28
A BABY. AS soon as she’d seen the positive result on the test, Nora realised that she really hadn’t been expecting that result. Whether or not she wanted a baby seemed beside the point. She was a grown woman with years of experience of not getting pregnant and now – at what felt like the last minute – she’d failed.
So as she sat there, waiting for Archie’s reaction, she still hadn’t equated the test result with any of the consequences of what it was going to mean to have an actual baby.
‘Oh my god, that’s incredible,’ he said, pacing in front of her, running his hands through his hair. He had a stupid grin on his face. At least that was something. He was thrilled, and that made Nora feel better about it.
‘I’m so sorry. I don’t know what happened. I’m so careful about taking my pill.’
‘It’s a surprise, an unexpected marvellous surprise, but nothing to be sorry for at all. Christ, Nora. We’re having a baby.’
‘At our age.’
‘That doesn’t matter, does it?’
‘I don’t know. I feel too old to have a baby. It’s like the last-chance saloon.’
‘That makes it all the more special. It’s a gift. I never thought I’d be a father. I let the idea that I might be go a long time ago. There is so much pressure to produce an heir and for a long time I felt like I’d failed my family.’
‘Well, not any more,’ said Nora. ‘Although Betsy probably won’t be very pleased about Florence being usurped.’
‘We must get married.’
‘No, this doesn’t change anything. The way things are between us are perfect. It’s not necessary,’ said Nora.
‘It is now,’ said Archie his eyes shining. ‘We need the baby to be the legitimate heir.’
Nora put her head between her knees, fighting another wave of nausea. This was too much. How had she gone from having the perfect life? A life of independence, having the best of all things with Archie to now having to get married because the baby she’d known about for only a couple of hours was the heir to the Croftwood estate.
‘I don’t think we should get married, Archie. It’ll change everything.’
‘But everything is going to change now.’
‘Why?’
‘Because it’s not just us anymore. There’s a child to consider.’
‘That’s not the only consideration. What’s wrong with keeping things as they are? We both agreed on how we see our future together and I don’t think a baby needs to change anything.’
Archie chuckled and Nora sat bolt upright, incredulous that he could find anything about this amusing.
‘Nora, my love, this baby is heir to the Croftwood estate and the title. They can’t be brought up between us. They need a proper home.’
‘They’ll have a proper home,’ she said. ‘Having a baby doesn’t mean we’re going to get married and live at Croftwood Court happily ever after.’
‘What other option is there,’ he asked, frowning.
‘The fact that you even think that means you don’t understand how this is for me at all.’
‘You’re not pleased?’
‘It’s not about being pleased,’ Nora said in frustration. If only it was that easy. She’d love to ignore the way it was going to drastically change her life, even without these hereditary considerations that were seemingly so ingrained in Archie. This was what she’d wanted to avoid; a relationship that would mean she had to give herself up to it, and yet that was where she was. And it was all her own doing. Why had she insisted that they could rely on her contraception when there was so much at stake? ‘It’s about how we’re going to navigate this. And that doesn’t necessarily include getting married or me moving in here.’
Archie slumped down on the sofa next to her. ‘I’m thrilled, Nora. And yes, there is plenty to discuss but surely nothing that can’t be overcome. Can’t we enjoy this moment?’
Nora managed a small smile and allowed Archie to take her in his arms. Her own worries weren’t shared by him at all, and to an extent she could understand that. But suddenly she felt alone.
There was a knock at the door.
‘Come in,’ Archie called, standing up.
‘Your mother asked me to come and fetch you. It’s dinner time,’ said Ursula, popping her head around the door. She looked them up and down, realising that neither of them were dressed for dinner. ‘Is everything alright?’
‘Yes, fine. We’ll be down in a few minutes.’
‘We’re just going down to dinner like nothing’s happened?’ Nora said when Ursula had left.
‘Yes,’ Archie said, as if there was no other option.
‘I can’t sit through dinner with your family. I think I’d better go home.’
‘Nora, please. They’ll be as thrilled as I am. There’s nothing to worry about.’
‘We’re not telling anyone yet. It’s too soon. And as soon as we tell anyone, they’re going to ask all sorts of questions. I’m not ready for that yet.’
‘No, of course it’s too soon. I’m sorry.’ He sat down again and rubbed Nora’s leg. ‘Why don’t you stay? You don’t need to come down for dinner, you could stay up here and Ursula could bring you a tray.’
‘I need some time to think. This is a lot for me to get my head around.’ It seemed Archie was taking it in his stride to the point where skipping dinner wasn’t even a consideration for him. Their world — her world — had been rocked and he was carrying on as normal.
‘But you are happy about the baby?’ His eyes scanned her face in desperation, and her heart ached for him. Because she couldn’t give him what he wanted, what he thought a baby ought to mean for their relationship.
‘Of course I am.’ She tried to smile, wanting to reassure him, but it was all still too raw. ‘I can’t celebrate yet, it’s been such a shock.’ Saying she was happy was a step too far. It wasn’t that she didn’t want the baby; not having it wasn’t an option for her. She knew she could love a baby and that Archie would make the most loving father she could wish for, but at the same time, this news was the start of grieving for the life that wasn’t going to be hers anymore. It was selfish to worry about how it was going to affect her, but an unplanned pregnancy at her age was going to upset the course of her life. Just as she had established the business, she was going to have to take time away from it, maybe even stop with the bespoke side of things and settle for overseeing the production line. And she needed to think all of this through.
‘You go down to dinner. I’ll see myself out.’
He kissed her and then went over to the doorway. ‘I’ll call you later,’ he said.
Nora couldn’t help herself. She started crying. Did he understand where she was coming from at all? They’d had such a connection but now she felt as if she was in this on her own, battling to understand what the future might look like when to Archie it was all so clear; get married, move into the Court, live happily ever after.
Once she’d had a cry, she felt a little bit better and headed downstairs while she knew the family would still be eating dinner and she wouldn’t be intercepted. As she headed through the kitchens, aiming for the back door, Ursula caught her.
‘Nora, I don’t want to pry, but if there’s anything I can do,’ she said, with a sympathetic look on her face.
In the face of Ursula being so kind, the tears threatened again. Nora rubbed the back of her hand across her eyes. ‘Thank you, that’s so kind but I’m okay. I’m heading home.’ She paused. ‘Keep an eye on Archie for me?’
Ursula nodded and laid a hand briefly on Nora’s arm. ‘Of course. He’ll be fine, you mustn’t worry.’
He would be fine, she knew that. His excitement about the prospect of becoming a father outweighed anything else that might be concerning about becoming a first-time parent at the age of forty-one.
Nora thanked Ursula and, managing a tearful smile, headed outside to where she’d left her car at the side of the house.
Going home suddenly didn’t seem like a very inviting prospect. What she really needed was to talk things through with someone who could listen to her woes without judging her.
‘Are you at home?’ she asked when Hilary picked up.
‘Yes. Toby’s away for the weekend on some work-related golfing thing. Do you fancy coming round?’
‘I’d love to.’
‘Brilliant! I’ll put the kettle on.’
Nora smiled. If Hilary had suggested opening a bottle of wine, that might have been the last straw.
‘I thought you were staying at Archie’s this weekend, what with the dreaded sister visiting,’ she said as soon as she opened the door.
‘I was feeling under the weather. Nothing catching,’ she added. Telling someone other than Archie that she was pregnant felt weird.
‘Bit too full on was it?’ Hilary led the way into the lounge and turned the television off. She sank into the corner of the sofa and Nora did the same.
‘Betsy’s okay. I mean, she’s exactly what I expected but I didn’t see much of them.’
‘What’s up?’ Hilary frowned. ‘Has something happened with you and Archie? You’re not just under the weather.’
‘I’m pregnant.’
‘Oh my god! Are you? God, Nora.’
Hilary’s reaction was exactly what Nora had hoped. She hadn’t jumped from shocked to congratulating her, hadn’t glossed over the brutal fact that this was the most shocking thing that could have happened at the beginning of a new relationship. At the beginning of a new start.
‘I know. I can’t get my head round it. I’ve been on the pill forever. I really thought it was just a bug, then I overheard Betsy telling Constance that she thought I could be pregnant, which thankfully Constance dismissed, and it made me wonder. Even so, I didn’t think for a minute I would be.’
‘And you’ve told Archie?’
‘Just told him. He’s thrilled. Totally oblivious as to why I might not be. And then merrily went down to dinner when he was called.’
‘God.’
‘I know.’
‘If you weren’t pregnant, I’d pour us both a brandy.’
‘It’s such a relief to talk to someone who understands,’ Nora said, the tears falling again. ‘Archie’s first thought was that we need to get married so the baby’s not illegitimate. He thinks that solves everything.’
‘What do you want?’
‘I want to not be pregnant.’
‘Have you thought…’
‘I don’t want to do that.’
‘No, you just wish it hadn’t happened in the first place.’
Nora nodded. ‘If it had happened with anyone else, we could keep things how they are. Manage things between us without needing to get married or move into the sodding Court. But because Archie’s who he is, this stuff matters to him. And it didn’t matter to either of us particularly before now. We could have carried on forever dipping in and out of each other’s houses, like you and Toby do. That’s how I pictured things.’
‘I’m sure Archie thought that too. He’s not so set in his ways that he was insisting on making an honest woman of you before. Perhaps there’s a compromise to be made. I’m sure you can do something these days to make sure the baby’s seen as the heir, assuming that’s the driving factor, without having to go all in lady of the manor.’
‘Well, if there is I haven’t thought of it yet.’
‘It’s such early days. You have plenty of time to think about what you want to do and plenty of time to talk things through with Archie.’
‘It’s so ridiculous getting pregnant by accident at my age.’
‘Not at all. Can I ask, did you and Julian ever think about having kids?’
‘I used to think about it, but it never seemed like the right time. And on some level, I knew he was too selfish to be a father.’
‘Whereas Archie…’
‘I know,’ Nora said, managing a smile as she thought of him. ‘He’ll be amazing. That’s not what I’m worried about.’
‘Look, I know I had my boys when I was much younger than you, but it still had a massive impact on my life. Mike was far from ready to be a father and right from the start, it wasn’t a partnership. I had to bring those boys up by myself and most of the time it was a slog, especially once Mike left me. But they were worth putting my life on hold for. No one can tell you what it’s like to be a mother, Nora. It will change your life, and at the moment, you only know how it’s going to change what you have now for the poorer. You probably feel you’ve only just begun your new life, on your own, without Julian, and now it’s being ripped away from you.’
‘That’s it exactly,’ said Nora, sniffing. ‘I feel like I’ve hit my stride for the first time in years. And before Archie came along, I thought that’s all I needed. I never imagined he could change my life for the better, but he has.’
‘Whatever happens, you have to do what’s best for you. Think about what’s going to make you happy. Don’t think about Archie and all that baggage he comes with. Think about how you see the future that you want working. With the baby, if that’s what you want.’
‘I do want the baby. But I want my work too.’
‘Nora, plenty of women are working mothers. And you’re in the unique position of being your own boss. I know you’ve got the factory, but from what I can gather that pretty much runs itself.’
‘That’s true. And I can take the baby to the factory when I need to go. It’s the other stuff. That I can lose myself in throwing whenever I want to. I can bugger off to Stoke and experiment when the urge hits me to start a new collection.’
‘You’re not going to lose your freedom.’ Hilary said. ‘You just have to organise yourself a bit differently. But you’ll have help. I’m sure Archie will help with childcare.’
‘I don’t know. He’s so traditional. I expect he had a nanny when he was little.’
‘A nanny would have been amazing. I’d have happily gone along with that tradition when mine were little. Right. More tea?’