Chapter Thirty-Six #2
“And I walked away from the experience with a few new friends, a thousand rewards points at the coffee shop, and an even deeper certainty that I am completely, utterly in love with you, Annie O’Neill.
” He steps forward and takes my hands in his.
“The spark Nicole talked about when we broke up, I thought it was shorthand for sexual attraction. But you’ve made me understand that it’s more than that.
It’s a soul-deep recognition, a seamless joining together to create a strong bond. A sort of dove— Never mind.”
The corners of my mouth tilt upward. “Were you about to compare our connection to a dovetail joint, Cal?”
“Possibly. What I’m trying to say is that I didn’t feel that—have never felt that—with anyone else.
” He crosses his arms over his chest. “And honestly, I’m kind of angry with you.
Because you saying I needed to get out there and keep shopping around to know that I love you made it seem like you thought what we shared wasn’t special, like it wasn’t rare and valuable.
Something common enough I could just swipe right a bunch of times and easily find it again. ”
I stare down at my sneakers. “I knew it was special. That’s what scared me so much.”
“I know,” he says, arms falling back to his sides.
“It was hard for me to trust that what we had was real when no one ever wanted the ideal version of me as theirs forever, much less the messy, flawed, meatball-subs-on-the-counter version. Then I met Nicole and figured out she was the friend you were looking into the goose for, and I was already freaking out a bit about the idea of staying in Baltimore and…I just got so in my head about it all.”
Cal steps closer, bringing his hand to my cheek.
He cradles my face with the same care he uses when handling precious porcelain.
“The messy, flawed, meatball-subs-on-the-counter version of you is my ideal version. My ideal everything.” The corner of his mouth kicks up smugly, that slight arrogance of his no longer grating but part of his charm.
“And of course what we have is real. I should know; I am widely considered to be an expert when it comes to identifying knockoffs. I put my full professional weight behind it when I say that we’re the genuine article.
But”—he pulls a large yellow envelope out from inside his jacket and hands it to me—“speaking of things with dubious value…”
“What’s this?” I ask, staring down at it.
“Just a little blackmail material of my own,” he says, eyebrows raising playfully.
I open it up and pull out a thin stack of five-by-seven black-and-white photos. Upon inspection, I see that they’re the ones of us topless in the mannequin warehouse.
“Roland had my email address from when he sent us those releases to sign,” Cal explains when I glance back up at him, perplexed. “He got in touch after you left to let me know that his professor loved the series and had encouraged him to sell these shots at the school’s holiday art market.”
“So you went to the holiday market and bought them?”
“More like I preemptively offered him five hundred dollars for the whole series in exchange for him never exhibiting or selling them otherwise,” he says.
“You’re that shy?” I tease.
“It was still early in my dating adventures, but I’ve always been certain what the outcome of all this was going to be, Annie.
I never needed any convincing that you were the only person with whom I would ever willingly get partially naked in an abandoned warehouse at two in the morning.
So I knew one day I’d be standing in front of you again, and I hoped that you would be looking at me the way you are in those pictures.
Like you want me half as much as I want you. ”
“And am I?” I ask, my voice barely above a whisper.
“You are. Which, thank you for that. Makes this whole conversation a little less nerve-wracking.” He swipes a stray bit of hair behind my ear, and the brush of contact makes me shiver.
“I’m sorry,” I say, looking into those beautiful eyes I’ve missed so much. “I should have been braver. I should have stayed.”
“No. I mean, I wish you hadn’t left so abruptly.
I wish we could’ve talked face-to-face about things.
But you were right to go. I needed to work through some things.
” He brings his forehead down to mine. “I am so sorry that I made you feel like a good-enough fit for an empty space in my life instead of the centerpiece you deserve to be. I promise you, Annie, that if you’ll still have me, I’ll rearrange my entire soul around you.
I’ll gather up the shards of my past and mix them with yours.
We’ll string them up on fishing wire and make something new and beautiful together. ”
Overwhelmed by the emotion swirling inside me, I look back down at the photo currently on the top of the stack still in my hand.
Despite the quickly accumulating moisture in my eyes attempting to block out the view, I’m able to determine that it’s the moment Cal was looking at me when he wasn’t supposed to be, and it’s as if the electricity of that moment has traveled through the image and settled back in between us.
I look back at him, a tear escaping down my face. “I don’t know, Cal. Sounds sort of tacky.”
His lips crash down onto mine, and the kiss deepens as his hands sweep slowly up and down my body, mine clutching the fabric at the back of his jacket.
His fingers work to free my T-shirt from where it’s tucked into my jeans and we almost trip over a tower of boxes as I take an inadvertent step backward.
Cal releases me in time to keep us from toppling, and grins down at me.
I’m about to tell him that I’m really glad that he likes me the most out of everyone because I like him the most out of everyone too.
But before I can, he glances around at the half-finished shop and says, “This is a really nice place you have here. Harold told me you were opening it, and I was so, so happy for you.”
“Thanks. It’s been a lot of work but I’m really excited.”
“Your dream come true,” he adds quietly. “You did it, Annie.”
I let the uncertainty that’s been swirling around in my stomach as I approach opening for business out in a joke that I know Cal will see right through. “Well, we’ll see,” I say, wiping away the remnants of my earlier tears. “Could wind up more of a nightmare if no one wants to buy anything.”
He places his hand on my hip, bringing me closer again. “It’s going to be wonderful.”
“You sound quite certain of that.”
“Anything you do is bound to be.” He looks around the space for a moment, then says, “Any chance you’re hiring?”
“What?”
“I have almost two decades of related experience. And references, if you need them.” Cal chuckles at my bemusement, and I realize that he sounds so much more relaxed than I remember him ever being back in Baltimore.
“I’m selling my half of Virtu to Inés, and Harold has someone interested in renting the apartment. ”
My jaw feels like it might unlatch itself and drop onto the floor. “But you love that place,” I say, then struggle to articulate it further in my shock. “It’s…and you…what?”
“What you said in your letter about holding on to things that no longer suit me…I was upset you thought I could ever feel that way about you. But after you left, I realized that’s how I was starting to feel about the business.
I thought staying there forever was what Graham expected of me, and so I expected it of myself.
He never meant for it to feel like an obligation, though, and that’s what it had become.
And so, while I’m immensely grateful for everything and everyone Virtu gave me—especially how it led me to you—I think it’s time to move on.
Make some new memories. Hopefully with you.
Here. If you’ll have me.” His fingertips absently trace the waistband of my jeans.
“Kind of banking on it, actually. Because I really do need a job.”
I cannot believe he gave up the store, gave up Graham’s apartment. If I didn’t already believe it before when he said he wanted to create something new with me, I’m definitely convinced now.
“Hmm, I might be able to find some stuff for you to do around here,” I say. “What would you say are your greatest strengths?”
He slips his palm to the back of my neck and kisses me again, even more sensually than before. It turns me molten, my entire body focused on the liquid heat gathering low in my stomach, between my legs.
“Wow. You are really acing this interview so far,” I say when we pull apart.
“Counter here sturdy?” His pupils are huge and his breath is ragged, and I’ve never wanted anyone or anything more.
“Extremely,” I answer. I’ve been sitting atop it daily since I got the keys.
“Good.” Cal leads me over and hoists me up, lips traveling over my face and my jaw and my neck all the while. His fingers slip under the hem of my T-shirt and brush against the sides of my stomach. “What’s the name of this place anyway?” he asks. “I didn’t see a sign out there yet.”
I thought long and hard about the name in the weeks leading up to actually renting the space and filing the paperwork for my antique and curiosity shop.
One contender just would not go away, no matter how many times I told myself it couldn’t work.
Something about it seemed like a jinx, especially given what happened between Cal and me.
But I couldn’t stop thinking about how, despite feeling like a possibly foolish pursuit, going in search of something seemingly elusive can also sometimes lead to amazing, life-changing discoveries you never could have expected.
I grin as I slide my fingers into his hair, pulling him even closer. “It’s called Wild Goose Chase.”
I hope his responding surprised laughter is the only music that will get stuck in my head for the rest of my life. It’s a sound I’ll never get tired of hearing.