17. Kara
17
KARA
A mber scuttled from Hawk’s bedroom without a scrap of clothing on, his bedroom door slamming closed behind her so hard we all looked in that direction.
Bliss got to her feet very quickly for a woman as pregnant as she was, calling for all the kids to run outside for a game of tag. Rebel followed her best friend, helping to herd the combo of hers and Bliss’s kids out the door and away from the very adult content that had just fled down the hallway to her own room.
“You coming?” Rebel asked me.
I didn’t even know what to say. “Is she okay?”
Rebel’s eyebrows furrowed together. “Who? Amber? She’s fine. This is a regular thing with her and Hawk. He’s an asshole, but she’s a big girl, tough enough to take his bullshit and give back her own. Honestly, they fight like an old married couple, but they’ll be fucking again within the hour. This is nothing to be worried about. ”
“Oh.” I dropped my gaze to my fingers. “I understand.”
Rebel cocked her head to one side. “So, you coming out?”
I eyed Hawk’s bedroom door. “Actually, could you watch Hayley Jade for me for a few minutes? There’s something I want to do.”
Rebel shrugged. “Sure. But what are you doing?”
“I want to apologize to Hawk.”
Rebel’s mouth dropped open. “What on earth for? He just cussed you out in front of everyone. Not to mention he just sent Amber running from his room without even giving her a second to get her clothes on. The fucking pig.”
I winced at my sister’s sharp words. There was clearly no love lost between the two of them. They hadn’t exactly been besties back when I’d been brought here, but things obviously hadn’t gotten any better in the years since I’d been gone either.
That didn’t mean I didn’t owe the man an apology.
I really had broken his nose. Twice. While Hawk was clearly not a good man, he’d been the one to stitch me up and keep me from getting an infection. At the time, I’d been in shock, and too traumatized to recognize that he’d gone out of his way to help me, and I’d done nothing but be ungrateful in return.
It was something I needed to remedy before I could move on.
Another piece of my past that had to be laid to rest so I could start healing from the traumas I’d experienced.
Hawk had never hurt me.
He was one of the men who’d tried to put me back together, and for that, I owed him an apology and a thank you.
I stood, my legs trembling slightly beneath my weight, my body remembering the feral way he’d shouted at me. I took a few steps toward the closed bedroom door.
“Oh God, I can’t watch,” Rebel said behind me. “It’s like a lamb being taken to slaughter.”
I glanced back at her. “I’m fine. Please, can you go watch Hayley Jade? I know how big this compound is and I don’t want her wandering off.”
Rebel clearly wasn’t happy about leaving me alone with the lion, but she nodded and left the clubhouse.
There was nobody else inside. The room was quiet, apart from the sound of my too-fast breathing.
I forced my feet to take me to the door. I knocked quietly.
“Get in here,” Hawk called out.
I twisted the doorknob and pushed open the door. “Hawk, I…”
A rush of something foreign shook my body like an earthquake, the foreign feeling springing to life low in my belly and spearing through every part of me.
My arms, my legs, my chest.
Other places that were sinful to think about.
Hawk was laid out on his bed, eyes closed, his shirt pulled up to reveal tawny, well-defined abs. The waistband of his jeans was around his knees, his thick thighs bare but for the light cover of dark hair on his skin.
They were observations that barely registered when the main show was his…member. He had it in his hand, hard and proud, the tip glistening as he jerked it .
“Quit fucking standing there, Amber. Get back here and on your knees.”
I didn’t say anything.
Couldn’t make a sound.
Couldn’t move my feet.
Blood rushed around my body in a crazy and unsettling flood of feeling, heat rising in my cheeks and up the back of my neck in embarrassment.
And yet I still didn’t budge.
Hawk opened his eyes.
Then narrowed them. “What the fuck do you want, Little Mouse?”
He didn’t try to cover up his erection. He paused his movements but didn’t unwrap his fingers from his shaft. The tip of him throbbed, tiny beads of moisture spilling over the top.
He stared at me.
I stared at him, unable to move, breathe, or even think, let alone talk.
His voice lowered. “Close the door.”
My hand reached for the knob. The door closed with a snick.
Me on the inside of Hawk’s room instead of out in the hallway.
His eyes flared like he was just as surprised as I was.
And then something different filled them. His hand slid down his erection, then back up, swiping through the wetness at his tip. He let out a soft groan of pleasure, stroking himself again with the added lubrication of his precum.
His gaze never left mine .
I couldn’t look away, my entire body locked tight with whatever curse he’d put on me.
“Fuck, Little Mouse,” he groaned. “You just gonna stand there, watching me jerk myself off?”
Is that what I was doing?
His fingers moved faster, up and down his length, and I stood mesmerized by his expression and the way it softened out all his hard lines. His breaths fell from soft, parted lips that had my heart beating fast, thinking about what they might feel like on my body.
My nipples went hard beneath my bra, and his gaze dropped to them, taking in the shape I knew would be all too evident through the too-tight T-shirt I’d borrowed from my sister who was several sizes smaller than me.
I covered my breasts with my arms.
“Show me, Kara. Don’t fucking cover yourself up like that.”
Like he could control my body with just the growl in his voice, I dropped my hands away.
He hissed out his pleasure, the tone filled with approval. “Good girl. Just like I knew you would be. Fuck.”
His hand gripped his member harder, his strokes becoming more urgent, his hips lifting off the bed, so he was thrusting into the tight grip of his hand.
My senses finally got the better of me.
Horror flooded my system, washing away all the good feelings I’d had a moment earlier and leaving nothing but awkward embarrassment in their place. Tears stung behind my eyes. I reached for the doorknob again.
“Don’t you fucking dare walk out now, Little Mouse. Not when I’m about to come just looking at the sweet curves of your body.”
All I’d ever known was taking the orders of men.
Hawk’s gaze burned me, like there were literal flames behind the green of his eyes. The heat licked across my skin, my panties getting wet with an arousal I didn’t want to feel.
He groaned loudly, so loud I knew if anyone had come back into the clubhouse they’d hear. They all knew I was in here. They would know what he was doing in front of me.
I willed myself to walk out.
Hawk wasn’t my husband. He wasn’t one of the Lord’s favorites.
I could disobey him.
And yet I couldn’t.
He worked his length fast and hard, and then it was spurting his seed, covering his belly with it while he made indecent noises that hit me over and over again, right between the legs.
His fingers became coated in the sticky white wetness his body had produced while he stared at me.
The devil on the gates wasn’t the only one in this compound.
His gaze slowly rolled over me, lingering in places only a husband should see. Then the corner of his mouth turned up, and he shook his head. “Go on, Little Mouse. Run. I know you want to.”
I didn’t hesitate this time. He was giving me permission, and so I did exactly what he’d said.
I ran.
T he cool afternoon air did nothing to calm the burning behind my cheeks. I sat beside Rebel and Bliss, surrounded by other women from the club, but I heard almost nothing of the conversation. Thankfully, nobody asked me any direct questions, because if they had, I wasn’t sure I could have answered them.
I kept an eye on Hayley Jade, who quietly obeyed when her younger cousin told her she had to play with him.
I hated that she looked uncomfortable but did it anyway.
But that’s what we’d been taught at the commune. That a woman’s place was to follow. I had always accepted it, because fighting was futile.
Was that what I’d just done with Hawk?
Only, when he’d made demands of me, I’d wanted to obey them.
I was glad when Rebel noticed and called out to Madden, “Hey, quit being a bossy boots. How about you ask Hayley Jade what she would like to do instead of just assuming she wants to play your game?”
He shrugged. “She doesn’t talk though.”
Queenie, one of the older club wives who’d been the sweetest to me when I’d come here with Hayley Jade as a baby, spoke up. “She can talk, sugar. She just don’t want to talk to you.”
I shook my head quickly. “Oh, it’s not that—” The last thing I wanted was for Rebel to be offended that my child didn’t want to play with hers.
But she was laughing and waving off my apology. “ Queenie is right. That boy is too alpha for his own good. Remi is too quiet and easygoing to put him in his place, and the others are too young yet. Queenie fills the void.”
I bit my lip. But then Rebel’s son was running across the yard to argue with Queenie, who sassed him back good-naturedly.
Hayley Jade stood off to one side, watching the exchange with huge eyes.
Rebel squeezed my hand. “It’s fine, really. Queenie loves him and he loves her. Takes a village to raise a well-rounded kid, right?”
I swallowed hard. “Does it?” I whispered. As soon as we got back to the house, I was packing up Alice and leaving the last of my family behind. Kyle could go back to the commune, or stay in Saint View, I didn’t care. But after the stunt he and Alice had pulled, I didn’t trust him as far as I could throw him. After that, it would just be the three of us.
Or maybe really just the two of us. As much as the thought sent panic into my throat, I couldn’t see Alice sitting at home with me and a five-year-old every Friday and Saturday night. I couldn’t really blame her. She wasn’t built for that sort of life.
It was the whole reason she’d come with me in the first place. Otherwise she would have just stayed and married some man from the commune like Naomi and Samantha would.
But if it was just me and Hayley Jade, what village would we have?
I fought off the fear gripping my throat. There was no other way around it. I was endangering everyone just by being here, and as soon as we got home, after I shook Alice for running off in the middle of the night, we were getting on the first bus out of town.
The door to the clubhouse slammed, and Hawk strode out, bare-chested with his jeans slung so low on his hips the V-lines either side were visible. “War. Fang. Need a word.”
His hair was mussed up in the back.
From lying on his bed.
Stroking his…
It took a second to register he’d called over the president of the club, as well as Fang, who I knew was high up in the Slayers’ hierarchy.
He was going to tell them what I’d done.
Expose me for the perverted woman I was.
My fingers trembled. “Can we go?” I asked Rebel in a breathless whisper. “I want to go home.”
Not that I had one anymore, but anywhere other than here would do.
Rebel glanced over at me. “Are you okay?” She put the back of her hand to my forehead. “Shit, Kara, you’re all pale and clammy. Was it something you ate?”
I shook my head quickly, one eye on the three men huddled together on the other side of the yard, their faces lined with concern and voices low.
They all looked in my direction.
I wanted the earth to swallow me whole.
There would be a punishment the way there would have been back home if I had accidentally stumbled across one of the men doing…that.
Hawk would be within his rights to punish me.
My heart pounded as War and Fang nodded, and Hawk lifted a walkie-talkie I hadn’t noticed before to his mouth.
His gaze burned mine as he mumbled something into it I couldn’t hear.
War moved back to stand beside Bliss and stroked a hand over her auburn hair. “Okay, listen up, you guys. I need someone to take the kids inside—”
Rebel stood. “I’ll grab them.”
But War shook his head. “Queenie, you, please. I need Rebel and her family here with mine. Everyone else, inside. Don’t panic, but we have cops on their way in.”
I froze. “Police?”
Some of the guys swore loudly, but War waved them toward the clubhouse impatiently. “Keep your shit together. They don’t have a warrant. Ratchet is on the gate and he checked. They won’t tell him what it’s about, but I think we can probably safely assume it’s to do with Kara.”
I dropped my gaze to the ground, knowing he was right. Josiah had probably called the police on me for kidnapping or something equally horrible. “I’m so sorry,” I whispered. “I should have never come here.”
War shook his head, steadying me with his sincere expression. “Hey, no. That’s not what I meant. You’re safe here. You and Hayley Jade. It’s good the cops are here. We can find out what Josiah has reported to them.”
My gaze flickered around the smaller group of people. Bliss and her men. Rebel and hers.
Hawk.
His eyes held anger that burned bright as molten lava. “They forced you to marry some guy you didn’t even know? All these fucking years, he’s been keeping you prisoner? ”
Fear trickled down my spine as two cop cars trundled slowly along the dirt road that led from the gates to the clubhouse, but I nodded. I couldn’t lie to Hawk, even though the truth ate a little piece of my soul every time I thought about Josiah.
Hawk turned away, but not before I caught a glimpse of pure fury in his expression. When the door on the first cop car opened, Hawk stepped between me and the tall officer who emerged.
“Howard,” Hawk greeted without much warmth in his voice. “To what do we owe the pleasure? Planning on arresting me again? Twice in as many days is a bit much, even for me, don’t you think?”
War raised an eyebrow at the officer they were clearly familiar with. “That better not be what you’re here for. If we need to call a lawyer, tell me now.”
The officer held up his hands in mock surrender, and a second cop from the car behind joined his friend. “It’s not about Hawk.” His gaze landed on Fang. “Your legal name is Milo Garrisen. Correct?”
Fang didn’t say a word. Neither did anybody else, distrust hanging in the air between them.
The cop sighed and carried on. “I don’t know why I asked. I know that’s your name and this place is still registered as your last known address.” He sighed heavily. “Sir, are you still the current de facto partner of a Rebel Amanda Kemp?”
Rebel shifted slightly but didn’t say anything.
Vaughn and Kian both moved in front of her.
Fang, to his credit, didn’t even glance in her direction. “Who I’m shacked up with is of interest to you why?”
The cop took off his hat and fingered the brim of it. “ I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but we believe your partner to have been the victim of a murder last night.”
The tension fell out of the group, and Rebel snorted on a laugh, pushing Vaughn and Kian aside. “Do I look dead to you boys?”
The cops turned to her, Howard’s already lined forehead furrowing, his thick brows drawing together in sharp slants. “You’re Rebel Amanda Kemp?”
“That’s what’s on my driver’s license. You got the wrong dead girl, I’m afraid.”
But the cop was persistent. “Are you in possession of your driver’s license right now?”
Rebel bent and retrieved her wallet from the side pocket of a baby bag, otherwise filled with diapers and pacifiers and toy cars. She flipped it open. “Sure. It’s just…”
Her finger slid down the row of cards and then paused. She squinted up at them. “Actually, it appears I am not. That’s weird. I never take it out. How did the dead woman get my ID?”
The answer flashed through my head, but I rejected it so quickly I could barely consider it.
Only it came again, and again, like a neon sign in the dark that couldn’t be ignored.
The cop cleared his throat. “Does anyone else have access to your purse?”
“Alice,” I choked out quietly.
Rebel shot me a look of confusion. “What? No…” She shook her head slowly. And then faster, as the horrifying idea took hold for her too. “No. No! She wouldn’t have taken my ID. ”
Except I already knew she would have. If she’d wanted to get into a club or bar, she would have needed ID to prove she was over twenty-one. None of the women at the commune were allowed any form of government-issued ID, not that it would have mattered anyway since Alice wasn’t yet of legal drinking age.
I leaned over, trying hard to suck in breaths, but the air suddenly felt like water and breathing felt like drowning. My head spun from the lack of oxygen.
“Fuck.” Fang ran a hand through the long strands of his hair. He turned to Howard. “They have a younger sister. Alice. She’s a fuck ton like Rebel and she’s not twenty-one yet. She might have taken Rebel’s ID to try to get into a bar or nightclub.”
Rebel shook her head so fast. “No. No, Fang! That woman is dead. It’s not… It’s not…”
She suddenly stared at me.
The darkness rushed in on me so quickly I didn’t even feel myself falling.