Chapter 7
7
XANDER
I 'd never felt more vulnerable than when I admitted to Tori that I didn't hook up with every woman who showed interest in me. I knew what people said about me. I was essentially a flirt, and all I cared about was hooking up. That might have been the reason Eli and Oliver didn't take me seriously, and that was my fault. I'd allowed that reputation to fester.
The server cut slices and plated them for us. As soon as he left, we dug into the steaming pizza.
I enjoyed flirting. I didn't think there was anything wrong with it. I never led women on. I never invited them back to my place. I tended to date women I met on dating apps in other towns. I didn't want relationship drama where I lived and worked. But it didn't stop people from speculating on who I was hooking up with in Telluride, whether it was real or not.
I could see now that letting that reputation continue hurt me with my family and possibly even Tori. I didn't want her to think I was a man whore. It didn't matter when she lived in New York. But now that she was here, living with me, and eventually pretending to be my girlfriend? I couldn't have her thinking that I wasn't genuine.
We ate in silence, music playing softly in the background. The atmosphere was warm and friendly. There were plenty of families and couples who came here for a night out.
I rarely ate out at a restaurant unless I was with my brothers. Maybe that's why this felt like a date. I'd rushed through my shower, trying not to register the fruity scent of her shampoo. Then I stood by the counter, not reading anything on my phone, trying not to freak out. Tori was living with me. I was taking her out to dinner. But she still had no idea that I'd crushed on her since we were teens.
Tori was the first to sit back and pat her stomach. "I don't think I can eat anymore. I know everyone says New York pizza is the best, but this tastes better to me. Maybe because I'm home."
I was beyond happy that she'd moved back. I just wished she could have everything she'd ever wanted. She deserved to take over her father's practice, and I'd do everything in my power to make that happen. That meant taking our arrangement seriously.
She looked around. "What do you do for fun around here?"
"We don't have all the bars and trendy restaurants that New York has, but I grab a drink here and there. My favorite thing to do is night skiing. I've been doing that alone for a long time."
"That's one of my favorite things too. I'd forgotten how much I enjoyed it. School, and then work, was all-encompassing. It had a way of blocking everything else out. What I do is important and necessary, but I miss having a life."
"I bet." I couldn't imagine the life of a doctor. What she did was incredibly inspiring. She saved lives. Why had I thought that me encouraging people to ski was some kind of special skill? That I was somehow uniquely qualified to do it. I was replaceable, just like Eli and Oliver said.
Tori leaned forward. "What are you thinking about?"
"I was just comparing your job to mine and coming up short." What was it about Tori that made it so easy to share? Probably because I'd known her forever.
Tori sat up. "That's not true. You give people an escape. You make them happy. Besides, exercise in any form is important."
"You're just saying that to make me feel better. There's no way a ski instructor compares with a doctor."
"You shouldn't compare professions."
"I do come up short. I've felt that way ever since I had that meeting with Oliver and Eli."
Her nose wrinkled. "I'm all for helping you prove yourself, but I won't let you or your brothers tear you down. You're a great guy, and you want the best for everyone. That's amazing in my book."
I wanted to argue with her, but at the same time, I didn't have the heart to keep putting myself down. I was generally a positive person, and I didn't want to let what they said get to me. "You want to get out of here?"
She grinned. "I'm ready to go."
We both grabbed for the bill at the same time, but she snagged it from under my fingers.
"Got it."
"It's not some prize to be won," I teased her, my voice low.
She raised a brow. "Isn't it? It seemed pretty important to you."
"I pay when I'm out with a woman." That line had gotten me further than any other one. Women just wanted to be treated a certain way. They wanted doors held open, help with putting on jackets, and for a man to offer to pay the bill. It had nothing to do with feminism and everything to do with treating a woman right.
Tori laughed as she pulled out a card and waved down the waitress, clutching the bill so I couldn't grab it.
I narrowed my gaze on her. "Why are you laughing at me?"
The waitress took the credit card, and then Tori's gaze settled on me. "Does that line reel a lot of women in?"
"It does actually. I'm a nice guy. They like that."
"I like that you're a nice guy, but that charm thing you have going on…" She waved a hand at my chest area. "Doesn't work on me."
"Are you sure about that?" I let my voice dip nice and low. I always imagined it reverberated in a woman's chest, especially when we were touching.
Her cheeks heated. "I'm positive."
"Why are you blushing then? Does my voice turn you on?" I kept my voice low, my gaze on her so she focused only on me.
Her eyes darted around, not settling on anything, much less me. "Of course it doesn't. We're friends, remember?"
"That doesn't mean that you can't be attracted to me." I wanted her to know it was okay if she was, but I still wasn't convinced she'd ever thought about me that way.
Oliver stopped by the end of our table, surprising both of us. "Xander." He looked from me to Tori. "What are you doing here?"
I leaned back, not realizing how close I'd gotten to Tori during our conversation.
I waved a hand at the empty pizza tray. "Having dinner."
Carolina and Joey were slower to join him, his hand in hers. I loved that Carolina had such a great relationship with Joey. He deserved to have a mother figure in his life.
The waitress said, "Excuse me," and dropped off the bill in front of Tori, who grabbed her credit card and wrote out the tip.
He raised a brow and tipped his head toward the bill.
"She insisted on paying," I mumbled. Would I always look like an irresponsible jerk in front of my brothers? Was that just the reality of being the younger brother?
Tori smiled. "He's letting me live with him so it was the least I could do."
My stomach dropped because I hadn't told my brothers yet. I was a little worried about what they'd say.
"I didn't realize you were moving in together," Oliver said.
Joey had just reached the end of my booth, and his eyes lit up when he saw me. He let go of Carolina's hand and climbed into the booth next to me.
On his knees, he stretched his arms out. "Hug?"
"Of course." I could never resist this little guy's hugs. They were the best.
He wrapped his arms around my neck and squeezed tight.
I caught Tori's gaze across the table. Her expression was soft. I squeezed Joey one last time before he pulled away.
"Can we eat? I'm hungry."
Carolina held her hand out for him. "Come on. It was nice to see you, Xander."
"Always a pleasure, Carolina," I said to her, meaning it. I loved her for my brother. He needed someone like her in his life. I thought he was lonely before, trying to do the single parenting thing on his own. Now he was quick to ask for help, especially since his favorite sitter was away at college.
"Caro—this is Xander's friend, Tori. She just moved back to Telluride."
Carolina leaned over the table to shake Tori's hand. "It's nice to meet you."
"You as well."
Carolina touched Oliver's arm, and he looked down at her with an expression so full of love, my heart contracted. "We're going to sit down and order. Take your time."
Oliver dipped his head. "Be right there."
Carolina and Joey walked away. Then Oliver turned his attention to me. "I didn't realize you needed a roommate."
I shifted on the cushioned booth. "Tori wanted to get out of her parents' house, and I have an extra room."
"I see." But it was clear that he didn't.
"Xander was kind enough to offer me a room. But he's house hunting."
Oliver's eyes widened as his gaze swung from Tori to me. "You are?"
"I think it's time I got a place of my own. I could use the extra space." Oliver bought a house in town years ago for Joey, and Eli recently build the house on our property to live in with Scarlett. Everyone had a place, and the apartment felt a little too bachelor for me.
"I thought you liked being able to walk to the bars."
That was the story I told everyone, even if it wasn't exactly true. "The apartment was nice, but now I'd like some property. I want to get a dog."
Both Tori and Oliver raised their brows.
"You're getting a dog?" Tori asked.
"I need a yard for that." Especially if Tori was living with me. I wanted her to have the best, and my apartment was spartan. It was okay for my needs the last few years, but it wasn't doing anything to show that I was maturing.
Oliver nodded. "I'm surprised."
"Why would you be? You own a house, and Eli just built one. Even Killian owns a condo where he trains. Why would it be so shocking that I want a place of my own?" I was starting to get a little annoyed with my brothers' perceptions of me. They'd put me in a box, and if I did anything outside of it, they were shocked.
Oliver held up a hand. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply it wasn't the right next step for you."
I laughed without any humor. "I'm going to do what's right for me, whether that's allowing Tori to live with me, buying a house, or adopting a puppy."
Across the table, Tori mouthed, "Adopting?"
She held her hands together as if it was the most adorable thing she'd ever heard of.
It was weird that revealing my true self was attractive to the people around me. I thought for years I had to be this other guy.
"You should."
"Great. Glad we got that settled." I stood, waiting for Tori to gather her things. "We'll let you get back to dinner with Carolina and Joey. See you around."
I grabbed Tori's jacket and held it for her while she put her arms in the sleeves.
"You two have a good night." Oliver inclined his head slightly toward Tori before he moved away.
Tori curled her hand around my elbow. "It was nice to see him."
"He's a great dad. Joey's mother isn't that involved, and I think Oliver would prefer it if she exited stage left completely."
Tori grimaced. "Yikes. That's rough."
"Whenever Tina's around, she makes it all about her."
"I can't imagine not wanting to raise my child."
A couple was coming in as we exited, and the gentlemen held the door for us. I nodded my thanks as we passed.
Tori squeezed my arm as we stepped into the cold. "You're sweet with Joey."
"He's my only nephew. I love him."
"That's obvious. Are you really considering adopting a dog?"
"I've always wanted one. My parents thought we'd lose one on the property growing up. We probably would have."
"But now you can have whatever you want."
That wasn't exactly true, but then again, she didn't know how much I wanted her. "Something like that. It's time to get a place of my own and fill it with what I want."
"I think you'll love owning a house. I'm so tired of living in small apartments. New York is short on space. And your place will have land and views of the mountains."
"If I'm lucky." And mornings across the kitchen table with my beautiful friend.
Tori grinned. "I'll help you find the perfect house."
"I'll take it." I wanted to be respected. But I was still worried I couldn't pull it off. The years of being told I was immature and irresponsible had gotten to me. Whether it was ultimately true or not, I'd started to believe the narrative.
"We're going to have so much fun living together." Her voice was light and optimistic.
More like torture. I had to live with a woman I'd been crushing on for years and not make a move. It was so much harder being this close to her. Having her in my space, showering in my bathroom, and touching me whenever she felt the need.
It was going to take a ton of will power not to mess this up, kiss her, or say something that would reveal my true feelings. We needed to keep things platonic in order for this to work.
If I gave into my desires when it came to Tori, things would get messy. I wouldn't be able to prove to my brothers that I was getting my life together. If I fell for her and she didn't want me, everything else would fall apart. I wouldn't get to work at Wilde Ski Resort, and Tori would lose her bid to keep the practice.
For once, I needed to do the hard thing. I needed to keep things between me and Tori friendly. No matter how much I wanted to take it to the next level.
I'd messed up my life enough as it was; I couldn't do that to Tori's. She deserved everything she ever wanted.