Chapter 36
Io paused, letting the relief pour through her in a warm, dizzy rush before she turned back to Cal.
If the past week had shown her anything, it was that she wanted a future with him.
She wanted forever. But wanting it didn’t mean she could trust it.
She didn’t know if he felt the same way.
She didn’t know if he was more willing to compromise now than he had been in Germany.
Because she couldn’t be less than who she was to keep him. She couldn’t make herself small, not even for Cal. Not again.
He rose slowly, like a man approaching a skittish animal, as if one sudden move might send her bolting. He didn’t stop until he was standing right in front of her. “I love you, Io.”
Her breath caught. She swallowed hard. He waited, eyes steady, something raw and hopeful in his expression. “I love you, too. But we both know that love has never been our problem.”
Cal nodded, his jaw tightening for a moment. “I know. It was my attitude that was the problem. My unwillingness to meet you halfway. Fuck, my unwillingness to accept that your job is as important to you as mine is to me.”
Io stared at him, words tangling in her throat. She didn’t know what to say. Maybe because she wasn’t sure where he was going with this—or because part of her was terrified to hope he meant what she’d always needed him to mean.
A rueful expression crossed his face at her silence.
“My sister’s death—it messed me up, Io. It has for years.
I haven’t seen my parents, my brothers, since I was eighteen because I didn’t think I deserved to have a family.
And then I met you. I fell hard. You made me happy, and I didn’t deserve that either because Elena was dead.
I used your safety as the excuse, but this was always the real reason. ”
Io’s throat tightened, a sharp ache blooming behind her ribs. She battled tears, because she knew he wasn’t exaggerating. They’d had this conversation in the abbey, but hearing it now, here, when everything between them hung in the balance, hit differently. “Cal—”
“No, let me finish.” His voice was rough, scraped raw.
“It wasn’t only that I didn’t deserve you.
It was that I associated anything…adventurous, for lack of a better word, with recklessness.
And after Elena, recklessness meant dying.
” He drew in a deep breath, the sound loud and serrated in the quiet briefing room.
“Your job isn’t some ordinary nine-to-five.
The thought of losing you? I couldn’t go through it again, so I pushed you away. ”
“To keep your heart safe.”
Cal nodded, eyes dark with regret. “It was bullshit. There wasn’t a day since you left Germany that I didn’t regret telling you to go. Ending our marriage? It broke my heart, Io. It didn’t keep it safe.”
Io stared at him again, her pulse thudding in her ears.
Where was he going with this? Were they rehashing their relationship as a final goodbye?
Or was he reaching for something else, something she’d stopped letting herself hope for?
The moment felt fragile, so delicate she was afraid even breathing wrong would shatter it.
“I was sure I was right the day I walked into the safe house and your sister said you were missing and in danger. But I realized something else.” Cal’s voice was thick, weighted, his eyes locked on hers like he was afraid to lose her if he looked away.
“I realized that nothing was over between us. I barely slept until you were located because it would kill something inside me if anything happened to you. Even after you were rescued, I didn’t stand down until I saw for myself you were fine. Until I had you in my arms again.”
Her breath hitched. “I wasn’t kidnapped because I was reckless.”
“I know, Thing.” His hand lifted, fingers brushing down her jaw from cheek to chin—a touch so gentle it unraveled something tight inside her—before he let it fall again.
“I saw you in action while we worked together. You erred on the side of caution with every decision you made. There was nothing reckless in your actions.”
“And yet I had to battle you for control several times.” Io didn’t want to push back—God, she wanted to accept every word he was saying—but she wouldn’t survive Cal breaking her heart a second time. Not when she’d only just admitted to herself she wanted forever with him.
“Because fear made me blind to your skills. Blind to how carefully you navigated the situations we found ourselves in. Blind to how, when we were forced to ad-lib the plan, you made smart choices. Usually the option I would’ve chosen myself if I were in charge.
” Regret carved deep lines across his face.
“Since I was sixteen years old, fear for others has ruled my life. Fuck, it’s probably why I became a medic.
Control over life and death. Or at least the illusion of it. ”
Io’s chest went tight, breath catching. Tears pressed behind her eyes, but she refused to let them fall.
She was the tough twin. She did the hard stuff.
“What is this conversation about, Cal? I don’t know what you want, what you expect.
What I do know is that for my whole life, the only person who has loved me as I am is my sister.
I wouldn’t be less than myself to gain my parents’ love.
I’m not going to jump through hoops for you, either. If you want me to mold myself—”
“I don’t,” Cal said quickly, cutting her off before the words could gather momentum. “I’m trying to explain why I was such an ass. I love you, Io, exactly as you are.”
She wanted to believe him so badly she almost stepped into his arms without thinking, but she’d heard this before.
She’d lived the fallout. “Words are easy. You told me you loved me, you even married me, and then you tried to change the core of who I am to suit yourself. Why should I trust you now?”
Cal’s voice came out thick, scraped raw. “I know words don’t mean a lot, but when we were in the tunnels—in a life-or-death situation, when it was put-up-or-shut-up time—I trusted you completely.”
Io sucked in a sharp breath. He had. The memory hit her with startling clarity, the exact moment he’d stopped trying to wrestle control from her.
The fork where he’d felt a faint breeze and she’d insisted on following the hollows carved into the rock of the other passageway.
He could have picked her up and hauled her down the route he preferred.
She wouldn’t have been able to stop him, not with Russians on their heels and adrenaline burning through both of them.
But he hadn’t.
He’d followed her.
He’d trusted her judgment when it mattered most, not because he was out of options, but because he believed she’d choose the smart, safe path. Because he finally saw her the way she’d always needed him to.
He’d followed her because he trusted her not to make a reckless decision. Not to choose the opposite path out of stubbornness or pride. He trusted her to take the smart option, the safe option, the option that would get them both out alive.
He’d trusted her with his life.
“You trusted my judgment,” she said, her voice thick, the words scraping past the tightness in her throat.
“Like I should have trusted it from the start.” Cal’s gaze didn’t waver.
“I watched you in Germany, Thing. The way you double-checked the equipment before we went skiing. I watched you in California, how you checked the rock-climbing gear we used. I already knew you weren’t reckless, but I couldn’t see it.
Because of Elena.” He swallowed, the sound heavy in the quiet room.
“Is that compromise you offered me in Germany still available? If it is, I’d like to take you up on it. ”
Io’s eyes filled instantly, heat stinging behind her lashes. She blinked rapidly, trying to keep the tears from spilling. “You mean the offer where I said I’d only choose jobs in safe countries and stay out of places like Puerto Jardin?”
“That’s the one.”
Cal held his breath, and Io realized she was doing the same.
It felt like the whole world had narrowed to this one fragile moment.
Both their futures hung on her answer, on her ability to believe he’d changed, to trust what she’d seen in the tunnels.
He’d trusted her with his life. But more than that, he’d trusted her with her own life.
He’d trusted her judgment, her instincts, her strength.
“Yeah,” she said softly, “that compromise is back on the table. If you’re interested.”
“Oh, I’m interested.” His voice was rough, full of something fierce and certain. “I accept the compromise. I love you, Iona Desmond. I want you forever exactly as you are. Exactly as who you will be. We’ll change and grow together.”
When Cal opened his arms, Io didn’t hesitate. She stepped into him, wrapped her arms around the man she loved, and let the tears fall. In his embrace, she felt safe. She felt seen. She felt like maybe—finally—they could make it together.
A long time passed before he spoke again, his voice thick. “I know I have to deal with my sister’s death. I’ll look into therapy when the op is done and I’m back in the States. No matter how hard it is, you deserve someone who isn’t messed up, and I still am.”
Io hugged him tighter, emotion swelling in her chest. The fact that he recognized he needed help—that he was willing to face the grief he’d buried for so long—told her more clearly than anything how much he’d changed.
Instead of repressing the past, he was choosing to confront it.
It wouldn’t be easy; he’d carried the blame for Elena for years.
But he loved her enough to do the difficult work.
And that, more than anything he’d said tonight, made her believe in their forever.
Lifting her face, Io brushed her lips against his. “We’ll do the hard stuff together,” she whispered. “Remember? You married the tough twin.”
“Sometimes a man just gets fucking lucky, even if he doesn’t deserve it.
” Cal’s arms tightened around her, pulling her closer as if he could anchor himself with the feel of her.
“I love how strong you are, Thing. Don’t ever doubt that.
I love that you go toe-to-toe with me when something matters to you.
I just love you. Even when you make me crazy. ”
“Same, Sergeant. I love you even when you make me crazy.”
Cal’s grin softened, then faded into something more serious, more vulnerable. “We’re in agreement then? We’re in it forever?”
“Forever,” Io said, and the word felt like a vow all on its own.
He stepped back just enough to reach for the chain around her neck, tugging gently until her wedding rings slid free from beneath her T-shirt. His gaze lifted to hers, asking a silent question she answered with a nod. Only then did he unfasten the clasp.
He arranged the gold band and the diamond ring in his palm, reverent, almost careful in a way that made her chest ache. Taking her left hand, he slid the rings back onto her finger, his touch warm and sure.
“I promise I’ll never give you a reason to take these off again,” he said, voice low and steady. “I promise to love you exactly as you are. I promise to fight with you, to fight for you, to fight for us. And I promise to trust your strength even when I’m afraid for you.”
Her chest ached, but it was a sweet ache, the kind that came from loving someone down to the bone. “I promise to fight for you and to fight for us, too. I promise to call you out when you backslide and to stand with you when life gets hard. And I promise that I’ll ask you for help when I need it.”
“Forever, Io,” Cal said again, the words rough with emotion, as if he needed her to feel the depth of his commitment, not just hear it.
“Forever, Cal,” she echoed, her voice steady, sure.
The word settled between them, no longer a hope or a wish or a fragile possibility. It wasn’t just a promise.
It was a sacred vow, one they would build a life on.