Chapter 55 #2
A soft chuckle fell from my lips as I rifled through the trailer for some more bandages and Coban.
After finding all the supplies, I plopped myself into a chair and started wrapping.
Bad joined me a few moments later, pulling out a leather pouch from his back pocket.
We sat in silence for a few moments while I struggled with my hand and he methodically filled and rolled his cigarette.
Finishing, he pressed one to his lips and grabbed his lighter.
That first puff of sweet tobacco smoke on the air settled my nerves a bit. I’d stopped smoking since finding out Chey was pregnant—not that she’d asked or would have minded— but now that she was gone…
Bad noticed my gaze and offered me the cigarette. I didn’t even think twice as I reached across the way and took it.
“You know, I wouldn’t be so hasty to call her gone.” Bad’s voice was soft yet sure as he rolled himself another.
A flood of images sloshed though my mind, rocking me so thoroughly tears sprouted in my eyes. I bit them back as I met his gaze. “Don’t. Don’t give me hope when there ain’t none.”
“Remember that ranch horse we got… what was his name, Fucker?”
I chuckled in spite of myself. “Tucker.”
“Right, Fucker. Took us, what, almost three weeks of havin’ to rope him in his stall just to get him out? Another two to get him to let us put a damn halter on him—”
“—another couple weeks ‘til he’d walk up to the gate and let you pet him,” I cut in.
Bad puffed on his cigarette and nodded. “You and I had put a ton of work into him at that point, the fucker had come a long way…but your dumbass cousin had to go into his stall bein’ his loud, obnoxious-ass self, spooking the sonovabitch, and went and pissed away all that we’d done.”
I nodded, remembering that horse, that moment, clearly.
Tucker had been my first project horse Bad had let me call the shots with.
I’d been so proud of how far he’d come only for Cash to ruin it.
But I hadn’t given up on the horse. I’d just started the whole thing again.
Building up that trust bit by bit, day by day, until I could all but hang on him without him spooking.
“That girl and that horse are the same. She’s got a past you ain’t gonna ever understand or know fully.
Trigger responses you’re gonna be figurin’ out your whole damn life.
And things will be goin’ good, great even, then the littlest thing sets you back.
Don’t be so quick to give up on her. If she’s anythin’ like that horse, she’ll be back. ”
I didn’t speak, didn’t respond. I couldn’t. Not as my heart fluttered with hope in my chest, choking the air from my lungs.
Hope was a dangerous, powerful thing… but God, I hoped he was right.
Awave of disappointment settled around me as we pulled up to the barn at the ranch and I didn’t see Cheyenne’s truck. I didn’t know why I even expected to. She hadn’t called or texted—not that I thought she would. Bad’s words were like a curse I couldn’t get rid of in my mind.
Damn him for giving me hope.
Ryder had driven Charlie, Cason, Cash, and I back so that Bad and Violet could just go straight home. No use making an extra trip here. A thick tension brewed the entire truck-ride home. I applauded their efforts to make sure I was okay, but right now, all I wanted was to be left alone.
They’d all tried to encourage me to come over to Ryder and Charlie’s for an impromptu dinner and movie night, but I just wasn’t in the mood.
Everything reminded me of her now. Every place on this ranch.
The barn. Ryder and Charlie’s. My house.
Her presence still lingered around here. I wondered how long that would last.
A pang of sadness shot through my soul, but I struggled to ignore it. An impossible feat.
Cash still lingered outside the barn as I walked out from getting Betty put away. Annoyance mingled with the sadness as I pegged him with a fierce glare. “Where the hell were you today?”
Cash feigned a shrug, but I saw right through the easy-going facade. Something dark lurked in his hazel eyes. Something I probably should be more worried about, but was too annoyed to press further at the moment. “Dad told you don’t worry ‘bout it.”
I blew out a breath through my nose, but didn’t press. In the end, it didn’t matter. If Bad had told him not to say anything then he wouldn’t budge. But a knot of worry welled to life in me all the same. Whatever they’d done, they’d done on my behalf, of that I was certain.
“You sure you don’t wanna come to Charlie and Ryder’s?” he asked.
I shook my head, some of the annoyance leaving me, a deep hollowness replacing it. I was tired. Soul tired. The type of tired that no amount of rest or sleep could fix. I wished I knew what could stop it.
Something told me that whatever it was had wild blonde curls and eyes the color of gemstones.
“I just need some time alone,” I finally managed to say.
Cash nodded, lacking any of his usual flare. “I can drive you home.”
“Nah… I wanna walk. The fresh air helps clear my head.”
Another nod from him, followed by a sigh. “I’ll come check on you later.”
I didn’t bother arguing. It would do no good. Cash did what Cash wanted. So, with a loud exhale, I nodded and waved him off as I started my slow, lonely trudge back to the house.
I walked in silence, the night sky covered in a thick layer of clouds.
A storm was rolling in, I could feel it.
Even the air seemed like it was holding its breath.
The chill, winter wind bit at my skin, but I welcomed it.
Anything to replace the hurt in my heart.
A heavy mist started falling down halfway to the house, soaking through my clothes within a moment.
I couldn’t even bring myself to care about my felt hat getting wet.
I didn’t care much about anything.
How had I lost her? How could I have let her go? Maybe I could still go after her? But where the hell did I even start looking?
A single, sharp bark pierced the night, causing my steps to falter. I frowned, glancing up at the sound of footsteps. A red cattle dog raced toward me, another bark escaping it—this one bordering on a happy yip.
I frowned, pausing fully as I took in the dog. “Brandy?”
My heart leapt as she barreled into my legs, rubbing herself up against me, her tongue lolling out of her mouth as she begged for pets. How was she—
My gaze snapped up toward the house. A familiar truck sat beside mine in the driveway. And hopping down off the tailgate, looking like some angel from the glare of the porchlight silhouetting her appearance, was Cheyenne.
I tore off down the road toward her, gravel and dirt flying around me. Each step sent a jolt of answering pain reverberating through my fingers and up through my hand and wrist but I ignored it easily, hope and adrenaline driving my feet forward.
She was here. She was back.
I skidded to a stop just before her, my arms pulling her in and drawing her close. I clung to her like my life depended on it, while my heart beat like hummingbird wings against my ribcage.
“You came back.” The words left my lips in a broken whisper. I could barely speak, let alone breathe as I pulled back, gazing down into those beautiful turquoise eyes.
God, she was gorgeous.
Tears welled in her gaze, a single droplet slipping down her cheek, but she smiled through it, a choked laugh escaping her. “I sure did, cowboy.”
Cradling her face in my hands, my pain all but forgotten, I pressed the softest kiss to her lips. Tentative, hesitant—so as not to scare her away again. She leaned into the touch, kissing me back.
“What made you change your mind?” I asked, pulling back just enough to rest my forehead against her own.
She pressed her hands to my chest. “You…and Charlie. She called and talked some sense into me. But the thought of leavin’ you…
The thought of givin’ up on us…” She glanced down at her belly before looking at me once more, her gemstone eyes shining brightly.
“The thought of our baby not gettin’ to grow up with her daddy… well, I just couldn’t give up on that.”
My breath hitched in my chest, tears pricking in my eyes.
Our baby.
I smiled, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. “I love you.”
A broken sob escaped her. “And I love you,” she replied, bringing her hands up to cup my wrists.
Pain shot through my hand at the pressure, and despite my best efforts, I pulled away, wincing.
Worry knotted her brows. “What happened? Is that from last night?”
I blew out a breath and glanced beyond her to the porch column for a moment. “No… I uh…I went up against the column on the porch, and…well, I lost.”
She shook her head, a disbelieving chuckle escaping her as she gently grabbed my arm to inspect the makeshift splint. “Oh my God, Maverick. And you roped like this?”
I shrugged. “Well, yeah. I wasn’t gonna scratch.”
She huffed. “Stubborn cowboy.”
“Now, that’s a bit hypocritical, don’t you think?” I asked, but there was warmth in my words as I drew her against me.
She tilted her head back to meet my gaze, a vulnerability I rarely saw shining in her bright eyes.
“I’m sorry for leavin’ like that. I was just…
well, I was scared. I know that don’t make it right.
But…that’s what I’ve always done. It’s second-nature to me.
” She blew out a deep, shaky breath. “I’m sorry that I hurt you in the process, though.
You didn’t deserve that.” She pressed a hand to my chest, her gaze dipping down for a moment.
“I don’t want you to think that I left because of what you told me last night.
It was never because of that. You don’t know how much it means to me that you shared that piece of you with me.
That you found me worthy enough to bare your soul like that.
” Her gaze traveled up my body once more, the intensity in her gaze paralyzing me in place.
“I need you to know that it wasn’t that. ”
My good hand traveled up her curves, between her shoulder blades, and knotted in her long, wild curls at the nape of her neck. Leaning in, I murmured softly against her lips, “I know.”
She resisted a moment, putting pressure on my chest so we remained but a breath away from each other as she spoke.
“I can’t promise that I’m never gonna get scared and run off again.
It’s been a part of me for so long, it’s a habit that’s gonna take a while to break.
Like with the red filly, you know…” Her shoulders lifted in a shrug.
“It don’t matter how many times I go into her stall, I can’t just go grab her or else she runs.
I gotta be patient… Just like with her, sometimes, I spook myself, and I need some time to come to terms with what’s happenin’.
So, I can’t in good faith tell you somethin’ like this ain’t ever gonna happen again, but I can tell you that I will always, always come back to you.
I ain’t givin’ up on this. On you. On us. ”
Bad’s words rang in my mind from earlier.
He’d been right. I’d been so dead set on the idea that I’d lost her, that I hadn’t seen reason.
Seen the signs. She was like every wild or abused horse I’d ever dealt with.
Having her say that aloud though…I understood now.
Understood and knew exactly how to deal with it.
Patience and love. Both of which I looked forward to showing her for the rest of my life.
I pulled her to me fully and claimed her mouth in mine. She opened to me, deepening the kiss, matching my intensity with a hunger, a want, a need of her own.
I loved that about her. How wild and open she was with her passion. She loved so deeply, so intensely.
Need and love thrummed to life in my chest as I got lost in her. The familiar feel of her lips on mine. Her tantalizing scent. The way she fit so perfectly in my arms.
She was here. She was home. And I’d never let her go again.