Prologue #2
My heart races against my ribcage, threatening to actually burst out of my chest and land on the floor. It’s been a few days, and the visions and nightmares haven’t stopped. They haven’t even slowed. In fact, I’m pretty sure they’re getting worse.
Throwing my legs over the side of the bed, I place my feet flat on the floor and stand up straight. I walk over to my bathroom and close the door behind me, locking it before I take care of business, then stand in front of the mirror.
For the first time in days, I decide to look at my reflection. My eyes are wild, my face pale. My hair is a complete mess. I haven’t brushed it since the incident. I touch my cheek. There are speckles on my face, but they aren’t freckles. I know exactly what they are, and my hand begins to shake.
It’s blood.
My knees buckle, and I slide down onto the tile bathroom floor. The cold tile feels good against my skin, but it does nothing to stop my trembling. Bringing my knees to my chest, I wrap my arms around my shins.
All I know is Lightning is alive, but he’s in the hospital. That’s my fault. I got mixed up with that asshole out of Raleigh. I don’t know what I was doing. No, that’s a lie. I knew exactly what I was doing. I just fucked up… badly. I fucked everything up. Really goddamn badly.
There is a knock on the door, and my breath hitches. “Babe, you in there?”
I know that voice.
As much as I want to tell him to fuck off, I decide against it.
I’ve been avoiding him for days, but now it’s time for me to return to the world.
To reality. It’s time for me to face what I’ve done, what I’ve let happen to the men I’m supposed to love.
Or, in the very least, men who are my cousin’s family, Justin’s men.
“I’m fine,” I lie. He grunts, and I know he can sense my lie for what it is. He doesn’t call me on it, though. “I’m going to take a shower.”
“Good. I’ll have some food ready for you. Come on out to the kitchen when you’re done.”
I don’t respond to him, but my stomach growls, and I press my palm against my belly.
I’m starving. I can’t remember the last time I actually ate.
I strip out of my clothes and throw them in the trash can.
I don’t ever want to see them again. When I shower, I can see the blood wash down the drain.
As much as I want to pretend it’s dirt, I know it’s not.
I should never have gone out to Raleigh. I should have never joined that app to find a man. I should have kept my ass here in Thunder Rock and died an old maid. That’s what I should have done. Or maybe I should have gotten on a bus and gotten the hell out of North Carolina altogether.
Once I’m showered and my hair is combed, I put on a clean pair of pajamas and shuffle out of the bathroom and toward the kitchen. Goose is standing at the stove with his back to me. Shirtless, shoeless, and sockless, wearing only a pair of jeans. He’s beautiful, even just his back.
He senses my approach and turns his head to look back over his shoulder at me before he slowly turns to face me, a spatula in his hand.
“I can’t cook for shit,” he announces.
My lips curve up into a small smile at the declaration. “That smells pretty good to me.”
“Figured I couldn’t fuck up eggs too bad, or those sausage links you had in the fridge.”
Smiling, I dip my chin slightly, then walk over to the fridge and tug out some fruit. Placing it on the counter, I busy myself as I make a plate with strawberries, kiwis, blueberries, and an apple.
Goose puts what he’s making on a plate and carries it over to my small dining room table, where I’ve already placed two plates, silverware, and napkins. We sit down across from one another and begin to eat in silence.
“You want to tell me about him?” he asks.
“No,” I state.
He lets his silverware clatter to the plate, then clears his throat. “You need to tell us who the fuck he is.”
Clearly, this isn’t out of the goodness of his heart. This is because he wants me to tell him everything I know so they can get this guy. That hurts a little. I wanted Goose to declare his love for me, although I know he wouldn’t, probably couldn’t.
Goose can have anyone he wants. Any woman at that clubhouse is beautiful.
They’ll all do whatever he wants, and happily…
energetically even. What would he want with me?
Not in the long run anyway. He got what he actually wanted, and then he was gone.
I should have known that was going to happen, and deep down, I did. Even if I didn’t want it to be true.
There’s no sense in my hiding the information from Goose. They need to find that asshole before he does any more damage. Before he actually kills someone. I tell him everything I know, and I watch as he relays that information via text to Bullet or whomever he’s messaging.
“I never meant for anyone to get hurt,” I whisper.
Goose lifts his head, and his eyes find mine. “Babe. None of this is on you. We’ll find the guy.”
And that’s that. We finish our breakfast, neither of us talking about the situation but instead shifting our conversation to something less… stressful. We discuss the fact that Justin’s office was burned down along with the surveillance shop.
“That’s a lot of fires,” I point out.
He hums but doesn’t respond. Then he lifts his eyes to meet mine, his gaze holding my own, searching, before he speaks.
“It doesn’t matter,” he murmurs. “The club will handle it all.”
I know what that means. It means shut the fuck up and stay out of my business—out of club business. I press my lips together, trying to figure out what to say next. Aside from having sex, I don’t know that we actually have much in common.
“Wanna hang out, watch some television?”
I press my lips together and roll them as I nod a few times, then clear my throat. “Yeah, that sounds nice.”
After cleaning up breakfast together, in synchronized silence, we make our way toward the sofa and each sit in our respective corners.
Goose finds a show, and I agree, mainly because I don’t really care what we watch.
My mind is far too busy spinning in wild circles to even focus on a television show.
Eventually, I fall asleep, and by the next morning, once again, Goose is gone. Apparently, it doesn’t matter if we’ve had sex or not. He doesn’t want to be anywhere near me when morning light spills through the blinds.