Chapter 18
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
GOOSE
I feign sleep as Cidney moves around the apartment. I don’t know how much longer I can pretend to sleep. It’s been two days since I went to the clubhouse and got my ass handed to me by Ivy.
Maverick came by here yesterday, and I pretended to be asleep then, too. I know I’m avoiding everyone and everything, but I don’t want to talk about the fact that I can’t keep Cidney, and I don’t want to tell her, either.
So sleep it is, even if it’s fake.
“Trent,” she calls out, and my heart squeezes.
I grunt, trying to sound like I’m just waking up, or rather that she’s woken me up. Opening one eye, I see her standing in the doorway of the bedroom. She is up and dressed, actually dressed really nicely, like she’s going to work at the law office, but I know that can’t be the case.
“I’m heading out for a couple of hours. Is there anything you need?”
Clearing my throat, I speak, and it sounds raspy as fuck, mainly because I haven’t actually spoken a word in a few days. “No, baby. I’m good.”
I don’t ask her where she’s going. It doesn’t matter, not really. It’s also not my fucking business, something that Ivy has made clear. She hesitates, standing in the doorway, her gaze searching mine. She’s waiting for something from me, but I can’t give her anything.
The sadness that threatens to consume me at the thought of never being inside her again, of never kissing her again—I really don’t fucking want this. I’m also too much of a pussy to tell her.
She aims a sad smile at me from across the bedroom, then takes a step backward. “I’ll be back soon,” she says, her voice sounding so fucking small, a little hurt.
I stay where I am, lying in her bed, wrapped in her sheets, her scent surrounding me, until I hear the front door open and close. Only then do I reach for my phone. Finding Maverick’s number, I send him a text.
NEED YOU TO PICK UP MY BIKE AND GIVE ME A RIDE BACK TO THE CLUBHOUSE
MAVERICK: YOU SURE THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT?
He knows I’ve already overstayed my welcome here, according to Ivy. If I don’t get back to the clubhouse soon, he’s going to come here, and he’s going to make it even clearer that he doesn’t want me here.
ITS NOT WHAT I WANT BUT I DONT HAVE A CHOICE DOESNT MATTER WHAT I WANT OR WHAT CIDNEY WANTS
MAVERICK: I’LL BE THERE IN TEN MINUTES.
Moving slowly, I force myself out of bed and to the shower. I take as quick a shower as I can and pull on some clothes. Throwing all my shit into my bag, I don’t bother folding anything. I couldn’t even if I wanted to at this point. I still feel like I’ve been run over by a semitruck.
Right now, I’m running on pure adrenaline. I need to get out of here before Cidney comes back. If she shows up, I’ll have to explain myself to her, and I’m not ready. I know I should. It would be the right thing to do, the decent thing to do.
I’m not doing this the right or decent way, and I haven’t from the beginning.
I should have gone to Ivy the moment I knew I wanted to fuck her, or at least after I fucked her the first time.
I should have done a lot of things differently, but I didn’t, and now I’ve got to accept the consequences and hope that Cidney doesn’t hate me for the rest of my life.
The knock on the front door comes just as I am tugging my charger out of the outlet.
Moving toward the door, I take it slowly, steadily.
I reach for the knob, twist it open, and watch as Maverick stands in front of me, Zadie at his side, a stroller with my niece and nephew fast asleep in front of her.
I can feel the judgment coming off her in waves. I ignore it. She doesn’t understand anything about this world, about this life, about my fucking problems. Standing to the side, I let Maverick walk inside, telling him where my bag is located.
“I don’t know why you have to leave, but Chase has told me it’s not up to you. I just want to say that I’m really sorry. I know how much you and Cidney like one another.”
Well, that is a bit unexpected. I wasn’t planning on her saying that. Clearing my throat, I dip my chin in a single nod. I don’t know how to describe what’s just happened, but I don’t think it matters. I could explain it all day long, yet it doesn’t change the outcome.
“Thanks,” I simply state.
One of the babies makes a noise in the stroller, and I look down at my nephew. He has my name. Trent Fairfax. I’ll probably never have a rug rat of my own, especially now, so it’s nice that there is this little one to carry my name.
Jesus fucking Christ, I’m a worthless pile of shit.
“Ready?” Maverick calls out from behind me.
Turning my head, I look over my shoulder at the apartment. I seriously thought after getting my ass beat by Ivy, I would be moving in here for a while. That Cidney and I would look for our own place together, that my life would truly begin.
“Yup,” I say.
It’s a fucking lie, and Maverick knows it but is kind enough not to call me out on it.
Together, Zadie, Maverick, the babies, and I walk out of Cidney’s apartment.
It’s safe, I know it is, and I’ve dealt with the asshole who wanted to hurt her.
She can sleep peacefully now. I probably won’t ever sleep again, but I’ve been selfish enough in my life.
It’s time for me to not think of myself.
The last thing I ever want to do is ruin Cidney’s family dynamic with Ivy or her friendship with any of the others. If I defy Ivy’s direct wishes, that’s exactly what will happen. It’s best for me to remove myself completely, however that looks.
CIDNEY
Dr. George Edwards smiles at me from across his desk. He’s printed out my resume and has been talking to me about it, but I’m only half engaged in this conversation. I am trying very hard to stay on topic and to answer his questions, but I can’t stop thinking about Trent at home.
Something is off.
“You’d be running the show as far as the clerical work goes. I probably have a bunch of things that need organizing. I started out on my own and didn’t really take into account the day-to-day business of being a doctor,” he says.
I force myself to smile a bit larger and dip my chin in a single nod. “I can definitely handle scheduling as long as I know the parameters of how many minutes you need allotted for each appointment and such. I’ve never done medical reception, but I am willing to learn.”
He laughs softly. “Well, since my office has been running on pure chaos, I don’t think you could screw it up any more than it already is. You have more experience and are more qualified than I am already.”
It sounds like he’s offering me the job, but I try not to get too excited just yet even though it would be an amazing distraction to what is swirling around inside my head in regard to Goose and what is going on with him… with us, because there has definitely been a shift.
“I’d like to offer you the job, if it’s something you’re up to? It’s full-time, benefits, and great health insurance.”
His words take a moment to sink in. They have to push all the ones about Goose to the back of my mind before they can completely take shape, and I can comprehend them. Sliding my tongue along my bottom lip, I can’t stop the smile from forming.
“Yes,” I reply. “A million times yes.”
He chuckles and extends his hand. I slip my palm in his, and we shake. “Welcome to the team. We’re small but mighty.”
And he’s not lying about that. Right now, it’s literally him and his nurse. I’m okay with that, though. I’m used to working in a small office and working independently. Thanking him, I ask when I can start, and he suggests Monday morning.
Leaving the office with a stack of paperwork to complete, I can’t help but feel a bit lighter. I have a job that will at least pay my necessary bills. The rest will come as it does, but at least I don’t have to move and won’t need to ask anyone for money.
I stop by the grocery store to pick up a few things for dinner. Since Goose is still down, I thought I would make something warm and comforting… I’m going to try my hand at lasagna for the first time.
I spent all morning full of nervous energy, so I put that into searching for a good dinner recipe. The one I found looked easy enough, so I think I can pull it off. The ingredients are simple enough, and it doesn’t take me long to make my purchases and head home.
Carrying the bags up the stairs, I move toward the door to my apartment, but before I even stick my key into the lock, I pause.
Something feels off.
Not just a little off, but really freaking off.
Looking around the hallway, I take in my surroundings. Nothing around me seems off. Everything is where it’s supposed to be. Turning the key, I open the front door and step into the apartment.
I know it the moment I am inside.
He’s gone.
Not just gone for a few hours, but I can feel it. Goose, Trent—he’s gone. I walk into the kitchen and place my shopping bags on the counter before I drop them onto the floor and make a huge mess. I don’t think I have the wherewithal to clean up a mess right now.
Once the bags are deposited on the counter, I walk directly toward the bedroom.
The bed is unmade, but there is nobody sleeping in it.
My gaze shifts around the room, and that’s when I realize the place where Goose kept his bag is empty.
I rush toward the bathroom, and my breath hitches as it registers that all his toiletries are gone.
Looking over my shoulder at the nightstand, I let out a pained exhale.
His phone charger is gone. That’s such a silly thing to notice, but phone chargers are seriously important, and if his is gone, it means he’s gone, because he plugged that thing in the outlet next to my bed on the second day, and it hasn’t moved.
Until now.
He’s gone.