3. Leo
LEO
Leo drove the last fifty miles from the private airport by himself, leaving his pilot waiting with the plane. He wouldn’t be long. Leo had rented a car for the occasion — a sporty red number that Kyle would probably have made fun of — but not a driver. He wanted to do this himself.
With the windows down and the brothers’ favorite classic rock station on the radio, Leo felt himself relax a little.
He watched the scrubby vegetation and red hills roll by outside, the open plains a dramatic contrast from the skyscrapers he was used to in New York.
It was easy to imagine Kyle sitting in the passenger seat, singing along and calling out ideas for how to improve Palasa.
Kyle had always been full of ideas and always had work on his mind, no matter what else he was doing.
Leo reached the canyon in the early afternoon, after bouncing over the last few miles of dirt roads to reach it.
He parked — he was the only one there — and got out of the car.
The air was warm, but not unpleasantly hot for late September.
The sky overhead was as achingly blue, just as Leo remembered, with not a cloud in sight.
Leo followed a narrow, winding trail across the open space to the edge of the canyon.
A red-tailed hawk wheeled overhead, letting out a mournful call, as Leo approached the edge.
As before, the view took his breath away.
Bands of sandy tan and red intertwined on the edge of the cliff, which undulated like ocean waves below.
At the bottom, a river wound between the narrow walls with a faint rushing sound.
Leo didn’t know its name. He didn’t even know the name of the canyon. Somehow, that felt fitting.
“Okay,” he said aloud. He pulled his backpack to his front and lifted out the silver urn. It was light. He undid the lid and made to pour the ashes into the canyon — then froze.
At Kyle’s funeral, Leo had given a speech.
He’d talked about his brother’s drive and enthusiasm and how his older brother had always supported him.
But the words had felt hollow, even though they’d been true, because they’d only skimmed the surface of the brothers’ relationship.
There had been so much more to “Kyle and Leo,” as they’d always been called.
So much that Leo hadn’t wanted to say in front of an audience of extended family and Palasa employees.
Leo felt he should say something now, to mark this last road trip.
“Kyle,” he said, “I know you’re gone, but…
I think you’d like this. Here I am, at our favorite spot in Nevada.
Remember how excited we were to come here?
” He smiled. “You insisted that we have a picnic, but neither of us knew what to bring. I thought we should get sandwiches from the grocery store, but we ended up with melty ice cream and potato chips. And a bag of baby carrots, because we promised Mom we’d eat our veggies. ”
He paused, taking in the view. “And remember when we started Palasa? I said you should be the CEO, since it was more your idea than mine, and you were the older brother. But you insisted that we should be co-CEOs, that we were always better together. Kyle and Leo. And we did so well. I remember that first client meeting, how nervous we were, how much we practiced. And then, when we showed up, they didn’t even want to hear our speech!
They just wanted to ask us questions. We were so disappointed, because we’d practiced so much, that we gave our pitch one more time in the car on the way back to the office — even though we’d already landed the contract.
“And that office! Our first one. It had those horrible green carpets and always smelled a little like moth balls. We could have used Mom and Dad’s money to get something nicer, but we both wanted to build the company ourselves, from the ground up, so we made do.
Even though we bought the coffee machine secondhand and all the coffee it made tasted watery and bitter.
Even though our little office had water stains on the walls and always smelled of food from that Ethiopian restaurant on the first floor. ”
He paused, remembering.
“We ate so much of that Ethiopian food at night. I’ll never again taste injera without remembering that office, and you.
We worked so hard. And when we had to hire our first employee, we debated for so long about whether to go with Lauri Grain or Ravi Abhisek before deciding to hire both, even though it was a big swing.
Thank goodness we did, because the work really started pouring in after that. ”
Leo sighed. This was harder than he’d expected.
He’d thought the difficult part would be the logistics — taking time off work, coordinating the flights, finding the right spot to pour the ashes.
He hadn’t known how much his heart would ache…
or how alone he’d feel… when the moment actually came to say goodbye.
Even though Leo was thirty-five years old and a perpetual bachelor, he’d never felt lonely. He’d always had Kyle, who was every bit as dedicated to work as he was. They’d done so much together and made so many memories. Leo had never needed anyone else.
And then the call had come. Kyle had been driving home from a client meeting when a drunk driver had hit his car at an intersection. Leo had rushed to the hospital, but there hadn’t been anything he could do. Kyle was gone, and for the first time, Leo was truly on his own.
In that moment, he wished again that he had someone who could walk beside him and understand him. Someone to help bear the solemnity of this moment. Someone to hold his hand and tell him everything would be okay. Someone to love and be loved by.
But Leo knew that was selfish. He wanted support, but he had nothing to offer in return. He was always at work. He didn’t have time to date. And he wasn’t particularly good at sharing his feelings or talking things through — he and Kyle had never really done that sappy sentimental stuff.
In any case, this was no time to think about love or companionship, or even his future. It was time to say goodbye to Kyle, once and for all.
Looking out over the expanse of blue sky and the undulating canyon below, Leo finally tipped the urn.
Ashes fluttered out, catching in the light from the sun overhead as they drifted down.
Leo imagined pieces of his brother settling in the river, on the canyon walls, in the very air currents around him, so that Kyle would forever be a part of this place.
As the last of the ashes drifted away, Leo stepped back. Surprised, he lifted a hand to his cheek, and his fingertips came away wet. He hadn’t cried since he was a child, but he was crying now.
Leo usually suppressed his feelings, especially unpleasant ones. He wasn’t about to do anything different now. Taking a slow breath, he wiped his tears away and put the empty urn back in his backpack. He returned down the trail to where he’d parked.
Suddenly, he couldn’t stand the thought of returning to the Palasa offices in New York, where people might give him sympathetic looks or ask how he was doing or, almost worse, pretend that nothing had changed. He needed to forget.
A glance at his phone showed that he was only an hour’s drive out of Las Vegas. He quickly dialed a number and lifted the phone to his ear.
“Mr. Barclay,” the friendly young voice of his pilot, Samantha Peterson, answered right away. “How can I help?”
“I’ve told you to call me Leo.” Leo climbed into the driver’s seat of the car and buckled his seatbelt. “There’s been a change of plans. I’m not returning to New York tonight after all.”
“Very well,” Samantha replied.
“I’m going to Vegas,” he continued. “I’ll drive there. I have a meeting tomorrow in the early afternoon, so please fly to Henderson Airport and take the evening off. You’ll receive overtime pay for this, of course. We should be ready to leave around ten a.m. tomorrow.”
“Certainly.” There was a brief pause. “Enjoy Vegas.”
“I will. Thanks.”
Leo hung up the phone and turned the keys in the ignition.
The car roared to life, and he smiled to himself.
Leo was going to have a good evening. He was going to put all thoughts of his past, his future, even his brother out of his mind and just have fun.
He hadn’t been to Vegas in years, but he knew it was the perfect place to forget.
Instead of hitting the interstate, Leo took backroads through gorgeous natural scenery, just like he would have done with Kyle.
He sang to the classic rock on the radio and kept the windows down.
It took a little longer, but it was worth it — by the time he caught sight of the Vegas take on the Eiffel Tower in the distance, he was no longer feeling so emotional.
Leo parked outside of one of the casinos, tossed his key to a valet with a polite “Thanks!” and headed in.
He was immediately surrounded by the cacophony of the casino floor — flashing slot machines, waitresses in tight dresses carrying trays of drinks, and tables where poker, blackjack, roulette, and more were being played.
Leo bought a large stack of chips from the cashier and found his way to the Texas Hold’em poker tables. He flagged down a waitress to ask for a drink as he took an open spot at the next table.
“Whiskey,” he said. “Neat. Thanks.”
The waitress smiled and hurried off to get his drink while the dealer dealt Leo in. “Come here often?” he asked.
“Not much.” Leo glanced at his cards. They weren’t great, but they weren’t that bad, either. “But if it’s all right with you, I’m not here to chat. I’m here to gamble.”
The dealer chuckled. “We can certainly make that happen.”
And with that, Leo let himself be pulled into the glitzy, flashy, high-stakes world of Las Vegas.