Chapter 9 Ryder
Ryder
My ass hurt. And not from getting fucked like I’d planned.
And honestly, I wasn’t sure if I was pissed at Connor or impressed.
From day one that guy had me pegged. And now, without hardly lifting a finger, he’d put me in my place.
Again. I felt the sting of wounded pride.
But a part of me was really enjoying it.
And by a part of me, I definitely meant my cock.
I scrambled to my feet, refusing to take the hand the stranger offered me. My pride stung worse than my tailbone, and heat crawled up my neck as I felt everyone’s eyes on me. Getting dumped on my ass wasn’t part of tonight’s plan. But neither was being rock hard because he called me a good boy.
“You okay?” the guy asked, his name already forgotten in the wake of Connor’s rejection.
“Fine,” I muttered, brushing dirt from my jeans. I forced a laugh, trying to play it cool. “Guy doesn’t know how to have fun.”
But the damage was done. Everyone had seen Connor dismiss me like I was nothing. He literally just dropped me to the ground and walked away without a second glance. I’d never been so humiliated. Or so turned on.
I watched Connor’s broad shoulders disappear into the darkness along the creek, and something in me couldn’t let it end like this.
I’d never chased anyone in my life. They always chased me.
But Connor Martin was different. He saw through my bullshit, called me on it, and instead of making me want to run, it made me want to follow.
“I need to go talk to him,” I said, already moving in Connor’s direction.
“Dude, take the hint,” the stranger said, grabbing my arm. “He’s not interested.”
I yanked my arm free. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
I pushed past him, ignoring the whispers that followed me. Let them talk. I didn’t care what any of these people thought of me. All I cared about was catching up to Connor and... and what? I wasn’t even sure. I just knew I couldn’t let him walk away from me again.
The music faded behind me as I followed the path along the creek. The moon was nearly full, casting enough light to see by once my eyes adjusted to the darkness. The air was cool against my flushed skin, and I realized I was breathing hard, my heart racing with something that felt like fear.
I’d never felt this way before. Never wanted someone who didn’t immediately want me back. Never been so completely dismissed. It was maddening and exhilarating all at once. I felt like a goddamn basket case.
I spotted him ahead, a dark silhouette against the silver ribbon of the creek. He’d stopped at a bend where the water pooled deeper, sitting on a large rock that jutted out over the surface. His profile was sharp in the moonlight, jaw clenched tight as he stared out at the water.
I approached slowly, making enough noise that he’d hear me coming. The last thing I wanted was to startle him.
“Go away, Ryder,” he said without turning around.
I stopped a few feet away from him. “No.”
That got his attention. He turned his head slightly, just enough to see me from the corner of his eye. “What do you want from me?”
The question hit harder than I expected. What did I want from him? Sex, obviously. But it was more than that. Something about him drew me in. I wanted… to know more, to figure out what made him tick and why it spoke to something so deep within me.
“I just want to talk,” I said simply.
“Don’t lie to me,” he growled, turning away from me once more. “I’m too old for lies and games and bullshit.”
I took a deep breath. Maybe it was time to try a different approach. “Fine,” I said. “Do you really want the truth?”
He just shrugged. “I doubt you can manage it, but sure.”
“The truth is,” I began, my fingers trembling. “The truth is that I want you to fuck me. I want you to bend me over that rock, use my body, and leave me in a heap. I want you to choke me, spank me, and bruise me until I’m a puddle on the ground covered in cum.”
Connor’s eyes flashed in the moonlight, dark and dangerous. I watched his shoulders tighten, his hands curl into fists on his thighs. For a moment, I thought he might push me into the creek.
“You think that’s what I want to hear?” His voice was low, controlled. “That you want me to use you like a cheap fuck?”
I swallowed hard, stepping closer. “I think it’s what we both want.”
He stood suddenly, towering over me, and I had to fight the urge to step back. Up close, I could see the tension in his jaw, the way his chest rose and fell with each carefully measured breath.
“You don’t know the first thing about what I want,” he said.
“Then tell me.” I was surprised by how steady my voice sounded when my heart was hammering against my ribs.
Connor studied me for a long moment, his eyes searching mine. Whatever he was looking for, I hoped he found it. I’d never felt so exposed, so vulnerable. My usual tricks and games felt meaningless under his scrutiny.
“No games,” he finally said. “That’s what I want.”
“I’m not playing any—”
“Yes, you are.” He cut me off, his voice hardening. “You’re playing the same game you always play. Teasing, flirting, acting like you’re offering something when really, you’re just getting off on the chase.”
His words hit like a slap. I opened my mouth to argue but found I had nothing to say. He wasn’t wrong.
“I’m not interested in being your forbidden thrill, Ryder.” He took a step closer, and I felt the heat radiating from his body. “I’m not going to chase you. I’m not going to beg. And I’m sure as hell not going to risk going back to prison just so you can get your rocks off.”
I licked my lips, my mouth suddenly dry. “What if I begged you?”
Something shifted in his expression—surprise, maybe, or interest. I’d never begged for anything in my life. The very thought should have been humiliating, but standing there in the moonlight with Connor looking at me like that, it felt like the most natural thing in the world.
“What if I stopped playing games?” I continued, my voice dropping lower. “What if I told you exactly what I wanted, no teasing, no bullshit?”
“And what is it you want?” he asked, his voice a rough whisper.
I stepped closer, close enough that I had to tilt my head back to look into his eyes. “You. I don’t know why either. I… I can’t explain it.”
For a heartbeat, I thought he might kiss me. His gaze dropped to my lips, and I felt myself swaying toward him, drawn by some invisible force I couldn’t resist. But then he stepped back, putting distance between us.
“You don’t even know me,” he said, shaking his head. “You’re attracted to the idea of me—to the idea of something forbidden. But the only thing you’re doing is acting up, rebelling against your old man when he can’t see it.” He gave me a once over. “It’s pathetic.”
“Pathetic?” I scoffed, anger rising in my throat. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
He stared at me, his expression unchanging.
“Do you have any idea what it’s like to grow up with a father that calls people like me a fag every day?
Or that fact that he can’t look me in the eye because I look too much like my dead mom?
” I felt the tears coming to my eyes, hot and furious.
Why was I telling him all of this? Where was it coming from?
“Or the fact that I know he blames me for her death? I killed her just by being born…”
There was a long pause, nothing but crickets filling the night air as I stared at the ground. My chest was heaving, my heart was racing, and the tears wouldn’t stop. I was so pissed at Connor, pissed at myself for letting all that slip out of me.
But then I felt a strong hand grab my chin softly, lifting my gaze back up where Connor stood bathed in moonlight.
“Finally. Some truth,” he said, a softness in his voice I hadn’t heard before.
“And for the record, no. I wouldn’t know what it’s like to live your life.
But I’m not sure filling the hole in your heart with random dick is going to help you.
” He paused, turning my head side to side and really taking me in for the first time.
“You like these games because they make you feel like you’re in control. ”
I scoffed. “It’s the only time I get to be in control.”
“Another truth,” Connor nodded. “Good boy.”
Those words cut through my emotions and filled my body with a pleasant tingle.
How the fuck did he do that? I swallowed hard, my throat tight with something between desire and shame.
The way he said “good boy” made my knees weak, and I hated myself for it.
I hated how much power those two simple words had over me when spoken in his deep voice.
“I’m not trying to be good,” I muttered, but the protest sounded weak even to my own ears.
Connor’s hand stayed on my chin, keeping me looking at him. His eyes were dark pools in the moonlight, impossible to read but impossible to look away from.
“That’s the problem,” he said quietly. “You’re so busy trying to be bad that you can’t see what you really want.”
“And what’s that?” I challenged, though my voice trembled slightly.
His thumb brushed across my lower lip, so gently it might have been an accident. “To submit.”
The word hit me like a physical blow. I’d never thought of it that way before, never put a name to the hunger that drove me to seek out the roughest men, to push them until they pushed back harder. But hearing Connor say it out loud made something click into place inside me.
“I don’t—” I started to argue, but he pressed his thumb against my lips, silencing me.
“Don’t lie. Not now.” His voice was firm but not cruel. “You want someone to take control away from you. You want to stop thinking, stop planning, stop performing. You want someone to see through all your bullshit and give you what you need, not what you think you want.”
I felt exposed, like he’d peeled back my skin and looked directly at parts of myself I’d never even acknowledged. How could he see me so clearly when we barely knew each other?
“And what if you’re right?” I whispered against his thumb. “What then?”
Connor’s hand slid from my face to the back of my neck, his grip firm but not painful. “I am right.” He waited a moment for me to challenge him, but I didn’t. “And nothing happens,” he added simply.
“What?” I was genuinely confused. “After I just told you all that I get nothing?”
“First thing,” Connor growled, tightening his grip on my neck. “You won’t speak to me like that. Understood?”
I just glared at him.
“A ‘yes, sir’, will suffice.”
I rolled my eyes. “Yes, sir.”
“Better,” he nodded. “And secondly, I don’t owe you a goddamn thing. You don’t know me, I don’t know you. And I’m not a free man yet. Getting involved with you could ruin my life.”
“I won’t tell anyone,” I blurted out, still desperate despite my irritation. “Especially not Dad.”
Connor’s face hardened. “And what happens when your daddy finds out, anyway? What happens when he catches us? You think he’ll just fire me? No. He’ll call my parole officer, make up some shit about me forcing myself on you, and I’ll be back in prison before sunrise.”
“He wouldn’t—”
“He would.” Connor’s voice left no room for argument. “Men like your father don’t see people like me as human. We’re just labor to him. Disposable. And you’re playing with my life like it’s a game.”
I felt the weight of his words sink into me. He was right. Dad would absolutely send him back without a second thought. I’d never considered the full consequences of my actions, had never needed to. The privilege of being Pete McGrath’s son.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, the words unfamiliar on my tongue. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d genuinely apologized to anyone.
Connor’s expression softened slightly, though his hand remained firm on my neck. “I believe you. But sorry isn’t enough.”
“Then what do you want from me?” I asked, my voice small.
“I want you to prove it.” He studied my face carefully. “You want to submit? Fine. Submit to this.” He paused for a long moment. “Leave me alone. Completely. No flirting, no teasing, no ‘accidental’ encounters in the barn. Nothing.”
My heart sank. “For how long?”
“A month.”
“A month?!” I repeated, dismayed. “But—”
“That’s the deal,” he cut me off. “One month of you behaving yourself. Proving you can follow rules. Proving this isn’t just some game to you. Proving that I can trust you.”
“And after that?” I couldn’t keep the hope from my voice.
Connor’s eyes darkened. “After that, if you’ve been good, we talk again. No promises beyond that.”
It was more than I’d expected but less than I wanted. Still, it was something. A chance. More than he’d offered before.
“Okay,” I nodded, swallowing hard. “I can do that.”
His grip on my neck tightened briefly, then relaxed. “We’ll see.”
He was about to step away when I caught his wrist. “Wait.”
Connor raised an eyebrow, his body tensing.
“Can I...” I hesitated, my courage faltering. “Can I have one kiss? Just one. To hold me over.”
He studied me for what felt like an eternity, his expression unreadable in the moonlight. Then he stepped closer, his free hand coming up to cup my face. My breath caught as he leaned down, his lips hovering just inches from mine.
“No,” he whispered, his breath warm against my mouth. “That’s not how this works. You don’t get rewards for promises. Only for actions.”
The rejection stung, but underneath it was something else… a thrill I’d never felt before. This was a promise of something more. Something deeper than the quick, meaningless hookups I’d been living off of.
“One month,” I repeated, stepping back and forcing myself to drop my hand from his wrist. “No games.”
“No games,” he confirmed, his eyes still fixed on mine. “Go back to the party, Ryder. And stay away from that guy you were with. I don’t trust him.”
I couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at my lips. “Jealous?”
Connor’s expression didn’t change, but something in his eyes flashed. “Concerned. He had his hands all over you in front of everyone. Word gets back to your father, and we all pay the price.”
My smile faded. He was right, again. I’d been reckless, too caught up in trying to make Connor jealous to think about the consequences. “I’ll go straight back to the ranch,” I promised.
He nodded once, then turned away from me, staring back out at the creek. I stood there for a moment longer, memorizing the shape of him in the moonlight, storing it away to get me through the next month.
“Goodnight, Connor,” I said softly.
He didn’t reply, but I hadn’t expected him to. I turned and walked back toward the bonfire, my mind reeling from our conversation. I’d never been told no before, not like that. And I’d never wanted someone more because of it.