Chapter 27
Victoria
That was by far the most intense orgasm of my life. So much so, I can’t think, breathe, or formulate words. All I can do is collapse against the mattress with Jordan’s heavy body on mine. We lie there for what feels like an eternity, until my heart rate finds some semblance of normal.
“You okay?” he asks softly, kissing the side of my neck.
“Mmhm.” I’m still having a little trouble talking.
“It wasn’t too much?”
“Define…too much?” I murmur happily. “Because I don’t think I’ve ever come that hard.”
“Then it’s a win.”
“Definitely.”
He eventually rolls onto his back, pulling me into his embrace. I snuggle against his chest feeling sated, content, and happy. Maybe even a little relieved.
“I was afraid you’d run screaming after the lovely dinner with my parents,” I blurt after a moment.
“Not a chance in hell. It was fine.”
“It was so not fine.” I shake my head ruefully. “My dad is still such a pain in the ass. I don’t know what you’re still doing here.”
“Look, he didn’t forbid us to see each other. And he didn’t kill me. That’s win-win from where I’m sitting.”
That makes me chuckle. “Well, there’s that, but it’s kind of a low bar, don’t you think?”
“We knew he wasn’t going to be thrilled. Let’s just take the win and get through the rest of the season and your graduation. At that point, we’ll reassess. And by the way, you know exactly what I’m still doing here.”
“Be that as it may, I don’t think Dad is going to change his mind in two or three months. It’s probably going to take a lot longer.”
“Maybe, but at that point, we can do what we want. Technically, we could do it now but I know you’re trying to do things the right way without alienating your family.”
“Are you okay with that?” she whispers. “I know it’s a huge negative when it comes to me and our relationship.”
“There are no negatives when it comes to our relationship,” he says firmly. “I knew this was possible going in. If I was worried about it, I wouldn’t be here.”
“Sometimes I have to pinch myself,” I say. “Like I can’t quite believe you’re here. With me. That we’re back to where we started.”
“I’m definitely here with you but we’re not back to where we started. Everything is different now.”
“My feelings aren’t different.”
“Aren’t they?” He strokes my hair. “I mean, are they exactly what they were four years ago? Or are they deeper now? Less urgency and more thoughtfulness? We’re not having knee-jerk reactions or making spontaneous decisions because we’re so frantic to be alone together.
We’re older and, I think, more mature, handling things like adults instead of hormonal teenagers. ”
“That’s true in a way but we were still sneaking around until very recently. And now we’re back to having a curfew.”
“That’s only because we’re trying to be respectful. At some point we’re going to have to push back. Especially when you move in with me.”
That catches me off-guard and it takes a few seconds before I can ask, “is that on the table? For real?”
He looks down at me in confusion. “Well, yeah. What did you think was going to happen? We would just keep doing what we’re doing until we’re thirty or whenever your dad decides it’s okay for us to be together?”
“Well, no, but…I wasn’t sure if that was the next step.”
“Unless you don’t want to.” He sounds slightly hesitant and I have to nip that in the bud.
“No, I do. More than anything. I just…”
“You just don’t want to upset your parents.” He sighs, obviously a bit frustrated. “At some point, you have to stop letting your parents manipulate you emotionally.”
“I know. I’m sorry. In my head, the future is based on family.”
“Yours, mine, or ours?” he asks curiously.
“That’s just it—shouldn’t they all be the same? If we get married, your family becomes mine and mine becomes yours.”
“Sure, but things are always more complicated than that. Our parents are still relatively young, so they’re working and whatnot. They have their own lives, and we’re going to have ours. We can’t make decisions based on what’s best for them—it has to be what’s best for us.”
I don’t know how to respond to that.
“Babe?” He takes my chin between two fingers and forces me to look at him.
“I guess I’m still trying to picture what ‘us’ looks like.”
“What do you want it to look like? I assumed we’d buy a house, move in together, and get married. Would you rather get married first? Before we move in together?”
“I honestly didn’t think about it in that much detail. I guess we should talk about those things.”
“You don’t want to move in?”
“Like I said, I do. I just want things to be positive when we do. I don’t want my father yelling and threatening, my mom crying, my sister begging me not to leave her alone with them.
” I hesitate. “She thinks she and I are getting an apartment this summer once I get a job and she gets her real estate license.”
“Seriously?” He frowns, and there’s no doubt he’s not happy about that piece of information.
“I told her we couldn’t afford it and that she needed to think about childcare. She relies heavily on us to help with Charlie.”
“It’s fine to want to help, but again, you can’t put your life on hold because of a decision she made.”
“That’s the thing—our parents wouldn’t let her get an abortion so it wasn’t entirely her decision.”
“Then it should be their responsibility to help her.”
“You’d think. It just doesn’t always work that way.”
“So, you fill in the gaps when she needs help?”
“She’s my little sister. Of course.”
“And what happens when I get traded?” he asks slowly. “I don’t have any plans to leave but anything is possible in this business. We could end up anywhere. What will she do then?”
“I don’t know. But by then I imagine we’d be married…right?”
“I’d like to think so.”
“There are so many things that are up in the air. Sometimes it’s hard to deal with them all. Hockey, graduation, Ivy and Charlie, my father being a pain…even your teammates being cautious. The ladies have been great but I can see the way a few of the guys look at me.”
“How do they look at you?” He sounds genuinely surprised.
“I mean, it’s nothing overt. No dirty looks or anything, just a sense of curiosity and caution.”
“The guys who were around the first time around care about me and don’t want to see me spiral again. I was in a dark place after our break-up. You know that, don’t you?”
“I know.”
“I don’t say that to upset you or make you feel guilty, but to explain their caution. That’s why I want us to be out in the open. Nothing to hide. Officially a couple.”
“We’re almost there, right? My family is coming around. Mom is mostly there, Ivy really likes you, and Charlie adores you. The fact that my dad let you come to dinner and had a mostly civil conversation with you tells me he’s thinking about it.”
“I know. And I can be patient. Just not forever.”
“Trust that I’m working on things.”
“Okay.” His voice is a little flat, and I know he’s frustrated.
“I’m sorry if I sound indecisive. It’s not about my feelings for you. You know that, right?”
“We’ve danced around the issue of feelings, but we haven’t expressed them in so many words.” He sounds hesitant again. “So, I guess I’m not sure where we stand when it comes to…those kinds of feelings.”
“I was kind of waiting for you,” I admit softly. “Maybe I’m old-fashioned that way.”
There’s a small silence before he tugs my hair enough to get me to look into his eyes. “You want me to say I love you first?”
“Kind of.” I grimace. “Yes?”
He nods solemnly. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Oh, you want me to say it now?” He chuckles.
“Unless it’s not what you feel.”
His expression turns serious. “Baby, I’ve loved you from the moment I first set eyes on you. I was mad at you for a long time, close to four years, but deep down I never stopped. I can say those three words now, tomorrow, next year—it’s not going to change. I love you, Victoria.”