Chapter 31
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
CIDNEY
Lainey walks out of her bedroom, her sleepy eyes searching the living room.
They don’t find me there. I’m in the kitchen.
After about an hour more of sleep evading me, I decided to at least try to do something nice for Lainey.
I started a pot of coffee, cut up some fruit, scrambled some eggs, and started a grocery order because I can’t stay here and invade her space, plus eat all her food.
“What’s all this?” she asks as she shuffles toward the kitchen, yawning.
“I couldn’t sleep, so I started some breakfast.”
“Wow,” she exhales. “That’s really nice. I appreciate it.”
“When do you go to the bakery?”
I’m asking because when she leaves, I’ll be alone, and inwardly, I’m freaking the fuck out about that. Or maybe it’s not so inwardly, because I watch as she frowns, then slides her tongue along her bottom lip as if she’s trying to think of what to say.
She can’t invite me to hang out with her, and she’s trying to think of a nice way to let me down about that.
I haven’t looked at my reflection yet, but I assume I appear pretty rough, and it wouldn’t be a good idea for me to sit around a bakery looking like I just survived a brutal attack… which I did.
“I’m supposed to leave in about an hour,” she murmurs.
“I know I can’t go with you. Please don’t think I’m asking. I’m too sore to even try, even if I wanted to.”
She smiles softly. I can see the pity or care, or whatever you want to call it, in her eyes. “I consider you being alone when you’re here all day while I work. I don’t want that. I don’t like it.”
I almost laugh, because all I can think about is whether I’m alone or not all day, every day.
Dipping my spoon into my bowl of yogurt, I lift it to my mouth then slip it between my lips as I think about being alone.
She’ll know I’m a liar if I say that I’ll be fine.
And I can’t ask her to stay with me. She has a business to run.
“I’m going to call Posey,” she states. “I know you have whatever going on, but she’s family, Cidney.”
I almost laugh, but I know it would hurt if I tried, so I don’t. Instead, I give her a slight smile. “I’m okay with Posey,” I say. “It’s Justin I’m upset with.”
“Because he wouldn’t let Goose claim you,” she says. It’s a statement because she already knows the answer. She is right too, yet she’s wrong at the same time.
“It wasn’t all about that. I’m mad that he announced I was off-limits and that, somehow, he’s in charge of who I can love and who can love me.
He didn’t even ask me if I wanted to be with Goose.
If Trent was the man I loved. He just announced it to the whole Vicious Reapers that it wasn’t going to happen. ”
“And you love Trent.”
“Yeah, I do. I fell in love. It was hard and fast, but it was mine. All I wanted was the chance to allow our relationship to develop. But Justin won’t even let me date him, and he doesn’t care how I feel about that.”
“I’m pretty sure my brother would be the same way. There’s something about their stubborn pride that makes them blind to the people around them.”
“Pisses me off,” I say through gritted teeth.
Lainey’s smile is soft and small, almost hidden. Not a pitying smile, more like an understanding one. She may not want anything to do with the men at the clubhouse, and I would have said the same thing a month ago, but she knows where I’m coming from.
“Why do they think they know more than we do? As if them having a dick makes them an expert on our love lives.”
I can’t hold in the laughter. It bubbles from inside me, and then I moan as I hold my ribs and try to calm myself. Lainey lets out a snort. She’s clearly just as annoyed with my situation as I am with Justin.
“I don’t know, Lainey, but you’re right. They seriously think they know everything. It’s really obnoxious.”
“It must be part of their badass motorcycle club training or something. Us little women don’t know how to make any kind of decisions. They must do it all for us, since they’re so big and macho.”
God, she is not wrong. Between Justin and my uncle, it’s always been that way.
Although I’ve seen Posey and my aunt give them each the what-for a time or two.
But that doesn’t mean they both don’t think they’re the biggest, baddest, smartest men to ever exist. Just thinking about it makes me want to roll my eyes to the ceiling.
“He went about it wrong, but he cares for you,” Lainey says, taking me out of my thoughts. “Ivy wouldn’t care who you were with if he didn’t love you.”
I want to say if he loved me, he’d ask me what makes me happy. But I decide not to. I don’t need to argue with Lainey about any of that. She knows exactly what it feels like to have someone make decisions and choices for you.
“Maybe, but part of me also feels as if he said no because he doesn’t want me with anyone. Because there’s nobody in town I would date, and obviously, dating out in Raleigh doesn’t work. I don’t know what he’s expecting from me.”
Lainey reaches out and takes my hand in hers. I feel her fingers flex as her gaze focuses on mine. “He’s stupid,” she says.
The words come out, and her tone is so serious that it surprises me and then makes me giggle, which causes me to groan in pain again. “He is stupid,” I agree. “They all are.”
“Damn straight,” she snaps.
A few moments later, Posey has been called, and she’s on her way over. Lainey goes to her room to take a shower. I’m left alone for a few moments. After pouring myself a third cup of coffee, I walk over to the window and look out at the mountains. Lainey has an amazing view.
But I’m not taking in her view of the mountains. My focus is elsewhere. My attention is on the man standing across the street. His head is tipped backward, and I almost feel as if he’s looking directly at me. He can’t see my face from where he is, but it feels like he does.
GOOSE
Tilting my head backward, I look up at the window of Lainey’s apartment. There is a person standing in the window, but I can’t see who it is. It could be Lainey, but I don’t think it is. I’m pretty sure it’s Cidney, and I’m certain she’s looking right at me.
I wish I could be up there with her, that I could remind her how safe she is. I want to wrap my arms around her, hold her while she heals.
And I want to take care of her.
I want her to know just how fucking sorry I am for what happened to her and assure her that not only will it never happen again, but the fucker who did this is never going to breathe easy again.
Because I plan on making it painful for him to live.
And honestly, I don’t plan on him living for much longer.
Lorenzo may want us to keep him alive, but fuck that. He didn’t give a shit about Lightning or Cidney’s lives, so why the fuck should I give a shit about his? The short answer is that I don’t. The long answer is that I fucking don’t.
Taking my phone out of my pocket, I flick my gaze down at the screen before I shift it back up to the window. The person is gone now, so I use the moment to take in the area around me. The street is empty, there aren’t any new cars, and everything is as it was the last time I scanned it.
Sliding my thumb across the screen, I bring it to my ear. I don’t even get the chance to greet the person on the other end of the line before I hear him begin talking.
“I’m not going to say that you made a mistake—”
“But I made a mistake?” I ask, interrupting him.
Maverick hums but doesn’t respond immediately.
He’s looking out for me. I love that, but at the same time, I don’t think I want to hear it, because he’s wrong. The only mistake that was made was that I walked away when I should have fought for her. That’s something I’ll be forced to live with my whole goddamn life.
I’m the one who fucked up by being a weak goddamn coward.
“Ivy can fuck himself,” I state.
Maverick chuckles. “Goose,” he murmurs.
“I had her place under surveillance. I met with Lorenzo. I wasn’t even gone a week, and Cidney gets attacked. This is one hundred percent his fault. He should feel that guilt. He should fucking bathe in it, because it’s on him.”
“He couldn’t have known,” Maverick says, forever trying to be the voice of reason.
Unfortunately, I am not the person who wants to hear the voice of reason.
I tried to follow the rules of the club, and it’s always been easy.
I’ve enjoyed the fact that I know where I stand with everyone and that I know what is expected and what to expect in return.
But this shit? I do not like it, and I followed the rules, which just made things worse, so fucking bad that it almost got my woman killed.
“Maybe not, but he should have anticipated it. I hold him responsible, just like he would if the tables were turned.”
A moment of silence passes between us, and then I hear him clear his throat before he exhales a heavy sigh.
“I don’t know what to say to you, Trent. I’m afraid if you go at Ivy too hard, you’re going to end up with a much bigger issue on your hands.”
I know what he’s warning me about, and if the tables were turned, I would feel the exact same way, and I would pose the same questions. But the tables aren’t turned. He’s living the absolute dream, and I am happy for him, but I want my dream, too.
Every fucking ounce of it.
And right now, Ivy is the reason I don’t already have it.
So enough is enough, and I’m done asking permission. Ivy can fuck right the fuck off if he has a problem with it.
At that thought, something hatches. A thought, an idea. I don’t know if Cidney would be cool with it, but I’m going to try. Because I can’t walk away from her again. I will not.