Chapter 28
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
CIDNEY
George walks into my room, and the embarrassment I feel just by his presence hasn’t faded. He gives me a small smile as he reaches for the clipboard. He flicks his attention to the papers in front of him.
I watch as his gaze moves over the document. I have no idea what he’s reading, but I’m not sure I want to know, either. I’ve been told what’s happened to me, but I still don’t ever want to hear it out loud.
I’m sure that means I’m in some kind of denial and probably need counseling, but I’m going to swim in my denial and move along.
“Are you ready to go home?” he asks.
I don’t answer him because I’m not ready to go home. I’m ready to get out of the hospital, but I’m not sure if I’ll ever be ready to go home. When I don’t answer him immediately, he lifts his head, and his eyes find mine.
“You good?” he asks.
I can hear the concern in his voice. It’s sweet, but I don’t know if I’ll ever be good again, or if I ever really was. I don’t think I was ever really good. I don’t know what I was, or what I am, but I need to breathe, and I can’t do that here or at my place.
I’m just really happy that Lainey is going to show me some mercy and let me stay at her place for a while, but I know I can’t stay there forever, as much as I want to.
Maybe I’ll just look for a new place to live.
There’s no reason for me to stay at that apartment.
I don’t own it, and it holds no sentimental value.
“As good as I can be,” I whisper.
“A Reaper’s been hanging around outside your door since late last night. The nurses were too scared to ask him to leave. I told them to let him stay. Figured he was protection or something.”
My heart squeezes at his words. “A Reaper?” I ask in a whisper.
I know it’s not Justin. I know it’s not Maverick. They’ve been in and out of the room, and he would have said their names. He dips his chin in a single nod before he speaks, and when he does, I know who it is without even hearing his name.
“Hasn’t closed his eyes for more than a second, maybe not even that much, not sure. But I didn’t make him leave, didn’t want to piss him off. Seems like someone you wouldn’t want to piss off.”
George reaches out to wrap his fingers around my hand, but the second he touches me, I recoil. I bring my hand to my chest, and my eyes widen as I lift my gaze to meet his. I can feel my eyes widen and my lips part in fear, or maybe horror, I’m not sure.
He pulls his hand away, gripping the clipboard again.
The smile he wears this time is sad. That pitiful expression he wore earlier returns, and my whole body sags.
I hate myself for this, for all of it. I led him on, my broken heart wanting something that I thought he could give me, but it was stupid.
A touch I found comforting is now scary. He was supposed to be homemade soup, and now I don’t know what he is. Maybe I was delusional then, too, not just now. Possibly, I’ve always been delusional. That seems more like the case when it comes to me.
“I’m not going to pursue this with you, honey. Just know if you’re ever ready for more from me, you know where to find me.”
“Why are you so nice?”
He chuckles. “I’m not really that nice.”
“Don’t fool yourself, George. You are.”
He lifts his head, shaking it a couple of times. “I’m not, honey. But I like that you think so highly of me.”
We stare at one another for a long moment, then he clears his throat and places the clipboard back in its holder.
“I’m going to go ahead and approve you for discharge. I’m going to put in some prescriptions for pain meds. Just keep a pulse on yourself, Cidney. If you start feeling really bad, get a fever, or throw up, come back here. You call me, something, okay?”
“Okay,” I whisper.
This feels like the end—the end of something that never really began.
He walks toward the door, then stops before he opens it, looking back over his shoulder at me. His gaze finds mine, and his lips twitch into a smirk.
“Whoever he is, I hope he’s worthy of you. Though I fucking doubt it, because you’re amazing.”
I smile and try to think of something to say in response, but all I can think to say is that he’s not worthy of me. At one point, I thought he was. I’d hoped he was, but I know he’s not, and I have a feeling that Goose knows it, too, which is one reason why he walked away the way he did.
He walks out of the room before I can respond, thankfully, because I had nothing to add to any of that. I don’t think I’m that great, but I also know that Goose is not worthy of me right now, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want him… crave him… need him… love him.
I’m a mess. I know I am, and my heart is beyond tattered. It’s shattered, and now my body is, too. Once George is gone, I decide to change into something more comfortable for the trip to Lainey’s. She’s promised to pick up a bag of clothes for my stay at her place before she heads here.
Once I’m dressed, I lie back down in the hospital bed. I’m not sure how long I'll stay there, but I don’t turn on the television or scroll on social media. I spend the time in silence, allowing myself to soak it all up.
I have a feeling there won’t be much silence anytime soon, especially once Justin realizes I’ve been released from the hospital and didn’t call him or his parents. I could have called them, but honestly, it’s better they don’t see me or even know that I’m here. I don’t want them to worry.
My spine straightens when I hear Lainey’s voice, but it’s not just her voice that has me on edge. It’s when I hear the man she’s talking to speak. Even though my brain knew it was him out there, or maybe had hoped it was, actually hearing his voice causes a reaction from my body.
GOOSE
“What are you doing here?” Laney hisses.
I watch as she marches toward me, her eyes narrowed. She looks as if steam might actually come out of her ears. She seems pissed the fuck off. I lean back in my seat, and my lips twitch into a smirk.
“I’m watching over Cidney,” I say.
“Why?”
Turning my head, I look at her closed door. The only people in and out have been a doctor and a few nurses. I’ve kept my watch and will continue to do so. Nobody is ever going to hurt Cidney again. I won’t let it happen. They’ll have to go through me.
“Because Ivy didn’t put anyone on her, so I’m going to guard her.”
“She’s safe here,” Lainey states.
“She probably is, but she was supposed to be safe in her own home, too. I was assured that the asshole was under his father’s thumb. Yet here the fuck we are.”
We stare at one another for a long moment before she rolls her eyes to the ceiling, then her gaze meets mine again. She takes a step toward me, her eyes focused and connected to my own before she speaks.
“Don’t hurt her again, Goose. That was terrible.”
“Yeah,” I grunt.
I don’t know how to tell her that things will be different. I don’t know how they can be. I can’t throw my club to the side for her, and I can’t throw her to the side for my club. I have to be with her, protect her, love her the way I was meant to.
Cidney was meant to be loved, and I’m the man who is meant to love her.
And love her well.
“I don’t plan on it,” I murmur. “Are you taking her home with you, then?”
She smiles as she watches me for a long moment in silence. When she doesn’t say anything immediately, I think she isn’t going to respond to my question.
“She’s coming home with me. She won’t be alone, and I’m not letting her go back to that apartment.”
“Good,” I state.
Lainey jerks her chin in the air and moves past me. I watch as the door opens and she slips inside the room. She doesn’t say she’s cool with me being here, but I don’t plan on watching as Cidney leaves the room, either.
I’m sure she knows I’m here, but at the same time, I don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable. When it’s time, I’ll make myself known, but for right now, she needs to heal, and she needs to do that without me standing above her.
I’ll keep my distance and keep her safe.
That’s what I’m good for right now, and that’s what she needs from me. I’ll work on Goffredo, I’ll work with the club, and I’ll work on Ivy. When Cidney is ready, I’ll take her to a new home.
Our home.
She’ll never set foot in that apartment again.
Taking my phone out of my pocket, I make a call to Bullet. After speaking with Lorenzo, instead of going to Bullet, I came here to the hospital. I needed to be near her. I couldn’t stay away a second longer.
“You’re in Thunder Rock, yet I haven’t seen you. Want to explain that shit to me?”
I almost laugh, but I don’t. He knows why I’m here. “I had a chat with Lorenzo.”
“Goose,” Bullet growls.
There is a moment of silence. I almost laugh, because that meeting with Lorenzo was the tamest meeting I’ve ever had. I didn’t kill him. I didn’t kill anyone. And I gave him three days to deliver his piece-of-shit son to the clubhouse.
“He has three days to deliver his kid to me, to us. I’m here to handle business, and if the Front Mob Family doesn’t deliver, I have beef with them, and they have a goddamn war on their hands.”
Bullet clears his throat. He doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t need to. I know what the fuck I’m doing, so I continue.
“He did it,” I say. “I have video footage. I showed it to Lorenzo. He knows what his son did. And I’m going to be the man who makes him pay for his sins.”
“Cidney isn’t an old lady,” Bullet murmurs.
“She’s Ivy’s cousin, and if she’s supposedly off-limits to the men of the Vicious Reapers, then she should be protected by them as well.”
Bullet doesn’t reply. He’s trying to think of how to respond to me, because I make more sense than he realizes. After a few moments, he clears his throat before he speaks.
“We can revisit that after we get this shit handled. We can’t afford a war right now, monetarily or otherwise. We’re trying to shift our whole operation, and you left to become a nomad.”
I did do that.
“This is Ivy’s fucking shit, and I’m going to clean it up, but I need you to back me on that.”
Bullet is quiet, but only for a moment. He takes the politically correct stance. “Come to the clubhouse for church first thing in the morning.”
“I’ll be there.”