Chapter 64
I pull up to the creek just as Riley steps out of her car.
I park right behind her, and we walk toward the water together, taking seats on top of one of the picnic tables.
I can see the streamers and balloons down by the lake just on the other side of the tree line.
I’m sure Gigi’s already there, ready for her fans and all the cameras to descend on her.
“You look hot.” Riley glances approvingly at my silk green shirt and black miniskirt.
“Thanks. Maybe feeling good about my outfit will help my mood.”
“You dreading this party as much as I’d imagine you are?” Riley asks me, chipping paint off the table with a stick she found.
“Like you wouldn’t believe.” I take a rock off the bench. “Want to?”
We walk down to the edge of the water and take turns skipping stones. Riley wins, of course. Eleven skips. I get six.
“You always win.” I know I sound like a brat, and I smile at her to make up for it.
She follows me back to the table, and we sit in silence for a few minutes. The sun is hot already, and I’m sweating through my clothes. This feeling used to turn me on and make me wonder where Logan could be right now. But I know better than to ever play that game with myself again.
“So how was Austin?” I ask Riley.
“Sucked.”
She looks up at the sun, her shades even thicker than Mama’s. She tugs at her black halter top and rubs her hands on her black jeans. I smile and tell her she shouldn’t hide behind all that black.
“Well, here’s the thing. Wink’s cheating on me.”
When the words come out of her mouth, I don’t hear them at first. I don’t want to. All I see is her mouth moving and no sound.
I stare at her hard, and she repeats it. The same sentence, the same four words, and my eyes sting with the shock of hot tears under my eyelids. I blink them back.
“At first, I didn’t want to believe it either,” Riley says as if reading my mind. “That’s why I asked you to come to Austin with me. I wanted to snoop.”
A pang of guilt hits me in the gut that I never even answered her yes or no. I hurt that I wasn’t there for my little sister. Because I thought she was perfect and I was flawed.
“I found her online last night,” she says. “Internet stalked her and called her myself. That little bitch he’s been going up to Austin nearly every weekend for.”
“Not for practice?” I ask her.
“There’s practice now. But there wasn’t in March.”
“He’s been seeing her since March?” I want to turn back time, to the exact moment before I realized Riley doesn’t lead the most perfect life in creation.
“Since January. She came down here till March. Then, he worried I’d find out somehow, so he started going up to Austin.”
“Did you ever try to go with him?”
“I had just gotten hired, and he didn’t even have any games.” She starts to cry. “No, I didn’t try to go with him! Why would I?”
I hug her until she needs a tissue, and then I hand her one from my purse.
“I’m so sorry, Riles. I thought Wink was perfect for you. Shows you what I know.”
“I don’t think I ever loved him.” She sways back and forth on the bench, knees hugged to her chest.
“Really?”
“Don’t you know if you love someone?” she asks me.
My thoughts automatically turn to Logan. Of his cheek on mine after we make love, of his smile whenever we say good-bye afterward, of his tongue in my mouth and his hands on my back right before he unhooks my bra and…
“I can’t believe you just let him go like that.” Riley’s watching me carefully.
I start, and my face flushes with heat.
She’s still looking at me. “Tell me again—why did you two want to divorce? Before the Manhattan Barbie entered the picture, why did you and Logan decide you couldn’t stay married?”
“Because I can’t have Logan, Riles. We’ve never dated, and there’s a reason for that, millions of reasons…”
“Oh, really?” she interrupts me. “Just what are those reasons, exactly? ‘Cause I don’t think I’ve ever heard them.”
“Logan’s my best friend. With great benefits. But we weren’t meant to settle together permanently. And not that it matters, since I’m not in the market for a husband, but I think a woman should marry a man who doesn’t get under her skin and drive her absolutely nuts.”
“From my experience, if a man drives you nuts, he’s got your attention,” Riley says.
“I’m not a squirrel,” I say jokingly.
“Wow. No wonder you’re single.”
“But seriously, Riles, being single does not signify that you’re flawed. For you or me.”
She bites her lip. “I guess so.”
“You’re an amazing woman with or without a man,” I say to her.
“We don’t need a partner to define us. I mean, look at the figurehead of our town—Jane Austen.
She died single but a published writer. Of course, because she was a woman her writings were released anonymously, so she didn’t get to enjoy her success.
But then after she died, her name finally became known so she became super famous and supposedly found her soul mate. ”
“So Jane Austen is your benchmark for success on the earthly plane.” Riley rolls her eyes. “Wait till you’re dead to achieve your dreams. Nice motto, Mace.”
“I don’t know! I just—I’m never going to be a wife.
Again,” I say firmly when she giggles. “Some women make great wives, and some don’t.
And Logan apparently wants the whole nine yards—wife, kids, and stupid picket fence.
All the things that would trap me silly.
We made the decision to divorce together.
Before Gigi, we had already suggested we start seeing other people. ”
“You guys are pathetic.” Riley glares at me.
“The pair of you, honestly. Wink and I dated for years, and we have nothing of substance between us other than not wanting to be alone. But you and Logan have all this meaningfulness between you, and now it’s too late to do anything about it. I mean seriously!”
I purse my lips and don’t answer her.
Because she’s right. It’s too late for Logan and me.
And I need to emblazon that concept into my brain and stop reminiscing about waking up on the couch with him this morning.
No matter how close I felt to him last night, the only thing I should be doing right now is preparing my heart to say good-bye to him on July fourth.