Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
CAROLINA
December
C onference season had slowed. It was the time of the year when I usually reveled in the holiday season. I decorated the inside and outside of the house and went to as many holiday events as I could fit in. But it didn't feel the same this year.
Ginny spent more and more time with her boyfriend, going to town events with him. Mom was in the honeymoon phase of a new relationship, and she deserved it after everything she'd gone through. It was time for her to find happiness. She'd raised us, putting off dating until we were gone. So I was happy for her.
It just meant that I was alone at the house a lot. Not something that had ever bothered me before. I was actually looking forward to the holiday bazaar in Telluride, and not just because I'd see Oliver again.
I wanted to get out of town. I needed to reevaluate my life. When I was packing for my trip, Ginny walked in and sat on the bed. I had the worst feeling about why she was here. She hadn't been present for much of the last few weeks .
"I have to talk to you about something."
I sighed as I finished folding a sweater. "What about?"
"I talked to Waylon about moving in together. He thinks it's a good idea."
This shouldn't come as a surprise. "Okay."
"You're not going to say it's a bad idea? That I should maintain my own place and my independence?"
"It's your life. You make your own decisions." I sat on the bed on the other side of the suitcase. "You were younger when Dad left. It affected you differently."
Ginny smiled. "I was raised by a single mother, and my sister helped out a lot. But I don't remember Dad being home."
We'd had this conversation many times before, but I thought this was the first time I was really hearing her. She didn't feel abandoned by my dad. He was just never there for her. She didn't know any differently.
"What will you do with the house?" Ginny asked.
I looked around at the bedroom I thought was perfect when we looked at this house. "I'm not sure. I might sell it."
Ginny frowned. "You don't want to have a place to live when you're in town?"
I shrugged. "I'm not sure I need it. Not enough to justify paying a mortgage for a house that's empty most of the time."
Ginny turned to face me. "But you enjoy cooking and decorating so much. I can't see you renting."
"What's the point when I'm living here alone? There's no point to decorate or worry about cooking elaborate meals." It had been that way for a while now.
"You do those things for yourself," Ginny said.
"I'm rethinking everything right now. I'll worry about it after this trip. But I don't want you to worry about me. I'll be fine."
"You've always been so strong."
I started folding clothes and stacking them in the suitcase again. I sensed the tension from Ginny. "Was there something else?"
"I know we talked about you hiring me to work for your company. But I don't think I want to travel as much as you do. I don't want to be away from Waylon."
My stomach sunk. I'd suspected this might be the case, but hearing her say this out loud confirmed my fears. The dreams I had for the last few years were shattered. I kept folding, my movements progressively jerkier. I didn't want her to know I was upset. This dream meant more to me than it ever had to her.
"I appreciate everything you've ever done for me, and that you thought you'd be helping me by creating a position for me. But it's not what I want."
It was like every word was a punch to the gut. "I'm disappointed, but I understand." I wanted her to leave so that I could fall apart by myself. I didn't want her to know how upsetting this decision was for me. It was her life, her choice.
"I'm sorry if hearing that hurts you."
I placed the last sweater into the suitcase, then turned away to gather my panties and bras. I grabbed scraps of lace without really looking at what I was doing. My eyes stung, and I just wanted to be alone. "It's fine. Things change. That's life."
"Are you sure you're okay with this?"
"Uh-huh." I dropped the pile of underthings into the suitcase. Before I could move toward the bathroom to get my toiletries, Ginny asked softly, "Will you look at me?"
I turned to meet her gaze. "It's fine. I'm fine. But I'd like some time to process everything."
Her forehead wrinkled with concern. "I know you don't like change."
"I should be used to it at this point. I should have known your dream wouldn't be anything like mine. I just wanted to protect you. To set you up so that you're taken care of." Nothing stayed the same, no matter how much you wanted it to.
"Your intentions were good. But I'm grown up now. I don't need you to take care of me anymore."
"I know." Except my life spread out before me without anything to look forward to. My mom and my sister were in relationships, and I was alone. I'd always thought it was better this way. I couldn't get hurt. But now I was starting to wonder if being lonely was worse than experiencing heartache. Then I remembered that scared girl who watched her father walk out the front door.
It hurt too much to even think about.
"I know Dad leaving was devastating for you. But we have to move on. He certainly has." I shut him out. I didn't want anything to do with him. He'd made his choice, and it had nothing to do with his wife or daughters.
"You're right. I need to find a way to move on. A way where he doesn't affect every decision I make in the future."
Relief flooded Ginny's face. "I think so too."
I smiled to cover the pain. "Congrats on taking the next step in your relationship with Waylon. If you ever need anything?—"
Ginny smiled. "I know you'll be there for me."
I moved toward the bathroom.
"But, Carolina, think about the house before you put it up for sale. You love this house."
I turned to face her. "It's just a building. It's your family that's home."
Ginny stood and crossed the room to hug me. "I think you're right, and you'll always be my home."
I cherished our last sisterly hug in our shared home. When I returned from this next trip, everything would be different. Ginny would have moved out, and I'd be alone. Truly alone for the first time. There would be no hoping that Ginny would come home for fresh clothes or a shower. I wasn't needed anymore. The pain coursed through my body as I packed up my things in the bathroom.
Ginny leaned a shoulder against the door frame. "Why do you have a conference scheduled so close to Christmas? I thought your season slowed down in December."
"It's my first holiday bazaar. I'm hoping it goes well, and I'll get more referrals for them. It will increase my customer base and extend my season."
"You deserve the time off though."
"There isn't much going on from January through March." I had to make my earnings last through the whole year.
"That makes sense."
I had to stay busy. There was nothing for me at home anymore. Both Ginny and Mom were preoccupied with their boyfriends. I didn't have anything to occupy my time except for my business. I wanted it to be successful, but I didn't have the same drive I did before. I'd built it for Ginny and me. Now it was just mine, and I wasn't sure what my motivation was other than to make more money. Who was I building my business for? What was the money and security for when I didn't have anyone to share it with?
I packed my toiletries and placed them in my suitcase. I had to leave for my flight. I didn't have time to break down or contemplate this new reality. It was the worst timing. I almost wished she'd waited until I returned home.
"What are your plans for Christmas?" I asked Ginny as I zipped up the suitcase and placed it on the floor between us.
Her eyes widened. "I thought we'd spend the day with Waylon's parents."
"Do you know what Mom is doing?" I hadn't talked to her much since Thanksgiving. She was always busy when I checked in.
"I think her and Harold are planning to stay for Christmas, then leave the next day for their trip. ”
"That will be nice for them. Why don't they leave earlier? Spend the holiday together?"
"I think Mom was worried about you. She knows you like your traditions."
"I'm not going to host Christmas this year." I hadn't made that decision until now. I walked toward the front door, grabbing my purse and keys.
"You're not?" Ginny asked as she rushed to catch up with me.
I turned to look at her. "You and Mom said you didn't want a traditional holiday."
Her forehead creased. "But you love Christmas."
"Things will be different this year." I needed to get used to it.
"But what are you going to do?"
"I don't know." I could stay in Telluride, but I didn't think Oliver would appreciate that. And it wasn't like I could easily avoid him. It was his family's resort. But there was nothing for me in Maine if my family had other plans.
"We should still do something together."
I sighed. "Let me know what you decide. I'm not planning on cooking. I'll be out of town until the day before Christmas Eve. I'm sure I'll be too exhausted to grocery shop when I get home."
Ginny seemed to be at a loss for words. She hadn't expected me to take her words to heart. But if they wanted a nontraditional holiday, then they could have one. I just wasn't sure what I was going to do yet. But I had plenty of time to figure it out.
Normally, I'd be worried about grocery shopping, meal prepping, and last-minute gift shopping, but not this time. "It feels good not to have to worry about planning, especially when I'm going to be out of town."
Ginny frowned. "Yeah, this makes the most sense."
I didn't want for Ginny to process that her older sister wasn't going to insist on the big Christmas. I hugged her. "Have a good week."
"Have a safe flight," Ginny finally managed when I was halfway down the walk. I looked around at the snow that was still on the ground from a storm a few days ago. Our cars sat in the driveway.
This home was meant for me and Ginny. I wasn't sure where my future was now. But first, I had a conference to host. I could figure out the rest of my life afterward. Besides, I had one more night with Oliver.
It would be the best Christmas present ever, and it wouldn't require any work on my part. I just had to show up and enjoy.
A few minutes ago, I felt like I was at my lowest. But now, I felt like the future was opening up and anything was possible. Even if I didn't know exactly what I wanted.
I waved at Ginny who stood in the doorway, looking uncertain. It felt right to loosen the strings with my family. They didn't need me to hold them together anymore. Everyone was moving on. This was healthy. I could heal from my dad's betrayal and move on. That last part might take a bit longer, but I felt like it was possible.
On the flight to Denver, I forced myself to work on my computer, reviewing the schedule for the conference and answering the last-minute emails from vendors. This event wasn't any different than the other ones I'd organized. Although the guests might not be as frantic as some of the readers at the author signings or the brides at the bridal shows. Maybe holiday shopping will be more mellow? I could only hope.
When I landed in Denver, there was a man holding up a sign with my name on it. I wasn't expecting that. I usually arranged for a driver once I arrived. I wondered if this was Eli or Oliver's doing.
The ride to the resort was smooth, but my heart rate picked up with every mile we crossed. The sun was shining on the snow, providing a glare when we pulled around the circle to the entrance. A valet opened my door, and the driver grabbed my suitcase.
"Thank you." I took the suitcase and went inside to check in. I wasn't surprised to see it was the same room that was always reserved for me. Except this time, I found a basket of goodies, including chocolates, wine, and bath salts. It was sweet. There wasn't a note, but I couldn't help but wonder who had provided it.
I took a picture and sent it to Oliver with the caption: Was this your idea?
Oliver: That depends. Do you like it?
Carolina: I love it.
Oliver: Do you have everything you need for the conference?
Was this his way of telling me that our relationship was purely professional? I chewed my lip.
Carolina: I think so.
Oliver: Let me know if you need anything.
Carolina: I always do.
Now I was worried. Eli was usually my contact for the conferences.
Carolina: Are we still on for one more night?
Oliver: I was hoping to, but I can't make it work schedule wise. I can come over for a few hours.
Carolina: I'll take what I can get.
I was curious about what was stopping him from staying overnight. He'd said he wasn't married and didn't have a girlfriend. We promised we'd break things off if either one of us wanted to move on with someone else. So what could the scheduling issue be? Maybe the resort had more events in the evening, and his presence was required. Or he had early morning meetings. It wasn't my place to ask. He never stayed the full night anyway.
Oliver: What are you doing tonight?
Carolina: I check the room to ensure that everything is set up and ready to go for the vendors tomorrow.
I had my system down to a science. It worked so there was no reason to change anything.
Oliver: Are you available for dinner afterward. Maybe 7?
A thrill shot through me.
Carolina: I'd love that.
Now that I was assured he hadn't changed his mind about us, my step was lighter as I changed and headed to the conference room. I spent a couple of hours checking the table arrangements against the seating chart and placing the assignments on top .
Then I texted Oliver I was back in my room. I showered because I felt dirty after my flight, and when I got out, I heard the murmur of the TV in the other room. I relaxed for the first time since Ginny said she was moving out and didn't want to go into business anymore.
I would enjoy these next few days with Oliver and worry about the rest of my life later. I lathered my skin with lotion, brushed my hair, and got dressed in casual clothes, then walked out. I smiled when I saw Oliver leaning against the pillows, one arm folded behind his head.
"I brought dinner from our best restaurant. I wasn't sure what you liked so I brought a bit of everything."
I walked over to the table where there were multiple to-go containers. "I love when you do this." It felt like the ultimate luxury to have a little of everything.
"Let me get it for you. Have a seat." Oliver pulled out the upholstered chair for me, and I sat watching him as he put a little of everything on a plate for me, and pushed it in my direction. Then he poured the wine. He lifted his glass. "To a wonderful night."
I grinned and clinked my glass against his. "To a wonderful night."
We dug into our food while a holiday movie played in the background. "It's nice to be back in Colorado. The holiday decor in the lobby is a nice touch. I've never been here for Christmas before."
"Eli hired someone to decorate the lobby and the grounds. He thinks it adds to the ambiance."
"It feels festive." I almost didn't mind missing the week of holiday events in my hometown, especially since my family had other plans.
"Do you enjoy Christmas as much as Thanksgiving?"
I nodded. "I do. Although I used to feel like it was my responsibility to plan the perfect holiday for my family."
"But that's not what they want. "
"And now I'm feeling a little bereft. I'm not sure what to do with myself. I'm glad I booked this trip so I could get a little time away, get some perspective."
When we were finished eating and I made a move to clean up, Oliver touched my hand to stop me. "What do you think about skiing while you're here?"
I mentally ran through my schedule for the week. "The vendors aren't due to arrive and set up until tomorrow afternoon."
Oliver smiled. "So your morning is free?"
I smiled. "Are we going skiing?"
"I reserved a ski lift. But we don't have to go if you don't want to."
"I have to warn you that I've never been skiing. I don't usually spend any time sightseeing when I'm traveling or even enjoying the amenities of the resorts. I'm usually too busy."
"This time, I'm going to show you what makes Wilde Resort special."
I smiled, knowing he was what made it special. "I've always wanted to learn to ski."
"We'll go tomorrow then."
Maybe my life wasn't in Maine with my family. Maybe I was meant for something else. It was too soon to think my future had anything to do with Oliver's. But maybe this was the catalyst I needed to make some changes.