Chapter Fourteen
Zane
“Hey,” Nate greeted as I joined him on the outdoor patio of the resort restaurant where he stood like a sentinel.
It wasn’t a planned meeting, and he was still on the clock, but Nate worked harder than anyone I knew—other than Melina. If anyone deserved to take a break, it was him.
“Want to go for a quick hike to the Bay and back?”
He looked out over my shoulder, the newly fallen snow reflecting off his aviators. “Sure, there are a few things I should check out that way, anyhow.”
We trudged side by side up the road in silence, veering off toward our favorite path that led to the Bay and its surrounding cabins.
The snow was still fresh and pristine, making me feel almost guilty for disturbing it.
But this walk always helped clear my head, and Nate was the only friend I trusted with the things that were on my mind.
“Something’s bothering you.” It wasn’t a question. It was just Nate, cutting through the bullshit.
“Yeah,” I agreed but couldn’t find the right words to explain myself.
It was getting late in the day, and we’d be walking back to the hotel in the dark, so I turned my face up to the sun and basked in its dwindling warmth while I could. Nate allowed me the moment, but my thoughts wouldn’t cooperate. My mind was just a swirl of feelings and fears I couldn’t untangle.
“I like her,” he offered when the words wouldn’t come to me. “I think she’s good for you.”
I took a deep breath of fresh winter air before agreeing, “I think so, too.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
Shit, where do I begin? “You’ve had a serious girlfriend before, right?”
He nodded, his face as solemn as always. “A couple, actually.”
“But you’re not with them now. How come?”
“Is this about me or you?” he complained half-heartedly, his usual gruff tone filled with something comforting. Something that told me we were on the same page.
“Sorry, man. I’m just trying to wrap my head around this whole relationship thing. I know people do it. I know some of them are even successful. I’ve just never been able to figure out how. I’m wondering if there’s a secret to it.”
“Well, shit. If there’s a secret, I sure as hell don’t know it.
I’m as single as you are,” he said through a laugh.
“But I guess if you want my opinion on what makes a relationship work, I’d say honesty and good communication.
If you have those things, then you can trust each other, and any other obstacles can be worked out. ”
We fell silent again, the snow crunching under our boots.
Was that really all there was to it? His answer seemed far too simplistic, yet also a huge hurdle. I had trouble being honest with myself half the time, and I knew I had some serious issues with trust. How could I share all my flaws with a woman like Melina and expect her to stick around?
“What about love?” I blurted, the words seeming to come from nowhere.
“What about it?” Nate huffed, his pace having slowed considerably.
I turned to him, stopping him in his tracks with a hand on his chest. “What’s going on with you?”
“Nothing.” He tried to sidestep me, but I dodged in front of him, not allowing him to avoid the question.
“Honesty? Good communication? Shouldn’t friends have those things, too?”
His sigh sounded more like exhaustion, but a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “For a guy who’s so afraid of them, you’re probably better at relationships and commitment than anyone I’ve ever met.”
The compliment landed somewhere between my chest and my gut, uncomfortable and warm at the same time. I dropped my hand and stepped away from him, shaking my head.
“I hurt myself.” His hands hit his hips and stance widened. “I didn’t want to say anything because I knew you nosy fuckers would ask me how I did it, and it’s embarrassing. All right? Can we focus on your shit now, please?”
“Sure, but only if you answer one question.”
The look he gave me was the kind he reserved only for the biggest pains in his ass.
I returned his glare, staring him straight in his sunglass-covered eyes, and deadpanned, “Was it a sex accident?”
He barked a laugh so loud it echoed off Green Mountain, making me laugh along with him.
Fuck, it felt good to make my friends happy.
“You’re an asshole,” he grumbled when our laughter eased. “But you’re a much better guy than you give yourself credit for.”
“Thanks, I think?”
“Look, I think you know I’m more the practical type.
Love might be important. I’m sure some would argue it’s the only thing that matters.
But the way I see it, love is a by-product of those other things.
Honesty, trust, communication. If you don’t have the foundation, you can’t build a house. You get me?”
“Yeah, I think so.” I turned back to the path, keeping my stride slow so he didn’t feel the need to push his body harder than he probably should.
The thing was, I did have examples. Not from my parents, but from the other side of the Alexander family.
Uncle Glenn and Aunt Sylvie had been married for over forty years and still acted like they genuinely liked each other.
Eric and Jamie were the same way. They were solid and steady, the kind of couple that made it look effortless even when it probably wasn’t.
Hell, even Caleb, at twenty-two, had stepped up to raise a baby that wasn’t biologically his because he loved Zadie that much.
The Alexanders weren’t all broken. Some of them had figured it out.
I just wasn’t sure if the broken parts—my fucking parts—could be fixed enough to join them.
“You’ve got to trust yourself too, though,” he said, falling back into step beside me. “Trust you’re already doing the right thing.”
“But how am I supposed to know if I’m doing the right thing?
Some of my family figured it out, but my parents sure as hell didn’t.
My dad’s an asshole who thinks I’m wasting my life, and my mom couldn’t be bothered to stick around long enough to teach me anything.
What if I’m more like them? What if I mess it all up? ”
“Did you sleep with her?”
The question hit like a punch to the gut. Every protective instinct I had fired at once. “Who’s the nosy fucker now?”
“Just answer the question. You took her out, but did you sleep with her?”
“No, I barely touched her.” The memory of pulling away from her still burned. “And stopping nearly killed me.”
“Then why did you?”
I paused a moment to think about it, even though the answer was already clear.
“Because I don’t really know where we stand or what she wants from me, beyond the physical connection.
And I don’t think I could look her in the eye again if I just fucked her and walked away.
I respect her, but I want her to respect me too, I guess. ”
“So there you have it, my friend.” He slapped me on the back, cementing my thoughts. “She’s worth more to you than any of your other conquests, and you’re treating her the way she deserves. Sounds like the start of a beautiful relationship if you ask me.”
A smile crept across my lips. “But what the fuck do you know? You’re as single as me, remember?”
“I’m not so sure you can call yourself single anymore. Sounds to me like you’re pretty well taken.”
Fuck, he was right. I didn’t understand it, and just the idea made me lightheaded, but that didn’t make it any less true.
No one had ever held my attention or made me feel the way Melina did. Maybe that wouldn’t last. Maybe it was just a year’s worth of deprivation that needed to be let loose. Regardless, it didn’t change the fact that she had me. For her, I was willing to try.
The thought was intimidating as hell, and I wasn’t sure I could trust it.
But fuck, I still really liked it.
“Thanks for further injuring yourself for me,” I said once we’d made it back to the hotel. “I hope you’re going home now.”
We hadn’t hiked all the way out to the Bay, but I still felt refreshed. Talking about these things—something that only weeks ago I wasn’t sure I could ever do—was easier than I’d expected. Maybe that meant something, too.
“Yeah.” His tone was harsh, despite our heart-to-heart. “Just remember what I said. Trust yourself.”
A feeling of hope bloomed in my chest. “I’ll try.”
“And hey.” He stopped me with his hand on my shoulder before I could leave. “About Becky. She was poking around again today. Asking questions about you and Melina. I don’t think anyone caught on, but you really gotta be careful. She’s up to some shit, and I guarantee it’s nothing good.”
Fucking Becky. She was going to become the bane of my existence, wasn’t she? I’d have to deal with her sooner rather than later, and I’d have to be sure the blowback didn’t hit Melina.
“Thanks, man,” I said, slapping him on the back again. “For everything.”
“Anytime.”
“Oh, and Nate,” I called, walking backward toward my truck. “Next time, to avoid injury, remember to thrust with your hips, not with your back.”