Chapter 31 Derrick
thirty-one
Derrick
“What the fuck was going through your mind bringing that fucker here?”
Before this moment, when I closed my eyes, I could still see her under the sunflower shade, smiling pretty at me. The taste of her lips lingered on mine, but now it’s all soured.
Hurt sours my stomach, blinding me for just a second, and suddenly, I’m at my brother’s throat. I pin Major against the kitchen cabinets, my hand over his neck, and I look right into his eyes, so similar to mine. Yet his are full of fucking secrets, and I can’t take it anymore.
“I had to report it!” Major struggles against my hold.
It’s a fucking joke that my bad hand is holding him back. My fingers hurt like a fucker, twitching with the strong hold, but I don’t care about the pain radiating up my arm. It fits right in with the pain of having a brother who can’t fucking talk.
“You should have told us, Major,” Jesse says. “How many times do we have to go through this?”
“I just did what I had to do. I didn’t want you to be burdened with this.”
Anger is hot traveling through my veins, commanding my moves. I smash his head against the cabinets in frustration and let go. Major falls in a heap at my feet. He’s a big man, so I’m surprised he let me keep him pinned for this long.
“I kept quiet because it’s not my business how you lead your pack. I’m just your fucked-up brother and a freeloader, but she changes things, Major.”
Major massages his throat as he raises his eyes to me. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“It means we agreed to keep her safe! Bringing an Alpha over isn’t fucking safe. It doesn’t matter if he works for the Alliance—”
“I fucking get that.” He stands up, eyes narrowed. “Not that. The part about not being part of the pack.”
Something shifts in the air, and for the first time, I realize that the scowl he was wearing hid all the hurt.
I turn to Jesse, trying to find someone to translate whatever this is, but he shakes his head.
So this is between my brother and me? I don’t like that, since we can rarely speak two words without misunderstanding each other.
“How can you say you’re not part of this pack?” My brother’s tone shifts to something softer, full of hurt.
“Because I’m not. I know that. You dragged me here after my injury. You never chose me. Neither of you. I’m just here.”
My skin feels too tight as I say it. I don’t enjoy being this vulnerable. We’ve never had this conversation before, mostly because it hurts me to be an intruder. As if it wasn’t hard enough to deal with everything I lost, this has always been the gap between us.
“I choose you every day, Brother.”
I don’t dare look at Jesse’s reaction to this as I can barely bear my own. Major shakes his head. “I went back to Mom’s to take you because you belong here. Not because of some misguided familial obligation, but because we’re a pack.”
“You’ve never said anything,” I croak out.
“That’s true,” Jesse says, sitting once again, relaxing against the chair. “It’s not like it’s just on him.”
“I never wanted to burden you with a bond you might not feel. You left for the rodeo, and I was happy for you. I understood the pack life was ending, and you were doing what you had to do to survive, but the second you came back, I came for you.”
“Maybe if you stop assuming you’re a burden…” Jesse says, but when Major slices him a look, he raises his palm in surrender. “Just a thought.”
“I don’t like the idea that I’m failing. I try to make sure—”
“It’s not working.” I’m blunt and back to the subject before I have to return my thoughts to what he just revealed.
“He’s right. It doesn’t feel like a pack bound, Major.
” Jesse finally speaks up. “It’s in an Alpha’s nature to protect, but you leave us in the dark.
And now that we have an Omega…” His eyes close for a brief second.
“Even if it’s temporary. It's dangerous not to include us in every decision. She needs each of us, all three. That’s why the pack exists. ”
Major clicks his jaw, and for a long moment, I think he’ll walk away like he does when things get uncomfortable, but he doesn’t. He surprises me by nodding and breathing out his tension.
“I never meant to fuck up this pack.” His eyes burn into mine. “That we are three parts of. You’re my fucking pack, Derrick.”
If it’s uncomfortable enough, Jesse’s eyes find mine. “You've always been part of the pack, Derrick. And it’s fucked up that you haven’t realized that.”
The silence is fucking painful, but I finally clear my throat, squaring my shoulders. “If I’m part of the pack, I’m done with this bullshit of being kept in the dark. All or nothing, Major.”
My brother’s calculating gaze hits mine as he takes everything in. I wait for him to deny our accusations, but he surprises me by dropping his head, shoulders down, and nodding.
“I never wanted things to get this bad,” he says, and I hear the regret in his tone.
“It’s alright.”
“Now, hug it out.” Jesse chuckles.
I flip him off. “It doesn’t solve all our problems. Veda is still upset.”
“She’ll feel better when she meets her pack,” Major says, and I start to think that if we repeat the words enough times, we’ll start believing it.
“Maybe she made her choice.”
Jesse’s bold words ring in the kitchen, an echo of Veda’s own words. I did all I could to brush that aside and forget, there’s too much hope in a simple word. Choice. It’s not fair to even entertain the thought.
“I’m not dismissing her wants,” Major says carefully. “But scent-matching is different. She’s going to feel a pull she can’t control.”
“And what’s the probability that she scent-matches with us?”
I don’t even realize the question comes out of my mouth until it’s out there.
“It’s low,” Major finally says. “After so long with us. After what you all”—he clears his throat—“shared.”
Damn, I’m not even going to pretend I feel guilty. He doesn’t know about my stunt in the woods. I decide to take that secret to the grave.
“It’s not impossible then,” Jesse says, getting up and stretching out as if this conversation is not life-altering.
“Not impossible,” my brother grits out.
Jesse nods and grabs his guitar from where it was resting against the far wall. With a lazy smile, he says, “I can work with that.”
He moves away, strumming a song I’ve never heard before as he goes. Hope dares to grow inside at the same time awareness prickles my skin. I give my brother one last nod before moving outside.
My heart pumps with adrenaline like I ran a mile to get here.
I need space, so I choose the back trail leading to the Golden Acre, my chest hurting with everything I’m keeping within.
Major’s words replay in my head. I tried to act casually, but it feels good to know they accept me as a packbrother.
That they don’t care I’m a broken man who lost it all.
Then Jesse’s optimism hits me at once, and the idea that maybe—just fucking maybe—we can scent-match with Veda feels like a ball of warm light spreading from my heart all the way down to my toes.
I’m smiling like a fool, deciding to nurture that good feeling instead of rejecting it. One chance in a million to have her is better than none. Before I realize where my feet led me, I’m right in front of Storm.
As usual, she regards me with suspicion, her black eyes shining as I come closer.
“Howdy, Miss Storm. The woman of the house baptized you, so I’m afraid you gotta stay.”
Best we get that out of the way. Storm belongs to Veda, so I can’t let her go. It’s as simple as that, and if I wasn’t sure where this was going before, I now see what I have to do clearly, like the stupid scar on my fucked-up hand.
Storm must feel the change in me because she eyes me carefully, blowing out a breath of frustration. It’s not a challenge. She’s looking at me in a way that makes me wonder if all this time, all she was doing was waiting for me to stop being a coward.
Goddamn, I’m about to break my own curse.