Chapter 20
KADE
Beau is leading a horse around the training paddock when I arrive at the ranch on Thursday morning.
The low thud of hooves on packed dirt mixes with the sounds of the ranch.
Wy and Gray stand back, talking amongst themselves from inside the fencing, their backs to me, dust hanging in the air trailing the horse.
As I approach, Beau pulls the horse to a stop, and Wyatt and Grayson head toward him. Something must be wrong with the animal if they’re all out here.
I lean on the fencing, the sun beating down on my face as I watch them, catching every other word on the light breeze that’s rolling through.
Could I give this up?
The thought has been dancing around in my head for the last day or so, ever since I showed Chloe my favorite spot.
I know that Chloe said she’d consider staying at dinner, but what if she decides to go back to Seattle after the work with Maddie?
Could I really give this all up to follow her?
Would I miss home? Of course I would. But I’d also be forging a new life for myself with a woman I can’t seem to stay away from.
That’s got to be worth something. Worth giving up the ranch and the rodeo for, right?
Ever since I asked Chloe to come watch me at the rodeo on Tuesday, I’ve been feeling a whole heap of guilt.
Everything’s a little louder and sharper.
Like the world is telling me it’s wrong for me to have let her in on my secret before I’ve even told my family.
But with the guilt comes a sense of ease, because at least someone outside of the rodeo management knows.
She knows. And she’s quickly becoming the person I want to share everything—my secrets, wins, losses and life—with, even if it’s only for the time that she’s here.
For months, I’ve thought about telling Grayson and Wyatt.
But I’ve talked myself out of it every time.
I don’t think it’s ever something I could tell my mom; she’d worry about it, even if I promised her it won’t happen again.
And I’m not entirely sure that would be true.
I’ve been promising myself for a year that I’d stop, and look how well that’s gone.
Kurt was like a brother to her; she grieved him for months, right alongside my dad.
It’s not like I need the money or the accolades, but I’ve never found anything quite like it.
Nothing has ever given me the adrenaline rush that comes from being in the arena.
It’s like a drug, and it’s got me in the clutches of its addiction.
With the lights shining around me, I forget about everything but staying on that bronc.
The noise in my head quiets and all I can focus on is holding on and the sound of my own breathing.
I’m blazing my own trail, with none of the pressure that comes from having my family name.
The Wildes are well known in the circuit, not only from our many sponsorships, but from a history of providing the finest cattle for the events.
But at the rodeo, they only know me as King because I keep my face covered and my identity protected.
“You okay there, Kade? You’re looking mighty tense,” Reed, our chief financial officer and Gracie’s best friend, asks, coming to a stop beside me and resting his arms on the high fencing.
I must have been too out of it to even notice his approach. Running a hand down my face before repositioning my Stetson to sit lower over my brow, I reply, “I’m fine, just thinking.”
“About the woman from the bar?”
Tilting my head, I look at him quizzically.
Lifting a shoulder as if it’s no big deal, Reed replies, “Wyatt was telling me about her.”
I shake my head, narrowing my eyes at Wyatt across the other side of the paddock.
“Wyatt is a gossip. He’s no better than the old people in town with nothing better to do.
Her name is Chloe and we’re just two adults having fun.
Besides, what we have has an expiration date.
” God, I wish that wasn’t true. “It’s certainly not deep enough to occupy my mind during the workday. ” Liar.
Although I wasn’t thinking about her this time, she sure as hell has been a welcome distraction during my workdays ever since she arrived in town.
Reed lifts a hand and slaps me on the shoulder, pushing my body into the wooden fence. He might only be an inch taller than me and sit behind a desk most of the day, but he packs a punch with his slap. “Whatever you gotta tell yourself, man.”
I shake my head, leaning an arm on the fence as I turn my body toward him. “What do you mean by that?” I try to keep the frustration out of my tone, but I hear the bite as it hangs in the air between us.
Reed smirks, not bothering to drag his eyes away from the scene in front of him. “Just that a little birdie told me they saw you two in Big Sky diner, and you looked pretty lovestruck. Like it’s more than a little thing and maybe the start of a big thing.”
Sure, Chloe and I have grown close since we met, but if someone saw us in the diner, it would have been when we were pretending for her Aunt Liz.
Huffing out a breath, I turn back to watch Wyatt and Grayson in the paddock because I can’t deny that. “Whoever your birdie is, they’re seeing things,” I mutter.
“I can assure you they’ve got twenty-twenty vision, King.”
The name hits like a bull rope snapping around my chest. My breath catches in my throat, choking me. The world around me fades until all I’m left with is the pain of the rough wood beneath my fingers as they tighten around the fencing.
My body stiffens. He can’t know. My mind is whirling, searching for an explanation that will justify Reed calling me by that name. There’s no way he’d bring it up this casually if he knew. Surely? The rushing sound in my ears only intensifies with every second of silence that passes.
“Do you know if Gray has spoken to Trigg yet?” Reed asks, oblivious to my panic.
He doesn’t know. It’s okay. Holy shit. I can’t go on like this, living in constant fear that I’ll be outed. Either it has to end, or I have to come clean.
Just not yet.
After the finals in January. That’s when I’ll quit.
Clearing my throat, I force my body to relax, dragging in a lungful of warm air as I peel my fingers away from the fencing. The scent of hay fills my nostrils as everything bleeds back into focus. I return my attention back to Grayson and Wyatt.
“Umm, no, I don’t think he has, but you’ll wanna ask Wy about that. Gray handed it over because he’s taking Avery away when the talks are happening.”
Reed nods, lifting a foot to rest it on the bottom panel of the fence. “Okay. I’ll catch him when they’re finished.” He pauses before asking, “How’s Gracie? She didn’t answer her door last night when I popped by.”
It’s not unusual for Reed to turn up at Gracie’s place unannounced.
They’ve spent more evenings together than apart—minus their college years—since they were old enough to hang out without our parents around.
What is odd is Gracie not letting Reed in when I know for a fact that she was home last night.
I shrug. “She’s fine as far as I know. She was probably washing her hair or something and just didn’t hear the door.”
Reed’s stare burns into the side of my face, but I don’t acknowledge him. Whatever is going on with him and Gracie, they need to figure it out themselves. I’ve got enough of my own stuff on my plate to deal with.
“Has she said anything to you?”
I screw up my face and pinch the bridge of my nose before turning to face him. “No, nothing outside the usual. What would she have to say?”
He steps back, straightening his belt buckle. “Nothing, I guess.” He looks like he wants to say something else, but Grayson and Wyatt head toward us, and Reed shakes his head. “I’ll go see her tonight.”
“See who?” Wyatt asks.
Reed looks at me before answering, as if checking to make sure I won’t air his concern. We’ve been friends since elementary school, but Gracie is my sister and will always come first. Whatever reason she had for ignoring Reed is none of my business unless she brings it up.
“It’s nothing. I wanted to ask if you’d spoken to Trigg about the new account, and Kade said I should talk to you?”
Wyatt repositions his Stetson as Grayson walks with Beau and the horse they were running into the stable. “Yeah. Trigg couldn’t do any earlier, so I’m heading out first thing Saturday to figure out the logistics.”
Reed nods. “Okay, I’ll get you a report on his finances by Thursday. See you both at the office.” He heads off in the direction of the ATVs. It’s quicker to ride to our offices than head out on the main roads to drive there and it would take hours on foot.
“So,” Wyatt asks, “care to tell me why you looked like someone had stuck a hot poker up your ass earlier?”
My head rears back, and I push away from the fence. “Fucking hell, is everyone overanalyzing me today? I’m fine.”
“Is it Chloe? You guys have a fight?”
I give Wyatt what I hope is a stern look; one that tells him to leave it before replying, “We’re fine, great even. I’m great.”
He levels me with a stare, and I know he doesn’t buy it for a second, but for all my sins, he doesn’t push me on it. Instead, he heads out of the paddock and waves for me to follow him into the stable.
I don’t think I can make it until January. Saturday will be my last time.
I swear.