Chapter 9
FLAVIA
Dominic looks gorgeous when he comes out of the bathroom. Being newly-out-of-the-shower-damp really suits him. His hair is tousled, like he towel-dried it very fast, he’s wearing a dark shirt and dark jeans, which show hints of very nice muscles when he moves, and, yep, I’m basically drooling.
I’m not sure drooling over Dominic will end well for me, though, so I just smile at him, and say, ‘I’ll meet you there,’ before whipping myself into the bathroom.
I’m ready in record time, because I don’t want to miss any of the evening.
I brought two dresses to choose between and opt for the fancier one in deference to the incredible location and general amazingness of today.
The dress is maxi length, cobalt blue with a plunging neckline.
I team it with strappy gold sandals and lots of lipstick and…
well, yes, I feel that I’m looking as good as I’m ever going to manage, and I basically can’t wait to see Dominic – and the others – and am expecting to have a very nice evening with them.
I check my phone before I go and send a few quick messages, replies to Mum and a couple of my girlfriends.
I avoid looking at Jed’s message again. I think I’ll just send a breezy Happy New Year on the first, and that will be that unless he actually has something to say to me, in which case I’ll leave him to say it.
I don’t want to think about him any more now; I just want to enjoy this evening.
Dominic has his back to me when I arrive on the terrace, but immediately turns in my direction, almost as though he senses my presence behind him.
His eyes travel the length of my body, and it feels as though he’s making an effort to drag them back to my face.
‘That’s a lovely dress.’ His voice has gone so gravelly it almost hurts.
‘Thank you.’ Suddenly, I can hardly breathe, and my voice has come out sounding way huskier than it has any business doing.
Dominic reaches a hand in my direction and then lets it fall again. I wonder… what he was planning to do with that hand before he thought better of it.
I take a very deep breath, to try to steady myself, and catch Dominic’s eyes travelling down towards my chest again.
I’m ashamed to say that I am loving the way he’s blatantly attracted to me right now.
I mean, I know it doesn’t mean anything.
He has, after all, had a lot of girlfriends.
And I’m not in the market for anything of a romantic nature with him or anyone else right now.
Especially with Jed sending confusing texts to me.
But I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t love this moment with Dominic, his overt appreciation of me in this dress, the anticipation of the night ahead, the feeling that – just for this evening – I have the undivided attention of a very attractive man.
‘You should come and look at the view,’ Dominic tells me, his voice still low.
He guides me towards the edge of the terrace with a hand held close to the small of my back.
We go via a man proffering a tray of full-to-the-brim champagne glasses, from which I take one.
When I stop to take a sip and Dominic’s hand actually touches me, I get a complete head-to-toe shiver.
‘Look at this,’ he says when we’ve dodged through the rest of the group, who are talking in twos and threes behind us, and have reached the edge of the terrace.
I hadn’t seen the view from this vantage point properly until now because the others were in the way. (They’re a surprisingly tall group of people.)
‘My goodness,’ I breathe.
The bush stretches ahead of us as far as the eye can see and is topped with the most glorious sunset, in hues of orange, pink and purple.
It’s the kind of thing you could stand and watch for hours on end, not getting bored, just marvelling.
Straining my eyes, I pick out the occasional movement on the ground.
‘Are we seeing nocturnal animals coming out for the night?’ I ask Dominic.
‘Think so.’
‘I’m not even scared,’ I say happily. It feels right that they’re out there, doing their thing, undisturbed by humans, and it feels right to be here, on this terrace, next to Dominic. I feel kind of… protected.
I sense Dominic move a little closer to me, and find myself inching in his direction too, until our sides are nearly touching.
I wonder for a moment what it would be like to be with Dominic, forever.
Have evenings like this – be they in the South African bush or my flat in London – for always.
I feel so differently now about him from how I did twenty-four hours ago.
We are very different, it seems. But I’ve discovered that on top of all the gorgeousness he has going on he’s very kind as well as great company. I love being with him.
I don’t know him, though. I mean, I do. But I don’t.
I feel like I’m in danger of falling down the love-at-first-sight rabbit hole again.
There is no such thing, I remind myself sternly. You can’t fall in love with someone you don’t know. And when you do think you’ve fallen in love with someone, there’s no guarantee of a happy ending. Jed.
Okay, I’m overthinking again. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to waste being in this spectacular location with this amazing man. I’m going to stop thinking and just enjoy the evening and store the memory of it forever.
Dominic moves again and I do too and now we’re standing right next to each other, our bodies fully touching. I’m actually surprised that I’m still on my feet, because my insides are turning to liquid now and I’m not sure I can remember how to breathe.
This view and this man: I can’t imagine a more perfect place anywhere on Earth right now.
There’s a sudden movement right below our terrace and I jump and give a little squeak.
Dominic slides his arm round my waist and hugs me against him for a moment.
‘You’re completely safe here,’ he tells me, his voice husky.
‘Thank you. I know I am.’ I’m not sure that’s true, though.
Physically, yes. I do feel completely safe in the lodge, here with Dominic.
Right now I feel as though he could protect me against any animal – even though that’s probably not actually true.
Emotionally, though… I’m beginning to think that I need to be careful…
I don’t want another broken heart. Damn him for being nice as well as gorgeous.
Whatever, though. When I think about my dad, and Jed, I know that you have to take happiness wherever you find it, and right here, right now, I am truly happy.
Dominic keeps his arm round me, holding me against him, and I stay there in the circle of his arm, against his warmth and solidity, watching the sun go down, sipping my champagne. We don’t really talk, we just stand there, and it’s perfect.
We’re joined after a while by Mike. I really can’t say how long we were standing there on our own – it’s like time was suspended.
‘Fantastic day,’ he says.
Judith pops up next to him.
‘What were your absolute highlights?’ she asks.
Charlotte and Kris join the conversation too. While the others all discuss the most amazing parts of the day – of which there were many – I speak quietly to Dominic.
‘Obviously everything we’re all saying was a true highlight,’ I say, ‘but I think I gained something else too. The whole facing your fears thing. For me, because I always kind of act now, think later, I don’t rationalise my irrational fears.
Flying. Big animals. I think you showed me that thinking, maybe planning, a little more, can help.
I mean, today it helped a lot. I had just as amazing a time as everyone else did.
And with flying… maybe I’ll go rational with that too.
You know I have sometimes turned down cheap holiday offers, or gone on really tortuous routes, to avoid flying. ’
‘Wow.’ Dominic’s eyes crinkle in a very lovely way around the edges. ‘I feel honoured to have helped in any way, and equally honoured that you told me. Thank you.’
Our schmaltzy moment is broken by Maxim telling us that dinner is served.
The twelve of us on the tour, plus Maxim and the guides, are seated on tables side-on to the view so that no-one has their back to it.
Maxim informs us that now that we all know each other a bit better he’s shaking things up a bit, so couples are now seated diagonally opposite each other rather than next to each other.
‘We’re still on the same table, though?’ Judith whispers to me as we sit down.
‘Yes, not exactly the biggest shake-up in the world,’ I agree.
Except… I’ve grown hugely accustomed today to being right next to Dominic and I almost miss him now that he’s only opposite me. I feel like… I’d like to sit right next to him forever.
Which is ridiculous, I tell myself sternly.
That ship sailed over a decade ago. We were not meant to be then, and we are not meant to be now, for many reasons, not least because to him this probably doesn’t even mean anything.
Right now, he’s charming Charlotte with a story that I can’t quite hear, which is making her giggle a lot.
He’s probably just being charming to me because of our proximity.
And maybe that’s why I’m finding myself so drawn to him. Proximity. The romantic location.
He does have a very, very nice profile, though, I muse to myself.
And that’s the point, isn’t it. He is very handsome.
And we have been thrown together. Anyone would be feeling attracted to him at this point.
It doesn’t mean anything. It’s like if you were on holiday with a gorgeous movie star who’d turned out to be surprisingly nice. You’d find him attractive too.
‘Great punchline,’ Mike says very heartily next to me, in response to a story that Alex-the-sniper has just told both of us. I smile and nod, even though I didn’t hear a word of it.
Something has just occurred to me.
This is an amazing, out-of-this-world experience.
I’m loving spending time with Dominic. He seems to be enjoying spending time with me.
We’re both single. There are many, many reasons that I would not like to be in an actual relationship with him.
It’s only been a few months since Jed and I split up after a long relationship and I’m not ready for another one.
And when I am ready, I would like to be in a relationship with someone who I know would be in it for life, even if it didn’t ultimately work out.
That wouldn’t be Dominic. He’s famous for his short-term flings and heart-breaking capabilities.
But if I go into a very short-term fling with him with my eyes open, then my heart won’t be broken.
And I think I fell in lust at first sight with him all those years ago, and I’m right back there now, and, yep, if we happened to kiss, for example, there’d be nothing wrong with that. Because he’s gorgeous.
He glances at me from across the table and gives me a slow smile that honestly just turns my insides to complete mush.
This is nothing like love. Love at first (or second) sight does not happen. This is pure lust. Knowing that, it surely wouldn’t hurt to act on it…