Chapter 17 #3
“Saints know how I managed to get to my feet. Or how the Watchmen hadn’t noticed me, though given the state I was in I’m sure they would have thought me a lost cause regardless.
I reached the edge of the forest, only to find that the field too had been set ablaze.
And on the other side of those flames, I saw the king for the very first time.
Surrounded by his council, who were making their sanctimonious declarations to justify killing hundreds of people.
“The Watchmen had brought forth the Vedrans they’d managed to capture.
Among them...were my mother and sister. They cut them all down the moment the king turned his back on them, as if his dismissal was enough to warrant death.
I tried to go to them. But my body had become all but useless and I succumbed.
By the time I awoke, the flames had died along with what little life had been left behind. ”
He stepped toward her then, his gaze unwavering and full of what she recognized as unmistakable ire toward the man responsible for all of their—his—suffering.
“You wished to know why I became a Watchman. Now you know. You think me indifferent, but that is precisely why I have managed to survive for as long as I have, Anya. Not a day goes by where I do not burn, where I do not rage, all for the sake of being in service to a king and his council that I want nothing more than to kill with my bare hands. I will continue to do so, even at the cost of my life, until it is done.”
Anelize dropped her gaze, feeling the full weight of his words. Feeling the guilt of her own judgment of him slowly curling into the pit of her stomach, making her feel sick with herself.
“I’m sorry, Aeric.”
Two fingers curled under her chin, making her attention flick up to meet his eyes.
“I do not share my pain with you lightly. I may hide it well, but I have had years of practice. That is why you cannot let your emotions cloud your judgement. It is not easy. But when you’re surrounded by your enemies, it is a necessary sacrifice.
If you are to do this with us, I need you to understand that. Do you?”
“I understand being careful and the importance of not allowing myself to be ruled by my emotions. You’ve done this far longer than I have, and try as I do, I can’t focus on what’s in front of me when I know what’s waiting for me. Depending on me. How can I?”
“Ah, we’re talking about your sister then.”
The mention of Enid made her grit her teeth.
“Yes, my sister. Of course this is about my sister. I spent my whole life keeping her safe, only for her to be ripped away from me in all of a blink of an eye. Showing me just how truly powerless I’ve been all along.
And I am here, training of all things, while she is out there locked away or starving or being tortured. ”
The stables fell silent at her words. The only sounds she could hear were the horses retreating back into their stalls, as if sensing the turmoil emanating from within her.
Anelize ran a hand over her face. “I am trying to do what’s right, and yet the more I do, the more I realize I know nothing of what has truly been happening to my own people.
I allowed myself to become weak, as Adan said.
And I know it. My shame, my fears of what I am, have ruled over me for so long, I’m not sure I know how to stop.
If I can’t conjure or defend myself, how am I to protect anyone?
I’ve already lost one person in my life, and the thought of losing Enid—”
Her eyes stung, and she turned away from him, not wanting to reveal an ounce of vulnerability when she’d already gone and confessed her most kept secrets. He’d done that, and more, but doing the same proved difficult for her. Painful.
The sound of his footsteps closing the distance between them made her tense until he finally spoke.
A rasping understanding in his cadence. “I’m sorry.
For all that you’ve suffered. By my hand, and for my role in all of this.
If I could take any of it onto myself, believe me I would.
It is the only thing I can offer you. It is a coward’s apology, if nothing else.
Should you accept it, I swear I will do everything within my power to make things right—for you and Enid.
” His hand reached out, grazed her arm as his fingers slowly closed around it, gently pulling her back around to face him.
That touch alone searching for forgiveness.
So gentle, so fleeting, and yet it slowly unravelled something within her.
There was truth in his searching gaze when she finally looked up at him.
A vulnerability they both seemed to share now.
Where there had once been skepticism, a naturally justified form of reluctance to believe him, now there was also an inkling of much more.
There was no longer any doubt. Aeric Maren—as aloof as he may have been and all the infuriating ways of distracting her with his words—truly despised what he was.
Not a Vedran, but a Watchman serving the man responsible for taking all that he held dear.
Nodding, she stepped up to him, taking his hand. Murmuring so that only he could hear, “You’re forgiven.”
Then she slid her foot between his and tucked it behind his ankle, shoving her whole weight into her shoulder as she pressed it against his chest. He went down with a grunt, but not before taking her with him.
They landed on the ground hard enough to startle the horses as their hooves stomped about.
“What did you say about emotions clouding your judgment again?” she asked, their faces so close they shared one breath.
His chest rose and fell beneath her palm.
His thundering heart stirring her gift in a way she couldn’t recall feeling before.
She pushed herself up, getting onto her feet as she grinned at him.
Aeric’s eyes were bright as they took her in from where he laid on the ground, the black flecks in his irises appearing darker. “You’re right, it is hard to shut them off. Perhaps more than I realized.”
Before she could say anything, he twisted and kicked the back of her legs, making them buckle. She was on her back by the time she opened her eyes with a hiss, finding his hand at her throat where he remained kneeling on the ground beside her.
His voice was a rough rasp that sent a shudder through her. “Next time, you better get me on the ground without using cheap tricks. I’m sure you’re capable of it.”
“But I thought you liked them. You seem to have plenty up your sleeve. Why shouldn’t I?” she said breathlessly.
His lips parted into a smile. His next words never being given the opportunity to be voiced when the sound of a commotion in the common room snapped their attention away from each other. Laughter and boisterous voices muffled through the door.
Aeric sighed as he glanced down at her. “Shall we go see what sort of trouble is stirring now?”
He rose, offering her one of his hands. When she took it, his touch lingered before he turned toward the door.
The heat of his skin remaining with her as she followed him out of the stables.
The moment he opened it, lively music made its way toward them.
Henry and Idris sat at one of the long tables, tankards in hand and swaying as they sang off-tune, watching two other men playing their instruments.
The whistle of the flute and strumming of the lute welcoming them before Luca and the rest of the children ran past them.
Laughing as they narrowly avoided crashing into Zara as she held a tray with an assortment of goblets and steaming cups of what smelled like spiced wine.
When she spotted Anelize and Aeric, her smile warmed further when she passed Anelize one of the cups.
“I was hoping you two would be done by now. It’s time for supper.”
“And a show, apparently.” Adan said dryly from where he stood by the bar, watching Henry and Idris with an unimpressed look. Beside him, sitting on one of the stools with an opened book, was a beaming Castian as he watched the lively scene unfolding around him.
Aeric shook his head as he swiped the goblet from the prince’s hand, earning himself a frown from the young man. He took a long sniff before grinning wickedly at him, “Castian, I don’t remember you partaking in drink before. Don’t tell me you’ve been corrupted by Adan here?”
“If anyone is going to do any corrupting, it’s you.” Adan snorted. “If the boy wants to have a go at drinking himself under the table, let him. It adds character.”
“I was merely trying it.” Castian said, trying to take the goblet back only to be jostled when Aeric threw an arm around his shoulders. The prince looked to Anelize, “Unless you think I shouldn’t because of my tonics, Miss Yarrow.”
They all waited for her answer with varying looks of amusement.
Anelize looked down to the warm cup in her hand before shrugging, “I see no reason why not so long as it is done in moderation.”
Smiling, Castian urged Adan to pour him another drink, to which the Bane twin rolled his eyes but indulged his request by stepping around the bar.
“Playing favorites, Temperance?” Aeric teased as he pushed away from Castian.
Anelize quipped as she watched him walk past her, “Does that bother you, captain?”
“There is very little that bothers me. Didn’t you know that already?” He turned toward the table where the rest of the rebels and children had gathered to eat.
She watched him go as she joined the prince in surveying the room.
Castian murmured with a serene look upon his face, “It is rare to see moments such as these. I’m glad I’m here to bear witness to them. There was a time where I wasn’t sure I’d live long enough to see the sun rise.”
Anelize glanced at him, feeling compelled to place a hand over his shoulder. Unsure of what to say to him in this moment, or how to interpret the way his viridian eyes shined with emotion.
Eventually she said, “It is good that you are here.”
Castian glanced up at her, smiling.
“I wish to put an end to all of this suffering. I am grateful I am amongst friends who wish for the same thing. It gives me hope for the future we may all build together. Thank you, Anya.”
She frowned. “I’ve hardly done anything worthy of thanks.”
“Then how about, for being a friend.” Castian placed his hand over hers, warming her heart. It was no wonder why he was so liked by those around him. Prince Castian Amaranth was possibly one of the kindest, most sincere people she had ever met. Though he came as a close second to Enid.
Perhaps Aeric was right in what he’d said before. Perhaps they could share in each other’s pain in a way, and in return be understood for it. Accepted, even.
“Here.” Adan said as he set down a small glass with a cherry red liquid inside it.
Castian eyed the glass skeptically at the same time Anelize said flatly, “That is not wine.”
“Really? I hardly noticed a difference.”
“What is it?” The prince asked before they could start verbally sparring.
“Something that will cure you of any ailment, better than any measly tonic.” Adan grinned.
The prince looked to her unimpressed expression but shrugged as he plucked the glass and brought it up to his lips. “What’s the worst thing that can happen?”
The moment he took a single sip, hacking coughs soon followed, and then Castian’s face turned a beet red color as his eyes widened.
Adan muttered a curse as he quickly rounded the bar and began patting the prince’s back.
The sight was equal parts amusing and ridiculous.
So much so, that the sight made a soft laugh escape her.
Feeling the weight of someone’s attention on her, she glanced across the room where the rest of the rebels were gathered at a table.
To Aeric, where he stood leaning against one of the pillars, a goblet in hand.
There was something in his gaze that she couldn’t make sense of as he watched her. Her vision not as good as it had once been.
Aeric raised his cup, and she found herself doing the same before they both took a drink.
The spiced wine a pleasant burn down her throat as she watched him.
Feeling herself grow warm all over and refusing to give the reason a name.
Not wanting to allow herself to accept that what she saw in his eyes in that moment was something that could easily be mistaken for want.
The rest of the night was pleasant. Full of laughter and food, and song.
For once, an air of joy filled the tavern in a way that Anelize had never seen before.
It provided her an ounce of solace she hadn’t known she’d needed.
The children were ushered upstairs to bed by Castian and Zara once they began to fall asleep at the table, their eyes drooping with exhaustion.
Wanting to make herself useful, Anelize had started to clear the empty plates off the table, taking them into the kitchen to wash.
It was mindless work that she took pleasure in doing as she began to grow tired, beginning to unwind for the night.
She started to wonder if she’d be able to have a good night’s sleep for once without nightmares when she heard terse voices arguing.
Curious, they urged her to hurry out of the kitchen where the others were gathered around, all standing. The voices ranging from curt to angry. When they heard her approaching, everyone turned. Their faces grim as they looked at her, and only her.
Uneasiness swam in the pit of her stomach. “What’s happened?”
Henry and Zara kept their eyes on her as she spotted Gabriel standing among them. His head low. He must have only just arrived.
“Anelize, something’s happened,” Henry said.
Panic made her step forward. “Enid? Is she—”
“It’s not Enid. It’s about the shop,” Zara said.
“What of it?”
Adan huffed impatiently, though not at her for once. “Saint’s sake, stop prolonging it and just tell her.”
It was Gabriel who said, “There was an angry mob who came searching for the Vedran who escaped the Watchmen. They ransacked the shop and…they destroyed it in the process.”
“Destroyed it?” Anelize murmured, not fully comprehending what he meant, perhaps refusing to do so. Beside her, she noticed Aeric had shifted closer. “All right, I’m sure Magda will find a way to get the shop back and running, however it is that she’s doing it.”
“My love.” Zara stepped forward but stopped, as if she knew she needed to give her words the space to reach her. “There is no shop anymore. It’s gone.”