Chapter 15 #4
“Why don’t you see if Lia will take you with her down to Wellington this weekend?
She’s going down to pick up a desk, I think, and I’m sure she’d love the company.
She’d drive you both down, then after that you could fly to Queenstown, explore a bit down there.
It’s very pretty, and there are lots of other tourists, so you can take charter tours instead of driving.
Or, do you like Lord of the Rings? You could do one of those tours where they go to all the places they filmed the movies. ”
“The movie where dudes in earth tones wander through a forest for six hundred hours?” Adorable wrinkles appeared on the side of her nose. “Hard pass.”
After racking my brain, I made a new suggestion. “Wellington has a big international design competition and stage show thing. People make outfits out of weird stuff and then parade around. It’s called World of Wearable Art, or WOW. I’m not explaining it well?—”
“You’re not explaining it well,” she said at the exact same time. “I need to look this up.” Still sitting on my lap, she pulled her phone out of her pocket. When she saw the search results, her jaw dropped.
She looked back at me with reproach. “Why didn’t you tell me about this the second I arrived? This is so me.”
“It’s so Cilla too. She’s going down to see the matinee this Sunday, I think. You could try to get a standby ticket and meet her down there? Even if there’s no nosebleed tickets left, there’s usually a free exhibition of the past winners’ designs on at the same time.”
I knew all this because when Cilla broke her arm last year, I’d driven her down there so she didn’t miss her show, and she’d yapped about it the whole time.
Lyssa’s thumbs were already flying over her phone.
“Done! I got us three VIP tickets. Surely Cilla will like these seats better than whatever ones she has, and maybe Lia will want to come too.”
It took a second for me to process this. Those seats were fucking expensive. I knew Lyssa had money, or her mother did, but apparently, she had money , money. Enough to drop a couple grand on some tickets without knowing for sure if the people she was buying them for could even come.
“I should get going.”
Awkwardly, she clambered off me. I got to my feet and took our ice cream plates into the kitchen.
“Where are you going?” Lyssa trailed after me, her bare feet making little slapping noises on the floor. “I thought we could spend the afternoon together.”
“I’ve got to work.”
“You said?—”
“There’s always work to be done. Always another job.”
“I want to work on the house for Mini M with you. I think you should put me in charge of painting it. You’re very clearly color-blind.”
“I’m not,” I said, offended. “I have 20-20 vision. All the better to see me with, baby.”
Her top lip pinched up on one side. “If you’re not color-blind, then you have zero excuse for that color combination.
Or this wallpaper. The whole house, actually.
” Her voice became wheedling. “Come on, Mike, I want to paint Mini M’s palace for you.
You’re bad at this stuff and I’m good at it. Let me help.”
I shook my head. “I don’t need help. You focus on getting ready for your girls’ trip. Call Cilla now. And Lia. Tell them they have to drive because you’re not driving.”
She rolled her eyes and made a bleugh sound.
I abandoned the plates in the sink and turned, jabbing a finger at her before I realized I was doing it.
“I mean it, Lyssa. Don’t fuck with me on this.
I know you think I’m being overbearing, but it’s important.
Especially down in Queenstown, those roads are a death trap for tourists. And anyone they might hit.”
Her hands flew up, palms out. “I know! I’m sorry.
I rolled my eyes because it’s frustrating that you think I would still insist on driving after you’ve made your feelings so clear.
I heard you when you said it was important, okay, Mike?
And I know why. I know ,” she repeated, her eyes widening meaningfully.
“Do you really think I would disregard that?”
“You know?” I felt like the floor had been tugged out from under me.
“Yes. And I’m not going to drive here if I don’t have to.
You don’t have to keep saying it like I don’t understand, or I’m not listening.
I do. And I am. You think I can’t see that this upsets you?
Even if I didn’t know why you were saying this, Mike, I would listen. I don’t like when you’re upset.”
My tongue got thick. This blindsided me in a way that was hard to explain. I liked to think I kept all the deep, sore feelings locked under an easy smile. For her to see through the cracks and then reach her long nails into a crevice and pry me open … I was scrambling.
When I still couldn’t find the words to reply, Lyssa slipped between me and the sink and put her hand on my chest. “I know I can be self-absorbed,” she whispered. “But not on stuff like this, Mike. Trust me. I’ve heard you.”
All I could do was reach up and pat the hand she had on my chest, and nod.
Lyssa stretched up on her toes and kissed my cheek.
“You’re right that I should get out of Woodville and explore.
I get why you don’t want to fool around with me anymore.
You’re right, I know you are. I’m going soon.
And you have plans and think that I would jeopardize them.
We can’t be more than this. It’s for the best.”
“Sucks, though,” I admitted in a low voice, my hand still over hers.
Saying this was as close as I could get to saying what I wanted to. It simultaneously felt like admitting way too much and nowhere near enough.
We couldn’t be more than this. We weren’t a pair of shoes and it would never work between us. I’d known that for a long time. Far before the idea had even occurred to her.
It felt violently awful to have to make her see this my way, but I was an expert at gritting my teeth and doing what I had to do for the sake of the people around me.
“Sucks,” she agreed.
It would have to do.