Chapter 13
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
MILA
This can never happen again. Axel’s voice rang in my head as I flew to my bedroom. I locked the door and stood with my back against it.
What just happened? Had my normally composed husband actually grabbed my hand and held it to his hard cock? With my heart racing, I paced across my bedroom, feeling both giddy and nervous.
I remembered the feel of it through his pants, hard and jutting, pushing against my hand. The intensity of the expression in his eyes. The barely restrained energy.
I covered my mouth with both hands as the thrill of the whole situation pounded through my body.
Did this mean my husband wanted to sleep with me? We had agreed that we’d never consummate this relationship, and up until now Axel had been protective, indifferent and extremely hands off. Tonight, out of nowhere, he’d shown his body’s reaction to me and then reinforced the rule.
This can never happen again.
Again? I was shocked it happened the first time. He had never given any indication that he felt anything toward me.
I paced some more. I couldn’t even claim innocence or shock or indifference, because I hadn’t backed away. I had tried to keep it going.
I paused.
Does that mean I want this to happen? What did that mean?
I tried to imagine what consummating our marriage would look like, but I got stuck every time I thought of anything more than kissing.
I lay down on my bed and stared at the ceiling.
I liked the way he’d pressed my hand against it, and the way he had held eye contact, wincing slightly when I squeezed.
I had power in that moment.
I wasn’t sure I wanted to consummate anything, but I was definitely open to feeling that powerful again.
I wrapped my arms around a pillow and hugged it.
He said it could never happen again, but that didn’t mean he didn’t want it. And if I was honest with myself, I wasn’t completely opposed to the idea either.
I rolled over on my stomach. A sense of feminine power lingered in my body, soft and hot all at once. I didn’t know what I wanted from Axel, but I wanted to feel that again in my body.
The next morning, after a sleepless night of tossing and turning, it was a real struggle to get out of bed when my alarm woke me up.
It was a cool fall day that promised to grow hot in the afternoon. I spent too much time on my fashion choices before realizing I was running late. I probably wouldn’t have time to eat anything.
I opened my bedroom door and nearly tripped over the tall, shiny white bag that was in front of my bedroom door.
Trembling, I dropped to my knees. I didn’t even have to look in the bag to know what it was, but I still gasped when I pulled out a boxed thin silver laptop.
I was stunned that Axel had known to gift me something I desperately needed for school.
Does this mean he knows about school?
Once I was in the back of the car and Anton had started to drive me to school, I asked, “How did Axel know about me needing a laptop?”
He looked at me in the rearview mirror, then back to the road. “He must have read the dailies.”
“I see. And what are the dailies?”
“Those are the small reports we write detailing what happened during our shift.”
His eyes met mine again.
“I’m not mad,” I told him. “I figured my husband was keeping some sort of tabs on me.”
“We’re just doing our job. It’s mostly about security, not spying on you.”
“So he knows about me going to school, then?”
“He does.”
“And did he say anything?”
“He told us to support you.”
That made something loosen in my chest. Like I was able to exhale again. “And the laptop?”
“Someone might have mentioned that you were shopping but hadn’t yet purchased one.”
I watched the world roll past the window as I processed this news. Somehow, these men who I thought were controlling me were actually doing quite a bit behind the scenes to support me. I just hadn’t noticed up until now.
“Be sure to write in the dailies that I was really excited and happy about my laptop.”
“Consider it done.”
The silence between us was comfortable.
Then he spoke. “You nervous about school?”
I was so nervous it wasn’t even funny.
“No,” I lied. “I’m totally fine.”
Me: Thank you for the laptop. I appreciate it so much.
Axel: np
I studied those two impersonal letters and wondered why I suddenly wanted more from him. Why did it matter to me that I was only worth two letters of his time? Yesterday he had bought me a new laptop. Last night he had held my hand against his hard arousal.
And yet today, I didn’t even warrant full words. Just np.
Did I have different expectations after last night? It should have been enough that he bought me the laptop, which was something I really needed. Did I want his attention too?
My own questions confused me, and I put my phone away, trying not to think about the man who thought I was only worth two keystrokes of his time.
After my first two classes of the morning, I made my way to the study room, where I’d been assigned a table.
I found two fellow students sitting at the end, gossiping about some reality show. They were both friendly and open about their lives.
Tanya had dark circles under her eyes that she didn’t try to hide. She flashed me a picture of her new baby that she shared with her baby daddy. The baby daddy in question was with some other girl now, so Tanya was living back with her mom. Her mom had told her she’d babysit if Tanya got her GED.
Selena wore large glasses that kept slipping down her nose. She told us that she was currently living with her older sister. She’d dropped out of school when her mom got sick, but she had promised her mom that she’d go back.
“What about you?” Selena asked.
“I moved to Russia in grade eleven and never graduated. Now that I’m back in Canada, I decided to get my diploma.”
For some reason, I omitted that I was married.
“You got a boyfriend?”
I hesitated, trying not to lie. “I wouldn’t call him my boyfriend.”
Tanya laughed. “We call that a situationship.”
Selena added, “We’re both well versed in the joys and hell of situationships.”
“Do you both have situationships?”
Tanya checked her lipstick in a compact mirror. “My situationship is allergic to commitment.”
“Mine is good for one thing and one thing only.” Selena shrugged. “But he’s really good at that one thing.”
I found this conversation both enthralling and educational. “So you just get together to hook up?”
Selena’s smile widened. “Yeah, that’s the only point. Men aren’t the only ones who just want a good time.”
“My situation hasn’t happened yet. He’s resisting.”
They both shared amused glances.
Tanya. “Let’s see how long that lasts.”
Selena. “Just wear something tight and low cut. It’ll happen.”
I wasn’t sure if I wanted anything to happen, but still, I tucked that piece of advice away. Both Selena and Tanya seemed to have a lot more experience than me when it came to men. I had a feeling I’d be learning more than math at school.
A full week passed, and I was starting to love school.
The teachers were okay and the facilities were nice, but my favorite part was chatting with Selena and Tanya.
We instantly became a trio that ate our lunches together, studied during study hall and shared our snacks.
I couldn’t remember the last time I had enjoyed two friendships more.
I hadn’t seen Axel. I accepted that he was actively avoiding me. I knew he came home occasionally to shower or change, because I’d check his shower and find it wet or see new clothes tossed in his laundry basket. But he only seemed to show up when I was at school or asleep.
There was a strong possibility that he was seeing someone else.
Before we were married, I had hoped that he’d just disappear and leave me alone.
I would have been overjoyed to discover that he had found an affair partner.
I didn’t understand why I felt suddenly bothered that he might be with another woman.
“I can’t wait for dinner,” I told Jordan from the corner of the island. Beef stew was simmering in the oven, and now Jordan was mixing up ingredients for some homemade butter biscuits. The meal suited the weather outside. It had been raining all day, a typical Vancouver fall.
“The stew is my nan’s recipe,” Jordan told me. “She had a secret ingredient that she passed down only to me. Not even my sister.”
I grinned at him. “Why only you?”
“Because growing up, I was the only one who willingly helped her in the kitchen. When my sister found out, she was big mad, but my nan made me promise to keep it to myself.”
“Does your sister love to cook too?”
“That’s the weird thing. She hates cooking, but she’s obsessed with my secret.”
I saw the movement of someone coming down the hall, but no one was more shocked than me when Axel appeared at the entrance to the kitchen. Every time I saw him, I was struck all over again by how gorgeous he was. Tonight was no different.
He was unfairly attractive.
Axel looked between Jordan and me, his jaw tight and his nostrils flared, almost as if he was holding back something.
“Hi.” I tried not to look as confused by his appearance as I felt.
“I have a dinner that I need you to attend tonight.”
“Tonight?” I looked out the window. It was pouring in earnest now, and it was already dark. I had homework, and I was already in my cozy clothes. The last thing I wanted to do was get dressed and go eat dinner with a bunch of strangers. “But Jordan’s made stew with his nan’s secret ingredient.”
He gave Jordan a pointed look. “You’ll pack it up so Mila can eat it tomorrow?”
“Yes, sir,” Jordan chirped.
“We leave in an hour.”
I frowned, stalling him. “Dinner with whom?”
“Some business associates.”
“I don’t want to go.”
“I wasn’t asking.” His eyes dropped to my sweats and my fuzzy slippers. “It’s a business dinner, so I expect you to dress appropriately.”