Chapter 17
Elodie
“Rowan, stop. Where are you going?” I call, rushing to keep up with him. He stormed straight out of the hall as soon as he learned the news.
There is no way back.
Rowan’s words play on repeat, as my mind reels through all the reasons Kael would do this.
“Rowan, slow down. What is going on?” I ask again, reaching after him, knowing it’s useless.
My eyes dart around in a panic before I see the gate.
The once-empty arch of stone, which I have tried and failed to use as a return route.
It now sits with a slow, pulsing distortion of light in the centre.
I can feel the warmth of its pull from afar.
The glow isn’t centred in the arch.
It’s angled like a projection.
I follow the line across the courtyard.
The statue.
It stands several paces from the gate, where it’s always stood.
I’ve passed it countless times, always assuming it was just another relic.
Tall, elegant wings carved from pale stone fanned wide behind a robed figure with its arms extended forward, hands gently cupped as if offering something.
And now, I see exactly what the statue is ‘offering’.
Suspended midair between its palms is a butterfly.
The butterfly’s wings spread wide as if caught mid-beat, yet its legs move wildly.
Thin threads of golden light arc from the wings.
The statue’s wings are not ornamental at all.
They are etched with symbols, hundreds of them, too shallow to notice before in ordinary daylight.
But now, they are ablaze, glowing a golden yellow.
So Rowan wasn’t lying when he told me it didn’t work by simply ‘touching’ the stone.
It’s just like the illustrations in that book I saw.
But this definitely isn’t how I remembered it happening for me.
I’m locked in a trance when Rowan’s voice booms through the training yard.
“Everyone inside. NOW!” he shouts, and there isn’t a single person who dares disobey.
He storms over to the statue, reaching his hand in and removing the butterfly.
It beats its wings, unharmed, and disappears into the night, its wings reflecting under the moon.
No blue in them, a bright red with fiery orange.
The beam of light disappears instantly, and the low hum of energy ceases with it, creating a deafening silence. He turns to me, his voice low.
“I said everyone.”
“No,”
His face contorts as if it’s a word he is not used to hearing.
“What?” he says, moving closer.
“I said, no.” I fasten my hands to my sides, clenching my fists and willing myself not to break.
“I am not one of your knights,” my voice shakes.
He doesn’t respond, only stares at me with a piercing gaze.
“I’m the one trying to help you save this kingdom from collapse.
” He moves close to my face, invading every sense.
I catch my breath, unsure of what he’s going to say before his face turns cold.
“You haven’t saved shit, Hawthorne,” he seethes, the words sharp enough to draw blood.
For a moment, I can’t breathe. The pure bitterness of his words hitting me like a train in the night.
My heart beats loudly in my chest, anger and hurt mixed into one.
All I can hear is the way my name sounds in his mouth when used like that.
There is nothing left to say.
His chest rises and falls twice, his breathing heavy. I feel the start of tears forming in my eyes, the look of pure hate and anger on his face. He mirrors my expression, a silent vow of pain between us.
“Get inside,” he says again, but his voice cracks. No longer carrying that same steeled edge. “Elodie, please.” I clamp my mouth shut, giving him nothing back before turning and walking away.
I don’t know where I’m going, but I don’t care.
I just need to be somewhere the air isn’t so thin.
Where I don’t feel like I’m being strangled.
Losing a battle I didn’t even mean to be in.
The gardens thin into gravel paths until the castle looms behind me like a dark shadow.
Were it not for the commotion of Kael’s sudden abandonment, which has obviously caused some chaos amongst the steel guards, I don’t think I’d have gotten this far any other night.
The stables appear ahead, their lanterns still on.
The horses shift softly in their stalls.
I pause in the doorway, heart pounding, half expecting someone to shout my name.
But no one does. Driven more by need than thought, my fingers clumsily reach for the nearest halter.
I close my eyes, willing myself to just find some courage and escape.
I step into the saddle and swing my leg over fast, trying to gain some momentum before I realise I’ve done it.
Landing rather ungracefully onto the horse’s back, I sigh in relief.
I did it. I steady the horse, stroking my hand on the side of its neck before grabbing the reins and nudging the horse forward like I saw Kael do.
Kael
His bright smile fills my mind, the sound of his carefree laugh, and the way he would tip his head back when he found something hilarious.
Why did he go? Is he escaping before the kingdom finally takes its last breath?
But why would he leave Rowan, his family?
The moment we move, something in my chest loosens, and I give into whatever it is driving me forward.
I don’t look back, simply letting the horse take me down the windy gravel path.
We move through the forest, and at first I consider turning around.
This is reckless and stupid.
But I just don’t care anymore.
I relax my shoulders, letting myself sink into the saddle with ease. Rowan’s words felt like a punch to my stomach, maybe because he’s right.
I have saved nothing.
I’m failing miserably.
But I actually believed he had faith in me. That maybe I had it in me to figure it out.
How stupid is that? As if the High Warden could ever trust some random girl.
The village lights appear ahead, a warm glow against the dark night.
I find the spot where we left the horses before we went into the clothes shop.
Swinging my leg over and landing almost on my feet, I steady myself.
Taking in my surroundings, I find it’s quiet.
Really quiet. I walk into the village along the water’s edge.
The Stone Cup appears in front of me, its lights aglow with the faint sound of murmurs.
“Elodie?”
I spin on my heel to find Bryn moving towards me. Her face red and puffy.
“Bryn,” I say, unsure how she will react to seeing me here alone. She takes a long look at me, her face confused, and that’s when I realise I’m still in my silk dress.
“Did you come here alone?” she asks me.
“I had to get away… I just…I needed…” I mumble, but she cuts me off, placing a hand on my shoulder.
“You don’t need to explain, here.” She gives me her jacket and places it over my shoulder. “Where were you planning to go?”
“I don’t know. Anywhere really.” I admit.
“Well, would you like to stay at our cottage? You won’t find anywhere with rooms in town. Most places are closed for good.”
“That would be really nice, thank you. If you’re sure it’s not a burden.” She shakes her head at me, not responding. I catch her face again in the light. She looks as though she’s been crying too. Does she know about Kael?
“Come on, I’ll take you home,” she says, offering me a brief smile, walking me back to the horse that sits patiently in the shadows. This family doesn’t deserve the sadness that is about to rip through them.
Can I do that to them?
Tell them Kael has left?
How do I even explain it?
“Thank you for letting me stay here tonight, Mara.” I offer, taking the warm cup from her hands. Bryn headed back into town not long after dropping me here with Mara. She caught me wandering the streets alone in the middle of her shift at The Stone Cup in town.
“I must warn you, you may get into trouble for this. The King won’t be happy I’ve left.” I wince at the way I say that line as if it’s become the norm for me now.
“Fuck him,” she says, and I all but choke on the warm liquid soothing my throat. I sputter, placing my hands on my chest to compose myself.
“I’m sorry… I just, well, didn’t expect you to say that.” She places a blanket over my lap before taking a seat in the chair beside me.
“Well, it’s not something I would normally say, but needs must sometimes.” I smile at her, feeling a sliver of guilt at the knowledge of Kael’s disappearance.
“Mara… there’s something I need to tell you—”
“Kael’s gone. I know,” she says, her voice cracking as she stares down at the floor in front of her.
“You know?”
“He came to see us both this morning. Warned of something he needed to do, said not to worry about him, that he could fix it all.” She shakes her head, tears forming in her eyes.
“I’m so sorry, Mara, truly. Kael, he was… He was one of the few reasons I have smiled since arriving here.” I offer, placing my hand over hers.
I can’t understand why he would leave.
He loves his family.
Did he find a way to come back?
“My son,” she says, her lip wobbling and pure pain lining her face.
“He shouldn’t be the one trying to save this kingdom.
We tried to stop him, did everything we could to make him change his mind.
” She shakes her head, her head falling into her hands.
“He wouldn’t tell us where he was going or why.
Just that he knew something in his gut and he had to go. ”
“Is there really no way to come back?”
“No. Not without a Mourningwing. I can’t understand why he would risk it.”
“Mara, I can fix this. I can get this kingdom's key back. I will get your son back.” I don’t know if I fully believe my own words yet, but there is no choice but to try.
The words hang in the air between us, false promises that we both cling to for hope.
We both stare out into the empty room, neither of us wanting to fill it with noise.
“What happened tonight? I can tell you’ve been crying, and by the look of your beautiful dress. The annual Mourning was tonight?” She asks me carefully.
“It was Kael, actually, who picked the dress out.” My cheeks flush as I cover myself more with the blanket.
“After a guard stormed in to tell us about Kael. I followed Rowan to the gate. He was furious. I’ve never seen him so mad, and I didn’t want to leave him.
I wanted to help. I didn’t know how, but I just wanted to be there somehow.
We got into a brief argument and something he said…
well, it caught me off guard. So I just left.
” I pick at my nails, not wanting to face Mara.
Rowan is as good as a son to her. I’m not sure how she will react.
“Rowan has always been… fiercely protective of those he loves,” she says carefully.
“He carries every failure as if it were deliberate. If something breaks, he believes he should have prevented it. If someone fails, he believes it should have been him to stop them.” She doesn’t smile, only shakes her head.
“It doesn’t make whatever he said right.
He knows better than to speak down to a woman.
Whatever it was, clearly upset you. But deep down, he can’t have meant it,” she says, turning to me now.
“I have never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you, Elodie.” My cheeks are warm.
“He is… softer with you. He listens instead of barking orders. I have known him most of my life, and he doesn’t do that for many people.
Make of that what you will,” she says, offering me a warm smile.
I feel myself slowly sinking into the warmth of the blanket when a knock thuds at the front door.
Not polite, not patient. We both look at each other, panic rising in my chest. Mara gets up to leave, turning to me,
“Stay here,” she says, almost protective.
“Where is she?” I hear Rowan’s voice rattle through the walls like a storm given shape. I stand on instinct, moving away from the door and back away from the room. He appears at the door, his cloak gone, hair loose and eyes wild and searching. They land on me immediately, his chest heaving.
“Elodie,” he breathes, stepping toward me. I step back, mirroring his movement. Mara pushes in front of him, planting herself between us.
“You do not get to storm in here like that. Not tonight,” she says, her voice firm. Rowan keeps his eyes locked on me, his eyes wild. His jaw clenches as he tries to move past Mara, who now has her arms up to block him.
“She shouldn’t be here,” he says hoarsely. “It isn’t safe.”
I let out a humourless laugh.
“That’s rich,” I say to him, meeting his gaze with my own. He gives me a pleading look.
“Elodie, I—”
“No!” I snap. “You do not get to say my name like that. Not after tonight.” Silence crashes down. Mara looks between us.
“She is not the reason for your loss, Rowan. You do not get to blame this girl,” Mara says. Rowan gives a pained expression, dragging a hand through his hair, pacing like a caged animal.
“Kael is gone. I failed again. I was distracted and…” he stops short, facing me again. He runs a hand over his face, rubbing his cheek and shaking his head. “I snapped. I shouldn’t have said what I said.”
“No, you shouldn’t have,” I reply, I tighten my arms around myself. He licks his lips, looking between me and Mara.
“I’m here to bring you back,” Rowan says finally.
“I’m not going, not yet,” I say firmly.
“Elodie, I—”
“She can stay here. You both can,” Mara says. “If you have a problem with that, you take it up with me,” he looks between me and Mara, unsure of his footing.
“We need to talk, Elodie,” he pleads.
“Tomorrow.” I say back, lifting my head and pushing my chin out.
He presses his tongue briefly against the inside of his cheek, restraint etched into every line of him.
He takes a steadying breath before turning and walking out the front door with a loud slam.
I collapse into the chair as soon as I hear the door shut, my hands gripping the chair on either side. I look to Mara.
“Thank you. You didn’t need to stand up for me,” I offer sincerely.
“No,” she says firmly. “But I get the feeling that someone needs to. You two will work it out. You just need space.”