to get together, I couldn’t imagine not having her there to make me smile or tempt me to take out my anger on her in a way she enjoyed, in a way that had her coming so hard each time.
But giving up on my brother wouldn’t bode well either. I’d never forgive myself.
Back at the frat house, I found Dennis and Kevin in the kitchen, cracking up over the videos they’d taken at the Professors’ Nightmares party and were checking out the new stitches and comments on them.
They showed me one of the drinking game they’d dubbed in Laura’s “honor”. The one they’d called Second-Best. Before the reel ended, it shifted into one of those deep fake videos of her on a pool table with a bong.
I shoved the phone down, not in any fucking mood to see all those derogatory remarks. It wasn’t her, and I knew that, but that was beside the point. It had been made to attack her, and it twisted me up inside. Anger cut through me, and I bit my lip until I tasted blood just so I wouldn’t tell them to cut it out.
“Isn’t it hilarious?” Kevin asked, shaking his head like this was the best comedy he’d ever seen.
You fucking moron.
I wasn’t only stuck having to pick between my brother and my… tutor, but now I felt like I had to stand with either Laura or my friends.
Ignoring them the best I could, I got some things to bring to my room for a late dinner. All I could hope for was that they wouldn’t notice I didn’t join in on bullying her as much. It had become more entertaining to tease her privately and only keep up with minimal harassment on campus.
But what else could I do?
I couldn’t turn around suddenly and tell them to knock it off when I was the one who encouraged them to go after her in the first place.
They’d want to know why I was changing my mind about her. They’d get curious and dig for more answers. Admitting to them that I was secretly fucking her wouldn’t end well. Because confessing that big secret to anyone would ultimately lead to my explaining that I was starting to genuinely care about her.
A thin line stood to mark the difference between love and hate, and we’d blurred that border so much that it was impossible to sort out the opposites anymore.
More than that, my friends wouldn’t understand why I was willingly choosing to be with a member of the Chen family. They were all there when I faced the hell of William being expelled.
Leaving them to their comments and jokes felt cowardly. The mood lingered when I went up to my room to eat alone.
Just as I finished, my phone rang with an unidentified number. I answered, figuring it was a spam call, but even that distraction would pull me out of thinking about the knot of indecision between Laura and Willaim.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Hi, this is Faith. I’m a nurse at Jonas General.”
My heart sped up. The food I just ate turned to stone.
Jonas General was a hospital near the lousy area of town that William had been living in.
Fuck! I braced myself for bad news. That was the only reason a nurse from a hospital would call. I visited that place before, for a career day thing, but this wasn’t about that. This had to be something bad. I felt it in my bones. This tension that kicked in made my skin feel too tight and stretched, and my lungs couldn’t fill fast enough. It was the same way I had felt when I got word about William’s expulsion.
Once I confirmed that I was who she was looking for, she dropped the bomb.
“Your brother William is in the emergency room with a gunshot wound. He will be going under for surgery soon, and you are the only contact that he has listed.”
“I’ll be right there.” I didn’t have to know anything else, just that my brother would need me and he was hurt.
She gave me the instructions to where he would be and assured me that I should be able to see him before they operated, since there were multiple gunshot wound victims from what sounded like a massive fight downtown.
Without telling anyone where I was going, I burst out of my room and ran through the house until I reached my car. Speeding to the hospital, I tuned out all details—the speed I drove, the recklessness of my maneuvering, or anything that I passed.
Tunnel-vision led me to the busy hospital, and after I parked, I darted into the emergency room entrance. Turning my head, I scanned the area for someone who could help me.
People moaned and grimaced, so many of them in varying states of discomfort in the waiting room, but I sprinted past them all until I reached the check-in.
“Can you tell me where my brother is? William Reeves.” I swallowed hard with my mouth so dry from the panic. My heart beat so high and fast in my chest that I felt like it’d jump right out of my ribcage.
“Reeves?” A nurse turned, her brows raised. She glanced at an older person in scrubs, who nodded and beckoned for me to step aside with him.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck!
Every worst-case scenario filed through my mind. All the thoughts were dark and disturbing, so I held my breath as I followed the person off to the side.
“You’re his brother? Jason?” he asked, facing me with a sad expression.
“Yes. Where is he? Is he okay? Is he?—”
The man held up his hand to calm me down. “Easy. He’s alive.”
I let out a deep exhale of relief, feeling so bewildered to worry that had happened. As I let my shoulders sag, my head dizzy from the anxiety, I glanced at the nametag pronouncing him as a doctor.
“And he’s gone.”
I narrowed my eyes. “What?”
“He came in here with a few other men who’d been shot. He was also shot, but he swore he could manage without medical help.”
I gaped at the doctor. “He was shot , and you let him walk away?”
The man nodded, pursing his lips. “AMA. He left against medical advice, but I will say that his wounds were more superficial than the others’. Surgery would have assisted in his recovery, but he was adamant that he leave now.”
I set my hands on my head and breathed steadily. “How could he be so fucking stupid?”
“He wasn’t sober,” the doctor added. “We searched his emergency contacts, hoping someone could talk him into staying and getting help, but once they found you, his only contact, he was already trying to bolt.”
“I’m…” I shook my head, at a loss for what to say.
“He was intoxicated and high. Narcotics, too. His tox screen showed high amounts of it all.”
“And you still let him leave?” I was familiar with what AMA was. I knew those terms.
“He punched three nurses and aides to get out of here. With more serious cases needing our attention, we couldn’t hold him here.”
“Fuck.” I fisted my hair, as if I could pull it out from sheer frustration. “I need to find him.”
“I don’t think…” He sighed, pausing as if hesitant in offering his advice or opinion. “I don’t think he’s sticking around.”
“He’s got nowhere else to go. He’s just trying to stay alive until I can graduate and get through med school so I can give him money and help him.”
“Help him sober up and stay clean?” He raised his brows.
“He’s not that bad,” I protested. “He’s had a hard year and…” I cringed, hating how stupid this sounded.
“He showed many marks on his skin, Mr. Reeves. I didn’t have long to examine him, but he bore signs of long-term use.”
I covered my face with my hands, dragging them over it. “No. He just deals. He’s never been that hooked on using and…”
I sounded so stupid. So na?ve and trusting. Of course, it was fucking dumb to think he was telling the truth when he promised he only sold drugs and didn’t use them. “Where did he go? He walked out of here, right? Where did he go?”
The doctor frowned, setting his hands on his hips. “He was yelling that he was done, that he was getting on the bus and moving to somewhere bigger. He shouted that he’d be fine once he got to New York?—”
“Shit!” This wasn’t the first mention of his proclaiming that he’d fare better elsewhere. He’d threatened to get up and leave, not believing me when I said that he could always count on me. And he could. But my hands were tied. I couldn’t get my trust fund yet and the only money I got was via the money our parents paid the college to keep me there. He just had to wait, but he wasn’t anymore.
My heart cracked and fell at the thought of my brother assuming he didn’t have anyone in the world to be there for him.
I was.
I would be.
But he was gone.
I knew better than to cling to hope that he would still be around. He was probably already checked out, on a bus, bleeding and planning to avoid the pain by finding more drugs.
Hot, angry tears leaked from my eyes as I accepted this new, ugly level of defeat.
William had given up on my helping him.
I’d been focused on exacting revenge, hating Dean Chen while I stayed in college. Now, it only felt like too much time that I’d wasted.
All those nights I was drinking and partying instead of hurrying to graduate and help him.
“I was going to…” I blew out a deep breath, musing out loud to myself at this rate. “I was going to help him. I’d graduate and start in any hospital until I could start my residency and…”
“That’s good. An addict needs support.”
“But I took too long. He didn’t want to wait and let me give him money or?—”
“Give him money to use on drugs?” the doctor guessed.
I glared at him, wiping my eyes so the tears would blur away.
“You can try to be a hero and save him,” he cautioned, “but you can never change someone who doesn’t want to be saved.”
That was the starkest truth, one that I didn’t want to hear.
After asking a few more details, just on the very slim and small chance that he could show up around here and wasn’t on his way to New York already, I thanked the doctor and left.
On the drive back to campus, I hated that I hadn’t helped him. Or that I couldn’t. Wiliam made his choices and stuck with them. That was on him. My plan to graduate and get money to give him to live on probably would’ve gone to drugs, and that was a possibility I never wanted to linger on, hoping against hope that he was clean all along.
I parked at the frat house and stared at the darkness of the night. It shrouded me despite the lights from the house. It enveloped me, squeezing me with a desolation I couldn’t escape.
I was pathetic. Pathetic to let anger consume me for so long. Stupid to think that I could somehow fix William’s life. And blind to the fact that his choices would ultimately lead him to believe that he was truly on his own in the world and didn’t have me.
That he didn’t have anyone.
My phone buzzed, and I glanced down at it, jarred from this morose mood.
Seeing Laura’s name sparked me to snap out of this haze of self-loathing.
Laura: I know it’s not a tutoring night, but with your test coming up Monday, I can help you prepare for it if you don’t have plans.
I sighed.
I had her. In a twisted, confusing way, I had Laura in my life. And I needed her.
Jason: Come to my room to study.
Jason: Please?
I furrowed my brow, watching the screen.
I needed her. I was desperate for her presence to comfort me, to remind me that until I fucked it up with her, too, and she’d dismiss me again, I had her support.
Please.
Laura: Be there in ten.