Chapter 11 #2
“You survived with no money for food or water, no weapon to keep you safe?” He sat back, his blue eyes burrowing into me.
Istvan was no fool, and he pushed for details most wouldn’t think about, making lies so much harder to keep track of.
When we were kids, he could tangle Caden and me up in our fibs so easily.
“I did what I had to. It became about survival. Like you taught me.” At an early age, I learned no man was immune to having their ego stroked.
“I don’t think I would have lived if it wasn’t for all your lessons growing up.
My training, the way to assess a situation.
Strategic. Smart. That’s how I made it back alive. ”
“I feel you are keeping something from me.” A nerve twitched under his eye; the intensity of his stare dampened the back of my neck, my heart pulsing behind my ear.
“There you are.” I turned at the sound of Caden’s voice. “I was looking for you everywhere.” A flirty smile curled his mouth.
“We are busy right now, Caden.” Istvan didn’t look away from me.
“Sorry. Just the messenger. Mother sent me to get her. Guess she told you earlier about getting an appointment for Brexley’s fitting.”
Istvan rolled his eyes. “I’m trying to run a country, defeat our enemy at every turn, but sure, she needs a new party dress.”
Caden shrugged, his smile landing on me.
I didn’t stand but scooted to the end of my seat, wanting to run out of there.
“Yes. Fine. Go. Actually, I have another meeting soon.” He waved me off, and I bounced out of the seat in a blink, heading to Caden. “But, Brexley, we still aren’t done here.”
“Of course, sir.” I bowed my head, then hustled through the door.
“You’re welcome.” Caden pulled me into him as we walked, his nose brushing against my ear.
“I don’t have an appointment?”
“Oh, you do . . . but it got postponed for another hour.” His tawny eyes glistened, his mouth brushing my ear.
“How about we grab some lunch? We could take it back to your room instead of sitting with everyone.” His kiss down my neck told me he hoped for much more than that. “Spend some time together. Alone.”
Anxiety sank into my belly. After my morning, I felt anything but sexual. “I probably should see everyone. They know I’m back now.” I wrinkled my nose as if it was the last thing I wanted to do. “Get it over with.”
“Yeah.” Caden sighed, leaning back, running his hands up and down my arms. “But I get you all to myself tonight.”
I pushed a smile onto my mouth.
“What party is the dress for anyway? Another gala?”
Caden’s Adam’s apple bobbed, his eyes looking away.
“Caden?”
“It’s nothing . . . nothing important.” He shook his head, facing me again, a grin on his face. “The only thing important is that you are back. Alive. And with me. That’s all we should be celebrating.” He twined his fingers with mine, tugging me toward the canteen.
Right as we went down the stairs, a massive outline pulled my attention to the far wall.
Leaning against it, a smirk on his face, was Warwick. Rough and feral, he conflicted with every rich fabric, pristine white wall, and elegant furniture piece surrounding him.
“You don’t fit here either,” he whispered huskily in my ear as if he was right behind me, though he stayed across the room, his mouth never moving. Even as I stayed next to Caden, I was also standing in some dirty alley in the Savage Lands, the smell of trash and feces turning my stomach.
“You don’t fucking know me.” I spun away from him, anger flaring through me.
“I know you better than anyone here, princess.” He growled into my ear.
I turned to tell him off.
He was gone.
The burning sweet taste of Pálinka slid down my throat, scorching my stomach, making me feel solid. As though my body and I were one again and everything made sense.
But nothing did.
The crisp wind, far up on the HDF roof, whipped through my hair and seeped into my coat, pimpling my skin.
Lights glistened in the night, dancing across the Danube in soft kaleidoscope designs, but my gaze was locked on the building on the hill.
One that no longer felt foreign or filled me with hatred . . . only confusion.
My ass was numb, but I didn’t want to leave.
Nor did I want to go back downstairs, where I’d run into people, their mouths full of questions, their minds stuffed with na?ve savagery.
I’d had enough of that at lunch today. I thought seeing everyone would be good for me, catching up with my friends, grounding me back to earth, to my life here.
But their joy at seeing me lasted briefly before their curiosity of Halálház flipped them into frenzied monsters.
Quickly they were bragging about how they would have killed every fae in there, cutting and gutting them.
In their bloodlust, they seemed to forget what I had gone through was real and traumatizing.
They were all overconfident, ill-prepared, inexperienced, and reckless. All things that would get them killed the moment they stepped out of these gates.
For the rest of the evening, I was positioned in front of a mirror as Rebeka’s tailor measured me and complimented me on my “weight loss.” I stood there like a robot, despising every silky imported fabric, every sparkly jewel.
One small gem on the shoes they chose could feed a family for weeks in the Savage Lands.
In the past, I had robbed trains and given to Maja to help her family, but I didn’t do it because I had really cared or understood.
I had been entitled and arrogant, thinking I was some fucking Robin Hood type, enjoying playing the hero.
But I was nothing more than a snobby rich girl. A princess.
I curled my lip at myself, taking another deep swig of the strong liquor.
I leaned my arms on the railing, taking in a deep breath of the musty Danube.
It felt so odd to be sitting here again, something I had wished for so badly months ago, but now it didn’t feel as it should.
I expected joy, relief, some complicated emotions at what I’d been through in Halálház.
But I hadn’t expected the ache in my heart, the feeling I didn’t belong, that I shouldn’t have come back.
Staring at the fae palace, I tried to pinpoint the room Killian put me in. I knew what it looked like from the inside, how it smelled, what was beneath the fortified walls, what rooms were carved deep underneath the mountain.
My mind was a fountain of knowledge Istvan would kill to know, to cut into and scrape out. I would be considered a traitor for not divulging what I learned. The tunnels, labs, and places I was aware of could possibly bring Killian down.
Still, I couldn’t.
Was he standing out on the balcony? Was he thinking of me? Could he feel me across the river, looking back at him right now? And why did I feel guilty for leaving him the way I did? No matter how kindly he treated me, I had still been a prisoner, yet somehow, I felt awful for betraying him.
“Thought I’d find you here.” I twisted to find Caden strolling up to me, the wind blowing his rich brown hair, a sexy smile hitching the side of his face.
He held a bottle. Everything about him was comfy and warm.
Safe. He felt like my only touchstone. The only one who would know where to find me. “Brought back up.”
“Good thing.” I finished off the first one, setting it to the side.
He snorted, shaking his head and sitting down next to me.
“Should have brought backup for the backup.” He nudged me playfully, handing me the new bottle.
“You’d think you would have learned that by now.” I took a sip, handing it back to him.
His fingers wrapped around it, watching me for a long silent minute. Then turned his head away, his shoulders rolling forward.
“Caden?”
A strangled choke heaved from deep inside him, stabbing through me like a dagger.
“I thought I lost you—forever.” His voice was strangled, his eyes filling with tears.
“I never realized how much you are part of me until you were gone.” He struggled back a sob.
“I fell apart. I couldn’t function without you.
I didn’t give a shit about anything . . .
I didn’t care what happened to me or what my future held. ”
I put a hand on his. “Hey, it’s okay.”
“No, you don’t get it. It’s too late. And all I want is you.”
“What are you talking about?”
He shook his head. Another few beats passed before he spoke again.
“I got Aron killed . . .” He turned to me.
My throat bobbed at his pain. “No, you didn’t.”
I did.
“He wouldn’t have gotten caught if it wasn’t for me.” His throat bobbed heavily. “I was on a suicide mission. Everything felt dark, my life over . . . and he followed.”
“He made his own choice.”
The guilt Caden felt was nothing compared to what sat on my chest. It might have been Caden’s idea that got Aron caught, but he knew the risks. It was my hand that actually killed him. I heard his blood gurgle in his throat and watched the life drain out of him.
“Brex.” Caden set the bottle down, cupping my face.
“Being up here . . . it’s as if we can we go back in time.
Pretend it’s that night and change every wrong choice I made, which turned my life into a nightmare.
I’m trapped now. My future is no longer mine, and all I want to do is go back and make love to you instead of stupidly pushing you away. ”
As if fate taunted us, a train whistle bellowed through the night, rolling by, heading for the bridge. The stage was set; the fantasy I had conjured in Halálház was coming true.
“For one night. It’s just us.” He pulled me into him, his breath skating my parted lips, his forehead pressing into mine. “I love you. I’m in love with you. I have been for quite a while.”