Chapter 13
13
NOELLE
I 'd met everyone over time from working at the lodge and the fundraiser I helped organize in December.
The girls were talking about the family dynamics and how everyone was so loud and boisterous at these events.
"Can you imagine what it will be like in a few years when everyone's married with kids?" Tori asked, and my heart clenched.
It was a good reminder that everyone was settling down. Soon, they would be getting married and having kids. I'd have to be okay with being the sole one without a significant other. Could I hang out with these women and watch Killian bring another woman home?
The pain in my chest was so great; it was difficult to breathe.
"We're so glad you're here tonight. Soon, we'll outnumber the men," Carolina said.
Addison nodded. "You'll have to have all girls."
Scarlett nodded seriously. "Yes, that will tip the scales in our favor."
"I'm not sure that we're ready to add to our brood quite yet. Dakota's been talking about it. But we want to make sure she's settled before we make too many more changes. We only recently got engaged, and we want to enjoy things just as they are," Addison said, her gaze shifting to Walker, who stood next to Eli.
"When are you thinking of getting married?" Tori asked Scarlett, and the conversation spun to wedding talk.
The talk of weddings made me feel very much alone. I'd avoided relationships over the years, but I knew this was going to happen eventually. I'd be left behind. But I had so many things to do and accomplish before I could even think of settling down. Then there was the issue that I couldn't seem to look past Killian.
"Speaking of relationships, is there anything going on between you and Killian?" Tori nudged me with her shoulder.
I frowned. "Why would you think that?"
"Um." Tori looked at the other women. "You're living together now and spending all your free time with each other."
"That's work though. I'm his assistant. And it's just more convenient for me to live with him and use the kitchen downstairs to make my donuts. If there was another condo available, I would have used that one," I rambled, hoping it sounded reasonable.
"I lived with Xander before we hooked up too. It's hard to avoid each other when you share a bathroom, if you know what I mean." Tori winked at us.
"We each have separate rooms and bathrooms."
Tori grinned. "That's too bad. A lot of naughty things can happen in a shared bathroom."
The girls laughed, and I felt Killian's gaze on the side of my face. He was probably wondering what we were talking about.
"I guess there's no naked run-ins if you don't share a bathroom," Carolina said.
My face heated because I had seen him naked.
Tori's eyes widened. "Did something happen?"
I waved a hand at her. "It was nothing, and it was before I moved in. He needed assistance because of his knee."
Scarlett leaned in close and lowered her voice. "In the shower?"
"Yes." My face was hot, and I desperately wanted to stick my head outside to cool off.
"Have you seen Killian naked ?" Scarlett asked.
"I didn't look. My gaze stayed up here." I gestured at Scarlett's chest level.
"That takes some will power," Carolina added.
"And nothing happened?" Tori asked.
"No." I felt a little guilty because none of my friends knew about the disastrous kiss that occurred when we were teens.
Clara called everyone to dinner, and Tori leaned in close to say, "I'm not sure I believe you."
I shrugged.
"Ugh. You never tell me anything. Don't you know that's how relationships work? I tell you a secret. You tell me one."
I placed my hands on my hips. "What secret have you told me?"
She waved a hand in the air. "I'm sure I've told you something."
We walked toward the table on a lighter note, but I couldn't help but be worried about what she'd said. Had I been a bad friend over the years? Did she feel like I wasn't forthcoming enough? If so, she was right. I had kept everything to myself.
I didn't want anyone else to know how I'd been so reckless with a boy. I made the first move without verifying he felt the same. It was a rookie mistake I wouldn't make again.
Telling my friends felt like rehashing that awful day, and I didn't want to do it. But at the same time, I didn't want to lose my friends.
At the table, I was told to sit next to Killian. Tori was on my other side, so I felt more comfortable.
Killian leaned in close, his aftershave a delectable scent that made me want to move closer. "How are you doing?"
"I'm fine."
"They're not giving you a hard time?" Killian nodded toward the girls.
"I could ask you the same thing about your brothers," I said, smoothing the cloth napkin over my lap.
"Eh. I'm used to it. But you aren't. Your family is different."
"My siblings are so much younger. We don't give each other a hard time." We were there for each other through everything.
"I didn't want to leave you alone, but Carolina whisked you away."
I rested a hand on Killian's thigh, and when the muscles under my palm tightened, I immediately withdrew. "It was fine. You don't have to worry about me."
"But I do," Killian said simply, and my heart rate picked up.
Food was passed around, and talk centered around the hot tubs Walker installed at the cabins.
"I'll have to show you the hot tub on the rooftop deck," Killian said so only I could hear.
"Tonight?" I don't know why I was being so bold. Getting into a hot tub with Killian was a very bad idea. I behaved myself when I helped him in the shower because he was my charge. It was my job to look after him. But this felt social, and time spent in a hot tub at night felt naughty. That was outside the scope of my duties.
"You want to?" Killian asked; his eyes darkened with what I could only describe as heat.
"Yeah, I'd like that." My mouth was dry, and I didn't have an explanation for why I was flirting with Killian. He wasn't interested in me. He was just being nice. There was no alternative reason to get me in the hot tub.
He wasn't harboring some kind of childhood crush for me. Or even an adult one for that matter. I was letting my overactive imagination get away from me. The one that only seemed to pop up around Killian Wilde.
"There's a maple syrup festival going on at one of the farms tomorrow. It sounds like fun," Carolina said.
"Oh, I want to go," Dakota said.
"The flyer said they'll have pancakes and syrup to buy and demonstrations. There's also hiking."
"I want to go," Killian said.
"You want to go to a syrup festival?" I asked him, surprised he was interested in a local festival.
Killian shrugged. "Yeah, why not? You want to go with me?"
"It's my job to go where you want me to go."
"So if I insist you get in the hot tub tonight, you can't say no?" Killian asked softly.
"I already agreed, but I don't think it's in my job description."
Killian placed a hand on the back of my chair, leaning in. "I wouldn't want to slip on the deck getting in."
I shook my head. "When you put it like that, it does sound like it's business then."
"I wouldn't call it business. More like keeping an eye on me." Killian flashed me a wink, and everything inside of me melted.
We were seated so close. I wondered if anyone else could see the effect he had on me.
Talk turned to Dakota and her involvement in the art club at school and drop-in volleyball nights. It sounded like she was settling in with Walker and enjoying her new life here.
I couldn't imagine what she went through when her mother died and she found the father she never knew about.
Sometimes, the Wildes' lives felt like a fairytale whereas the Richards' were grounded in reality. A sometimes-grim reality. There was never enough money to go around. My brother and sister were growing quickly and constantly needed new clothes and shoes. Their school activities came with a price tag. And I didn't want Mom to worry about any of it.
"Are you okay? You got quiet there for a second."
"I was just thinking about how different my family is from yours." The Wildes didn't talk or even worry about money. There was a feeling of abundance, whether it was money, resources, love, or affection. There was enough of all of it to go around.
"I enjoyed my time with your family. Just because it's smaller doesn't mean there's any less love."
"I guess." Didn't he see how small our family home was compared to his?
"I felt the love when I was there yesterday. It was just as potent as ours."
I nodded. I could agree with him on that point, but when it came to scarcity and abundance, we were very different. I had to think about how we'd pay for college in a few years. I wouldn't let Christopher stay and get a job to help the family. No more sacrifices for the good of the family. Unless they came from me. "That's nice of you to say."
Killian frowned. "I believe it."
"That's nice to hear. Thank you." I was a little overcome with emotion. Killian saw me in a way that no one else ever did. No one was ever interested in getting to know me and my family. I threw up walls, and no one bothered to even attempt to scale them.
Killian nodded, satisfied with my answer.
I had to get through the next few weeks. He'd be on the mend soon, and then he'd be gone. Back to his home, wherever that was. Probably a hotel room in every town he raced in. It was the life he wanted. Mine was here. With my family and my new businesses.
"How is your assistant business going?" Roland asked.
"We just got the option working on the app," Eli answered for me. "We're telling guests as they're checking in about the service. So far, we've had a good response. Now we need people to use it."
"I'm keeping a close eye on it," I said, "because I may need to hire more employees." I hated the idea of sharing the profit with everyone. But I baked donuts in the morning, assisted Killian most of the day, and needed time to spend with my family. There weren't many hours in the day left.
"Killian will be heading back to work soon enough. Then you'll have more time," Roland said as if it wasn't a big deal. I didn't like the idea of Killian being gone. I'd gotten used to living with him. Would I stay in the condo without him? It would be so big and empty.
I wanted to hold onto the idea of him for as long as I could. I didn't want to say goodbye to the possibility of us. A tingle ran through my body. I liked Killian, and if I wanted to stay true to myself, I might need to make another move on him. At the very least, tell him how I felt. It would hurt if he didn't feel the same way again, but at least I'd know. I wouldn't spend the rest of my life wondering what if I'd taken advantage of this situation.
I'd noticed his physical reaction to me. He'd been hard in the bathroom and that time he woke up from a nap. Now he could have been thinking about anyone, or maybe it was me. The curiosity was driving me crazy.
"I think you're amazing to start so many businesses. I can barely handle the one," Scarlett said. "And that's more of a passion project. I love what I'm doing so much that I don't worry about numbers."
Eli put his arm around her. "That's my job."
Oliver snorted. "It's a good thing you're having me look over it. Eli's not the best at staying on a budget."
"How many times do I have to tell you? I'm the big idea guy." Eli puffed out his chest.
Oliver raised a brow. "Your big ideas come with an even larger price tag."
"We all have our strengths, and we're working within them to make Wilde Ski Resort the best it can be." Roland raised his is glass, and everyone followed suit.
"To the future of Wilde Ski Resort. May we create a business that will last generations. May it lift up our children and generations of Wildes."
I clinked glasses with those around me, smiling, but inside I was filled with emotion. I wanted the same for my family. Was it too much to hope for? Eli had paid me for the first month of my donut business, which was more than I needed, and for my services I provided to Killian that didn't feel like that much.
Sure, I was providing a service, but I was enjoying it too. It felt like helping a friend, not work. It wasn't a hardship to assist Killian in the bathroom.
The crazy part was that I paid for the mortgage and other expenses and had money left over because I wasn't paying rent. I needed to talk to Killian about that. It didn't seem right. But at the same time, it was exciting to have money to put into savings.
I thought it was the first time I could say I had something in the bank. For a rainy day or even to buy myself something. That sounded selfish, but I hoped I'd get to the point where this was my life. I was building the businesses and my wealth. I was making a difference in my family's life and my own.
For the first time, I could finally see it, and I owed all of it to the Wildes. Without them, I'd still be dealing with Cal and his price cuts.
Conversation carried on around us, and I felt content to just be a part of it. The Wildes weren't mine and probably never would be. But I could enjoy this for as long as Killian was here. When he left, I'd be merely a resort employee. No different than my mom.
After dinner, we helped clean up, and then I drove Killian to the lodge. In the elevator, he said, "Do you still want to see the hot tub?"
"It's early yet."
"We have the whole night ahead of us."
"How have you been feeling? You haven't asked for pain meds in a while." He could be taking them without me knowing, but I had a feeling he wasn't.
"A lot better." Killian smiled.
"That's great news. You'll be on both feet before you know it."
His eyes crinkled at the sides. "Yeah, that will be nice."
Was he happy, or was he a little disappointed by the prospect?
The doors opened, and we headed inside the condo.
"Grab your suit. There're already towels up there."
I had swimsuits, but I hadn't worn one in a long time. I hoped they still fit. In my bedroom, I pulled on the red bikini. It was the best one of the bunch. I posed in the full-length mirror when I had the strings tied sufficiently tight. Just thinking about Killian pulling on the strings had me getting wet in anticipation.
My heart fluttered in my chest. Would I make a move? Was I strong enough? Could I go after what I wanted?
The bikini itself was a little small. I'd filled out a bit since I’d worn it last. The triangles barely contained my breasts, and the bottoms dipped dangerously low, but at the same time, I felt hot. Like I could attract the hottest snowboarder around. That an accomplished athlete would look past all the women clamoring for his attention and settle on me.
Before I could change my mind, I grabbed a white cover-up and threw it over my suit. I still wasn't sure what I was going to do about my attraction to Killian, but I had a feeling tonight was my opportunity.