Chapter 23 Cam
Chapter 23
Cam
March in Meadowlark was normally cold and dreary. This year, it was warmer than normal—less snow, but also more rain. Everything was still brown—there wasn’t enough sun to bring the earth back to life quite yet, but I was enjoying every time it would peek through the clouds.
I was on my way to pick up Riley at Rebel Blue. It was Saturday, so she had riding lessons with Emmy. It wasn’t warm enough for outdoor lessons yet, so Riley was in the indoor arena, but the side panels had already been removed, so you could see in from outside. I parked my car at the Big House and walked over to watch. My face was cold, but I didn’t mind. The air was fresher up here—I felt freer.
Both Emmy and Riley were in the center of the arena while Riley’s horse, Sweetwater, was walking around them in a circle. When I got close, Emmy noticed me and waved, but she didn’t say anything. She let Riley keep her focus, so I stayed quiet, too.
Riley’s thick eyebrows were knitted together—watching Sweetwater’s every move—and it made me smile. We had the same thinking face. It was easy for me to see Gus in her—honestly, it was easier to see any of the Ryders in her than it was for me to see myself in my daughter sometimes. But that face was all me.
Emmy walked up to the horse and grabbed her halter. “Good job, Sunshine,” she said. “Let’s practice leading, okay?” Riley nodded and walked over to Sweetwater. “And your mom is watching.” Riley’s head snapped over to me, and she gave me a big ol’ smile. My daughter’s smile could warm me up no matter what the temperature.
I leaned up against the fence, and Emmy walked over to me. “Hey,” she said.
“Hey,” I said. “How’s she doing?”
“She’s a natural.” Emmy smiled.
“Of course she is,” I said. I watched as Riley led Sweetwater around the arena in a circle. They were an adorable pair. “It doesn’t hurt that she’s got a good teacher, too.”
The sound of a truck caught my attention. I looked up and out in the pasture and saw Dusty. He was standing on the back of a flatbed truck that was stacked high with hay. It looked like he was pushing chunks of it off the back of the truck based on the way the horses were following him.
It’d been about two months since New Year’s Eve. I’d decided that both of us had just gotten carried away that night—especially me. The cold had made me a little crazy.
I just didn’t want things to change between us. I was trying to be happy with what we were without letting myself long for more.
But when it came to Dusty, I’d been secretly wishing for more for years—wishing I could see him, wishing he would come home, wishing that, one day, he would respond to more than one of my texts, and we could talk. Now, I had all of those things, but they came with the fear that I would lose him again.
The fear was almost debilitating, but so was the desire to be close to him—so much so that when it was just me alone with my thoughts, I wished I hadn’t pulled away.
Since then, though, things had been okay. It was like both of us decided to be content with pieces of each other, so I just had to stop my mind from imagining what the fuller picture could look like if we ever tried to put those pieces together again.
I was grateful when Aggie and he brought me the bed frame, and we had fun playing dominoes for an hour afterward. It felt like a perfect birthday. We texted. He came over sometimes—to check the heater, patch a leak under the sink; things like that. Things with Dusty felt aggressively normal. We were friends…but that didn’t mean I minded when he flirted with me a bit. That was just Dusty. He couldn’t help it. It felt good, a little confidence boost, but even more so, it felt safe. Flirting was harmless. And I just pretended I didn’t notice the way his eyes lingered on me or the disappointment in his face when it was time to leave.
It was a foolproof system, if I do say so myself.
The truck was going slowly, but when I tried to see who was driving, no one was there. “What’s going on over there?” I nodded toward Dusty.
“Luke and Dusty’s prized possession,” Emmy said on a laugh. “They jimmy-rigged the engine, so when whoever is on the back pulls on a string, it gives the truck gas, so they can do feeding with one person instead of two.”
I watched Dusty kick hay off the back of the truck, and then I saw it when the truck slowed, his arm moved, pulling on the string, and the truck went forward again.
“Clever,” I said with a nod, not taking my eyes off Dusty. God, he was pretty. He was wearing a dark green trucker hat, brown work jacket, and worn denim jeans.
“He looks good up there, no?” Emmy said, and my eyes whipped to hers. She had a knowing smirk on her face.
“Clementine Ryder,” I said, shocked. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You’re blushing,” she said with a laugh. “It’s good, though. I like the open staring more than the stolen glances you two have been giving each other.” My mouth fell open. “What?” Emmy said. “I saw you two on Christmas.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Dusty and I are friends, ” I emphasized. Emmy let out a disbelieving snort. “Whatever, I’m telling Brooks.”
Emmy shrugged and bit down on her lip. “I like what happens when he gets jealous.”
“Gross,” I said with an eye roll. “Go be in love somewhere else.”
“I’ve got ten more minutes of a riding lesson to teach, so will do,” Emmy said, walking away toward where Riley was leading Sweetwater. “Plus, it looks like you’re going to have company.”
“What?” I asked and followed Emmy’s gaze over my shoulder. Dusty was a few paces away. Oh.
“Hey, Dusty,” Emmy said with a wave over her shoulder.
“Hey, Em,” he said. “Cam.” He nodded at me.
“Hey,” I said. Why did my voice sound higher? And was I…sweating? God, that was embarrassing. “Happy Saturday.” Shit. That was even worse.
Dusty’s eyebrows went up in amusement. “Happy Saturday. What brings you up here?”
I nodded toward Riley. “My weekend,” I said.
“Ah,” he responded. “She’s good. I saw her mount earlier on Maple. She’s got a good seat.”
I laughed. “I wish I knew what that meant, but I’ll take your word for it. I don’t even know what she’s doing right now.” I didn’t know a thing about horses, but I loved to watch them. They were majestic as hell.
Dusty looked over at Riley and Emmy. “Groundwork,” he said. “Helps build trust between a horse and its rider.” Dusty shook his head. “Emmy looks just like her mom out there.”
I tilted my head. “Did you know Stella?” I asked.
“Yeah.” Dusty nodded. “I took riding lessons from her as a kid, so I was in the exact same spot Riley was.”
“I didn’t know that,” I said. The image of a smaller Dusty flashed into my mind, leading a horse around the arena like Riley had done. “Emmy told me about your, um, ingenuity,” I said, gesturing toward the utility truck.
Dusty smiled, and when he lifted up his old trucker hat to smooth his hair back before adjusting it on his head, I could only hope I wasn’t visibly drooling. Especially when his jacket moved up on his arm a little bit, showing that the blue friendship bracelet that Riley had made him for Christmas was still there. “It’s actually super fucking helpful,” he said.
“How do you get off of it?” I asked. “Like if it just keeps moving?”
“If you don’t pull on the string for a while, she gets really slow, so you just hop off the back, run toward the driver’s side, and throw her in park.”
“I wish I would’ve seen that part,” I said with a laugh.
“So you were watching me?” Dusty said with a smirk.
I rolled my eyes. “You know,” I said. “Someone standing on the back of a moving truck with no one in the driver’s seat is a bit of a spectacle.”
“All I care about is that it made you look,” Dusty said, and I felt it in my spine.
“Shameless flirt,” I said with a push on his shoulder. He caught my hand and held it there for a second before lettinggo.
For a second, I wished he hadn’t let go, and then immediately got frustrated with myself. Friend, Cam, I reminded myself. This is your friend. You’re just having fun with your friend.
“You like it when I flirt with you,” Dusty said with a smile.
“Shut up,” was the only response I could come up with. Because he was right. He’d always seen me so clearly.
Dusty laughed a little. “I’m going easy on you,” he said.
“Believe me, I’m aware,” I responded. Dusty had fifteen more years of flirting experience under his belt, and I was a little scared of what he might have learned. I also didn’t want to think about who he’d learned it from—or with.
“Let me know when you’re ready for me to dial it up,” he said with a wink. My only defense mechanism was another eye roll, and Dusty’s response was to laugh again. My cheeks were hot, and I could only hope they weren’t as red as they felt. If they were, I’d blame it on the cold.
“So I was wondering—” Dusty started to say but was interrupted by Riley climbing onto the other side of the fence and putting her arms around my neck for a hug.
“Did you see me leading Sweetwater, Mom?” she asked excitedly.
“I did.” I squeezed her back with one arm. “I’m so proud of you.”
“Did you see?” Riley looked over at Dusty with a giant grin on her face. One side of Dusty’s mouth tilted up as he nodded.
“You’re a natural,” he said.
“That’s what auntie says,” Riley told him matter-of-factly. “She also said I had to wait a minute before I came over here so you guys could talk. I waited like five whole minutes.”
In Riley time, that meant she waited approximately thirty seconds. We were working on the whole patience thing.
I looked over at Emmy, who was close enough to hear. She had a small smile on her face. Meddling little shit.
“Look what I’m wearing.” Riley held out her wrist to Dusty and pushed up the sleeve of her coat a little. The leather bracelet Dusty had made for her was on her wrist. She refused to take it off, which I secretly loved most of the time. It would get a little heated at bathtime when I asked her to take it off, but when I told her that water might ruin it, she’d allow me to take it off her for five minutes.
Dusty held out his wrist the same way, so she could see his blue bracelet. “I’m wearing mine, too,” he said with a grin. “I love it.”
My sassy and spunky daughter went bashful, and it made me smile. The Dusty Tucker effect seemed to take hold of her, too. Just like her mom. She detached from me and scooted her little feet along the fence, getting closer to Dusty. When she swung her leg over, Dusty put a hand on her back, so she wouldn’t fall as she brought over the other one. Instead of climbing down like she always did, she reached one arm back to Dusty, who grabbed her with care and set her softly on the ground.
“Thank you,” she said as she looked up at him. Where did these manners come from? Riley stepped toward me and looped her hand in mine. “Are you done working?” she asked.
Dusty shook his head. “Not quite. I’ve gotta help your auntie get the horses back to the stables.”
“Oh.” Riley looked disappointed. “Mom takes me to the coffee shop after lessons. You could probably come if you want. She likes you.”
I looked down at Riley, mouth agape. I heard Emmy stifle a laugh behind us, and when I turned to look at her, she shrugged with a grin.
When I turned back, Dusty’s eyes were on me. They were alight. “Next time,” he said, not breaking eye contact with me for a few seconds—long enough that I was grateful there were only two people around to see it. When he finally broke it, he looked down at Riley. “You did good today, kid,” he said and ruffled her hair. She giggled. He was good with her. It didn’t shock me, necessarily, but it did make me realize how much things had changed. Dusty felt so…steady now. When we were together, I always knew I could depend on him, but he was also just…Dusty. He was fun and flirty and spontaneous back then—all things I wasn’t. And he was those things still, but he was also different. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but there was something about him now. He seemed even sturdier, unyielding, as if he was a ship incapable of sinking. I couldn’t explain it, but I also didn’t know: Could a ship like that stay anchored in the harbor, or would it eventually yearn to drift off toward the open waters and new horizons?
“I’ll see you guys later.” Then he hopped over the fence with as much grace as an actual ballerina and walked toward Emmy, who had four horses on hitching posts at the end of the arena.
“Bye,” I said, and Riley gave him a wave as we started to walk away. I looked back just in time to see Dusty ride out of the arena toward the stables. The horse he was on had another horse tied to it. He looked at ease as he rode. Beautiful, even.
I sighed. Beautiful and my personal Achilles’ heel, just like he’d always been.