Chapter 11
Jordan
I lie in bed staring at the ceiling for a long time when I get home.
My stomach feels weird, and my chest is a little tight.
Getting involved with Victoria again is a huge risk.
My body is already on high alert, preparing for fight or flight.
There’s no doubt this is a perilous move, one that could sink me, but I’m not the same scared, inexperienced kid I was four years ago.
I’m on solid ground with the team and Coach Petrov.
I have good, reliable friends who’ll have my back no matter what happens.
And Victoria’s different too.
She has her own life, a job, school, and appears to be much more independent than before.
She still lives at home, which is where the problem comes in, but she’s finishing college and trying to get her life on track.
I don’t fault her for that. In a way, I wish I’d had the opportunity to go to college.
My life might’ve been completely different if I had.
But I didn’t, so now I’m forging ahead.
With Victoria.
I never thought I’d ever see her again, much less talk to her, take her out, or consider getting emotionally involved with her again. Yet here we are. The thing is, it feels oddly perfect when we’re together. Like no time has passed and we can just pick up right where we left off.
Except we can’t.
Not really.
Not after everything that happened.
That means we’re essentially starting over, and I don’t know how to do that.
And I know without a doubt every single person in both our lives is going to be against us.
Okay, maybe not everyone. Chloe and Jude will give her a chance.
I’m sure some of the wives and girlfriends who weren’t around four years ago will be okay, even if they hear some rumors.
The women in our circle are pretty great.
My parents won’t like it at all.
Coach Petrov will probably give me an earful.
I don’t even want to think about Victoria’s dad.
So, why the hell am I setting myself up for what’s almost definitely going to be a disaster?
Since I can’t sleep, I get up and pad into the kitchen looking for a snack.
Anything to take my mind off the uncertainty I’m feeling.
I don’t want to hurt her but I also don’t want her to hurt me.
Because she did. More than I’d ever admit to anyone else.
My family and a couple of my buddies know, but beyond that, I’m a typical guy who doesn’t talk about things like that very often.
I hear the garage door open and a moment later Chloe comes in, looking exhausted after what was probably a sixteen-hour shift.
“Hey.” I smile. “Long day?”
“Very.” She drops her things in the mud room and then pads into the kitchen. “Why are you up? Don’t you have a morning skate in a few hours?”
“Couldn’t sleep.”
She nods. “How was your date?”
“It was nice. Really nice.”
“So why can’t you sleep?”
“I’m worried.”
“That you like her too much or not enough?”
“I like her way too much for my own comfort level but I’m not sure I like her enough for the shit storm that could potentially rain down on us.”
She pulls a bottle of water from the fridge and then leans against the counter. “What are you most afraid of?”
I frown. “All of it.”
“No, for real. Which thing is the scariest? Be vulnerable. I’ll never spill your secrets.” She smiles and I chuckle.
“I guess it’s getting sent back down to the minors.”
“Why would that happen?” She cocks her head, patiently waiting for me to answer. “Will you stop caring about hockey because of her?”
“No. Of course not.”
“Will you start partying too much and losing focus?”
“That’s not the plan. And she’s not a partier anyway.”
“Okay, so we’ve pretty much debunked the idea that you’ll get sent back down. What else?”
“I don’t know what our future looks like. Her dad hates me. I’m afraid that the team, at least Coach Petrov and the guys who went through hell with me last time, won’t give her a chance.”
“Jude and I were around last time, and we’re both willing to give her a chance.”
“My parents won’t be that understanding.”
“They’ll come around.”
“Her parents won’t.”
“That’s something you’re going to have to deal with.
Something the two of you will need to talk about at some point.
But not yet. Right now, you should be focused on finding each other again.
In whatever way works for you. Why worry about all the negative stuff when you don’t know what’s going to happen. ”
“Because if I fall in love with her again, it’ll be too late.”
She smiles. “Come on. Don’t be an idiot. You’re already in love with her. You always have been. She’s the one who got away. If you can’t admit it to me, you’d better be admitting it to yourself. Otherwise, you’re going to be even more confused.”
Christ.
Do I still love her?
I care about her, and I’m still attracted to her, but I can’t possibly be in love with her.
Can I?
“Look, we’re not going to solve any of the world’s problems tonight, so why don’t you get some sleep and we can talk again.”
“I invited her over tomorrow night,” I blurt. “Here. To the house. I want her to meet you guys.”
“Okay.”
“It’ll be late. After the game.”
“It’s fine, Jordan. This is your house too, so you can have company. And I’m looking forward to meeting her. Jude and I had just started dating when everything blew up for you so I never actually met her.”
“Thanks, Chloe. You’ve given me a lot to think about.”
We talk for another minute before I turn and go back to bed.
Tomorrow is going to be a very long day if I don’t get some sleep.
* * *
Everyone’s in a good mood after the game. We won 5-4 and I had a goal and an assist so everyone is joking around, making plans to go out.
“You’re not coming to Cicero’s?” Milo asks when I say I have something to do. Cicero’s is an Italian restaurant and pizzeria that’s owned by Vaughn’s wife Juliet and her family. We go there as a team all the time. They stay open late for us after games like this so we can hang out as a group.
“You’re hooking up with someone,” my buddy Aiden Barbeau says knowingly.
“I just have something to take care of,” I protest. “Why is it a big deal?”
“Because we always go out after games,” Milo points out.
“We’re not attached at the hip. Sometimes I have other plans.” I close my locker and shrug. “And you nosy fuckers don’t have to know everything.”
“This is absolutely about a girl,” Milo says to Aiden, who nods.
“Yup.”
I roll my eyes. “See you fuckers later.”
“How come it’s a secret?” Aiden calls after me. I lift my hand in a dismissive wave.
I love my friends, but sometimes they’re way too far in my business.
I make my escape, pausing once I’m in my SUV to send Victoria my address. She says she’s leaving the mall now and I figure I’ll beat her home since the arena is closer than the mall where she works.
Jude said he and Chloe would be right behind me, and sure enough, they pull up within a couple of minutes. Victoria isn’t here yet so I can put my bag away and change into shorts and a T-shirt. By the time I’m done I hear the doorbell and then voices downstairs.
I walk down to find Victoria and Chloe chatting, already having introduced themselves.
“Hey.” I smile and lean over to kiss Victoria’s cheek. She looks amazing in tight jeans and a fitted T-shirt that shows off her luscious figure. “You guys have met?”
“We have.” Chloe grins. “Jude’s still changing but let’s go sit down.”
We walk into the great room and I sink onto the couch with Victoria beside me.
“Great game,” she says. “I was watching on my phone whenever I could.”
“Always good when we win,” I say.
“Hey.” Jude comes in and gives Victoria a friendly smile. “I’m Jude.”
She quickly stands up and shakes his hand. “Hi. Victoria.”
“I’ve heard a lot about you.”
She laughs. “I’ll bet.”
“What’s in the past stays in the past. I’m only concerned about who you are going forward.”
“That’s nice to hear,” she says, sitting back down next to me.
I slide my arm around her shoulders and she nestles closer.
Jude and Chloe strike a similar pose on the other side of the sectional and suddenly all my reservations start to fade.
I’m not sure why Jude and Chloe’s approval is so important to me, but it is, and hearing Jude say he’s only interested in what happens from now on, makes me feel better.
Like maybe Victoria and I actually have a chance.