Chapter 33 Veda
thirty-three
Veda
Yes.
I don’t judge myself for craving his release as much as I do.
No man ever had this power over me, and as if nodding eagerly isn't enough of an answer, I say yes around his cock.
The vibration of the word tips him over the edge.
My belly curls, and hot, delicious honey leaks between my thighs as I watch him lose all control.
I suck him deeper, hollowing my cheeks, and he explodes in my mouth. It's a lot at first, but I hold him firmly, my hand squeezing his knot. His groans are masculine and powerful, and I know I could come just from his praising words and his husky moans.
Nothing gets wasted. I drink all his cum, and once I’m done, I fall into his chest, my ear over his racing heart, loving when his arms close tight around me.
We breathe together, my legs intertwined with his.
I try to ignore the impulse to touch myself right there.
This is his night. I want him to have it all.
My eyes jerk open when his hand finds its way between my legs.
His finger circles my clit so gently that I whimper and surrender to the feeling.
Damn, I really wanted to make this about him, but I can’t say no right now.
Pleasure travels quickly through my body, and I arch my back, my nipples stiff under my nightgown.
“Derrick, oh god—”
My nails dig into the arm between my legs. A voice inside tells me to move away, to tell him again not to bother, but the excuses fall from my lips. I’ve never had anyone but myself responsible for my pleasure. I never trusted a man to be worried if I got my turn, but it’s different with him.
His blue eyes flicker between my brown, taking in every expression, every moan. His touch is soft, but I feel the firmness of his forearm, the bulging veins as if he’s trying not to let himself go, yet there’s nothing I want more than watching him lose himself on me.
“You’re so wet, darlin’,” he tells me between my lips before stealing a kiss. “So fucking pretty.”
My nails sink into the skin of his arm. “Are you holding back?”
“Have to.” He rasps, “I want a place between your thighs.”
The words come out as a confession, and I whimper because I want that too. I want nothing but to feel him deep inside me, to have his knot forcing itself in, tearing me in two.
“Me too. I feel so empty,” I tell him, only a fraction of my thoughts.
A ragged sound rips from his throat. He kisses me so hard I gasp in surprise before responding with the same enthusiasm. He works my clit in a delicious rhythm as the tip of his middle finger tries just the entrance of my body.
“Please, please,” I beg.
“I can’t. I need to be real gentle with you. You’re just recovering.”
The hunger is so great that I keep forgetting that it is my body that needs time. The climax builds tighter and tighter, and I claw closer to him, words failing me.
“Shh, it’s okay. Let me take care of you.”
Derrick plays with my clit and dips his middle finger in just a little, just the right way, and I tumble into the biggest orgasm of my life. I cry out, unafraid, trembling with the strength of what he gave me. He curses softly and kisses me, a million words shared in one kiss..
He bites my lip and moves away, eyes shining and a smirk on his lips as he moves the hand on my pussy to his mouth, savoring my juices as if it’s the most delicious thing he's ever tried. I’ve never seen something so sinful like that. My mouth falls open, and he chuckles.
“Next time, I’m drinking straight from your cunt.”
The crude name doesn’t even bother me anymore. It doesn’t matter what he calls it as long as he does what he’s promising.
We fall into comfortable silence, my head over his beating heart, my eyelids heavy with sleep.
“Are you really staying the night?” I whisper.
He holds me closer. “Yeah.”
I kiss his jaw, and it feels so good to do what I want. To kiss him because I can, to hold on to him because we both need it. I’m almost falling asleep into his arms when he talks again.
“I’m sorry for today.” When I don’t reply, he explains, “What Dominic said.”
Dominic said so many things I can’t even sort through them right now. I stayed in my bedroom when he left, lost between crying for my daughter and crying for a life without my three cowboys.
“I don’t want you to worry about scent-matching. I’m fucking selfish for even saying this, but there’s so much for us to think about right now. Bringing Mirasol home is what is important. Let everything else fall into place.”
I bury my nose on his chest, and I don’t tell him I want to scent-match with them.
That I want to stay here and look at the sunflowers every day and play guitar with Jesse.
That I need to watch Derrick ride a horse again and soften Major’s edges.
Telling someone that you wish to be their soulmate is not something you can whisper and come back from, so I don’t.
The following morning, I knew I overslept the second my eyes opened, but it’s not my fault. The big, warm cowboy beside me is who I have to blame. I slept like a rock, and I know I won’t sleep without him anymore. This nest was made for more than one person.
“Good mornin’.” His voice is thick with sleep, and I shiver. “Hungry?”
“Famished.”
He inhales deeply. “Someone is cooking already. Let’s eat.”
I quickly change to a loose dress, not bothering with underwear, a detail not missed by Derrick.
“You’re going to drive everyone insane like that,” he points out as we emerge from my room.
“It is what it is,” I say, trying to hide my smile.
It’s true that the nest is too big just for me, but even with Derrick, it’s missing two others. I won’t rest until they’re all with me.
In the kitchen, Major is over the stove while Jesse is making a pile of toast. I smile big at them when we enter, and Major shoots me a glare from over his shoulder. Of course, he does, but I decide that I don’t really mind the grumpiness.
“Good morning.” I skip over to Jesse and kiss him on the lips.
He’s surprised and almost doesn’t reciprocate until I’m stepping away. His eyes devour me as he licks his lips, tasting me on him.
“It is a good morning,” he agrees.
While I’m brave, I’m not that brave to go kiss Major, but I touch the middle of his back, whispering a good morning to my grump too.
“So y’all had a good night?” Jesse smirks. I wasn’t quiet about it, so he probably heard it all.
“Slept like a baby.” I smile and dig into my breakfast.
Major joins us at the table, yet his eyes don’t move from me.
These guys have good noses, and they don’t need to hear the moans last night to know what happened.
But I pretend there’s nothing different with me.
I just don’t care to hide my feelings anymore.
I want them to know exactly how much I want to stay.
And apparently, perfuming is the only language these Alphas understand.
“This can’t happen.” Major finally breaks the silence, obviously frustrated with the rest of us.
“And what exactly is this?” I blink in innocence.
His jaw clenches. “We aren’t your pack, Veda. They shouldn’t touch you.”
That last command comes out gruffly as he watches his packmates. No one reacts to this. Major is used to having the last word, so this doesn’t really surprise me.
I take a bite of toast and nod, resting on the back of the chair.
“You see, Major, I’ve heard that my whole life.
Grandpa always liked to shame me for looking at anyone.
” I don’t miss his wince when the words are out of my mouth, but I keep going.
“For a long time, I was ashamed when a man told me I was pretty. When someone offered to carry my bags. When they even opened the door because Grandpa said I was leading them on. I believed my whole life that I was doing something wrong by just existing.”
“Veda—” he says, but I shake my head.
“Until very recently, I’ve never come with anyone but my own fingers.” I shrug. “So no, I’m not going to stop, and I’m not going to feel ashamed for this. Got it?”
My trembling hands lift the toast for a bite again. Everything I said needed to be said, but I still blush and shake. Years of repression won’t disappear with one night of pleasure, but I’ll fight every single day.
Soon, I’m going to be raising my little girl, and she will never hear the things I heard growing up. I want to cleanse myself from the bullshit I was raised on. I have to make sure I own myself before I can be an example to her, and you better believe I’m not going to let him shame me, too.
“I’m sorry.” He swallows thickly. “I don’t want to control you, Veda. I’m just worried. I don’t want to see you and them hurt when the mating celebration comes along, and you go away with another pack. Then what happens? You’re not going to be here to pick up the pieces.”
The excited bubble inside me bursts, and I deflate. I don’t want them to break because of me. I don’t ever want to see Jesse or Derrick cry.
“You don’t need to worry about that, darlin’.” Derrick’s voice is firm, with no room for arguments.
My eyes flick to him, and I’m not sure if I can believe his words, but Jesse nods alongside him. “We know what is at stake. I’d prefer one day with you rather than nothing at all.”
It’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard in my life, and I jump from my chair into his arms. I’m not thinking straight and want to hug him. Jesse has always made me feel so wanted and at home. He brightens my world, and I want to be that for him. Never sadness, only good things.
“Don’t worry about what’s going to happen in weeks from now,” he says firmly.
“I don’t want you to hate me,” I whisper.
Jesse smiles, shaking his head. “That’s never going to happen, sweetheart. Never. I’m going to love you till the end of my days.”
I’m kissing him before I think about where we are. His strong arms close around me, and mine wind around his neck. Jesse is such a good kisser. He always knows when to go soft and when to go hard. I’m a puddle with his kiss, my perfume so strong that even I can taste it in the air.
We move apart, and he smiles in that way that gets me every time. I turn around, but I don’t move from his lap, and my face falls as I notice Major is not here anymore.
“He’s fine,” Derrick says when he notices the crease forming between my brows at his brother’s absence. “We all make choices. This is his.”
My plan was to bring them all to my nest. I want Major too, but it’s not right to tempt him when he’s right. This might end in disaster, and if the others are okay with betting on me, I have to make peace with the fact that Major doesn’t want any part of us.
“Come on, finish your breakfast, and I’ll take you to Storm.”
The promise of seeing my favorite wild mare has me smiling a little. I try to stand to return to my seat, but Derrick tsks.
“You stay right where you are. I’ll grab the plate for you.”
Jesse hums in agreement, his arms holding me tighter until I laugh and accept that this is my place in life.
Eating bacon on his lap.