Chapter 10
CHAPTER TEN
CIDNEY
When Goose and Bullet walk out of the restaurant, I expect them to stop and talk to me, or at least Piggy, but they don’t. Bullet walks straight to the waiting SUV, and Piggy follows behind him.
Goose places his hand on the small of my back and gently but firmly guides me toward my car.
He’s got my keys in his pocket because he demanded to drive here, and at the time, I was glad for it because I was so nervous.
I still am glad for it. I don’t really feel like driving.
What I feel like is getting answers to what the fuck just happened.
Sinking down into the passenger seat, I clip my seat belt into place as he walks around the front of the car, and once he folds into the front seat, I keep my lips pressed together until the door closes.
“Are you going to tell me what happened?” I demand.
He turns his head, his eyes shifting to find mine, and his lips twitch. I don’t know what he’s smiling about. But I don’t ask him. Thankfully, I don’t have to. When he speaks, I expect him to tell me that he was able to get that little asshole taken care of.
I’ve never felt so bloodthirsty in my entire life.
I’ve never wished anyone dead. Nobody except him.
It’s not just because he played me for a fool, because he did do that.
It’s mostly because of Lightning. He put his life in front of mine, and Jeffrey tried to take it away, over something that I still don’t understand.
“It wasn’t the outcome I wanted. Probably not what you wanted either, but for now, it’s the right one.”
“What does that mean?” I ask in a whisper.
I’m so confused, and it seems as if he’s speaking in riddles. I don’t think he wants to tell me the truth, and it makes me wonder all the same if he’s going to hold something back. When he turns to me, lifting his hand, I suck in a breath as he cups my cheek.
His thumb slides across my bottom lip as his eyes search mine, and I find myself wondering how this man, this wild man, could look at me the way he is.
I’m not special in any way. I’m not smart or talented.
I’m definitely not as gorgeous as the other women.
Not naturally like Posey, Dakota, and Zadie.
Not as flashy and in your face as the clubwhores.
How could he want someone like me? He’s tall and handsome, strong, and his eyes are beautiful. His smile mischievous. It’s like he’s always got a little inside joke working inside his head, like he’s always playing a little game.
I love him.
I’ve fallen in love with him.
Even though I know he will never feel the same way. He’ll never fall for me, not like that. I’m someone to take the boredom away while being locked up together, to make the time pass. I’m not someone you build a life with.
“He’s been demoted, and he will be kept on a short leash.
One toe out of line, and he’s out,” Goose breaks my self-loathing inner thoughts, which I’m glad about.
I try not to think too badly about myself, but it comes far too easily at times.
When I get lost inside my own head, that’s when the thoughts intrude.
“Out?” I ask.
“You know what that means, Cidney. Don’t pretend you don’t.”
Pressing my lips together, I roll them a few times and let out a heavy sigh. “I do. I shouldn’t like it. I shouldn’t want it. I know it makes me a terrible person. But I know what you mean, and I can only hope he steps a whole foot out of line.”
I know it makes me an asshole, but I hope like hell that he steps a whole leg out of line. Half his body even. I want him to die. I’m not sure why I feel like I need this so badly, but I do. I’ve never been so vindictive in my life, but I think it’s mostly self-preservation. I’m scared of him.
Terrified even.
“You’re not a terrible person,” Goose murmurs. “He betrayed you, manipulated you, and used you. He tried to kill you. I want him dead, too.”
Goose doesn’t let me respond to him. He leans forward until his mouth touches mine and kisses me in a hard, owning yet chaste kiss. I welcome it, because I think I would always welcome a kiss from him.
He breaks the kiss, both of us catching our breath as he rests his forehead against mine. Sucking in a deep breath, I hold it for a moment, then let it out slowly. I cup the sides of his throat, feeling the warm skin there.
Goose shifts back slightly, his gaze searching mine, then his lips curve up into his half smile. The one I love so much. I watch as his tongue sneaks out, sliding across his bottom lip before he clears his throat.
“Let’s go home, Cid.”
Home.
In a little part of the back of my mind, the one where I allow myself to imagine and hope, I let myself believe that home means our home—together. I don’t actually say that out loud or anything insane like that, but I allow myself to think it, if only for a moment.
“Yeah,” I exhale. “Let’s go home.”
GOOSE
The shift is subtle, but I can feel it. Our time locked up inside her apartment, in our little bubble, is coming to an end. I’m not sure how I feel about that. I like being in her space, cooking, fucking, hanging out.
As we drive back to her apartment, I try to shake the sadness that washes over me at our time being over. She’ll go back to her shit, and I’ll go back to the clubhouse. It’ll be different. And we’ve made no promises, so I don’t know if we’ll even be… anything.
We walk up to her door together, my hand on the small of her back, standing too fucking close to her. I stop at the sight of a man standing in front of her door.
Fuck.
He lifts his head, his gaze scanning past Cidney and focusing on me. “Ivy,” I murmur.
He shakes his head once, jerking his chin toward the door. I know I should let Cidney open her own door. It’s saying something without actually speaking the words when I open it for her, but since the keys are in my hand, there’s no way around it.
I watch as Ivy takes a step to the side, his gaze never leaving me.
I can feel his sharp focus on me. If Cidney feels the tension in the hallway, she doesn’t act like it.
She takes a step away from me and throws herself in her cousin’s arms, hugging him.
He wraps his arms around her, his attention never leaving me.
This is going to be awkward because he, without a doubt, knows I’m fucking his cousin, and he is also, without a doubt, going to try to beat my ass for it. I’m not admitting it, though, not until it’s absolutely necessary.
Shaking my head, I clear my throat as I open the door and step into the apartment. They move farther into the apartment, and I know I should give them space, but I don’t. Standing in the living room, I cross my arms over my chest and wait for whatever blow Ivy is about to deliver.
“What are you doing here?” Cidney asks. She’s standing to the side between us, no doubt trying to make it look as innocent as possible. Ivy shifts his gaze from mine to meet hers, and I watch as his lips curve up into a smile.
“I need to talk to Goose. Can you give us a minute?” he asks.
She narrows her eyes, her brows snapping together, and I watch as she opens her mouth, then snaps her lips closed. She dips her chin, knowing this isn’t a happy little social call, and turns, walking away and toward her bedroom.
Ivy turns toward the door and walks out onto the small balcony. I follow behind him, knowing whatever he’s about to say, I’m not going to like it, and I’m going to have to fight the urge to throw him off the balcony.
“You had a meeting with the fuck who tried to kill my cousin, and you didn’t invite me. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about that, but pissed the fuck off is at the top of the list right now.”
Leaning against the wall, I cross my arms over my chest, likely appearing defensive, but I don’t think I care too much. I’m in the thick of this shit, not him. He’s at home with his woman and baby, and I’m here taking care of his family.
“It wasn’t something you needed to be at,” I state. “Bullet and I handled it.”
“You took her there,” he grinds out. “She is my family. She is my responsibility.”
My spine straightens at his words. He’s right, of course. I’ve made no claims to her. I haven’t even asked for permission to fuck her, even though I’m doing that. Cidney is Ivy’s family, but she’s also not supposed to be involved in club life, yet here she fucking is, in the middle of the shit.
Right in the goddamn middle.
“It’s what she wanted,” I state. “She wanted to confront the man, the family, who manipulated her and tried to kill her. I’m not taking that away from her. Cidney is an adult. She can make her own decisions.”
“She’s only twenty-one,” he snaps.
“Why are you really here?”
He narrows his eyes on me, then lets out a heavy sigh and wraps his fingers around the back of his neck. I watch him for a moment, waiting for whatever it is he’s got to say, because clearly, he’s not just here to bust my balls about meeting with Lorenzo.
“I needed to talk to Cidney about her future.”
“Let me guess, Posey is going to be doing your secretarial work from home, because you’re not going to have an outside office any longer.”
He winces. Yeah, that’s what I figured was going to happen. “I’ll pay her as long as it takes for her to get another job.”
“You know she’ll leave town, right?”
He winces yet again. Yeah, he knows that. There’s nothing here for her in the form of work. It’s not like Thunder Rock is a thriving metropolis. We’re a small mountain town in the middle of fucking nowhere, which is why the club is here.
“Figured she would. Maybe it’s for the best.”
I don’t respond to that shit. If I do, I’m going to give everything away. I’m not ready for that yet. I’m not ready to admit out loud, let alone to Ivy, what is going on between us. Because admitting it to Ivy means I have to make a claim.
And I sure as fuck am not ready to make any kind of claim. At least, that’s what I’ve convinced myself of.