Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
CAROLINA
T he day went by too fast. I played games with Joey, then went sledding again. I enjoyed his company. Now it was afternoon, and we were drinking hot chocolate while watching a holiday movie.
Joey was so tuckered out; I wouldn't be surprised if he fell asleep.
Marcus appeared and sat in the armchair. "You need to go pack?"
My stomach sunk. "I do, actually. Can you watch Joey?"
"I've got him."
I headed up to my room to shower, then pack. I slowly folded my clothes, fighting back tears. For the first time, I wasn't excited about going home. I didn't have a list of things to cook or bake. I wasn't even that excited about the holiday itself.
Marcus had already given me a to-go container of cookies we'd baked with Joey. They weren't the best decorated I'd ever seen, but they were a good memory of our day snowed in together. Other than the cookies, which would be eaten, I didn't have anything else tangible except for, possibly, my broken heart .
I'd gone and fallen for Oliver, my sometimes fling. It was stupid, but I couldn't help myself. And I wasn't sure he felt the same way. He had bigger things to worry about, like reopening the lodge and taking care of his son.
I plopped onto the bed, hugging my sweater to my chest, letting the tears fall. Leaving shouldn't hurt this much. The problem was there was no reason to stay. Oliver's life was here. And mine was in Maine, wasn't it?
The more I thought about the situation with my family, the more I wondered what was really there for me in Maine. My sister and mother were both moving on, and I was the one in limbo. I could work my business from anywhere.
But where should I make my home base? Should I rent a place in Maine until I figured it out? I wiped away my tears and continued to pack, determined to have a different holiday with my family and maybe even talk to my dad. I needed closure. I needed to move on with my life, and I wasn't sure I could do that without talking to him first.
Dad had given up on asking me and Ginny to join him for the holidays, so when I asked if I could see him tomorrow, he responded immediately. Maybe Dad felt guilty for how things went down so many years ago. I wouldn't know unless I talked to him.
I felt better now that I figured out a purpose for my trip home. I needed to get the house ready to sell, I wanted to talk to my dad, and I'd spend part of the holiday with my mother and sister, whatever that looked like.
Even if things with Oliver didn't work out and I never saw him again, he'd changed me forever. He helped me see that there were different possibilities out there. That we didn't have to hold onto our past, especially when it was holding us back. I wished he was my future. But the ball was in his court. He could have asked me to stay, and he hadn't.
He'd mentioned that the airport would be clear, and I should be able to get home today. Even when Joey brought up that he'd miss me, Oliver hadn't said anything. In a short time, those two had come to mean so much to me, and I'd miss them.
I needed to leave before I got sucked in any deeper. If I stayed, I'd only want more of what I couldn't have, and Oliver had a full life with Joey and his family. There wasn't room for me, or he wouldn't make room. Maybe he didn't feel the same way or didn't view our relationship as something that could be permanent.
I had a headache by the time I finished packing and taking my suitcase to the front counter. My flight left in two and half hours. I'd need a car to get to the airport. I pulled up the app just as Xander and Oliver walked in with their snow gear, bringing in a gust of wind with them.
"Is it time for you to go?" Oliver asked, his brow furrowed.
"I was just about to order a car."
"I can take you. Just let me make sure Marcus has Joey."
"Oh, you don't have to do that." It would be easier to make a clean break here in front of his brother and son. I wouldn't be tempted to blurt out that I thought I was in love with him. That wouldn't be fair to him.
"It's okay. I want to. You've done so much for me."
I merely nodded as he headed into the great room.
Xander approached with a smile. " You’ve probably heard a lot about me if you’ve been hanging out with Oliver.”
I grinned. "Just that you're charming and lovable."
He placed a hand over his heart as Oliver returned. "Oliver, did you hear that? Carolina thinks I'm charming and lovable."
Oliver smacked his arm. "Get over yourself. She's just being nice."
He rubbed his arm. "I can take Carolina to the airport. That way you can stay with Joey."
"Marcus has him. They're making gingerbread cookies." Oliver's voice was gruff .
"I'm sorry to miss that. Let me say goodbye to Marcus and Joey quick." My heart rate picked up now that it was time to leave.
At Oliver's nod, I hurried into the kitchen.
Joey's face fell when he saw me in my coat. "Are you leaving?"
"Yeah, my flight leaves soon, and I have to get home to my family." I kept my voice light.
Joey rushed over for a hug, and I held him tightly to me. "I'm going to miss you. I had so much fun."
"I had fun too," he mumbled against my coat.
Marcus appeared behind him, and I hugged him too.
"Have a great holiday," I said to him.
"You too, Miss Carolina. Don't be a stranger." Then Marcus winked.
I wanted to promise I'd see them in April, but that wasn't a promise I could make. What if Oliver told me not to come? "Merry Christmas."
Then I walked out of the room, my heart breaking a little more. This was harder than I thought it would be. Oliver was waiting with Xander in the lobby.
Oliver raised a brow. "You ready?"
"As ready as I'll ever be. It was nice to see you again, Xander." To my surprise, he put his arms out for a hug. "Hope we'll see you again." Then he winked.
From behind us, Oliver grumbled, "We need to leave if we're going to make it to the airport in time for your flight."
"Always so grumpy, Oliver. You need to let loose more." Xander walked into the lodge. "Now where's my favorite nephew?"
Oliver held the door for me. It was time for me to leave and forget about this magical place. For one day, I was part of something bigger than me, and it was amazing. I could see myself living here with Oliver and Joey, visiting them at the lodge, and coming home to them at night. My heart squeezed as Oliver hurried to open the passenger side door of his SUV for me.
It was freezing out, and the trucks were still working on the lot. I waited for Oliver to rush around the hood, and climb into his side of the SUV. "Will you officially reopen tomorrow?"
"We don't have anyone checking in until the twenty-sixth. We'll get the guests out today, and then have a couple of days for family."
I settled into the seat as Oliver turned up the heat and tilted the vents in my direction. "That sounds nice."
"It's always crazy around here for Christmas since the family is so large. This year, my brother Killian is coming home, and I just heard that my parents will be here too."
"I'm so happy for you."
"Yeah, we never know when Killian will have time to make a stop, and my parents said they just couldn't stay away. They want to meet Eli's new girlfriend, Scarlett. We all grew up together, but I guess they want to see for themselves that Eli's fallen in love."
"That's sweet." I couldn't even imagine being part of a family like that. We'd been burned so badly by my dad that we were all cautious when it came to love, whether it was friendship or a significant other.
"What are your plans when you get home?"
"I'm meeting with my dad tomorrow." It felt good to share this development with him.
Oliver glanced over at me before returning his attention to the road. "Really?"
"Yeah, it's time for us to talk through things. I'm done avoiding my past and pretending it's not affecting me now. If my mom and Ginny can move on relatively unscathed, then I want to as well."
"That's great. I'm proud of you."
"Thanks. And then I'm going to spend whatever part of the holiday with my family that they'll allow. I know they have plans with their significant others. But I'm sure we can spend a few hours together." I wasn't positive about that. It was possible my mom and sister were planning on doing something else entirely. I hadn't touched base with them while I was here, and they hadn't reached out. I didn't want Oliver to feel sorry for me. "The holiday will look different this year, but I'm determined to have a good time."
Oliver nodded.
"What about you? What are your family's traditions?"
"We spend Christmas Eve together. Then we come together at some point on Christmas Day. It's a lot of togetherness."
"That sounds amazing." And exactly what I envisioned when I thought about the holidays.
"Marcus will get a week off after this, so we'll handle the cooking and cleaning. But the only house big enough to serve us is the lodge. So we'll all stay there on Christmas Eve night."
"I kind of love that."
"It works for now. But once the family expands, I don't know what we'll do. Eli is planning on moving from his penthouse to a house he's building with Scarlett sometime this summer."
"You and Xander live in town?"
"That's right. Xan likes to be within walking distance to the bars, and I wanted a home away from the lodge to raise Joey."
"Makes sense."
We fell silent for a few minutes, holiday tunes on the radio. As we neared Denver, there were lit wreaths on the light posts and decorated trees. I loved Christmas. I just wished I wasn't leaving Oliver and Joey. It didn't seem like the right time to say anything, and I wanted some kind of a sign from Oliver that he felt the same way.
My heart rate kicked up as we approached the departures area of the airport. He pulled to the curb and hopped out. I sighed, knowing this was the end, and he probably wasn't going to say anything to keep me here.
At this point, I had things to do in Maine, but I would have appreciated him saying something about seeing me again or continuing our relationship.
On the sidewalk, Oliver placed my luggage on the ground and lifted the handle for me.
I reached for it to have something to do with my hands. "Thank you so much for the hospitality." Inwardly, I cringed at the distance I heard in my tone.
"You get home safe."
I waited a beat for him to say anything, but he didn't. There was a security officer walking toward us, so I slipped my arms around Oliver’s waist, hugging him one last time. I wasn't sure I could continue with our relationship the way it was. I wouldn't be back until April, and it would be too hard to pick up where we left off.
I squeezed him, breathing in his familiar scent. When I pulled back, his expression was tight, but he said, "Have a safe trip home."
"Have a good one with your family," I said as my heart broke a little more.
He stuffed his hands in his pockets. He wasn't going to ask me to stay or tell me that he couldn't bear for me to leave.
I could tell him how I felt. But was it fair to say something like that now? I'd go home and regroup. Maybe I'd feel differently when I had a little distance from him.
I turned to leave. "Bye, Oliver."
"Take care of yourself." His words were so distant.
I forced myself to walk away. I should have told him how I felt, but the airport wasn't the right place. It would have felt too rushed, and what could we do about it anyway?
I wasn't sure what I wanted to do next in my life. But I'd need a sign from him that he wanted more from our relationship.
I walked through the automatic doors and focused on what I needed to do: check my baggage, get through security, and find my gate. I kept my mind focused on the to-do list and not on the pain that was slowly spreading through my chest.
I wasn't sure where Oliver stood or how he felt. He must have seen me as a vacation fling. A good time, and now it was over. I felt too much. I wanted everything. But he didn't want the same.
This wasn't a romantic comedy where my love interest burst through the airport doors and ran through security to stop me from boarding a plane. That wasn't going to happen. Oliver had Joey to think about, his family, and the lodge he ran.
His family would be in town soon, and he wanted to spend time with them. I was selfish for thinking our relationship rated as high as a holiday with his entire family home.
When I was on the airplane, I let the disappointment flow through me. He let me go. He hadn't tried to stop me. He hadn't even asked for an extension of our arrangement or offered a see you in April. It felt like a clean break, and it hurt like crazy.
I blinked away tears, not wanting to cry on an airplane. I'd become such a cliché, thinking I could have an affair and not get emotionally entangled with the man. But how could I not? He was hardworking, caring, and an amazing father. He was everything I'd ever wanted in a man, but he didn't want me.