Chapter 43 Cam
Chapter 43
Cam
When I woke up the next morning, my bed felt empty without Dusty in it, and he’d only stayed over one night.
Ada and Wes were mostly right. I had a right to be mad at Dusty, but the whole house situation didn’t need to be the thing that did us in because I was too stubborn to talk aboutit.
The orange glow coming in my window told me it was early. I glanced over at the clock next to my bed. Six-thirty. I sighed and rolled out of bed. Half of me hoped that when I went out to my kitchen, Dusty would be there, drinking some coffee and ready to call me out on my bullshit.
But he wasn’t.
When I looked out my back window, normally I could see his house, but this morning, it looked like there was something taped there.
What the hell?
I slipped on a pair of shoes and walked out the back door and to the outside of the window. In black Sharpie, in handwriting I would know anywhere, “Ash” was written on the back of the envelope.
I tore it off the window and opened it immediately. I didn’t even care that it was cold and that I wasn’t wearing anything but my pajamas. The first thing I saw was a note and then a stack of papers that were tri-folded together.
I went for the note first.
Ash,
I know I should’ve told you about the house. I’m sorry I made you feel like it couldn’t be yours because of me. I hope this makes up for it. The box is for you.
I love you.
Dusty
I looked down and saw the box from Dusty’s coffee table at my feet. I felt tears well up behind my eyes. I love you. I focused on those three words until my vision got blurry. Then I picked up the box and brought it back inside. I set it on the kitchen table and sat down. I thought I would have to work up some courage to open it, but I didn’t; I dove right in.
When I opened it, I noticed that all the notes had been unfolded and stacked neatly, making it easy for me to flip through them.
Ash,
I’m at a ranch in Northern California right now. The cook asked me what the A tattoo on my neck meant. I told her it stood for “adulterer,” but she didn’t get the joke.
Thinking of you,
Dusty
I smiled, and my hand found the spot on my hip where my tattoo was. I kept it there as I kept reading.
Ash,
“Dashboard Confessional” came on the radio today. I sang every word.
Dusty
The next one I read was written on a postcard from Mexico.
Ash,
I’m at a horse rescue this winter. It’s owned and run by women, and they don’t take any shit. The owner, Paola, is what I think you’ll be like in your sixties—fierce as hell. I wish you could meet her.
Dusty
Ash,
Every once in a while, I have a day where I miss you so much it actually hurts to breathe. Today was one of those days. I hope you’re okay.
Dusty
Ash,
I went to a farmers market in Calgary this morning. I was this close to sending you a box of the most beautiful heirloom tomatoes I’ve ever seen. The other shoppers probably thought I was insane because I was just grinning at tomatoes like an idiot.
Dusty
Ash,
Today, I saw a woman in the airport with hair like yours. For a second, I thought it was you. Sometimes, missing you doesn’t hurt. Today isn’t one of those days.
Dusty
Ash,
I’m so mad at you for leaving, but I hope you found your home. I haven’t found mine yet.
Dusty
I pulled note after note out of the box. There had to be hundreds in here.
Eventually, I saw the words “change of property ownership,” on a paper near the bottom. I tore it out of the box. It also had the address to my house, and “deed,” and I thought I was going to fall to the ground. Did he…did he just give me this house?
I looked over at Dusty’s house, and without thinking, started making my way to it. When I got to his door, I pounded on it harder than I meant to.
He opened the door within a second. He looked shocked to see me. “What the hell is this?” I asked, holding up the stack of papers—the note that was taped to my door included.
“I think the technical term is a love declaration or grand gesture,” he said. “And also a deed.”
“What the hell is wrong with you?” I asked. “You think you can just give me a house and tell me you love me and all is forgiven?”
“No,” he said. “But I thought it could be a good start.” He moved to the side of the door, inviting me in, but I didn’t move. He was wearing a leather jacket but shrugged it off and brought it around my shoulders. The action brought us closer together, but I still didn’t move.
“Cam,” he breathed. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the house. I know I should’ve. I know it was crazy for me to buy it five years ago with you in mind. I know the fact that I’ve been in love with you since I was seventeen is kind of ridiculous, and I know you’re mad at me, and you have every right to be. But, god, you are everything to me. You always have been, you always will be.
“I don’t even remember what my life was like before you were in it—I don’t even think I want to. It killed me when you left, but I don’t know, I just felt like it was the right thing to let you go, but I never let go of hope—hope that we’d find our way back to each other after it all and hope that I’d have the opportunity to never let you go. I feel like I’ve spent fifteen years preparing for this moment, when I could tell you that, without a doubt, I want to be with you forever. I want to wake up with you every day. And that means that I also want to be part of Riley’s life.
“I want to go to Riley’s soccer games and carry her to bed when she falls asleep on the couch.”
My breath was shaky as I exhaled.
“I’ve always wanted everything with you, and I’m sorry that I got so many steps ahead, but I promise, I’ll give you as much time as you need. The house is yours. No strings. I’ll move out of here if you want me to. I want to do this on your terms, Cam.”
“This note says you love me,” I whispered.
Dusty brought his hands up to my face and forced me to look at him. “I do love you,” he said. “I love you madly and deeply. I love you in ways that people don’t believe exist in real life. I love you for who you’ve been and who you are and who you’re going to be, Ash.”
My throat tightened, and it got even harder for me to speak.
“I—I love you, too,” I stammered out as tears started to cascade down my cheeks. “In all the same ways.”
Dusty smiled softly. “That feels like cheating,” he said. “Like you’re just copying off my paper on the love confession thing.”
“Well,” I said, “it’s the only time I ever have, and the only time I ever will, so soak it in.”
“Smartass,” he said, and then brought his mouth down on mine. We kissed in the light of dawn. A new day in Meadowlark—a new beginning—the promise of bigger things yet to come.
It was a new beginning for us, too.