Chapter 25 #2
I frowned, shaking my head. “No, it ain’t that. I just…I’ve always taken care of myself. I don’t like bein’ a burden.”
She sat the brush down and returned the hat to its box with a quiet intensity that made me shiver. “So, this arrangement with Maverick, it’s just outta convenience?” The cold accusation in her tone said everything. She thought I was using him.
“I ain’t usin’ him, if that’s what you’re thinkin’.”
She continued on as if I hadn’t said anything. “That boy’s been through hell and back. Been through far more than any person should have to go through. If you wanna leave, leave now. Before you break his heart.”
Guilt and frustration ate at me, clawing at my chest and forming a lump in my throat. I wasn’t trying to take advantage of his kindness. I wasn’t trying to use him. But even upset and angry, I could see why she would see it that way. She’d raised him. Of course, she’d be protective.
Tears swam in my eyes once more, a single one slipping down my cheek. I didn’t brush it away as I met her fierce stare, even though every fiber of my being hated showing the slip in emotion. I wanted her to see it. Wanted her to know how I felt.
“Look, I don’t know what the future holds with us.
It’s partly why I need him to talk. I don’t know what we are.
What he wants. What he expects of this situation.
But I do know that I care about him. I care…
and I don’t wanna hurt him. I know you’re worried about him, but I can tell you right now, I ain’t no Ashleigh.
I ain’t gonna take advantage of him and leave him. You don’t have to worry about that.”
Her face softened, the scowl that had formed smoothing out. “You know about Ashleigh?”
I finally wiped my cheek, giving her a gentle nod. “Yeah. Cash told me about her. I can’t tell you what all is gonna happen between Maverick and I, but I can promise you right now I ain’t ever gonna treat him the way she did.”
Mrs. Mooney’s head cocked slightly to the side, her scrutinizing gaze holding my own for a long moment. A slow smile blossomed on her lips, lighting up her pretty face. “I hope that boy talks soon, because it’d be a shame if he lost you.”
My heart squeezed, all of the air leaving my lungs in a whoosh. I hadn’t even realized I’d wanted her approval, but hearing her all but give it to me right now… My eyes watered again.
Dear God, I was a damn mess. Get yourself together, Chey.
“Thank you, Mrs. Mooney,” I croaked out, hating that I sounded so emotional.
She offered me a smile. “Go take a moment and get yourself sorted out. You got an event to win.”
I smiled and dipped my head in a nod.
My hair blew in the wind as I sat in the passenger seat of my truck, the Texas stars twinkling in the sky like a thousand diamonds, Maverick driving beside me.
I’d fought to drive—I was plenty capable of it—but Maverick was nothing if not polite.
Not gonna lie, being a passenger princess wasn’t half bad.
I still rode the high of winning the first round of barrels, qualifying for the final round tomorrow night. I needed this win, and now I was one step closer. Maverick, Cash, and Ryder had qualified for their events as well.
“Wouldn’t it be crazy if we all won in our events tomorrow?” I mused, glancing over at him. He smiled and squeezed my hand in his, his eyes twinkling with amusement.
Brandy panted happily at my feet, her tongue lolling out of her mouth. I gave her a couple pets with my free hand. Everything about that moment felt so good. So nice. So…right.
Maverick’s phone buzzed on the center console, his home screen lighting up to show a text message with a familiar name.
Ashleigh.
My stomach clenched, my heart squeezing tighter and tighter, cutting off the air in my lungs.
Another one with her name. And another. And another.
I couldn't see any of the text beyond that, not that I cared or wanted to. Anger and fear boiled in my chest.
“Seems like this Ashleigh person really wants to talk to you.” I didn’t hold back the venom in my voice.
Maverick’s throat bobbed, his hand slipping from mine as he fidgeted with his hat.
Worry danced in his eyes as he met my stare.
His silence made my anger boil hotter and hotter, until my emotions came spilling over the top.
My words were full of fury and hurt when I spoke next. “Who is she to you, Maverick?”
I needed to know what he thought of her. What threat she posed. What problems I was looking at because of her.
He shook his head, his gaze pleading.
I clenched my fists, my jaw tightening for a moment.
“No. I need more than that, Maverick.” I needed more than a head shake or nod.
“Your aunt and Cash have both told me plenty about her. I know what she did to you last Christmas. I know that y’all had been talkin’ again and she screwed you over and that’s why you went out last Saturday.
” Tears pricked in my eyes, and damn it, but my voice quivered as I asked, “Is she gonna cause problems between us?”
Pain shone in his gaze, hung in every nook and cranny of his entire being. It radiated from him as his lips parted and he blew out a breath.
“Please,” I breathed, tears blurring my vision. “Please, talk to me. Or just…I don’t know write it down. Text it to me. Fuck, for all I care, pull off to the side of the road and write it in the fuckin’ dirt. I just—I need to know.”
I needed him to reassure me that she wouldn’t be a problem.
His brow furrowed, the scowl on his lips causing deep, angry grooves on his harsh, handsome face. His jaw clenched and unclenched as we sat in deafening silence.
“Look… I don’t need you to talk today. Or tomorrow. Or even a month from now. If you never talk again well, I’m sure we can make it work. But I need to know what that girl means to you, Mav. I need to know that what I feel for you is worth fightin’ for. I need some reassurance.”
I guess this was the defining moment. The deal breaker.
Had someone told me last Saturday that in a week from now I’d be wanting to dive into a relationship after barely dating someone, I’d have laughed in their face. Yet here I was, very much standing on the precipice of that decision. Trying to decide to jump all in or walk away.
I needed an answer.
Was I being irrational? Insensitive? Was I being unfair and selfish? Maybe. Probably. But I couldn’t back down now. No—I wouldn’t.
I know he’d been through a lot this last week. And I couldn’t even begin to fathom the toll it had taken on his past trauma, but I couldn’t be with someone if they couldn’t give me all of them. And if he couldn’t reassure me in some way or form of my fears, well, then he couldn’t give me that.
He reached a hand out, brushing his thumb across my cheek to wipe away one of my tears.
I watched the silent battle play out on his face.
Anger. Frustration. Fear. Determination.
Pain. He opened his mouth. Closed it. Opened it once more.
My heart clamored in my chest, beating so wildly against my rib cage I thought I might crack a rib.
“Please,” I whispered, gripping his wrist and leaning into his soothing touch.
But the longer we drove, the louder that silence got. He remained closed off to me. Distracted.
This was what I got for putting myself out there. For taking a risk. This was why hookups were so much easier.
No more. No more relationships. No more letting my stupid, weak heart get in the way.
Maverick tapped my leg, urging me to look at him. I whirled his way, ready to snap out some nasty, mean response, but it died on my lips as I saw the sorrow on his face. Sadness swelled within me, washing away the anger and leaving nothing but desolation in its place, fizzling out in the aftermath.
I knew he wanted to talk. I knew he was trying.
And I’d told him the truth earlier, if he never talked again that would be okay.
I wasn’t upset that he wasn’t talking. I was upset that even though he held my hand, even though his touch made me burn with need, I didn’t know how he felt about me.
I knew that actions spoke louder than words, and I knew it might be selfish of me, but right now I needed more than actions. More than what he could give.