Chapter 31
KYLIE
Sam had sprung for first-class tickets for the entire family, and the airline gods once again arranged for me to be seated next to Luc.
Of course, Kendra did her best to make the entire event awkward when she introduced herself to Luc before takeoff. She winked at him before sliding into the row behind us.
“She knows?”
I nodded. Luc’s expression was unreadable, and he looked away before I could delve too deep into what that meant.
We had grown closer in the last few months, and while I still had an apartment, I had spent only a handful of nights there since the season ended—Thanksgiving week and the days surrounding it.
We were only apart when I was with my family or he was with his.
Being together in his house, the playroom, and out in the city created a sense of living in a perfect bubble. Within that bubble, what we had was real, beautiful, and everything we wanted. It never had to end.
The reality that I had fallen just as hard for a man overshadowed my happiness for Kelsey and Sam. I could never experience this with Luc. Our friends and family would never surround us, we would never say our vows, and no, I would never carry his child.
Had my late period last month taken my imagination on a dangerous path? I hid my disappointment when my period arrived by acting like a bitch and blaming it on hormones.
If I told Luc I wanted more, if he thought this wasn’t enough, I knew he would leave.
That would fucking break me.
I pretended it was enough. We could carry on; my family would never find out—that it was alright by me. But inside, I was screaming at him to tell me I was enough—that he couldn’t—wouldn’t ever walk away from me. I knew this boundary hurt him, but you see—hurt people, hurt people.
I fucking bled.
Every time I heard Kelsey say, I love you, to Sam, I bled. Every time Sam proudly introduced my sister as his fiancée, I bled. The internal bleeding left me battered, bruised, and bitter.
As my father used to tell me when I was a kid, “Jealousy doesn’t become you.”
You wouldn’t know it, though.
I could live with never getting married. But I could never forget when he said, “This will never be permanent.”
Looking back, I should have told myself to run. But now it was too late. Either way, I was going to be hurt.
When Luc set his hand on the seats between us, I ignored it for as long as I could and then caved. I craved his touch to my detriment.
The flight from Logan to the first island was less than four hours, and once we arrived, the chaos erupted. Between our family, Sam’s family, and other guests, we had descended upon the airport. The baggage claim remained immobile as we waited patiently for it to turn.
Sam’s personal assistant, Monica, did her best to herd the group and explain that we were now on island time. Once I realized we weren’t getting our luggage any time soon, I accepted the liquor samples that were being handed out and purchased a bottle of rum for the week.
Luc and I did our best to avoid contact, or at least appear normal as casual strangers who met on an airplane and who happened to be attending the same destination wedding.
Ha. Whatever that looked like.
What I hadn’t expected was how many women appraised him when he wasn’t holding my hand. Let’s add jealousy to the list of bitter emotions that warred within my battered little heart. Inside, I wanted to scream, but I fixed an unbothered expression on my face and pretended.
“Hey, can you hold Crew for a second?” Kelsey asked. She and Sam were at the rental car booth and needed to sign some forms. Crew had chosen that time to get fidgety.
Crew jumped into my arms, and I whispered to him while he looked into my eyes and giggled. I burrowed my face into his neck and blew raspberries, eliciting more shouts and belly laughs from him.
Man, I loved this little boy. At nine months old, he was a handful, still unable to walk, even though he would be soon.
A quick peek revealed Luc was indeed watching every move I made.
While I prided myself on predicting his emotions and knew what was going through his mind most of the time, his expression was inscrutable.
He confused me even more when he approached me and held his arms out to hold Crew so that I could carry my carry-on bag.
Even more surprising, he was good with Crew.
Mindfuck.
I wanted to pull my nephew from his arms and scream at Luc. “You don’t want kids. Don’t confuse me like this!”
Was I ready to have children? No! But it fucking killed me because I wanted everything with this man, and he would never give it to me.
I did my best to hide the mutinous stray tears, but I knew he saw them.