Chapter 37
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
CIDNEY
It’s been long enough now that I can go into the bakery with a thick layer of makeup on my face.
I’m glad, because I can’t clean Lainey’s apartment any more.
If I do, I’ll scrub the paint from the walls.
There’s nothing else left, and it’s so spotless you could eat off the floor if you felt the desire to do so.
I’m not sure what I expected when I told Lainey that I wanted to come in with her today, but it wasn’t a party. When we walk into the bakery, Dakota, Posey, Zadie, and Briana are waiting for me… with muffins and smiles. Lainey walks around me to join them as they stand across from me.
“Welcome back,” they say in unison.
Tears well in my eyes and spill down my cheeks. I can’t believe this is real, that I have women like this in my life. I’ve kept my distance from most of them since everything happened. I know they came to the hospital, but past that, I’ve spent time with myself, and Lainey mostly.
I realize now that that may have been a mistake. I think I need them. When they move toward me, it’s almost as if they’re walking as a single unit. But when they wrap their arms around me in the biggest group hug of my life, the tears that started spilling roll down my cheeks in big, fat drops.
I hug my friends back, pinching my eyes closed as I beg for this moment to never end. This is the healing I needed. Sure, having Goose watch me from across the street, keeping his protective gaze on the window, is a sense of security that I need, but this is different.
This is friendship and love.
This is my family.
Once we break the long hug, I wipe the tears away as we gather around the table to start eating the muffins. The door is locked, the curtains drawn. This is our private moment to just be together.
“We missed you, Cidney,” Dakota says. She reaches out, taking my hand in hers, squeezing it gently before she releases it. “And we are all so happy that you’re okay.”
“I think I am,” I say softly. “It’s going to take a long time, I think, but I feel a little more like myself every day.”
She smiles, but it’s Posey who speaks next. “You can be any version of yourself you want to be, Cidney. There is no right or wrong way to heal.”
“I’m forever changed,” I confess. “But I don’t think that’s a bad thing. I feel stronger.”
“I know you do. Justin told me that you guys had a talk.”
And that is how the breakfast conversation goes. I tell them all about my conversation with my cousin and how I stood up to him in my own way. I demanded to be able to make some of my own decisions, and he’s good with it.
Now I just wonder if I can actually make those decisions. I’m not so sure. I feel uneasy, scared to even ask Goose about the future. He’s been here for weeks, so I assume he’s staying, but I’m terrified to actually ask.
Lainey eventually has to open up the bakery for the day, and Briana and Dakota move behind the counter and start doing their thing, too. Dakota announces that she’s got some decorating orders to get handled, leaving Zadie and me alone at the table.
“Please tell me that you’re going to get back with Trent and keep him here in Thunder Rock.”
My brows lift. I’m not sure why she’s asking me this, but when she presses her lips together, lifting her gaze to meet mine, I see something just behind the surface of her gaze: sadness. I start to ask her if she’s okay, but she doesn’t give me the chance before she continues to speak.
“Maverick really misses Trent. Like, really misses him. It’s been a hard adjustment for him, and I know he would love to have his brother home.”
My lips curve up into a small smile. “I love Trent,” I confess, though I don’t say it loud enough for anyone else to hear. “It wasn’t me. It was Justin who told him it couldn't happen between us. But like I said, I talked to him, and after everything, he’s okay with it now, but only barely.”
“Sometimes, I seriously hate the club,” Zadie grumbles.
“Me too. I never really wanted to be involved with it. It just happened.”
“Yeah,” she whispers. “I get that.”
And I know she does. She wasn’t even allowed inside her father’s club. But she snuck in, had a one-night stand with Maverick, and then came here to tell him she was pregnant and never left. They fell in love. It’s a sweet story, but it was also a bumpy ride.
Though, as I look around at all the women in this bakery, I realize they’ve all had some sort of bumpy ride with their men. Every single one of them.
Well, except for Lainey.
She hasn’t had her ride yet, but as adamant as she is about staying away from the men at the clubhouse, I’m pretty sure it’s only a matter of time before she falls for one.
Just like me.
I never intended to fall for Goose. I never wanted to be with a man like him, a wild man who plays dangerous games, but he’s perfect in every way I need him to be for me. Thinking about him causes my heart to race, and I know that Zadie feels the same way about Maverick.
“Is it weird of me to say that I hope you’ll be my sister-in-law?”
“Not at all, because I would like that very much,” I reply.
I haven’t said anything like that before, but I feel like I can dare to hope. So hope I do. And that’s how I spend my day. Eventually, Zadie needs to leave to go home to the twins. Briana takes off as well, leaving me, Lainey, and Dakota alone.
I’m not sure how long we hang out, but I’m of zero use. I stay in the corner of the café, watching as customers come in and out. I can’t believe the life Lainey has made for herself here. She’s not just busy all day long. She is slammed.
Everyone in town buys from her, and people from all the surrounding towns drive in to taste her baked treats. I love it for her, but I can’t deny that I’m a bit jealous, or maybe it’s envious. I wish I could have a life like hers.
Independence.
I thought I had that when I worked for Justin, but I didn’t. Not really. I could work for George Edwards and maybe have a bit of it, but not like Lainey. Then again, I’m not sure what I could do to be like her. I can’t cook, and I don’t have anything that necessarily drives me or excites me.
Dakota and Briana have their virtual assistant stuff. Along with helping Lainey at the bakery, Zadie takes care of her twin babies, and Lainey has her bakery. I have nothing. No passions, no talents.
Not a single thing.
Just as I’m feeling sorry for myself, the door opens, and I look over to see the person I’ve been thinking about walk through the door.
It’s him.
His head swings to the side, his eyes meet mine, and I watch as his entire face softens. He’s beautiful. Full beard, light eyes, his tall, strong body moving through the room. He stops and turns to face me, his eyes focused on mine.
My heart slams against my ribs. Once, twice, three times before he walks over to the table, tugging the chair out. I watch as he spins it around, spreads his legs, and sinks down. His wrists hang over the edge of the chairback.
“Goose,” I whisper.
“Trent,” he grunts.
My lips curve up into a smile. “Trent,” I repeat. I like the way his name rolls off my tongue. I should say it more. I like it that much.
“I should have told you a few days ago, but I didn’t know how to say it. So, I’ve stayed away.”
“What?” I ask.
I don’t understand why he hasn’t come to me sooner, but I don’t ask him for anything or demand anything from him. I wait until he’s ready. Because clearly, he has something to say, and he’s finally ready to say it.
“Goffredo was arrested. You don’t have to worry about him any longer. He won’t be getting out.”
“How do you know?” I ask.
He gives me a grin. “It was me who made sure he was arrested,” he murmurs. “Don’t ask me how or why. Just know he’s not getting out, not now, not anytime soon. Probably not ever.”
“Trent,” I exhale.
He reaches out, taking my hand in his from across the table. He lifts our hands and shifts my fingers to his lips. I feel the warmth touch my skin, and I can’t help but press my thighs together, the ache growing there.
I want his lips there. I want all of him on every part of me. Every single square inch.
“This is me protecting you,” he murmurs against my hand.
“As you always do,” I say.
He lifts his head, and his eyes focus on mine. “Yeah,” he says. “I didn’t. I wish I did, but I couldn’t.”
“You can’t blame yourself for that,” I whisper. “Not when it comes to that day.”
“I will always blame myself for that. I’m the weak one who walked away. I should have stayed and fought for you. But never again, Cidney. Never fucking again.”
His words come out as a whisper, but that whisper is like a touch that slides over my skin, goose bumps prickling in its wake. God. This man. I don’t know if he realizes what he does to me.
Then again, maybe he does.
“I want to be inside you, Cidney. My good girl. But I know you need time. Just know I want you. I’ll always want you. And I will die to protect you.”
I want him too, so badly. But I don’t tell him that, not in the bakery, not with Posey, Dakota, and Lainey watching. I slip my tongue out and slide it across my bottom lip, then let out a heavy sigh, which is more like a long exhale.
Trent leans forward slightly, so I do the same, and that’s when I whisper. The words come out, and I’m not sure how or why they do, but they do, and I just let them flow, unable to stop them.
“I love you, Trent. I don’t know when I’ll be able to show that to you, but I do. I loved you before you left, and I’ll love you until the day I die. I’m not sure I would have ever known love had I not met you, Trent.”
“Fuck,” he hisses. “I love you too, Cidney. Every ounce of you. I’ll wait a lifetime for you. A whole fucking lifetime.”
I’m not able to get a single word out. He leans forward and touches his mouth to mine, and then I feel his tongue slide across the seam of my lips. Parting them slightly, I whimper as he tastes me—all of me.
Perfection.