20. Bash #2
I’m about to enter the house when I hear a clicking noise filtering around the side of the property. I’m immediately alert. My property isn’t in town, but it’s not quite rural like Ford’s or West’s. I have neighbors dotted along the lakeside.
It could be an animal, or it could be someone trying to steal my boat. So I alter my route and take the stepping-stone pathway around the side of the house that leads onto the back deck.
I find no thief. Only Gwen, sitting on the steps of the back deck, arm outstretched, clucking at a raccoon with a piece of bread in her hand.
Having her under my roof has been a mindfuck. But tonight, after enduring Tripp’s reflections on their relationship, is a special brand of torture.
I’ve spent weeks slowly convincing myself that it would be okay for me to pursue her. I was seconds away from taking that leap. I felt confident that it wouldn’t matter if I did.
And then, in one fell swoop, Tripp waltzed in and fucked it all up.
So now, while hiding in the shadows, I soak her in.
She’s beautiful. More than that, the way she sees the world is beautiful.
She’s good for me. Hell, she makes me laugh.
Living in my head feels like a constant battle sometimes, but standing next to Gwen with my feet in the sand makes everything feel a little bit better.
Tonight, she’s peaceful, wrapped in a long, coarsely knit sweater, her platinum locks in a loose mess around her face. The twinkle of the midnight-blue water behind her makes her glow even brighter.
It makes me want…it makes me want .
But I can’t. Frustration builds as I admire her. And jealousy too.
He had his chance, and he squandered it. Tripp doesn’t realize how fucking lucky he is that a girl like her gave him the time of day.
With that frustration bubbling inside of me, I lash out.
“The fuck are you doing?” I ask, startling them both and ruining the moment exactly like I secretly intended to. It will be easier this way. Or at least that’s what I tell myself.
The raccoon turns his beady eyes on me, then bolts into the darkness.
Gwen, however, does not share that instinct. Her gaze snaps to mine, incensed. “What the hell! I’ve been sitting here for thirty minutes, convincing him to come that close.”
I should apologize, but I say, “Raccoons are vermin. They carry diseases.”
She tilts her head at me.
“What? Are you going to tell me there is a raccoon chakra I don’t know about that you’re tapping into? They’re pests. If they start coming around because you feed them, they’ll?—”
“They’ll what? Lay siege to your castle and take over the entire property like small, furry Vikings?”
I tip my chin up. When she puts it like that, I sound ridiculous. “They can carry rabies.”
“That raccoon wasn’t rabid.”
I sigh. I can’t believe I’ve cornered myself into arguing about rabid raccoons just to get her attention. Apparently, any sort of attention will do where Gwen is concerned.
“Okay.” I hold my hands up in surrender. “You know what? It’s fine. Feed all the raccoons you want if it makes your energy flow or whatever, but if they come around and make a mess, you’ll clean it up.”
“Oh, cute. Mocking my beliefs and career. Very original. No one has ever made that joke before,” she volleys back before turning and tossing the piece of bread into the trees. “There you go, Larry! Let the carbohydrate energy flow through your raccoon chakras to achieve full enlightenment!”
Then she spins on me, eyes narrowed. “Thanks, Daddy Buzzkill. You just chased him off for no good reason.”
The way she spits the word daddy makes me realize she’s just as irritated by Tripp’s unannounced arrival as I am.
I step out of the darkness and into the flood of light that illuminates the backyard. “No good reason?”
She pushes to stand, giving a defiant nod as she wipes her hands against her flowy cotton pants. “Yes. Just to be a dick, no doubt.”
I rear back ever so slightly. I hadn’t expected her to bite back to this degree. “ Just to be a dick ?” My tongue pops into my cheek. “Is this the famed gentle approach you take with everyone who practices yoga with you?”
I catch myself drifting toward her, drawn in her direction. Forcing myself to stop, I prop a hip against the railing at the top of the steps, crossing my arms like a barricade against the urge to move any closer.
A dry, unamused laugh lurches from her throat as she pads up the steps toward me like she’s ready to square off.
She comes right to my level. Face-to-face.
“Bash, whatever we’re doing, it’s not yoga.
I don’t owe you anything. And if you thought being in touch with my mind and body means I have to be a soft-spoken pushover just to accommodate your shit moods, then you thought wrong. ”
I blink, watching the gears turn in her head.
She reaches forward, pressing her pointer finger into the center of my chest above my crossed arms. “I’ve done nothing but respect your wishes and your home.
I have stayed as far out of your way as possible.
Minded my own business. Done only what I was asked here to do.
So it’s really very simple. If you have a problem with me , then don’t seek me out.
Because from where I’m sitting, I was minding my own business, and you popped up out of nowhere to scold me. ”
She sucks in a breath, like her rant is over.
But then she hits me with a killing blow.
“I’ve already lived in the type of household where it was preferable for me to be seen but not heard, and I’m not signing up for that again.
So get your shit together and let me have a moment to myself.
Maybe you should go take one for yourself too.
The sand is that way.” She points down at the water. “Go get grounded.”
I should back down, but I don’t. She’s right. I’m being a raging dick, and she’s seeing past it all.
“Nothing about my chakras now? Which one is it again? My crown chakra?”
Gwen scoffs. “I mean, to be frank, all your chakras are fucked.”
“Oh yeah?”
“You’re repressed and lashing out.”
My molars clamp as I gaze down on her.
“And bitter. And so tense that I don’t think your body would let you take a proper deep breath even if you tried.”
“Wow. Encouraging. Please enlighten me. Tell me more about the ways that I’m fucked.”
She tilts her head and purses her lips, assessing me.
Her eyes trail over my body in a way that makes my skin hum.
“Your throat chakra is fucked because you can’t, for the life of you, say out loud what’s in your head.
Never mind your heart chakra—you definitely won’t acknowledge anything going on in there.
But based on your current behavior, I’m going to go say that one is positively brimming with jealousy. ”
I roll my eyes, a feeble cover. “Is that so, Gwen? And what would I be jealous of?”
She smirks now, crossing her arms to mimic my motion. “I don’t know, Bash. What would you be jealous of?” Her toe nudges the tip of my boot. “Could it be Tripp? You mad he had what you want?”
My lungs seize. I didn’t expect her to spell it out quite like that.
“I think I’ve made myself pretty clear. I told you what I’d have chosen, and you told me to back off.
” She bumps my toe again, leans in close, and whispers, “So now you’ll just mope around feeling sorry for yourself because the timing is all fucked up and you feel like you owe him something you don’t. ”
I incline my head toward her, close enough to feel her breath fanning across my jaw. “Careful, Gwen.”
She chuckles, but there’s no humor in it. And she doesn’t back down. Instead, her lips move closer to the shell of my ear. “Or what? You might man up and take something for yourself for once?”
I snap.
I take something for myself for once.
My hands dart out and grip Gwen’s waist.
“You know what?” I snarl, yanking her toward me, staring at her plush mouth as her lips softly part—no doubt to say something infuriating. But I don’t let her get a word in edgewise.
“Fuck it,” I mutter.
Then I kiss her.